Wedding rings

[MaxxumUSA]

I've been reading this forum for a short while without registering until I came across this topic. Could someone please explain to me why is not wearing a wedding ring is an issue? I do understand that is it symbolic and (sometimes) is a work of art. I mean, if you wear it, good for you. But if you do not, why is it even an issue?

Kindly advise...

A few things george...

First of all in this particular instance beachcomber is having additional problems with his woman.  But put that aside and I will answer your question.

Wearing of a wedding ring is significant in that it is a token of love between husband and wife.  Even if no other people see it - it is a well known tradition and for most if it is not worn might mean that the couple are separating.

It is also an outward sign to the rest of the world that you are not available as a single person.

In this case it seems that he wants her to wear her ring.  This alone should warrant that she cares enough about him to wear the ring - to please him - even if she doesn't feel it's a big deal.  That's what marriage is about - making each other happy.

Yes - sometimes I forget to put my ring on after putting on hand lotion.  I might go a day without my ring.  But when my wife points out that I don't have it on I go get it and put it on.

So...  I ask you.  If you're married to a nice woman - would you want her to go out without her ring?  What about if she selectively wore it to certain places?  Like you said - it should not be an issue to wear it.

My wife has forgotten her ring only like once or twice since we have been together.  She wears it proudly.

Exception:  When she lived in Russia she did not wear the engagement ring (Big diamond) at all times.  She was worried about the safe keeping of the ring.

[Curious_George]

So...  I ask you.  If you're married to a nice woman - would you want her to go out without her ring?  What about if she selectively wore it to certain places?  Like you said - it should not be an issue to wear it.

I am a married woman (mind the zodiac sign in the profile). I certainly hope I am nice. I do love my husband.

I do not wear my wedding ring.  It is just a piece of jewelry and I tend to attach sentimental value to other things.  Just like I do not wear the same clothes for several years and update my wardrobe, I think it is not bad to update your jewelry as well. I wanted to buy a new ring a while ago but got turned off by a bad purchase a while ago and I am not looking to buy another one in the near future.

I do not think that my husband cares.  He never mentioned anything.  And it certainly did not affect our relationship. But we have been married for a long time and we are very close. 

To think about it, my mother never wore hers. And my dad lost his ring. And they have been happily married for over 30 years. Maybe, it runs in the family

[MaxxumUSA]

Curious,

Your situation is different.  Your husband doesn't care.  You two get along great.  So it's not an issue.

If your husband asked you to wear your ring because this was important to him, would you?

[Curious_George]

If your husband asked you to wear your ring because this was important to him, would you?

I will. But I will feel very very uneasy about this request.  I am free-willed and stubborn and I have certain idiosyncrasies as part of my genetic makeup If I compromise them, I really would not be me. I have no reason to believe that my husband wants to change me that much.

I erased the rest. I do not think we will find a "common denominator".

[beachcomber556]

Perhaps Curious George and my wife are cut from the same cloth, at least in this respect.  Just another piece of jewelry, nothing symbolic or important??  Curious indeed. 

[MaxxumUSA]

Curious,

Can you tell us a little more about yourself?  Maybe post in introductions?

Are you a russian woman?  How long have you been married?  What makes you curious about the RWD forums?

- Curious maxxum. 

[AnastassiaAsh]

Curious, well, if you don't wear your ring, maybe it is because you don't like it that much. Maybe he bought it for you just as a surprise and it turned out it wasn't your style or something. You decided not to make a problem out of it and then just stopped wearing it.

If you choose the ring yourself, the one that you would love for a looong time, how can you not wear it then...Maybe that's the problem.

I am glad it didn't affect your relationship. This is the most important thing. 

[Misha]

I will. But I will feel very very uneasy about this request.  I am free-willed and stubborn and I have certain idiosyncrasies as part of my genetic makeup If I compromise them, I really would not be me. I have no reason to believe that my husband wants to change me that much.

I erased the rest. I do not think we will find a "common denominator".

Maybe, but the wedding ring does play some functional roles. It is a symbolic and not-so-symbolic reminder that you are married both to you and others. When you are single and meet someone who you are interested in, what is the first thing you will do? I would automatically check for a wedding ring: left hand in Canada, right hand in Russia. If she had the ring, I would automatically know that she was not available for a relationship.

The reality is that the wedding ring lets others know of your marital status. If you do not have a wedding ring, you are less likely to be hit upon. There is the case, for example, of attractive young women working as servers in bars and such establishments that will take off their wedding rings at work. Why? They may not be looking for someone else, they probably would prefer to be left alone and not have a lot of young men flirting with them, but they know that these young men flirting with them will be MUCH more generous with their tips if they think she is single than if she was brandishing a wedding ring. Many servers will therefore take their rings off while working for the tips. Even if they will never fall for any of the clients, if she is without her wedding band, the male patrons will tip more to impress her and, because they think she is single, in the hopes that she will fall for them.  

[MaxxumUSA]

The reality is that the wedding ring lets others know of your marital status. If you do not have a wedding ring, you are less likely to be hit upon. There is the case, for example, of attractive young women working as servers in bars and such establishments that will take off their wedding rings at work. Why? They may not be looking for someone else, they probably would prefer to be left alone and not have a lot of young men flirting with them, but they know that these young men flirting with them will be MUCH more generous with their tips if they think she is single than if she was brandishing a wedding ring. Many servers will therefore take their rings off while working for the tips. Even if they will never fall for any of the clients, if she is without her wedding band, the male patrons will tip more to impress her and, because they think she is single, in the hopes that she will fall for them.  

And on another note:  I knew many single men that used to wear fake wedding rings because the AW around the bars were more likely to have sex with a married man than with a single man.  The used the ring to get laid.  Amazing how some women think.  I suppose the reasoning is that the women would know it is just a one night thing and will not need to worry about a relationship.

Sad but true.  Seen it happen.

[smartcat]

And on another note:  I knew many single men that used to wear fake wedding rings because the AW around the bars were more likely to have sex with a married man than with a single man.  The used the ring to get laid.  Amazing how some women think.  I suppose the reasoning is that the women would know it is just a one night thing and will not need to worry about a relationship.

Wow! Something absolutely new to hear about American "traditions". Here married men take their rings off ... with the same purpose.

[lindochka]

A scenario drawn from real life:

Two FSUW, same age, classmates at the same institute, living in the same town, married to brothers. One wears her wedding ring all the time, the other never. Which one, if either, is dissatisfied with her marriage?

[Jumper]

impossible riddle lindochka

while perhaps not wearning the ring a bit odd,
the one act of not wearng the ring ,does not mean a woman is unhappy in her marriage.


i think the advice you see in beachcombers case ,
is a bit  derived from a series of a such questions he has had .
so people are replying to more than the basic "
" Do RW usually wear thier wedding rings"


.

[lindochka]

It's not an impossible riddle. The lady who never wears her ring is the mother of five and has been happily married for more than twenty years to her first and only partner, a Russian Orthodox priest.

OTOH, the lady who always wears her ring has been "caught in the act" more than once by her husband, most recently less than a year ago. He's toughing it out for the sake of their young children; otherwise she'd have been in the street already.

I know there are other issues, AJ. I just wouldn't add wedding rings into the mix. Even if there are issues, wearing/not wearing a ring isn't necessarily significant.

Just sayin'.

[Jumper]

ahh lindochka, while i agree.


you bring up exceptions,
and we have a million examples of exceptions as well? 
Men working as electricians generally  will not wear one for example..

if a woman came here asking is it normal for her elctrician husband  not to?
the answer is - yes it is *normal*

This board deals in generalities..

and RW generally wear thiers.

I do agree its is just a ring ,and can mean very little in any one given circumstance.
( heck i dont wear mine when riding , as it makes a blood blister if i do)

but in general-  most people, in most cultures discussed here , wear them.
and generally,
 a Russian womans wedding ring is not considered insignificant with little meaning..

just like most questions here -
the poster has to take that generally accurate advise, then apply it to his own individual situation..?

 
 

[Gator]

Lindochka,

Shhhh!  You are destroying the fantasy hyped by marriage agencies that only the Russian men cheat, not the women. 

That agency hype has always seemed wrong considering that each man needs a partner with whom to cheat.   Unless all men are cheating with the same few women, some wives are participating too.

[lindochka]

and RW generally wear thiers.

AJ, while I've never been married to a lady from the FSU, I daresay I'm personally acquainted with, not to mention related to, a lot more of them than the typical poster at a board like this. Not only does your statement not match my observations over eight years of travel in the FSU, but it doesn't match the reality within my own family there. None of my aunts wore their rings, and if I hadn't seen them wearing their rings in their wedding photos I wouldn't have known that they even had them. Most of my other married female relatives don't wear theirs either, and neither do their friends. All of these ladies are very married!

Gator, shhh! Observation disturbs "reality," you know, and we can't have that!

[DKMM]

I too am worried about beachcomber's posts.  I see a lot of similarities in his situation and my recent one.

[beachcomber556]

Since each of us brings to our present relationship the sum total of our past experiences, we must realize and remember that our judgement may not always be objective.  Thanks to AnatassiaAsh in particular, and many others here in the RWD community, I have been doing a great deal of reading, soul searching and reflecting upon my current situation.  I suspect that paranoia rooted in and nourished by my own dark past has clouded my judgement.  Time will tell, but I along with each of you must be on-guard against self-fulfilling prophecy.  People are people, all over the world.  No one is perfect, and communications, especially across linguistic and cultural divides, must be tended to with great care.  No marriage can survive otherwise.  Vika is the light of my life and the center of my universe. Our finding each other and coming together was an entire series of true miracles.  I must remain vigilant in honoring this.