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Author Topic: Visits home, how often, how long  (Read 7400 times)

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Offline Turboguy

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Visits home, how often, how long
« on: June 20, 2005, 01:13:01 AM »
I would like to ask the guys with a Russian or Ukrainian wife how often they typically like to go back and visit their family?   How long do they go for?   Do you go along? 

Offline MandM

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« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2005, 01:40:04 AM »
In the beginning, I used to go twice a year, and sometimes even more often. Now due to my work commitment, I can only go once a year (going this August for my birthday). I think in the first couple of years, she is going to be very homesick, and would want to go back more frequently (as often as you can afford it!). And once she has settled, once or twice a year is good.

As for going alone, I think it's worth alternating it. Last year I went with Mark and it was great. This year he can't come with me, and though I am quite sad about it, there are some advantages - I can hang out with my friends more, and I don't have to be constantly worried whether he is having a good time, and be translating every conversations with those family member who don't speak any English. (He is learning Russian, but it is a long process!) There are lots of little details you have to take care of when you take your foreign husband with you. You concentrate more on HIM having a good time, than enjoying time with your friends and family.

 So, I am gonna miss him like hell, but at the same time, I am really looking forward to make a trip to my old life and pretend for two weeks that I am still a part of it.

Offline TigerPaws

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« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2005, 01:46:53 AM »
 For my lady usually twice a year, once in the summer and again around New Years for a month at a time, I will normally come over for the last week. 

Offline BC

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« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2005, 01:48:05 AM »
Twice a year for the first couple of years then once thereafter.

Stay might range from a couple of weeks to a couple of months.


Offline Bruno

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« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2005, 02:18:03 AM »
With my previous wife, one time year... in July and Augustus... together one month... the other, only my ex-wife and his daughter stay... this allow the child to see his grand-parent during the big summer holiday... Since my ex-wife have only work a few days in 5 year, her work was not a problem...

Offline mischief

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« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2005, 11:08:46 AM »
Once a year for a couple of years and then it depends... I know some women, who don't even want to go back after 3-4 years here, they prefer to invite their parents over...

More than likely, your wife would want to visit her family after 6-8 months of staying in the US... if you can afford it and no problem with paper work, let her go ALONE!  She needs some time for herself and her family & friends.... I agree with [user=300]M&M[/user] on that! My husband loves Minsk and Warsaw madly, but he let me go for the first time alone too... this year we coming together!

I wish I could live in Europe, I'd fly more often!  - doesn't take so freaking long to get there and it's not so expensive! :(

Offline Jet

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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2005, 11:58:28 AM »
Liliya took off this afternoon for her 4th trip in 2 years. She'll be gone 5 weeks and has already decided that's too long of a stay, she wishes she'd made it 2 1/2 to 3 weeks instead. Grandmother came over for a few months this past winter and Papa plans to come in Oct - Nov. so we will not go over this next winter. The tentative plan is for the family to do a 12 day river cruise next July, we just haven't decided whether to head north to St. Petersburg or south to Astrikhan.
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Offline MandM

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« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2005, 01:35:23 PM »
Yep, it is too long to be apart from your partner, but it is never enough time to spend with your family and friends, doesn't matter how long you're staying for! I find that every time I go to Russia I am torn between my family and friends. My parents think that I should spend more time with them, my friends complaining that they don't see enough of me... it's a catch 22 situation! I am already planning my two weeks day by day and when I'm going to see who. Never works gathering all friends together, because you end up not having a proper conversation with any of them....

Offline Vanilla

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« Reply #8 on: September 28, 2005, 10:37:25 PM »
I go once in two years for 2-3 months. Most of my RW friends do the same.

Sorry, but I think that twice per year is awfully a lot. I mean, where the h**l is your home now? Set the priorities! Tickets for my trip (if I will count me and just my son) usually are around 2-2.5K. I'd like to put it in a family - cruise with my husband, better school for kids, "retirement vacation" lol..

Guys, seriously, going home TWICE PER YEAR - I don't get it.
Or is this forum for millionaireы only? Well, lucky you, I guess :)

Offline KenC

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« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2005, 04:33:25 AM »
Even though my wife had an Advanced Parole allowing her travel back to Russia, she thought it was still a risk to leave the US before her AOS came through.  Technically she was correct.  Therefore, she didn't visit Russia the first two years she lived here.  She visited Russia once a year for the next 3 years.  The trips also got shorter and shorter.  Now a couple of weeks seems to be just right for her.
Her Mom and Dad have visited us about 4 times over the last 6 years.  With every trip back to Russia, Lena became less and less interested in going.  If it were not for her Babushka, who cannot travel, I am sure she would never go back. 

KenC
« Last Edit: September 29, 2005, 04:35:00 AM by KenC »
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Offline BC

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« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2005, 08:45:21 AM »
lets see...

Three years and three trips back. Average 45 day stay. Inlaws visited twice for 3 months each visit.

Years of saved flyer miles gone..

I eat onions, garlic, fish and bacon fat with gusto now.. -all raw.

'MY' side of the bed is no more.

No hedging around the bush here.. Brutal honesty prevails.

Occasionally have to change pampers in midlife.

A bribed drivers licence and (still) pending lessons.

My lastname has been changed to Gogit.

Nothing like a RW to change your life.

oh.. forgot.. we never had an arguement about my leaving the toilet seat up.. WHOOOOOPIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry.. mostly off topic but just had to vent.

Luvineveryminuteofit.

Offline PeeWee

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« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2005, 03:15:04 PM »
Quote from: KenC
Even though my wife had an Advanced Parole allowing her travel back to Russia, she thought it was still a risk to leave the US before her AOS came through.  Technically she was correct.  Therefore, she didn't visit Russia the first two years she lived here.  She visited Russia once a year for the next 3 years.  The trips also got shorter and shorter.  Now a couple of weeks seems to be just right for her.
Her Mom and Dad have visited us about 4 times over the last 6 years.  With every trip back to Russia, Lena became less and less interested in going.  If it were not for her Babushka, who cannot travel, I am sure she would never go back. 

KenC

Yeah, you don't want to go back too soon. My lady was here for only 6 weeks before she returned to Russia. Her immigration attorney said it best, "Lara kinda screw up by going back so soon." LOL...now that is an understatement. As a result I may not see that wench back here on American soild for a couple of years.

 

PeeWee

Offline jb

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« Reply #12 on: September 29, 2005, 03:29:23 PM »
From what you've written, Peewee, that may not be too bad a deal.  She doesn't sound like a prize to me.  I really think you ought to start looking somewhere else for a real; "love of your life". I'd hate to see you settle for something easy, and be miserable, when you could have invested a little energy, effort, and forethought, and picked a real plum.  

There was an old song, entitled,,, "I picked a lemon in the garden of love", make sure that it doesn't apply to you.

Offline Bruno

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« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2005, 10:39:39 PM »
Quote from: jb
From what you've written, Peewee, that may not be too bad a deal. She doesn't sound like a prize to me.

Here, you go to much far JB... The feeling between Peewee and his lady is not our problem... Same if she don't sound a prize to you, where is the problem... it is not you who will live with her... Peewee choose in function of his personal taste, not our one...

Some people like "lemon"... taste and color is a personal choice...

 

Offline Leslie

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« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2005, 12:57:18 AM »
Visits home, how often, how long?

As often as she likes, for as long she likes !

I have never tried to control Natasha.  After all she is a grown woman.  She knows where the travel agent is and she has the money.

It is easier for us.  UK to Kiev flights can be had for 300 dollars.

It the first year Natasha was very home sick and went home for over 6 weeks.  Last year was two weeks (on her own)  Next year looks like 2 weeks together, so friends and family can meet Tamara (our daughter). 

Home is now UK...........

 

 

 

Offline PeeWee

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« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2005, 03:54:58 AM »
Quote from: jb
From what you've written, Peewee, that may not be too bad a deal. She doesn't sound like a prize to me. I really think you ought to start looking somewhere else for a real; "love of your life". I'd hate to see you settle for something easy, and be miserable, when you could have invested a little energy, effort, and forethought, and picked a real plum.

There was an old song, entitled,,, "I picked a lemon in the garden of love", make sure that it doesn't apply to you.

There are some pros and cons with this one, jb. I'm still weighing them out. At the moment there are just enough pro to off set the con. At this time she can immigrate without my sponsorship. That means that when she does arrive here I don't have to marry her within a 90 day time limiit. I can take a year to get to know her very well, as I would with an AW. If it does not work out we can go our seperate ways, same as if it were any AM/AW relationship. I like the flexibility of that.

She arrives with more cash and assests than I have. She has a skill that will get her a job the moment she has her ss and green card. She wants to work. That means that I am not so financialy taxed to have to provide total support for a mother and her daughter as many men are or will be.

She is attactive, a former Miss Russia. She is not too young, but rather closer to my age. And she has a vibrant personality. The con is that she is 100% devoted to her child. Her every thought and every action is with that child in her mind. Any man in her life would not even come a close second to that child. With that in mind my concern is that I might be more functional to her as a means to support the child than I would to the mother. I've known her for three years, jb. The time invested has given me a reasonable idea which way I want to proceed with this one. For the moment I am moving forward. Thanks for your concern, Obi Won.

 

peeWee

Offline catzenmouse

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« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2005, 05:15:13 AM »
I could not get enough time off this year for us both to go so I asked Elena if she wanted to go for a visit in August before school started for Sergei. She told me that she would not go without me. We talked about how it would be good for her and her family as they are quite close and miss each other a great deal but her mind was made up on this so we will be making our first trip back in April or May of '06. It will be close to 1 1/2 years for her since she was home by that time.

Realistically for us it will probably be every other year.

Ken
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Offline dostogirl

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« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2005, 08:55:07 AM »
I usually go back to Russia to visit my relatives once per 3 years. First, it's too expensive and I can't afford two trips per year, secondly, I work and usually to get a 2 week vacation in the US is almost impossible. Besides, I'd rather my mo come and visit me in the US.

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« Reply #18 on: October 02, 2005, 05:38:02 PM »
Quote from: Vanilla
I go once in two years for 2-3 months. Most of my RW friends do the same.

Sorry, but I think that twice per year is awfully a lot. I mean, where the h**l is your home now? Set the priorities! Tickets for my trip (if I will count me and just my son) usually are around 2-2.5K. I'd like to put it in a family - cruise with my husband, better school for kids, "retirement vacation" lol..

Guys, seriously, going home TWICE PER YEAR - I don't get it.
Or is this forum for millionaireы only? Well, lucky you, I guess :)
You know I'd have to agree with you Vanilla, I cannot imagine my girl being so selfish as to want to spend so much of our limited resources on going home so often. You said it perfectly, to take such often trip would be like robbing the family to fulfill ones own selfish desires. Then when you factor in the limited amount of vacation a working man/woman gets in this country it really becomes a apparent that these people will never see anything but Russia! My God it is a big world and I want to see it all, not just the places I've been. To be fair I grew up in MI which is where all my family lives. I have not been back in about 6 years. Do I miss them, yes. Did I miss them when I used my piddly two weeks to go visit my fiancee in Russia this year, no. Did I miss them when I used these 2 weeks to go to the Bahamas last year, yes...but NO! I agree and we have discussed this throughly already, my gal must be allowed to visit home when she really feels the need but we both agree this is all fine and dandy as long as the family does not suffer for it. After all she did chose to move to America.

The bigger problem to discuss is deaths in the family and friends. This is a real hard issue. To visit just because your homesick is one thing but what about a death in the family. The real question is where do you draw the line? I mean I have to  draw the line my self living on the west coast it would ruin me and my family if I were to fly home for every death, wedding, or graduation. I come from a huge family but I made a choice to "go west young man" and I must live with it. So will she. Sucks but there it is!

Offline RacerX

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« Reply #19 on: October 03, 2005, 08:16:38 AM »
I think this may be a two part question.  In her first year, homesickness becomes quite the issue and a trip ASAP is just the cure. After a while, the trips can become less frequent, and as already mentioned, for a longer period of time.

How frequently she wants to go back to a large extent depends on the closeness to her family and whether she has many friends.  Girls who may have lost their parents, or those with few friends will obviously feel less of a desire to return.  

I personally like the balancing pattern: one trip a year for her and once per year for the parents, with another trip for her and the kid(s) for those now and then special times (marriages/anniversaries/etc).

I don't know about us all being "millionaires" but only the foolish ones didn't think about the financial consequences of undertaking an international relationship.

Offline catzenmouse

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« Reply #20 on: October 08, 2005, 11:55:45 AM »
After Elena was here for just a few months (and 4 months before she got her Advance Parole document) her grandmother fell and broke her hip. It was the worst possible scenario for her (she lived with her grandmother). At that time we had the time to go the money to go but no document. Because she had other family there who were able to help out (and because we were honest about this with USCIS) we were not given a special AP document. By the time everything cooled down a bit  I was not able to go due to work and she won't go without me so I guess it all depends upon the girl. I know she misses her family and friends but no matter how I have pushed she wants us to go back together.

Ken
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Offline Preston

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« Reply #21 on: October 15, 2005, 08:14:16 AM »
I sent my wife over last winter before we had our first new born! She was 6 months along and went by herself for 1 month! This year we are both planning on going with the little one for a month and half to visit! We try to go every year if possible! 1 month just don't seem like its enough time for us! Us being apart for 1 month is to hard so we decided to go together for now on!

Preston Nataliya!

Offline happiness

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« Reply #22 on: March 27, 2006, 07:10:36 PM »
We are currently planning my wife's first trip back to Russia for this June.  She will stay for four weeks and I will come to stay for the last week.  Two things that worry me about her visit:

1) What if her friends resent her success?  Her best friend left Russia at the same time she did for a man in Belgium, but things didn't work out and she moved back to Russia three months later.  Maybe she will want to leave after two weeks instead of staying the four weeks we had planned?

2) Maybe just the opposite will happen and she will want to stay longer than four weeks?  How often do marriages fall apart because the wife doesn't want to come back? :shock:

Any tips for first-timers returning to Russia as husband and wife?  She wants to stay with her mother for three weeks and then we could get an apartment for one week when I arrive.

Offline BillyB

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« Reply #23 on: March 27, 2006, 07:58:50 PM »
Quote from: happiness
We are currently planning my wife's first trip back to Russia for this June.  She will stay for four weeks and I will come to stay for the last week.  Two things that worry me about her visit:

1) What if her friends resent her success?  Her best friend left Russia at the same time she did for a man in Belgium, but things didn't work out and she moved back to Russia three months later.  Maybe she will want to leave after two weeks instead of staying the four weeks we had planned?

2) Maybe just the opposite will happen and she will want to stay longer than four weeks?  How often do marriages fall apart because the wife doesn't want to come back? :shock:

Any tips for first-timers returning to Russia as husband and wife?  She wants to stay with her mother for three weeks and then we could get an apartment for one week when I arrive.

 

If her friends resent her success, then she needs to find new friends. If she is considered successful, then congratulations! Most people here don't know the struggles you went through happpiness but I'm glad things are going good for you.

 I don't think many marriages will fall apart after the wife visits back home for the first time. If she leaves her husband after visiting back home, then maybe it's for the best since I would consider her too immature to know what she wants out of life. Don't let the story of your wife's friend leaving her Begium man scare you. She left because the truth is Begium chocolate is over rated!

Sounds good that she wants to save money living with her mom for the first three weeks and then get an apartment when you arrive for some serious...:D
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Offline Wild Orchid*

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« Reply #24 on: March 29, 2006, 10:03:14 PM »
We go every second year. It's because I've got work commitments and another reason because I like traveling and like to see something else besides Russia. My husband made 5 trips to Russia in total and I think it is about time when I should go by myself. It is very tiring to translate every conversation around you all the time. I want to go alone and spend some tome with my family and friends, but he won't let me. Looks like he is planning to go with me again. What can I do? How to convince him to stay at home this time?

Offline Jet

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« Reply #25 on: March 30, 2006, 05:30:41 AM »
[user=807]Wild Orchid*[/user],

Perhaps try talking him into something like Happiness is planning, where you go for a longer period and he joins you near the end. This has worked for us (Then again, I was never really insecure about letting my wife travel alone, either.)

I understand your frustration with having to translate everything, it wears you out even more than physical excersize. Does he understand this? When little Kolya first came to the US, every statement I made was immediately followed by him asking "Jim skazal?" and I saw how it wore my wife down. Perhaps try explaining it to him, if you think he'll listen.
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Offline Vanilla

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« Reply #26 on: April 20, 2006, 12:19:27 PM »
Well, as about the death...Brrr. I do not want to even think about it..  But - life is life, and it is going to happen one day or another. I  just hope not soon.

So, about that - we have an emergency saving just for that case. In  case I will get bad news, so I can just jump on the airplan and go home  right away. Even just by myself. That's what we have for that kind of  travelling.



Offline rose

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« Reply #27 on: April 20, 2006, 12:28:56 PM »
I was in Russia 5 years ago. And it looks like I will not be able to go there for at least another 3-4 years. :(

My mom is 73 years old, and it makes me very sad that it might happen that I'll never will see her again.:(

Offline RussianGal

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« Reply #28 on: April 20, 2006, 12:51:42 PM »
Guess I can say I go once a year.
Last time (which was the first one too) my husband joined me later (it was the third time in Belarus for him and he said 'That`s enough').
 So, this summer I`ll go alone for the whole month to celebrate my birthday, visit doctors and have fun with friends and family. It cost 1K.

I`d rather go 2 a year but for shorter periods OR may be invite parents over once a year and visit them once a year. Working on it.. ;-)
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Offline PeeWee

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« Reply #29 on: April 21, 2006, 10:52:57 PM »
I was thinking about this question. For me I would tell her to go and to enjoy herself. I would stay home and get caught up on whatever it was that I needed to caught up on. I can think of nothing more boring than having to haul around some Russian city visiting her family and friends when I could be home fishing...or doing something relaxing. My plan is to send her home during football season. That way I can enjoy the Sunday games in peace. And as dumb as it is for a guy who has spent the best part of his life in the airline game I do not like to travel on flights that last for more than 3 hours and if I do then I have to have the business class seat. Two people to and from Russia at business class prices would better buy a nice guided fishing trip to Alaska or season tickets for the local football team. Go Hawks! They got robbed by the officals in the last Super Bowl.  Whew...now I feel better.

Peewee
« Last Edit: April 21, 2006, 10:56:00 PM by PeeWee »

Offline Turboguy

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« Reply #30 on: April 21, 2006, 11:08:20 PM »
Robbed, sure,  They were just playing a better team.  After all the winning quarteback had a qb rating of about 20 for the game.   Nothing worse than a sore looser :zappedhim:Just kidding the officiating was terrible but you would have lost anyway.

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #31 on: May 04, 2006, 10:29:06 PM »
I wonder if any of the girls call and visit their old boyfriends

I am sure some of them have done that

Boys, be careful!

Be very careful!

Dont let them go back there if you cant go with them

Its too dangerous

Timdman


Offline BC

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #32 on: May 05, 2006, 03:38:52 AM »
Tim,

If the relationship stands on solid ground this will not be a problem at all.

If your thoughts are based on any kind of personal experiences the only real tool I can hand you to help identify the problem is a mirror.

After 4 years we're down to the bi-annual but prolonged visit.  We're together 24/7 the whole year round and probably spend more face to face time in a year that others do in 5+.

Offline Shadow

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #33 on: May 05, 2006, 04:05:20 AM »
So far my fiancee has had no wish to go alone. I would not hold her back if she wanted to go a longer period, and then join her just like happiness. But she has expressed she would miss me more than she misses her friends and family  :)
I think we will be able to make trips 2-3 times a year until there will be little Shadows running around (no plans but a lot of practise ;D).
When we were back last time she would have a lot to talk about with her friends and family, and asked me if I mind her talking in Russian most of the time. I do not, as it helps me develop my Russian skills listening to conversation.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Jumper

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #34 on: May 05, 2006, 02:59:08 PM »
BillyB said
Quote
If her friends resent her success, then she needs to find new friends.

LOL iI Agree Billy, but the reality is:

if her friends /neighbors resent her succcess, then they are just being normal Russian/Ukrainians.

but it shouldnt be a worry or problem as living her life there she knows it better than any of us , and quite well how to deal with it.

Quote
I don't think many marriages will fall apart after the wife visits back home for the first time. If she leaves her husband after visiting back home, then maybe it's for the best ....

absolutely agree.

my grandfather used to say, -
if you loan a man $5 and you never see him again, it was money well spent. ;)


My wife is back visiting her family for the third time,, (over about three years , so once per year)

she usually plans to go for 5 weeks, but after arriving she is always sure two or 3 weeks would be better for a variaty of reasons..
 I do miss seeing her family, and hopefully i will go on the next trip, or maybe the last week of it.

 
Tim7/scorpions-
Good luck with relationships, Sincerely.

A man of course needs to be a man,
but there are natural and reasonable lines and limits in every relationship.
a man should ALSO know these.

 To be a paranoid controlling man is not going to be very attractive to most intelligent women.
 
If she really wanted an immature , controlling man in her life ,
 she could find plenty in Russia.
Bank on it.


.

Offline jb

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #35 on: May 05, 2006, 03:06:10 PM »
Timdeman,

I worry about you, I truly do.

Offline ML

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #36 on: April 03, 2021, 02:43:40 PM »
Wife has gone once a year in summer for 4 weeks . . . except she didn't go in 2020, Covid.

Will she go this summer . . . all depends on Covid in Ukraine.

She will have had her two Pfizer vaccines in a couple of weeks, but Ukraine might have some sort of lockdowns which would prevent travel.

But she worries about maybe never seeing her parents again . . . they are not getting any younger . .  and Covid is running wild in their small town . . . several deaths that she knows of.
Winston Churchill.  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Offline Grumpy

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Re: Visits home, how often, how long
« Reply #37 on: April 03, 2021, 04:50:57 PM »
Well, as about the death...Brrr. I do not want to even think about it..  But - life is life, and it is going to happen one day or another. I  just hope not soon.

So, about that - we have an emergency saving just for that case. In  case I will get bad news, so I can just jump on the airplan and go home  right away. Even just by myself. That's what we have for that kind of  travelling.

Excellent plan, best to be prepared for emergencies. This is not a venture for paupers.
Good women are not cheap
Cheap women are not good
(but they can be a lot of fun)

 

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