Diplomacy

[viking]

Diplomacy is being able to phrase statements in a non-confrontational or polite manner. It is being able to discuss issues, and bring opinions to the table without getting personal.

Many years ago, as a manager with American Express, I was working on a fairly complex issue. I sought the advice of my director. After discussing the problem, I went back to my office and decided his advice was wrong and went in a different direction. I got called on it and was brought into the VP office. My director was mad as hell because I did not listen to him or did as he wanted. Why didn’t I take his advice he wanted to know. As I explained myself, it became clear that his advice was wrong, and would have led to an expensive error and the lose of a big client.  I did take his advice under strong consideration, weighted the options, and made a decision. (Does some of this sound familiar??) The VP agreed with me. This guy was more concerned that I did not follow his lead than in being correct. In the end his negative attitude cost him his job.

In reading some threads here, it seems people can get really riled up simply because someone else feels their opinion is wrong, or off base, and things then go downhill because the author of the statement is upset that his words are not being considered the be all or end all of the subject at hand. So the question now becomes why get annoyed at some one else simply because they think you are wrong?

If I say “Mr XYZ, your opinion is wrong because 1, 2, 3 reasons” and he responds that I am wrong because of reasons 4,5,6 that does not make either of us a jerk or an a@@hole or anything else of the sort. Just 2 people with 2 different opinions. Being able to state your viewpoint without belittling another’s personal traits is a hallmark of a mature person. And we are all adults here.

So…can we have a little bit more diplomacy and a little less flame throwing?

Just my two cents, rubles, kopecks, dinars, yen, or any other currency you want to throw in

[SANDRO43]

Viking, I concur, and would add that some lightheartedness would also not be amiss: there are more serious issues in real life, and winning an argument on an Internet board should be very low on a person's to-do list, if there at all .

[Shadow]

Viking, I concur, and would add that some lightheartedness would also not be amiss: there are more serious issues in real life, and winning an argument on an Internet board should be very low on a person's to-do list, if there at all .

Sandro I think you are wrong you @##$%^#

[viking]

Shadow, didn't you really mean $$%^&*&**%!!^&  ???? 

[Jet]

Hey Viking, who the do you ing think you are? Why the are you ing picking on my little buddy Shadow? You ing er, you got some pair of ing You better just get the out of Shadows ing face and back the away, right ing now! got it ?

  TFF

[viking]

  I bad. Please send over 5 smoking hot RWs to effect punishment.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Jet, after that 'beautiful' speach you went down a lot in my eyes.  That's how bikers speak, I know.

[viking]

Anastassia

I think Jet is more a boater than a biker. He used to have an "Egg". Poor guy. I think the only fish he ever bought on the boat was the lox in his bagel. 

[Photo Guy]

The Norseman was wrong when he stated:
In reading some threads here, it seems people can get really riled up simply because someone else feels their opinion is wrong, or off base, and things then go downhill because the author of the statement is upset that his words are not being considered the be all or end all of the subject at hand. So the question now becomes why get annoyed at some one else simply because they think you are wrong?

Actually he's right, but there are many more posters who get riled up when belittling or abusive language is used. In my case, I hated being called 'delusional' or stupid, etc. Hey, if someone disagrees with me, that's fine. That doesn't bother me. Make a logical argument to support your case.
I think there's a tendency to hide behind a keyboard and say abusive things that you would NEVER say face to face. That's part of the challenge of keeping things civilized here.  ...and I admit that there were times when I overreacted too. I agree with Viking's idea about diplomacy. I can't imagine an argument against it.   -doug

[acrzybear]

Well since I'm the one with the big gun  I say all of you are wrong (except for AnastassiaAsh because she's an )

[Photo Guy]

I think you should bring back your animated avatar.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Well since I'm the one with the big gun  I say all of you are wrong (except for AnastassiaAsh because she's an )

Well, little cub, thank you very much! Nice to hear that. 

By the way now I know where you guys get all these cool smilies.

   

 

[Jet]

Jet, after that 'beautiful' speach you went down a lot in my eyes.  That's how bikers speak, I know.

You do understand I was only teasing Viking, I hope.

I once heard that a good test for perfect Russian grammar is that one could insert a curse word between every other word in the sentence, if it still makes sense, the grammar is correct 

[KenC]

Diplomacy is being able to phrase statements in a non-confrontational or polite manner. It is being able to discuss issues, and bring opinions to the table without getting personal.

Many years ago, as a manager with American Express, I was working on a fairly complex issue. I sought the advice of my director. After discussing the problem, I went back to my office and decided his advice was wrong and went in a different direction. I got called on it and was brought into the VP office. My director was mad as hell because I did not listen to him or did as he wanted. Why didn’t I take his advice he wanted to know. As I explained myself, it became clear that his advice was wrong, and would have led to an expensive error and the lose of a big client.  I did take his advice under strong consideration, weighted the options, and made a decision. (Does some of this sound familiar??) The VP agreed with me. This guy was more concerned that I did not follow his lead than in being correct. In the end his negative attitude cost him his job.

In reading some threads here, it seems people can get really riled up simply because someone else feels their opinion is wrong, or off base, and things then go downhill because the author of the statement is upset that his words are not being considered the be all or end all of the subject at hand. So the question now becomes why get annoyed at some one else simply because they think you are wrong?

If I say “Mr XYZ, your opinion is wrong because 1, 2, 3 reasons” and he responds that I am wrong because of reasons 4,5,6 that does not make either of us a jerk or an a@@hole or anything else of the sort. Just 2 people with 2 different opinions. Being able to state your viewpoint without belittling another’s personal traits is a hallmark of a mature person. And we are all adults here.

So…can we have a little bit more diplomacy and a little less flame throwing?

Just my two cents, rubles, kopecks, dinars, yen, or any other currency you want to throw in

Viking,
My recent experiences here prove to me that diplomacy alone does not always work.  Sometimes no matter how much sugar you put on your disagreement with some advice, it is unacceptable to them and things turn ugly.  One also has to be strong enough not to be pulled into the mud even when the diplomacy is ignored.  To me that is the hard part.
KenC

[AnastassiaAsh]

That must have been a very black humor, I absolutely hate swear words. I take this thread seriously... but I understand.

[KenC]

That must have been a very black humor, I absolutely hate swear words. I take this thread seriously... but I understand.

Anastassia,
I have to say that you do not fit my minds profile of RW.  You are waaaay too sweet, nice and yes, too diplomatic.  (Lily is another "freak" in this way.)  Of all the fsu women I know, or have met, there seems to be a common trait of directness to the point of being edgy.  Some go over the line and their directness becomes rudeness.  But you are a total sweetheart!  Are you sure you are Russian?
KenC

[SANDRO43]

Sandro I think you are wrong you @##$%^#

Go and have intercourse with a dike (supposing you can see one with those bottle-bottom glasses), you lowlander mutt, I'll unleash Christian the Spelling Scourge upon you, your brethren and descendant litters to the 5th generation (Proverbs 6:4=1.5) .

[AnastassiaAsh]

Hahaha! Well, you know I am only quarter Russian and told this story several times already. But in my heart yes, I am still that naive young Russian girl who is dreaming about this endless, beautiful, all conquering and all enduring love. 

But the point is that i am very honest, to the fault, and that can some times be expressed by me bluntly and simply. Maybe it shows more in real life. But for my husband it is like a breath of fresh air - no lies, no hints, no maybes, clear and to the point. 

[AnastassiaAsh]

Go and have intercourse with a dyke (supposing you can see one with those bottle-bottom glasses), you lowlander mutt, I'll unleash Christian the Spelling Scourge upon you, your brethren and descendant litters to the 5th generation (Proverbs 6:4=1.5) .

What?!  ???

[SANDRO43]

Finger check.

[KenC]

Go and have intercourse with a dike (supposing you can see one with those bottle-bottom glasses), you lowlander mutt, I'll unleash Christian the Spelling Scourge upon you, your brethren and descendant litters to the 5th generation (Proverbs 6:4=1.5) .

Sandro,
That has to be the funniest nasty post I have ever read!  Remind me never to piss you off, OK?
KenC

[BillyB]

But the point is that i am very honest, to the fault,

That is a trait my fiancee has. When in the FSU and she bought tickets to attractions, she always paid the out of country foreigner price for me instead of cheating. Of course it would be cheaper if she lied....but if I had a choice, I won't change her a bit. Ladies like you , Lily, and others that have come and gone on these forums are not as rare as some men think. They may be looking in all the wrong places to even see you. Most good women are at work or home taking care of family business and not out partying all the time. I have experienced good and bad RW and some men think contrary to what I believe but RW are not all the same. They can be very different even when living under the same social and economical conditions. They will not bend their morals for selfish gain in a system that favors the bad guys.

[KenC]

That is a trait my fiancee has. When in the FSU and she bought tickets to attractions, she always paid the out of country foreigner price for me instead of cheating. Of course it would be cheaper if she lied....but if I had a choice, I won't change her a bit. Ladies like you , Lily, and others that have come and gone on these forums are not as rare as some men think.

I can only assume that you are referring to my comment above singling out Anastassia and Lily as having rare qualites.  The "qualities" I sighted as "different form most RW" is their acting sweet, nice and diplomatic, nothing to do with honesty.

 

They may be looking in all the wrong places to even see you. Most good women are at work or home taking care of family business and not out partying all the time. I have experienced good and bad RW and some men think contrary to what I believe but RW are not all the same. They can be very different even when living under the same social and economical conditions. They will not bend their morals for selfish gain in a system that favors the bad guys.

Again, my singling out Anastassia and Lily were due to their personalities not morals and character.  The many fsu women I referred to with direct personalities was not a comment regarding their morals as you seem to be saying here.
KenC

[AnastassiaAsh]

KenC, I don't think BillyB was trying to disagree with you here. He just showed his point of view on some things that may or may not be connected with character or morals. In my mind it is all intertwined any way. But I would say that it is still pretty hard to find a truly honest Russian Woman.

[KenC]

KenC, I don't think BillyB was trying to disagree with you here. He just showed his point of view on some things that may or may not be connected with character or morals. In my mind it is all intertwined any way. But I would say that it is still pretty hard to find a truly honest Russian Woman.

Anastassia,
Not trying to start anything here, honestly.  When Billy made this part of his post:

Ladies like you , Lily, and others that have come and gone on these forums are not as rare as some men think. They may be looking in all the wrong places to even see you.

I took it as a reference to mine about you and Lily being so nice and diplomatic. He was cross referencing what  said about niceness and diplomatic women to your comment about honesty.  I  just do not think honesty is exclusive to "diplomatic" RW as a more agressive RW can also be honest too.  It was a little fuzzy to me in Billy's post and I was trying to clarify.  I think diplomatic RW are harder to find than honest ones.
KenC