"The murky subculture of Internet-brokered marriages" by Andrew Marton

[Admin]

OK - here you go - check this one -- http://www.star-telegram.com/408/story/297522.html

I spent several hours on the phone with this cretin. I then introduced him to Jack, and he did a credible piece about Jack - and I also introduced him to the Online Dating Rights team.

He mentioned NOTHING of the extensive interview he conducted with me.

He mentioned NOTHING of the opportunity he was given to meet a happily-married couple in the DFW area.

He mentioned NOTHING of the contact with Tristan of ODR and the opportunity he was provided to receive counterpoint to the TJC propaganda.

A few select comments:

From the subject of the article, Nataliya Robertovna Yamayeva:

"I cook, and I clean the house," she ticks off. "I do everything. I take extra jobs, I raise my child. I simply don't give up. I wanted to tell my story, because when it comes to Russian or other foreign women, they think they will find a better relationship here, but the truth is that sometimes it turns out to be worse."

If life has, indeed, turned "out to be worse" - why is she still living in the US?!? It is easy enough to return. What is holding her back?

Yamayeva is Russian is hardly coincidental, as she is part of a recent wave of fashion-shoot-primped, well-educated Russian (and, often, Ukrainian) women who, in the wake of the '90s collapse of the Soviet Union and the recent loosening of visa restrictions, have set their sights on improving their lives through an Internet matchmaking agency.

Oh really? What "loosening of visa restrictions" would he be referencing. I sure as hell didn't mention anything like that.

Yamayeva said she sensed that Henderson's financial circumstances were not as stable as he had suggested -- a not uncommon bit of deception with Internet-brokered marriages.

Uh - OK. How about asking a few questions?

"Not uncommon bit of deception" - and exactly where is the objective support for THAT statement?

But after Yamayeva discovered that she was pregnant, Henderson seemed genuinely thrilled and rushed to complete her immigration paperwork, she said.

"Discovered" - as in; "Oh my gosh, look what I found out? Wonder how THAT happened?!?"

Records show a Glen J. Henderson with his date of birth also had a 1993 arrest on suspicion of carrying a concealed firearm.

"An arrest" - not a conviction. "On suspicion" - nothing proved or conclusive. If it were, it would be a matter of the VERY SAME public record they found this tripe at. An arrest, or a suspicion, is NOT a conviction and PROVES NOTHING! It as much reflects on the ineptitude of those doing the arresting, or charging, as it does on the possibility of the person being a criminal.

Says Yamayeva: "I told him that I would stay with him in spite of anything."

She lied.

Reflections of Henderson, the AM:

"After we were divorced, I was casually discussing with Natasha how I thought some of the Russian women were scamming Americans by getting married, and she said, 'Let me correct you on that: All of them are scams.' It was her opinion that every Russian woman that hooks up with an American man is trying to screw him."

Sheez, I wonder where she got THAT idea?!?

My impression of Marton was that he was a galuboy looking to support his slightly more feminine colleagues. He succeeded.

- Dan

[Vaughn]

Dan, I fully understand where you're coming from - yet I have to take issue with your question
regarding the first excerpt...

If life has, indeed, turned "out to be worse" - why is she still living in the US?!? It is easy enough to return. What is holding her back?

She did not say "Life turned out to be worse" but that....

they think they will find a better relationship here, but the truth is that sometimes it turns out to be worse."

Quite a different matter. While I also dislike how the press focuses on the losers, I have to admit that my own
wife would've given up on this fellow far earlier than Yamayeva - who hung in through unemployment, numerous moves, spying at her workplace, eavesdropped phone conversations.....  I would say her advice based on personal
experience was more than fair.

As for "I told him I would stay with him in spite of anything" - I believe that when the guy declared that
Wyoming was "too cold" - she had had enough of the irresponsible pattern. While I'm not approvng the
"lie" I strongly suspect she felt better off without him - and I don't blame her...   

[ScottinCrimea]

Just one more example of the old adage, "A fool and his honey are soon parted."

[Tristan]

My letter to the editor of that newspaper:

Editor,

While your article did accurately point out the cultural misunderstandings that can occur when people from different countries marry, it did your readers a disservice by highlighting one failed relationship with no mention of the many successful ones.

Had your reporter even mentioned a single statistic from one key study done by the INS in 1999 on internet-related international marriages - that such mariages have an 80% success rate - he could have provided significant balance to this story.

As it was, the article adopted a tone similar to that of the special interest groups who got Congress to pass the IMBRA law criminalizing communication between American men and foreign women.  It did this by stating that many American men who marry foreign women have unstable financial circumstances, even though there are no statistics to support such a statement and none cited.  It also referred to the published work of a female assistant district attorney criticizing such relationships but failed to mention considerably more thorough published studies of university anthropologists such as Prof.Nicole Constable of the University of Pittsburg giving the relationships a favorable review.

And while your reporter bemoaned the "...murky subculture of internet-brokeredmarriages..." he could have lifted the veil of incomprehension by contacting a group like mine which is the biggest non-profit group explaining and opposing the grossly unconstitutional IMBRA law and whose members include journalists, academics, politicians and other professionals at www.onlinedatingrights.com.  Instead, a source relied on for the story was a group such as the "Tahirih" Justice Center, a radical special interest group that is funded by taxpayer money and is devoted to making it more difficult for Americans to communicate with foreigners for romantic purposes.

Tristan Laurent

[BillyB]

Your letter sounds good Tristan. Unfortunately the editor and the reporter may not change their behavior when it comes to reporting international marriages. They fear getting nasty letters from special interest groups, those who want others to only marry American, and losing their reader$hip.

key study done by the INS in 1999 on internet-related international marriages - that such mariages have an 80% success rate -

Does anyone have a quick link to that study? 

[groovlstk]

Had your reporter even mentioned a single statistic from one key study done by the INS in 1999 on internet-related international marriages - that such mariages have an 80% success rate - he could have provided significant balance to this story.

Tristan Laurent

I have an enormously hard time believing this figure, quite frankly I'd be surprised if the # is half that - but perhaps the INS's definition of a successful marriage is a bit generous.

Where are all the amateur statisticians who argue that the number of domestic violence claims are exaggerated?

[Admin]

Your letter sounds good Tristan. Unfortunately the editor and the reporter may not change their behavior when it comes to reporting international marriages. They fear getting nasty letters from special interest groups, those who want others to only marry American, and losing their reader$hip.


Does anyone have a quick link to that study? 

The link is quick -- http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?pid=4

The reading will take some time. I believe those stats are in the Appendices in the back of the report.

Please note - IMBRA resulted in the rescinding of the referenced act.

- Dan

[glen-henderson]

I am Glen Henderson and if you want to know the truth about this article, just
let me know. This article is not true. I will give you one example only.
She told them I left Wyo because it was to cold "LIE" I did not ever say anything
like. She went to my employer and told him that I was wanted by the law "LIE" and
that she needed to go to a womens shelter. After she got me out of the way
she could then pursue a relationship with a guy in Canada,,Paul G_____Y.
She told me the day she filed for divorce that she was not going to file, then told the court that I had left her and she did not know where I was at "LIE". She had her NEW friends to threaten me with the police if I called for her.
I have met many very wonderful russian women and their husbands but this woman
Nataliya Yamayeva (she still uses my name Henderson). this woman is dangerous
I was interograted by the FBI and NCIC about her involement with the russian mafia.
I am building a web site to respond to this horrible experince, and to respond to the some 220 web sites that this story is on .
There is very much to this, again I assure that this story is bunk , Andrew Marton
tried to get info from me, but I am in litigation now with her over custody of our
6 year old. I  told him my lawyer said not to respond. yamayeva failed to mention that she was pregnant with when she arrived here. He was born in the end of Jan, 45 days after she arrived. BTW I never bought her an engagement ring at all, because after buying her father the first car he ever owned and her mother a refrigerator, and paying her mothers salary because sometimes she does not get paid for 3 months at the time, I did not have the money for a box of cracker jacks.
Thanks for letting me comment folks. The web site will include, receipts, sworn testimonies, videos, photo etc and every detail of this story.
 

[glen-henderson]

 BTW my email is gjhleaf@msn.com

[BillyB]

Welcome glen,

Considering you are not ashamed to use your full name in the open brings some credibility to what you say. There's been a few stories here where "friends" help out a RW and protect her from her husband. It doesn't take much. All a woman has to do is act afraid and say her husband is a monster and "friends" will protect her from the violent husband as you are accused of being. If you did in fact buy her father a car and the mother a refrigerator and pay her salary, then most likely you're not a violent person but a man wanting love. But maybe you tried too hard to buy her love. These people have lived all their lives without you and they can continue to live their lives without your help. If any man feels pressured to provide large sums of cash to improve the lifestyles of their women's family in order to keep peace in their relationship, then you've got problems with yourself or the woman you're involved with.

[Mir]

It is another story of a man in a midlife crisis who wants a young girl to boost his ego, can't find her in US, finds her in Russia.Throws caution to the wind and impregnates her (looks like that hapend in the first meeting), asks her to marry him (also in the first meeting). And it all ends in a disaster (as expected).
All men undergoing a midlife crisis should take note that the consequences of such thrills can be devastating.

[groovlstk]

If you did in fact buy her father a car and the mother a refrigerator and pay her salary, then most likely you're not a violent person but a man wanting love.

I don't understand the logic in this. I'm not judging this guy or his ex, but buying her family gifts does nothing to suggest he's either violent or not. Fact is, he could just as well be a violent person wanting love

[BillyB]

I don't understand the logic in this. I'm not judging this guy or his ex, but buying her family gifts does nothing to suggest he's either violent or not. Fact is, he could just as well be a violent person wanting love

From reading these forums for years and observing real life experiences, men who have to throw money around to catch women are usually desperate to some degree and they sure as hell wouldn't want to waste their inve$tment by beating the crap out of the women only for her to walk out on them. People who have little respect for their spouse/gf do not shower them and their family with gifts till they are broke.  If Glen was a violent person, his wife might have had a few broken bones and lost a few teeth by now after what she's saying about him and keeping the child away from him. All of his actions now point out to clearing his name and getting custody of their child through legal means, not violent force.

[groovlstk]

From reading these forums for years and observing real life experiences, men who have to throw money around to catch women are usually desperate to some degree and they sure as hell wouldn't want to waste their inve$tment by beating the crap out of the women only for her to walk out on them.

I strongly disagree with this. Domestic violence is often a cycle wherein the man acts out followed by a honeymoon period of remorse during which he showers her with affection and gifts. Rinse and repeat.

Billy, I find it strange that you're almost always the first person to call for hard evidence and cast doubt on the claims of any woman who arrives here with a sob story about an abusive husband. Now, this guy shows up and because he offers (what may or may not be) his full name and the fact that he bought gifts for his wife's family you're willing to take his story at face value?

I have absolutely no problem accepting the possibility that Glen's account is 100% true, btw. I simply would like to see the bar of believability at the same level for both women and men.

[Admin]

It is another story of a man in a midlife crisis who wants a young girl to boost his ego, can't find her in US, finds her in Russia.Throws caution to the wind and impregnates her (looks like that hapend in the first meeting), asks her to marry him (also in the first meeting). And it all ends in a disaster (as expected).
All men undergoing a midlife crisis should take note that the consequences of such thrills can be devastating.

Mir,

I am not sure there is enough information yet for us to diagnose a 'root cause'. If anything, I suspect the true root cause might be more along the lines of - be careful who you marry, for if they are a crook or corrupt of heart, they will clean you out. And if my diagnosis is accurate - it would be applicable no matter the age of the WM.

Just a thought - from what little I've read.

- Dan

[Admin]

BTW my email is gjhleaf@msn.com

Welcome Glen.

How'd you find us?

Feel free to post as much of your story here as you like. I daresay our readership is broader even than Marton's DFW newspaper, so maybe it will provide you the opportunity to address some of that tripe.

- Dan

[BillyB]

Groove, I've already hinted to Glen that he may have problems with himself. But his actions are not of a violent person who does not care. He does not come here with an aggressive tone, and he cares about clearing his name instead of quickly focusing his attention on other foreign women to abuse if that's in his nature. He's also willing to spend some money for an attorney for child custody. His ex wife even admitted Glen was not violent in the article. But why did her friends threaten to call the police if he called her? What is she telling them? He is one step away from a no contact order and that looks bad when it comes to his child custody fight. I give him no extra credit for him being a Pastor. I expect more from him and disappointed he had a child out of wedlock. He is supposed to set an example, not be the example.

His ex stated she doesn't like RM saying their alcoholics and violent. She also stated when she arrived in America, Glen did not have a drivers licence, did not have a car, did not have a real place to live and just lost his job.... yet she still married him. Hmmm, why would she have a child with and then marry a homeless bum? Maybe the awesome sex made up for the lack of money and material posessions he had which in turn confused her making her think the conditions were right for family and marriage.

She also arrrive to America in or before May 2000 and got married in February 2001. She said she divorced Glen because he isolated her, held her hostage, and she often times she didn't have food, a car and sat alone in the house. She wasn't always isolated, she admitted having jobs. She also had plenty of time to think about not entering a marriage with Glen. Because the 90 period to marry was violated, I'm sure there were immigration issues. During happy times during the birth of their child, she said Glen rushed to take care of her immigration paperwork.

She credits her reason for staying in the bad marriage a long time to her Russian cultural tradition of building a family and holding it together. Hmmmm, what was that bad stuff she said about traditional RM earlier? She even told her husband "I will stay with you in spite of anything". How honorable of her to say she's such a devoted woman! We know how the end of that marriage turned out after she filed for divorce.

Even if Glen is screwing up in his life, is poor, and has a hard time holding jobs, he still has rights to see his child and she didn't need to add insult to injury by telling her story to a reporter and the World. Based on what I read, I'm not impressed with her.

If Glen can prove the FBI and NCIC(what is that?) interrogated him about his ex's involvement with the mafia, then he strengthens his argument. Groove, I don't accept Glen's argument at face value, he is creating a site full of evidence and when he comes back here and post a link, I will read it just as I read her side of the story in the article.

[Bruno]

... and NCIC(what is that?)

"National Crime Information Center"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NCIC

[glen-henderson]

Nope, no mid-life crisis had anything to do with this. I was 49 she was 27 but
and I told her I did not think that this was a good idea. I felt sorry for her, really
sorry for her. Her father is a raging drunk, she was in serious poverty, her salary was $20.00 per month. She said that she really loved me, this I doubted. My motives were not sex driven either, I was attracted to her but I had more attractive women and some of them even had money in the states. I have always been a fool for the dis-advantaged, I was a missionary for 20 years. I was just trying to help her and hoping that this thing would work out. Never did I beleive that she would try to destroy me just to make herself look innocent, because if she left me without a reason then her family and friends might have thought bad of her. Anyway I always told her that she could leave if she wanted to and that I would help her, and I still will. But I am not going to let her destroy the childs life.

[BillyB]

I was just trying to help her and hoping that this thing would work out.

Glen, you married this woman to be a hero? Not for love or lust? I don't believe it. You would not help a man under the same conditions unless there was something in it for you.

Anyway I always told her that she could leave if she wanted to and that I would help her, and I still will. But I am not going to let her destroy the childs life.

You are going to help a person who is destroying your child's life and currently yours? This doesn't make sense either. You're supposed to be a Pastor and know that you're only capable of helping so many people so go and help people who really need it... and want your help. Your ex doesn't want you in her life.

IMO, the reporter of that article could've chosen another broken marriage to write about where the husband was really violent and made his foreign bride work like a slave but that story has been worn out. I suspect he needed something fresh and chose you and your ex's story in part because you are a Pastor and it makes for an intriguing story. You've done some hypocritical things against what your faith teaches you and now it's mocked for everyone to see. You've been given a great responsibility and you've done your faith no favors. You're nowhere near as bad a those priests who molest children but you get the point. If you want to be a leader in society, even just a spiritual leader, you need to set good examples and lead by example, not be the example of what not to do.

[glen-henderson]

I retired from the ministry in 1990,

[BillyB]

I retired from the ministry in 1990,

Glen, that did not matter to the reporter who wrote the story and it does not matter to the people reading. The fact you were a Pastor, people will hold you to higher standards then and now. Retiring from the ministry does not give you a license to have children out of wedlock and make choices in life against what you may have preached years ago on morals and ethics. People who have an agenda against your faith would love to point out the hypocrisies of those who lead it. I know not everyone is perfect but you do have bigger shoes to fill based on the path in life you chose. You need to put those shoes on.

[Mir]

I was 49 she was 27 but
and I told her I did not think that this was a good idea.She said that she really loved me, this I doubted

So with all these uncertainties in your mind how come you proposed on your first meeting with her? And how come you decided to have unprotected sex also on your first trip to her that resulted in her being pregnant?

[Natasha]

This article was written on the proof facts. The publisher first checks all information, if it's correct. Nobody made up this story. He says: She told them I left Wyo because it was to cold "LIE" I did not ever say " Yes, he said, he also disappointed with the job. And when i left to visit my parents, the boss was very unhappy with the job Glen was doing. Glen spied on me, on the computer, getting secretly in my emails from my friends(he admitted he did it for 2 years, he recorded my phone conversations and translated them through the agencies. He didn't want me to work. For everything i had to cry and beg him. When i was working in the store , he came by very often sometimes with the binoculars. When i worked in the men's clothing, he told me to ask my menager to move me to another department because of the men-customers. Even one never ever bothered me!!! I have my dignity and pride.

If life has, indeed, turned "out to be worse" - why is she still living in the US?!? It is easy enough to return. What is holding her back?

I crawled on my knees begging him to let me go back to my family. He didn't let me. He told me: "you can go but the child will stay here"  This man was a PASTOR? Everything i trusted him he turned against of me. I talked to somebody who knows him very well, he was fired from  a lot of churches.
He threatened to put me in a psychiatric hospital as he did to his second ex-wife.
I've never been involved with the russian mafia. This is nonsense! I guess if i was i would have a better life:)
Glen says lies about my family. My dad was in the military for 27 years, he was a chef of a big military unit. And Glen forgot how he picked up his dad from the downtown of the city they lived. I've never lived in the poverty. The first time i live in the poverty when i married Glen Henderson.But i told him that it was ok we could work and get the things together.
Glen never bought anything for my family. My parents wanted to borrow 300$ . It took us around 4 months to get this money. My parents wanted to give this money back but Glen said that he wanted to do something nice for them and he didn't want it back.
I also have the letters from the american woman how Glen destroyed her life, she sent me these letters right a way when i came to the States. But i didn't believe her. When i arrived to the States he was just kicked off her house. BTW i've never met his realatives even one, except the children. Even relatives didn't want to communicate to him. I wonder why? BTW nobody ever asked us to come for Thanksgiving...
I'm not looking for a sympathy and i don't want to wash my dirty linen in public. But if Glen Henderson reacts on this article. It means Andrew Marton did a pretty good job.

[BillyB]

I'm not looking for a sympathy and i don't want to wash my dirty linen in public.

Then why did you talk to a reporter to tell your story? If he's such a bad guy, that would piss him off even more. Why did you end up marrying Glen nearly a year after you arrived in America when you knew he lost his job, he didn't have a real house to live in, he didn't introduce you to family, didn't have a drivers license and didn't have a car? Why did you have a baby with him under those conditions? Glen does have rights to see his child, there's nothing you can do to change it but if you two want to make life hard on each other, just keep your dirty linen in public as you are doing now. For the child's benefit, you two should get along and admit you made a mistake and live, learn and grow up.

It's possible Glen was not interrogated by the FBI and NCIC as he said he was. He could've called them just to say something bad about you. I find it hard to believe the FBI would tip their hand by interrogating Glen when going after the mafia. I would think they'd be a little more discreet. Glen has the burden of proof here. Glen is it true YOU approached the FBI and NCIC and that they did not approach you?

Natasha, what did you tell your friends that would make them want to call the police on Glen? Have you given him any reason to believe you're pursuing other men? Are you and Glen living in the same State?