HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP !!!

[thehonestguy]

My FSU is a check out girl in a local supermarket in a good month she gets 8000-9000 rubles a month working hours are 12 hours 3 days on 2 days off or sometimes 2 days on and 2 days off AS FOR ME "HOME ALONE" WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE MARRIED TO A WOMAN LIKE THIS ? SOMETIMES SHE CAN BE HARD AND LIKES TO BE A CONTROL FREAK !! 7 YEARS I HAVE BEEN IN THIS CATCH 22 SITUATION I AM SOFT AS CHEESE TO THIS WOMAN AND YET I AM BEGINNING TO FREAK OUT MYSELF AS I AM A BRIT FROM LONDON !!!

I ask you this question if someone like this woman takes your annual pension away from you because she thinks I am a Russian bloke and taking this sort of BS from her rvrwind knows this and told me many times when he was here now back in good old Canada "she is the wrong woman for you" so. your good honest advice people I am wishing to return back to dear old England as I have family there.

I AM NOT A VERY HAPPY CAMPER BOYS AND GIRLS !!! I DONT HAVE MANY VICES LIKE DRINIKING OR SMOKING I AM A ENGLISH GENT AND AN EX-SERVICEMAN THIS RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE A PRISON SERVICE AND I WANT OUT, BUT NO MONEY SHE HAS IT ALL AND YES, I AM REALLY SCARED OF HER !!!  SORRY PEOPLE, ALL I WANT IN LIFE IS PEACE AND QUIET NOT ALLOT TO ASK FOR IS IT ???

This is why I ask maybe some experts on this subject and yes I have contacted the British Embassy in Moscow all they said was: WE DON`T DEAL IN DOMESTIC PROBLEMS BUT YOU COULD GO TO YOUR LOCAL REGISTRATION OFFICE AND FILE FOR A DIVORCE " HENCE THE CATCH 22 SCENARIO this is the absolute truth people and that is why I AM "THEHONESTGUY"

Thank you for your time and hopefully your understanding. I am not a person who likes confrontations with anyone !!! I AM JUST AN ORDINARY PERSONAL PENSIONER  HERE IN TVER !!! and a human being !!!
Best wishes to you all,
thehonestguy.          ???
 p.s some good friendly advice would not go amiss !!!

[Turboguy]

Let me see if I understand the problem correctly.

You are both living in Russia.
You are receiving a pension but she is taking the money.
She makes roughly $ 300.00 a month working in a supermarket which I assume she also takes.
She is controlling, you are unhappy and want to go back to England and get a divorce.   
You have no money to get back to England?

Do you have family or friends back in the UK who can help?   Did she steal you passport to keep you prisoner?  Myonly advice now is to squirl away some money until you have enough for airfare, fly back, change the address on your pension so you receive the money and start your life over.

[Shadow]

Well how did you wind up in Tver in the first place...
And what is wrong with being alone for 12 hours in a day ? Get a hobby, or get a job as well...

[Bruce]

Get off your arse and do something about it.  Be a man.

[thehonestguy]

RIGHT !!!!
GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT HMMM !!!very well for you to say this for you are not in this position so, my answers are simply this:
1: no she has not got my passport
2: the money is in her bank account
3; I came here because my 2nd late wife died seven years ago and I met this woman on the internet all very true I must add
4:MY HOBBY IS THAT I AM A MUSICIAN AND COMPOSER
5: I GO FOR WALKS WHEN IT IS NOT FREEZING
5: I DO THE COOKING & CLEANING IN THIS "BOX" OF A ROOM
: I AM A QUIET PERSON
7: AN EX-SERVICEMAN [ 6 FOOT 3 INS TALL EX-GRENADIER GUARDSMAN 1966-1972]
 8:  I HAVE A VERY GOOD BRITISH SENSE OF HUMOUR [YOU NEED ONE TO LIVE IN RUSSIA]
9: YES, I HAVE FAMILY IN ENGLAND AND I HAVE NOT BEEN IN TOUCH WITH THEM SINCE I CAME HERE BACK IN 2000 [ LONG STORY]
10: MY OTHER ANSWER IS " I CALL THIS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL]
11: LIKE I SAID I DON`T DRINK STUPID VODKA NOR DO I SMOKE]
13: YES, I DO STAND MY GROUND WHEN WE HAVE BIG ARGUMENTS THIS CAUSES  STRESS IN A RELATIONSHIP
14: I DO HAVE JUST ONE GOOD RUSSIAN FRIEND WHO SPEAKS FLUENT ENGLISH  AND YES, HE UNDERSTANDS MY SITUATION AND HAS HIGH RESPECT FOR ME AS AN ENGLISHMAN
15: I WAS TOLD WHEN THIS HAPPENED EVERY TIME I GET MY ANNUAL PERSONAL PENSION EVERY OCTOBER VIA WIRE TRANSFER TO MY EURO ACCOUNT IN CAZPROMBANK HERE IN TVER THAT I DRAW IT OUT AND HAD THREATS FROM HER AS IT IS CUSTOM FOR A RUSSIAN HUSBAND TO GIVE MONEY OVER TO THE WIFE !! BUT, THE THING IS SHE DOES NOT TRUST ME IF I WISH TO SPEND SOME OF THIS MONEY AS IT HAS TO LAST ONE YEAR [ ABOUT 3-4000 RUBLES A MONTH ]
16: IT IS A DIFFICULT SITUATION I CAN TELL YOU SHE HAS A 28 Y/O DAUGHTER IN L.A AND SHE CAME HERE LAST WINTER AND SHE TOLD ME THAT HER MOM CAN BE VERY HARD SOMETIMES [ AND HOW ]
17: SVETA`S MOM LIVES IN HER DACHA SHE IS 76 Y/O AND SHE NEED HER DAUGHTER`S HELP EVERY TIME SVETA HAS HER TWO DAYS OFF AND I GO THERE  WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT AND NO I AM NOT A RUSSIAN HUSBAND I AM A BRIT

My days are different not the same as I take this in my stride the BRITISH STIFF UPPER LIP  so to speak. Ayway, it is now the stupid time of year and I miss my family back in England o.k I have grown up son and daughter my daughter is a mom and I am a Grandfather and like I told you it is a long story as too how I came here after the dath of my late wife [ she was 50 y/o and had diabetes and I looked after her for 9 years to the very end and I was holding her hand when she passed away ] got it  ?

I am only a human being like every one else in thsi STUPID WORLD OF OURS AND I KNOW THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE WORSE OFF THAN MYSELF BUT, WHEN SUCH matters effect you personally one cannot help the fact and I ask myself [ why me] has to suffer like this and rvrwind told me this a long time ago [ she does not care a sh*t about you and she does not love me and I am speaking the truth here .

I have just one tiny ace card upp my sleeve, some of this money I had was used for investments and I have some assets in reserve so not all is lost all I need is simpe and pure perfect timing and I will simply dissapear into thin air [ thank God for my ARMY training ] I did it once to look after myself and I can do it again .

Thank you all for you suggestions however, I have [ AUTONONOMY ] and NO ONE NOT EVEN THIS WOMAN CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO IN MY LIFE SHE KNOWS THIS AND THE IRONiC THING IS [ I know she does not want to lose me for what I am in a man I am honest I have integrity and I am full of love an affection and least of all I am a a very kind person and have average intellegence and human psychology too what is right and what is wrong. Like I told you I TAKE EVERY DAY ONE DAY AT A TIME and that is what life is all about. Thank you all for being ordainary human beings
all lthe best to you all .
thehonestguy   [ it is not the end of the world but NO ONE KNOWS ON THIS PLANET TOO WHAT IS AROUND THE CORNER ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN ]

  "IF I DIED SUDDENLY IN MY SLEEP, I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST MAN ALIVE"
   Think about that one !!!  see yer !!!!       

[Photo Guy]

Before you kill yourself, I think you should make some short term goals and be diligent
about achieving them. Take one step at a time. Make a list of the most important
changes that you require, that you need. ie Start with your bank accounts.
If she doesn't agree to your terms and that makes you SO unhappy, then make
short term goals to leave her and return to England. Change your situation or
quit whining.

PS  you wrote:'...rvrwind told me this a long time ago [ she does not care a sh*t about you and she does not love me and I am speaking the truth here .'

That might be the bottom line here.  :hairraising:You moved to Russia to be with a woman who doesn't love you!?!

[LiveFromUkraine]

This has got to be a joke or a troll. 

The more I read these forums the more I am amazed at what is out there.


I am not sure what this person is asking or what advice he is wanting.  Pretty much stand up and be a man.  Stop giving her your money. If you want to leave than pack your stuff and leave.  What is the problem?



Thomas

[Daveman]

Well, one thing is for sure - there's a million rubles to be made from this story on reality TV.

Why would you have moved to a foreign country, to be with a woman a reputable Agency owner told you flat out doesn't love you?  Why would you do this? Was your job in the military to ring the bell in the tower? You are such a hideous creature you could not possibly get any other women who might actually care about you?  Your story just completely blew apart my "WTF" detector. It really boggles the mind.

Okay, let's look at the other angle... If you get paid once a year, and you must live on your money for the entire year. 5,000 rubles converts to just over $200USD per month...  Of course she doesn't want you to throw money away..  you don't have extra to throw!  What does she make at her 12 hour job? Maybe $300 per month or so in Tver?  I'm not knocking what you guys have.. but it DOES seem like you need to watch finances very closely.

You're an artist type (musician/composer).. which are notorious "live for today and blow everything" types. Is this you?  Sounds to me like she's doing exactly what she should be doing by keeping the finances in order and perhaps out of the hands of someone who might view reality a little differently.. but of course we don't know the whole situation.

I'm having a tough time believing this is serious... but, astonishingly, I've been surprised before.  Okay, here's my advice.. push her down on the couch and lick her until she SCREAMS... at the very least, your living arrangement should vastly improve.

Dave

[Yozhik]

My BS alarm is ringing!

If it is true though, I have the perfect plan. Wait until she is asleep. Sneak out of bed, find her handbag and take your balls out of it. Once you have those back the rest should come naturally!

Yozhik

[Turboguy]

  "IF I DIED SUDDENLY IN MY SLEEP, I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST MAN ALIVE"
   Think about that one !!!  see yer !!!!       

Humm, looking for suggestions to make you happy.   Is your apartment on a high floor in your building?

I have been thinking troll from the start but even if it were not this guy is sitting around doing nothing productive and complaining as his wife works 12 hours most days to support them both.  I have to agree with everyone else.   If you are that miserable take control of your life and fix the problem.

[groovlstk]

7: AN EX-SERVICEMAN [ 6 FOOT 3 INS TALL EX-GRENADIER GUARDSMAN 1966-1972]

Maybe this guy is a troll (he's too illiterate to be British!), but one mistake I see guys making again and again is in the "be a man" category.

So many times guys arrive here, completely p*ssywhipped, and when they're called on it they cite their years spent in Special Forces, their Golden Gloves trophies, combat scars, etc. as proof of their manhood.

The sad fact is that being a man among men is no indication that you can be a man among women. I know a lot of insanely fearless guys from my hockey days who would turn into Little Lord Fauntleroy in the presence of a beautiful woman.

[Gator]

He did use Rvrwind's name and that adds some credence.

This man perhaps had all his faculties when he first came to Russia.  I assume he has been there for a while, perhaps years.  Years of being hammered by a domineering wife, years with nothing to do, and years cramped in a one room apartment have atrophied his brains.

Honestguy,
What do you want?  If you want out , I am sure you could find enough money to catch a cheap train to England.  If you want a loving wife, I fear you selected the wrong woman.  If you want to tease us, you seem to be succeeding.

[Jumper]

If , its is as bad for you as you say it is..
that you'd rather be dead , than in your current life.


absolutely  anything would be better..
so why is it so hard to change things?

what can she do if you just left?
or if you KEPT your pension ?

if she killed you (extreemly unlikely)
 it wouldnt be a fate worse than you have already? right?
(at least by your words)

so what the harm in trying either?


it's incredibly hard to believe you can be so unhappy, and not do something about it,
shes only a person.

there is no key locking you in the flat?

have you learned russian while there so long?

is there no work to be had to help your situation?

your family won't send you some money to get out of the situation and back to UK?


Honest guy, you honestly leave way too much out of a story, riddled with emotion, for anyone to offer any real advice..


If richard saw your situation and gave you advice long ago about it,
why wait until now tyo ask here?

and if asking us..
my life is terrible what should i do?

dont expect a different answer than:

well change it!

it's understood that it might be very difficult to change,
but if the alternative is being miserable, then flippin tel lher how you feel and change something..

one person can only ruin your life, if YOU let them..
she isnt the police or have any official control over you..

You've had some rough times,, people are compassionate here ,,

but for gawd sakes man stop whining,,


i've been reading these boards foer 6 or 7 years,,and almost in every case thats as miserable  as this -
it's always the bloody brits.

you say its a long story about your family..
well swallow your pride and contact them.

 Ask your family for some help and support,
tell this woman that doesnt love you, and you dont love her,
 to bugger off, and get on with your life.
or resign yourself with that still upper lip,, to the life you have.


Its a rough season for a lot of people, and i can imagine if you're homesick and feeling that the woman you relocated for, is way way wrong for you 

I hope this isnt a true story,but if it is,
 i wish you some courage and confidence to get your life back into some form of happiness.


Good luck.



 


ps: i'm the only bloke  here that usually types like i'm drunk..
stop stepping ion my turf.

[BillyB]

Honest guy, maybe you could PM Richard to relay your story a little better. Too bad you weren't born a woman and living in America. Your spouse not letting you have access to family finances is grounds for abuse and your husband would be criticized by most people here. Be a man and get involved in the control of the family finances for your sake but be prepared when your wife screams "control freak!"

[Makkin]

   Hmmm...Z I W is that you? I can almost get the whole text in my sleep and feel I'm close on this one...lol

Makkin

[Bruce]

Pretty simple for you:  Use your reserve, get out of the country, get the pension going to your account, divorce the bitch from abroad and move to a nice sunny retirement place.  Have a nice life.

[Jet]

Have to agree with the unanimous majority here!
You don't like confrontation, too bad. Either you walk away without 3/4 of this past payment (think of it as a "no balls" fee) or you confront. My guess is that if she is as you describe, she might actually breathe a huge sigh of relief that you actually are still a living breathing MAN, and you might even be pleasantly surprised at the result. My guess is, you put her in the position of running the house with your non confrontational atttitude. This is a position she did not want, but somebody had to do it because you weren't. If you were to step up and take the reigns back (no matter how much inner turmoil the thought of that causes you) she might protest a bit at first, but actually be glad to relinquish control.

If you just don't have the stomach for that, then by all means, use the reserve to run home to UK and don't worry a bit about the pension money you GAVE away.

[Turboguy]

I also vote for using your reserve to dump the wife.   What the heck, back in England you should be able to live like a king on your pension of a few hundred a month.   At least you won't have to put up with her controlling ways when she is not working 12 hours a day to feed and clothe you.  Go for it.

[KenC]

I don't know guys, I still think suicide is a viable option for this pathetic piece of sh!t.
KenC

[Turboguy]

Yes, Ken but the real problem is that he probably does not have a car and a garage, guns are not real common, the bridges are not very high and he probably shaves with a disposable razor.   I asked if his apartment was on a high floor but he did not answer.

[tim 360]

I see fog and a wooden bridge and beneath this bridge I see a troll.

[SANDRO43]

4:MY HOBBY IS THAT I AM A MUSICIAN AND COMPOSER
7: AN EX-SERVICEMAN [6 FOOT 3 INS TALL EX-GRENADIER GUARDSMAN 1966-1972]

Unusual combination. Maybe he served in the Grenadier Guards' band ?

[William3rd]

honestgrendahl, is that you?!?!?!?!

Had me fooled. . . . hehehehe

[jb]

Why do you guys bother?

[Rvrwind]

Hi Group...
Just got a mesage to check out this thread.
Yes I know this man & his wife & I have counceled him on several occaisions, however like a horse you can lead him to water but you can't make him drink.
Its a long story & I am headed out the door for Christmas with my family or part of it anyway, the best part still being in Tver.
If this thread is still going when I return in 3 days I'll relate my side & you can judge from there.