Opinions please

[Gator]

Discuss the same things as you would discuss with an AW.  No, scratch that!

In my experience, AW tend to want to discuss their entanglements, etc. as if I were a therapist.    In contrast, I found RW to be more private.  They assume that anything they tell you could be used against them later. 

They also believe "past is past", so I would avoid discussions about past relationships.  Please do not talk about your past women - RW do not want to hear about them.

If the two of you become close, you should have a forthright discussion about the past.  Do it once, and then forget about it.

I would also avoid politics as some can have a rather dogmatic attitude about what is best.

You should feel comfortable discussing her goals, her family, her job, her hobbies, etc.  That is a lot considering how these spontaneously could take different directions.  However, I think your question perhaps has more to it.

[Daveman]

Okay,

Now I'm back with a couple of questions.  I'm still thinking about this, gonna be making a descision here soon.  But, okay first question.  What if we have a few things in common?  As she knows the age difference, what are things I should discuss with her?

Ask whatever questions, have whatever discussions you need to make sure you are both on the same wavelength.  Just as an example, is she a young party gal? are you the same? What about family/children? same/compatible sense of humor?

Just as a small silly example, I have absolutely zero interest in nightclubs, big bashes, etc. My style is more museums, theater, long walks hand in hand around the city, cafes, conversation, people watching and making jokes about everyone we see.. etc.. which is the epitome of boredom for a young party gal.

This seems simple and obvious, but it seems that many in this venture tend to overlook the obvious while being blinded by the young hot thing.  Don't suffer breast blindness    It's amazing how quickly the little differences will turn into annoyances, to all around problematic crap really.  Do you really WANT to keep up with her?  I don't, I want a laid back woman who enjoys more intellectual and humorous pursuits... just know thyself first. 

[Kuna]

If you hit things off and you both decide you're ready to move to more serious conversation don't make it feel like a interview... I think the biggest problem distance and time creates is the  inability to learn things naturally about our partners. 


Try playing a "getting to know you" game by asking questions like, "How would you you feel if....?" and "What would you do if...?"  Hopefully, if she's as engaged in the future as you... she'll want to ask similar questions.

Of course you need an understanding about future goals and desires...  Asking questions about her life goals are important.  Do you want children?  Does she want children?  How many?  How does she see the roles in raising the children?

Does she want to work?  What sort of work?  Does she understand how difficult it'll be to "start again" in a foreign country?

Where will you live?  What's it like (the good and bad stuff)?  What does she understand about the area you live in?  What does she like?  What does she want?  What if it isn't like that?

I also made sure we talked a lot about how she would feel leaving family and friends.  I wanted to know her expectations of how many trips home... for how long... what about when we have children... How would her family and friends feel... what would be the most difficult for her?

I was lucky because My Wife lived in Germany for two years before we met... she understood the adjustments that would be requried.

Her expectations of you and your expectations of her are also critical... but you can't cover all this ground in one trip.  The worst thing is for the "getting to know you" to be rushed... or feel like an interview.

Something I think I got a lot from was listening to her lifetime stories...  things from her childhood... what was important and influential to her... what her values were. 

One thing that told me A LOT about my wife's character was a story about an old lady that used to live down stairs.  My Wife would help her out when she became too old to do many things around her home (cleaning, collecting things or running errands) and in return the lady would give her small gifts (box of chocolates, etc).  The chocolates were often spoiled but my wife said she would always take them even though she could rarely eat them.

This story came out when we were walking near her house and we passed the local cemetery... She said she goes to visit this ladies grave in May because her grandparents are buried too far away, but she was always afraid to go and visit there because of local crime (there have been several murders in that cemetery over the years).

I was really touched first of all that a young girl (in her teenage years) would help out an aged neighbor and accept gifts she knew she usually couldn't enjoy... and still several years later she remembered the lady with enough fondness to visit her grave. A few days later when going through family photos she showed me a photo of this lady and I could sense a real tenderness in that moment...  It was very sweet.

There would be no way to know or understand this through "structured questioning" but if you're relationship is getting deep enough or significant enough you should be hearing things that tell you more about a girls character... 

Peoples reaction to life are influenced by their values... the things they learn along the way.  You CAN'T know everything about a person until you spend a lot of face to face time with them but you should try to understand her character, values and decision making process before you let you heart rule your head.

Something else I thought was important was being realistic about my girl asking me questions and wanting to know more about me, my life, my family and friends...  I was seeking someone logical and realistic (rather than overly emotional and driven by excitement and fantasy) and really appreciated the fact that she was seeking a deeper understanding of me... and knowing she was also making decisions about me as time went along.

I think I was very fortunate to have found someone that suited me well so early in my adventure - but I would implore that you make judgments on actions rather than words.  Any question you ask can come with a great reply... but it's how we act that is a better indicator of who we are!

Best of luck!

Kuna

[phantom]

We've actually had a brief discussion about past relationships, which she asked later, after about 4 months of correspondence and phone calls, which was in July and it was discussed in one letter, and then she told me about her past relationship.  She refered to the ex-gf, as an "Hysterical girl, that couldn't control her emotions."  That was the end of it.  She's told me about her family, friends, some of her childhood her goals, dreams and things of that nature.  She would like to meet during her vacation.

She's not a party girl.  She rarely goes to night clubs.  She's not a drinker.  She likes cinema, reading, music, skating and traveling.  We've discussed relationship ideas and how we both thought about them and what we considered the "Perfect" evening.  She even shares when she's sad or had a bad day with me.  One thing about her, if I ask her something that I've already asked.  She'll say check your last few letters, or for a few months back.

There's other ladies, but she's the one that I've been really thinking about.

[Adrian]

Hello,

I've been checking out a few of the agencies, and have contact with a lady through one of them, one of the reputable ones, and I was wondering, I'm 41 and she's 24, is that too young, or is that an okay age?  We've talked by phone several times and exchanged several emails, along with video conferencing, so I know that she's real enough.  We've been talking of meeting, now that I have my passport and the agfency can get me my visa, although she would like to meet during her vacation.  But, before I proceed, is 24 too young, as I'm 41?

The age difference is perfectly fine. But, more important than the age difference is her actual age. At 24, she is right in the sweet spot for a woman of marrying age. Focus on women between 23 and 27 or so. Any younger than that and they don't know what they want in life and any older, they are on their way to becoming bitter, over the hill women.

Don't listen to some of the old guys on here who tell you that the age difference is too much. There are a lot of these crotchety old guys here who are set in their ways and think they have all the answers. The world has passed these guys by.. In Russia a 10 to 15 year difference is common. Don't worry about it.

[Turboguy]

There are a lot of these crotchety old guys here who are set in their ways and think they have all the answers.

We have more crotchety old guys here than some old folks homes do but I haven't seen any that were too worried about the age difference between those two.   I do think he should be careful to make sure she has some maturity and is really ready to settle down and marry but otherwise I have to agree with your suggested ages for someone his age.   Gals that age are probably about the prime candidates for him and the age difference is not TOO much. 

[docetae]

We have the same age... (34, 5 month difference).

[phantom]

I've been thinking about the maturity level of the girl to, and the manager of the agency suggested an interview with the girl.  One part of the interview, will be about her maturity level, then other questions that I would like to know about.   So, this should answer that question, although she does seem mature.

[I/O]

Don't listen to some of the old guys on here who tell you that the age difference is too much. There are a lot of these crotchety old guys here who are set in their ways and think they have all the answers. The world has passed these guys by.. In Russia a 10 to 15 year difference is common.

BS laced with idiotic nonsense. 4-7 year age gaps are a lot more common in Russia among the people I know (And there is quite a few). Dunno where you're pulling numbers from, out of your arse?

Maybe these crotchety old guys have tired of the BS from some of the wannabes"? I don't know anyone who thinks they have all the answers. Anyone here written a book on this subject recently? Helloooooooooooooooooooo?

As for being passed by the world, brilliant, just brilliant. I, and a couple of other OB's whom I have a good deal of respect for, seem to be passing by very happily with their Russian wives in rather a comfortable standard of living. I wonder why?

I/O

[Alyona]

Phantom, with so many nice women in their later 20's and 30's why not look there?  No one can answer all questions of the love between a woman and a man.  I do know that I am very different in my 30's than I was in my 20's.

My husband is 5 years older than me, and there are still many differences in how we look at life.

If it is for fun and curiosity then why not, but I think you would want make sure that you had common values at the deeper levels and are able to grow together if it becomes serious.

Alyona

[IAmZon]

Phantom wrote:  "There's other ladies, but she's the one that I've been really thinking about."   

OK, then, "To thine own self be true ...." 

But realize that your surely have exaggerated expectations and an unwarranted "crush". (Very difficult to be attractive under those conditions - especially to a Russian girl!) 

It is VERY possible that this is illusionary. you owe it to yourself to be as rational as romantic.  Don't take it so seriously, then.

I too had a preoccupation about age and beauty when I first came to RWD.  It comes naturally, because the dating pool becomes different once you travel for "normal" dating environments for a 35+ year old man in the USA, versus "normal" dating environments for a 35+ year old man internationally.  It is not the only, or most important difference. 

I have found that almost all members comments about age, and other things are correct as the comments relate to themselves.  They do not always relate to the questioner, however.  I, personally, have found examples of age gaps being taboo, and I have found them being normal.  There are no right answers. 

I will say that be best defense is a good offense.  Be honest with yourself! If you find yourself dating a girl younger than you "normally" would date, doing things that you would not "normally" do  (ie. going out with 4 girls, 22 - 24 years old, and clubbing all night), do you feel like a fish out of water?  Does your date stay by your side feeling chained to the old man?  Or is she becoming jealous because you are dancing on the stage with her and ALL her friends too? 

In other words, different cultures, different age groups, different leagues requires "GAME."
Do you have sufficient "GAME" to win the TRUE affection of your heart's desire?

There is no science to this ... just a couple of very important and well placed words of warning and advice to start with; then you are own your own to make a complete ass out of yourself. 

That is the fun part.

[phantom]

Alyona, good advice.  All good advice, which I have been paying attention to here.  I'm still going to continue our correspondence and other communication, but I have a few that I'm writing to as well.  Late 20's and early 30's, so I'm going to look there as well. 

Maybe also someone can help me with this, one of the ladies, gave me the last 4 digits of her phone number and the terp left it in.  She's in Dnepropetrovsk, I had a few problems calling there before, can someone give me the country and city code, perhaps I'm just dialing wrong.  Also, she only speaks a little English, and I only know a few words in Russian.  Any good translation books, or electronic translators anyone can recomend?

[SANDRO43]

Maybe also someone can help me with this, one of the ladies, gave me the last 4 digits of her phone number and the terp left it in.  She's in Dnepropetrovsk, I had a few problems calling there before, can someone give me the country and city code, perhaps I'm just dialing wrong.

Have a look at the RWDpedia: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/mwiki/index.php?title=Telephone_Calls.

[phantom]

Thanks Sandro, that was a big help, got it now.

[groovlstk]

I've been thinking about the maturity level of the girl to, and the manager of the agency suggested an interview with the girl.  One part of the interview, will be about her maturity level, then other questions that I would like to know about.   So, this should answer that question, although she does seem mature.

Just my 2 cents, but if you have to "interview" a girl to determine her maturity level, I think you know the answer already. If you can't communicate with her well enough and have to rely on the agency manager to conduct said interview, then you're going to get the answer you want - which will probably have less than a nodding acquaintance with reality.

I see some general parallels here to a certain type of archetypal guy who comes to RWD in the wake of a failed trip. His beautiful gf wrote him passionate, loving letters, but when he met her in person for the first time she wouldn't so much as touch him. Instead of doing the smart thing and telling her to flake off, he decides to talk to the agency owner, who insists that the girl is "serious" and sincere (as if those two qualities mean she's going to kiss the feet of a Western guy she's not even slightly attracted to) and wants a future with her foolish suiter. "She's just shy or reserved, you see, such behavior is common in Russian women who grow up in good families!" So the dummy continues to date her, she continues to use him for gifts and free dinners without giving him so much as a peck on the cheek... Finally, on the last day Romeo decides to get tough and asks for a meeting w/the agency owner and his ice queen, presuming to force her to tell him if she is serious or not about their relationship. He may not realize it but he long ago passed the threshold of stupidity and he's now playing gin with Bozo the Clown, the Three Stooges, and Ronald McDonald.

Usually at this point, the girl and agency owner insist she's serious and Romeo returns home satisfied that his manly insistence saved the relationship. At some point when she gets bored or hooks up w/someone she's genuinely interested in, his gf will stop taking his calls and he'll go from anger to despair to blaming himself to posting his experience on RWD. In that exact order!

Phantom, forgive me if this situation doesn't apply to you, but please think with your big head.

I'm continually amazed at the crap guys will endure for a pretty face.

[phantom]

Just my 2 cents, but if you have to "interview" a girl to determine her maturity level, I think you know the answer already. If you can't communicate with her well enough and have to rely on the agency manager to conduct said interview, then you're going to get the answer you want - which will probably have less than a nodding acquaintance with reality.

I see some general parallels here to a certain type of archetypal guy who comes to RWD in the wake of a failed trip. His beautiful gf wrote him passionate, loving letters, but when he met her in person for the first time she wouldn't so much as touch him. Instead of doing the smart thing and telling her to flake off, he decides to talk to the agency owner, who insists that the girl is "serious" and sincere (as if those two qualities mean she's going to kiss the feet of a Western guy she's not even slightly attracted to) and wants a future with her foolish suiter. "She's just shy or reserved, you see, such behavior is common in Russian women who grow up in good families!" So the dummy continues to date her, she continues to use him for gifts and free dinners without giving him so much as a peck on the cheek... Finally, on the last day Romeo decides to get tough and asks for a meeting w/the agency owner and his ice queen, presuming to force her to tell him if she is serious or not about their relationship. He may not realize it but he long ago passed the threshold of stupidity and he's now playing gin with Bozo the Clown, the Three Stooges, and Ronald McDonald.

Usually at this point, the girl and agency owner insist she's serious and Romeo returns home satisfied that his manly insistence saved the relationship. At some point when she gets bored or hooks up w/someone she's genuinely interested in, his gf will stop taking his calls and he'll go from anger to despair to blaming himself to posting his experience on RWD. In that exact order!

Phantom, forgive me if this situation doesn't apply to you, but please think with your big head.

I'm continually amazed at the crap guys will endure for a pretty face.

That was just part of the interview process, like if I was wanting to know that, or their thoughts on it.  But, the interview covered more than that.  I can tell she's mature actually.  We get along quite well and our letters and phone calls, having plenty of conversations and communicate quite well.  Actually, she doesn't write mushy love letters.  There's no talk of love.  When we've discussed our meeting, she talks about dinner in a nice place, a walk around the city and time at the river.  Sometimes we talk about books we've read or are reading, as she's introduced me to her favorite authors and vise versa.  We've discussed our ideal "Dream" relationship, then reality of relationships.  She knows about my ex and some things about the relationship, as she asked and wanted to know and I know about hers.

During our phone conversations, we discuss daily lives, interests, plans, we joke a little and share laughs.  We talk a few times a week.  We also video conference a couple of times a month.

But, actually no talk of love or really anything romantic.  There's mainly just questions and sharing daily events and interests.  At the beginning, I got to say, I really didn't pay a lot of attention to her, wrote her here and there, then it just gradually happened.

I do write to some, especially the older ones, a couple in their thirtys, that talk of romance and the meeting of walking along the river hand n hand, watching the sun set, and seeing the sunrise, dinner in a nice, romantic place, talking and looking into each others eyes, as we share our feelings o each other.  they tell me dreams they've had of me, how happy we were.

This girl doesn't talk like that.  She let's me know at times, when she would like to have another phone call and says Think about it.  She has my info sheet that I filled out at the agency, with my back ground info and if I'm a registered pervert.

Actually the only talk of romance, was a conversation of a romantic evening at home.  Sitting talking, drinking coffee or hot chocolate (She don't drink) and talking tete-tete.

But, that's how this is going.  There's no talk of romance or love.  Which is refreshing.  She's inteligent, and realistic.  That is some of the things I like about her.

[Taz]

I feel compelled to add to this topic. The first RW I ever had a serious relationship with was about 19 years younger than me. I wasn't exactly over the hill by a long shot and she was still attending the university. She was very mature for her age.

She was on the school volleyball team and their star player. I easily matched up with her in any activity we did. I guess I am just amazing gifted when it comes to energy level. I am closer to a teddy bear than a marathon runner and truth be told I could/should/will lose 20 pounds. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever dated in my life.

She easily could have been a super model. She was 6' tall, blonde hair, green eyes. She hung out with a pack of beautiful friends at school and amongst them she was known as "kracotka" or pretty woman. Her friends loved me and wanted what "we had"; a great relationship. Only one thing stood between our happiness; her dad! He absolutely, postively hated foreigners.

Long story short, I asked her to marry me. She accepted. Her father said "Over my dead body!" I promptly went out and contracted a hit man to cap his @$$ for $50; cash. Then I woke up from my dream, the part with the hit man. In retrospect I should have done it. It would have made life much better in the long run.

Instead her father put so much pressure on her. Apparently her father (who was a recovering alcoholic) claimed it would cause him to drink again. The doctor said if he started to drink again it would likely kill him. She also neglected to tell me that her parents had setup and arranged marriage for her and they wanter her to marry this particular guy.

So the short version of a very long story is we didn't get married. Her father guilted her into it. She married the idiot they wanted her too. Her dad started drinking again. Her husband drinks a lot. She is miserable and regrets not marrying me. I saw her a couple years ago and she is so sorry she didn't follow her heart. It was a chance encounter when I was helping a friend of mine; JD.

I am not advocating dating a really young woman as they are typically immature. My experience has shown me that the one I dated wasn't mature enough to deal with our situation and made an incredibly poor choice. In spite of all that, our age difference was NEVER a factor with either her or her friends. I guess I have some pretty good compensating attributes. 

[phantom]

Hey Taz,

Thanks for bringing up that point.  I never thought about her parents, as she don't live with them.  I only asked once what her family thought.  She told me that some were not happy with her decision, but her mother was okay with it. 

I'm still doing some corresponding with other women and have been asking plenty of questions and phone calls.  After I get something taken care of my end, I'll be making a trip over there.  I won't be getting locked down into just one woman.  Two in Russia and four in Ukraine.

I mean, I like this girl, but the older I get, I also like the ones with children.  But, it looks good with this one, because of the way things are going, so I was curious about the age difference, and had not considered all of the other things.

Thanks for all the replies.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Phantom, I think she is too young. In my opinion there should be no less than 10 years max of difference. It is good you are corresponding with other women who are in their thirties. And yes, you should think about the age range before you start corresponding with women, because you can just loose so much time. Shoot for the perfect and realistic combination.

Taz, wow, you had quite enough of experience in relationships with RW. Really hope you will find your true happiness soon. 

[Taz]

Anastassia - It's not like I have dated 100 girls at a time. That isn't my nature. When you factor in that I went to Russia possibly for the first time before some of the men and women on this site were even born, I am bound to pick up a few things along the way. It isn't like I am even remotely close to being retired.

I just got a much earlier start on the whole RW craze. I just happened to start at a really young age compared to most guys here. I was dating RW before it was "cool" or they had catalogs where you could custom order them.

I just had to make do with the off-the-shelf ones I found in Moscow or Leningrad at the time... If I even dated one a year for every year I was in the FSU, it would be quite a few and most people wouldn't even think negatively about you if you changed women once a year (assuming you weren't married of course at the time). I typically don't date a woman more than a few times unless I am pretty serious about her. I personally would never make love to a woman unless I seriously conidered her as potential partner.

phantom - A wide age gap is more likely to have greater risk. I personally never gave it to much thought as I always ended up dating women much younger than me. My ex was 15 years younger than me. Quite honestly my age has never been an issue in my relationships with any women. I don't seek out younger women. When I'd meet RW on the street I couldn't be sure of their ages nor were they sure of mine. If there was chemistry, we'd go out. Later on we'd find out more details. It isn't as though we carried a resume with us and exchanged it before dating.

With the advent of agenices though you typically will have more background info on the woman and she might nor more about you than you do about her with the IMBRA (what a stupid law!). With respect to age gap, I'd definitely say do as I say rather than I've done. My language ability has helped me a lot and I have a lot of natural enthusiasm and energy that apparently women find appealing. I am also a very sincere guy too and that goes a long way.

As for the woman's parents, don't overlook their potential impact on the relationship. My ex's parents are what ultimately killed our marriage. They constantly worked against our marriage. They didn't want her to marry me and tried everything they could to negatively impact our marriage. We both suffered in the end but it was our kids who got the worst end of the deal. Keep in mind that a woman this young may change her mind pretty often and easily. You could just be "flavor of the day" (or week) for that matter. Don't invest too much emotion in it too soon. See if she burns out pretty quickly on you. If it doesn't work out, there are at least another 2,000,000 to pick from. 

[smartcat]

. . .  even by the sacred formula of 1/2 your age plus seven (27-28)

I am a 36 y.old witch, hmmm... multiple to 2 and minus seven makes 65. The formula really must be sacred, as I have deep sacred respect for gentlemen of this age!

At other hand add 30 years to your age, think about most of your colleagues, parents, neighbours of such gap. As male, so female. I think in most cases you treat them in same way. Do you think it makes great difference in general attitude for the most of young women?

PS. When I was 18-19, I preferred old men. Some of 26-27. Horribly old were even 29!

[demre514]

Hi Phantom,

First of all, answer of your question is yes. She is too young for you. Her father can be 40-45 years old.

It is my first topic, but I am married with RW, so I think that makes me qualified to give some humble advice. First, I want to ask some questions:

1. Do you have money for a few trips?
2. Are you patient man?
3. Do you have enough free time?
4. Would you consider to learn Russian?

If you say yes to all, let's start:

1. NEVER GO TO FSU BEFORE YOU SPEAK RUSSIAN AT INTERMEDIATE LEVEL:
Love without communication does not exist. I don't advise using interpreter. Do you really believe that natural and sincere relationship can be developped by means of interpreter? RW are much better than AW, so I understand that you want to get married with one of them, but best results can be obtained only after good effort. Reading this forum can help, but I advise you learning Russian. I am not speaking about Pimsleur or Rosetta Stone, but real Russian textbooks and course. You can say why? Agency can help... Now, you can read #2.

2. NEVER USE AN AGENCY:
Agencies are commercial businesses, established to get profit. They don't care about your happiness but your money. You asked agency owner for interviewing with this girl to test her maturity. What do you expect? She will tell you "No, she is not mature. You don't need to come here, so don't need to give us money". My advice is this: Learn Russian and go to any middle-sized Russian city WITHOUT any contact. Internet cards are sold in any cell-phone shops. Search on mail.ru for women who are on-line in that city. Every day, make an appointment with ONE woman for next day. If you don't like her, go to your computer and find another one for next day. If you like somebody, dedicate your WHOLE TIME to her unless you lose your interest and NEVER LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHILE YOU ARE ALREADY WITH SOMEONE. In that way, you will meet with ordinary woman who is looking for local guys, and not someone who is dreaming of living abroad.

3. AGENCY GIRLS ARE USUALLY DESPERATE:
Why they are looking for AM? Do you really think that RM are unhealthy, alcoholic, and rude? Agencies say so. Infact, RM are healthier than Americans.  It is true that almost everyone drinks in FSU (I have been to Russia and Ukraine), including women. However, they don't get drunk easily. RM are kind. Do you know that there are many flower shop in Russia and they are open 24 hours? RW and RM speak in Russian, so they communicate well each other. They don't need to interpreter to make a joke!!! They don't need to leave their families behind if they get married with each other... However, there is a few good men in FSU, but many of them in America???? Really??? So, why agencies teach AM how to behave as "gentleman"? What can be the reason for a woman to register an agency in order to find an AM although she doesn't speak english at all and she has never been to USA? By the way, can you get married with an agency woman without pre-nupital agreement (if you are rich)? No? Marriage is based on mutual trust, isn't it?

4. DO NOT GO TO UKRAINE IN ORDER TO FIND YOUR WIFE:
Of course, there are good people and bad people in every nation. However, the rate of gold diggers and desperate people are higher in poor societies. Now, Ukraine has serious economical problems. That's why many western men go to FSU to look for a wife. A fat and bald American can not convince beautiful Norwegian woman to get married with him, and we all know the reason. Russia, however developped its economy and life standards are better now. Look at agencies... There are many Ukranian women and not many Russian women. It means you will have better chances in Russia to meet sincere woman. Infact, I met many gold diggers in Ukraine although I didn't meet any gold digger in Russia. (However, in Russia my wife is the first and only woman I met in a romantic respect. May be I was lucky)

5. DON'T GO TO MOSCOW OR PETERSBURG:
In big cities, people are rather westernized. It is not good or bad but, you can find westernized women in USA more easily. Why go to Russia for that? In other cities, however, women usually don't speak english, so returning back to #1. Learn Russian.

6. TRADITIONAL WOMAN DOES NOT MEAN "SLAVE":
Let's assume that she came to USA and you love each other. However, she doesn't like USA and she is unhappy everyday. What would you do?
A. She knew that I live in USA, so she has to endure this during all her life. Otherwise, she can return back.
B. I can try to understand her, and help her. However, it is all I can do. I work here and it is not a child game, and she either lives with me here or she must return back.
C. Well, may be we can try to live in Russia and see if we will be happier there.

If your answer is A, you are plain egoist.
If your answer is B, you sugarcoat your egoism.
If your answer is C, congratulations!

[Gator]

Demre,

Welcome to RWD!  We could use some more married guys.  It even sounds as if you have what it takes to be an OMB.

Interesting post.  I agree completely with what you imply by the following:

1. Do you have money for a few trips?
2. Are you patient man?
3. Do you have enough free time?
4. Would you consider to learn Russian?

Everything else I disagree with.  I am sure your advice will lead a man to a sincere, honest and loving RW.  Yet, such women can also be found by doing exactly what you say not to do.  In fact, there is proof in the form of happy marriages.

And Number 6 falls in the category of - know your woman and know yourself  before you marry.

Nevertheless, you write an interesting post, and please participate more here.  You may wish to introduce yourself in the Intro section.

[jb]

Demre,

I'd like to add my welcome note.

I am also married to an RW, (right at 6 years now), so I think I have the necessary experience to make a comment.  I agree with your methodology, I didn't use an agency either.  Instead, I met lots of Russians while working ex-pat there, one thing led to another and years later I'm married to a RW.

I do take exception to your advice to avoid Moscow and St Pietr.  If the Moscow ladies are too westernized for your taste, let me just mention, that westernization helps, not hinders, the adjustment and adaption process for the FSU woman.  A man will also run a better chance of finding in Moscow, or St Pete, a woman to his taste that already has decent English skills, which, IMHO, is a big step in the right direction.   Of course, there are also the two respective universities, with MSU being the science center and Pietr being the place for the arts.  Any man who snags a woman with an education from either university has found the golden fleece.  These are the real gems of Russia.

I also studied Russian, courses with books, but after 6 years with a wife who speaks fluent English, I find myself using it less and less.  Although, I do sometimes find it handy when I'm looking for the keys to get out of the doghouse.

I'm curious as to why you rule out Ukrainian women since there are many ethnic Russians still living in that region.  I suspect you'll find little traction for that idea around here.

[Turboguy]

I am with Gator on this one.   I will even go further.   I can agree with the points of agreement Gator cited and will go along with avoiding Moscow and St Petersberg women although there are exceptions. 

I sorta feel sorry for the guy who delays his trips and spends a few years getting fluent in Russian then goes and meets his dream gal who happens to be fluent in English.

For most of us moving to the FSU would give us very little chance for a life that she may be happy with.   I used to joke with my first fiancee that if we could not get a visa I would move there and could choose between being a ditch digger and a street sweeper.   Yes if your profession gave you opportunities that were in great demand in the FSU that could be another situation and some do fall into that category.   I don't have a bit of desire to live in the FSU but if that was what I had to do to be with my woman that is what I would do.