KenC's T/R 10 years late

[KenC]

well why not to ask questions now , otherwise we will forget what we wanted to ask him  and it will be a pity .

Jazzy,
Feel free to ask.
KenC

[Serebro]

Lena only received two other calls!  And neither of them called back. 
KenC

KEN!!!I didn't know you were that naive...
But I agree with Gator, tell us the rest, I promise not to interfere before you finish.
Jazzyclassy

well why not to ask questions now , otherwise we will forget what we wanted to ask

Jazzy, write them down, we will ask them later

[AnastassiaAsh]

Awesome thread, KenC! Do you have any pictures of you and Lena back then during your first trip? That would be cool to see. 

[KenC]

KEN!!!I didn't know you were that naive...
But I agree with Gator, tell us the rest, I promise not to interfere before you finish.
JazzyclassyJazzy, write them down, we will ask them later

Serebro,
Ask your questions now as this is all I will post of the story until tomorrow.  I would rather handle the questions and comments in between segments.

And yes, I was very naive about certain things then.  But not all things.
KenC

[KenC]

Awesome thread, KenC! Do you have any pictures of you and Lena back then during your first trip? That would be cool to see. 

Thanks Anastassia,
I will look for the old photos and try to scan them in.
KenC

[Jazzyclassy]

So it happens that she fell at your feet at the end of the first date? But she could not be loving you already , could she?

When was the first time you realised that it is only her who has captured your heart and you can not search for any other woman? Why no other woman attracted you , why you did not want to contact the other women in Tver of your age?

It flattered you so much that a young beautiful woman is giving her attention?Were you really thinking that she was honest and sincere with you , have not you got the doubts about her life with you for example?

What does your Lena do at the moment in her life, studying , working or whatever?

and yes how your kids accepted her into the family

[KenC]

So it happens that she fell at your feet at the end of the first date? But she could not be loving you already , could she?

One kiss is hardly "falling at my feet" now is it?  And no mention of love yet, Jazzy.

When was the first time you realised that it is only her who has captured your heart and you can not search for any other woman? Why no other woman attracted you , why you did not want to contact the other women in Tver of your age?

Patience, patience Jazzy, there is much more to come.     I have said this before, LTP had very few women in their 30's at this time.  Maybe 4 or 5 total.  And none in their 40's/

It flattered you so much that a young beautiful woman is giving her attention?Were you really thinking that she was honest and sincere with you , have not you got the doubts about her life with you for example?

  Lena has never given me reason to doubt her sincerity then or now.

What does your Lena do at the moment in her life, studying , working or whatever?

and yes how your kids accepted her into the family

Lena is currently studying at the university and regularly makes the dean's list.  She will finish her degree here in about a year.  The rest you have to wait for.
KenC

[Bluebell]

KenC, looking at the pictures of your beautiful wife, I have no questions for you, just enjoy reading your trip report. Knowing that you have been together for over 8 years, I have no questions either for Lena.

[AnastassiaAsh]

I also actually have more questions to Lena herself. Maybe she would start another thready "How she met KenC", that would be so much fun! 

The only thing that really peaks my interest is of course your age difference. KenC, you are a man of great both personal and professional traits, but this is the only thing that you cannot change. I was just wondering what Lena's thinking was at that time. You said she talked or met with even older guys than you. I know that mother's opinion always matters in a lady's life, so probably her mom was ok with that or maybe that originated from her. Do you know their thinking?

And another very hypothetical question. If (God forbid) something happens to you, she will be facing the situation of marrying again or not. And if yes, would she change anything in her search: opinions, tastes, especially now that she has lived here for a long time and some things in life and in people are granted. Would she pick men in this more reasonable range of 5-7 years older than her or would she still prefer men much older than her? Are there any things or mistakes that she did back then during her search that she wouldn't want to make again?

I can tell you that I for sure will never ever love anybody blindly as I loved Lance. I closed my eyes completely on his sickness, and it lead me into the most wonderful relationship I could ever imagine but the price of it was 'hell' and 'pure misery' that I would not wish to my enemies . My 'unconditional love' and naivete turned out against me and as many say 'bit me on my but'. I will never ever regret though anything that i did, but you know, honestly, I will never be able to do it again.

When I started searching again I paid attention to everything in a man, everything was very important. I decided to do it with more 'brains' than just emotions...

[groovlstk]

This is great stuff, Ken. I'm really enjoying reading it, doesn't matter a bit if it was 10 years ago or yesterday.

[myrddin]

I can tell you that I for sure will never ever love anybody blindly as I loved Lance. I closed my eyes completely on his sickness, and it lead me into the most wonderful relationship I could ever imagine but the price of it was 'hell' and 'pure misery' that I would not wish to my enemies . My 'unconditional love' and naivete turned out against me and as many say 'bit me on my but'. I will never ever regret though anything that i did, but you know, honestly, I will never be able to do it again.

When I started searching again I paid attention to everything in a man, everything was very important. I decided to do it with more 'brains' than just emotions...

Wow.  Thank you for sharing, Anastassia.  This is profound stuff - something I've seen a lot of professional writers strive for and fail to attain: simple truth presented with openness and honesty.

[myrddin]

Keep it up, Ken, please!  And nice dramatic pacing - can't wait for more

[pitbull]

  Lena has never given me reason to doubt her sincerity then or now.Lena is currently studying at the university and regularly makes the dean's list.  She will finish her degree here in about a year.  The rest you have to wait for.
KenC

Ken,

If this question is not too personal - what degree is Lena studying for? Masters? Bachelors? Else? And what will her degree be in?

Thanks!!

[KenC]

I also actually have more questions to Lena herself. Maybe she would start another thready "How she met KenC", that would be so much fun! 

The only thing that really peaks my interest is of course your age difference. KenC, you are a man of great both personal and professional traits, but this is the only thing that you cannot change. I was just wondering what Lena's thinking was at that time. You said she talked or met with even older guys than you. I know that mother's opinion always matters in a lady's life, so probably her mom was ok with that or maybe that originated from her. Do you know their thinking?

I was always much more concerned about our age difference than Lena was.  When asked, and I did many times, she always replied that it didn't matter.  Her Mom and Dad have always been very supportive of our relationship too.

And another very hypothetical question. If (God forbid) something happens to you, she will be facing the situation of marrying again or not. And if yes, would she change anything in her search: opinions, tastes, especially now that she has lived here for a long time and some things in life and in people are granted. Would she pick men in this more reasonable range of 5-7 years older than her or would she still prefer men much older than her? Are there any things or mistakes that she did back then during her search that she wouldn't want to make again?

Lena is a very cerebral person, not a visual one.  She is all about what is on the inside of people.  IMO she would be attracted to a man with a good brain, character, personality and morals.  Last on her list would be age.  She is usually turned off by guys her own age because she doesn't consider them serious.  Lena has also recommended to my daughter that she sould seek an older guy than she has dated.

I can tell you that I for sure will never ever love anybody blindly as I loved Lance. I closed my eyes completely on his sickness, and it lead me into the most wonderful relationship I could ever imagine but the price of it was 'hell' and 'pure misery' that I would not wish to my enemies . My 'unconditional love' and naivete turned out against me and as many say 'bit me on my but'. I will never ever regret though anything that i did, but you know, honestly, I will never be able to do it again.

When I started searching again I paid attention to everything in a man, everything was very important. I decided to do it with more 'brains' than just emotions...

I agree that this is a powerful statement.  My stance before meeting Lena was that I would only marry again if everything was perfect!  I know that "everything" isn't "perfect" with Lena and I, but in reality it is much closer to perfection than I ever thought possible.
KenC

[catzenmouse]

Most enjoyable thread Ken. I too agree that it would be very interesting and informative to have the LenaC version of this same time period as that is the perspective that we male types seldom ever get to hear about.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to put this out for us.

Ken

[KenC]

Ken,

If this question is not too personal - what degree is Lena studying for? Masters? Bachelors? Else? And what will her degree be in?

Thanks!!

pitbull,
Lena studies psychology in Russia but left one year short of her degree.  Now she is a Communications major and should have her bachelor's in about a year.  Her professors are already trying to convince her to go beyond a bachelor's degree (which I agree)
KenC

[KenC]

Most enjoyable thread Ken. I too agree that it would be very interesting and informative to have the LenaC version of this same time period as that is the perspective that we male types seldom ever get to hear about.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to put this out for us.

Ken

I litterally just asked Lena what she thought about our age difference then.  Her answer was "I didn't think about it at all.  It was not a concern."  She also said her Mom never brought it up.
KenC

[catzenmouse]

I wasn't think of anything age related. More of the thoughts going through her mind about your phone conversations, about your trip to meet her, about your meetings, that sort of thing. Just all the things that we guys talk or think about during our trips but from her side of the equation.

[Daveman]

Fantastic thread KenC.. it's really cool to know your story.. Thanks! Looking forward to following segments!

Dave

[KenC]

I wasn't think of anything age related. More of the thoughts going through her mind about your phone conversations, about your trip to meet her, about your meetings, that sort of thing. Just all the things that we guys talk or think about during our trips but from her side of the equation.

catz,
Lena  and I have had many a conversation regarding this.  Neither of us put much thought into the long term ramifications of a future romantic relationship.  We just liked to talk to each other.  As I said, we didn't ever get into anything romantic over the phone.  But we discussed it and agreed that anything along the romantic vein would have to come when we met face to face.  It was like just let nature take it's course.  Bare in mind that neither of us had a burning desire to get married or in her case even relocate.
KenC

[KenC]

My flat
I went to Russia with a very open mind.  I went with little or no preconceived ideas of what to expect regarding the living conditions or prices of flat rentals.  My flat was like something out of the 40’s here in America.  An apartment sized gas stove and a fridge that looked like the one in my Grandma’s basement.  You know the kind with a frosty icebox on top and the rounded corners on the top?  A very small kitchen with a sink and stove on one wall and the fridge and small table on the other.  There were minimal cooking utensils and maybe a pan or two with hardly enough silverware to accommodate a dinner for two.

There was only one other room not counting the bathroom.  There was a sofa bed thingy pulled out, (the most uncomfortable f**cking thing I ever slept on) another table, a TV that didn’t hardly work, a piano and some empty book shelves.  There was a door way that was covered with plywood that led to God knows where and the bathroom.  The bathroom was small with an old tub and the shower hose thingy that they all seem to use in Russia.  An antique toilet with a pedestal sink and a small mirror completed the grand tour.  In short, it was a dump that I had paid a premium price for the honor of living there while in Tver. 

And it was hot as hell in the flat.  I checked the radiator to see if there was an adjustment, nada.  Looked for a thermostat, nada.  It must have been 100 friggen degrees in my flat.  I slept almost naked (on the uncomfortable bed) and still roasted.  I would wait until just before I left the flat to take my shower so I would not smell like a pig from my own sweat.  Later in the trip, Yelena was in my flat and asked me if I thought it was hot.  I looked at her dumb founded and answered, “of course but I cannot understand how to turn it down.”  She walked over to the windows and showed me a series of small windows, maybe 18” tall and 12” wide.  She explained that I could control the heat by opening these small windows and allowing the heat to escape.  DOOH! :selfharm:

In spite of the bed from hell and the sweltering heat, I collapsed into a coma like sleep until morning.

LTP office and employees
Fortunately I did have enough sense to bring some freeze dried instant coffee and powdered Creamora so I had a semi decent cup of coffee in the morning.  When I informed Lena that I was coming to Tver to meet her, she cautioned me that she had her university exams happening at that time and that she would not be available every day to be with me.  Today was one of those days.  The LTP driver, Slava, picked me up at my flat and took me to the LTP offices.
The offices consisted of one large room with desks arranged around the perimeter.  There were maybe 6 young women in the room with the “Queen Bee” (Nadya) the office manager a bit older.  I introduced myself to her and quickly met Mac Dayton an American that was also semi in charge.  Reading between the lines later, there was constant tension between Nadya and Marc as to who exactly was in charge.

Marc spent most of his time in the back “video room” where the interview videos were shot.  He had American movie videos running nonstop on a small TV there.  Marc was nice enough, a little rough around the edges, but an OK guy.  I spent time BSing and smoking with him when I was in the office.  As we were drinking coffee and chatting, one of the terps came in to tell Marc that Marina was on her way into the office to meet me.  Huh?  How did she know I was here?  Well, later I found out that the terps regularly alert their friends when there was a decent guy in the office.  I guess I passed the “terp test.”

Marina was the oldest woman I was scheduled to meet at 36.  As I have said many times before there were very few women listed with LTP over the age of 30 at that time.  Marc informed me that I should be impressed that Marina left her job to come meet me as she was another very picky woman listed with them.  We had a pleasant meeting with just a little small talk as I was really not prepared for this meeting.  It ended with our agreement to meet again.

I was really ambivalent about meeting other women, but Marc insisted I follow through.  And as I was not so sure that Lena and I had a romantic future any way….. I decided to go forward with it.  What the hell, I was a bachelor, unspoken for in a foreign country; why not meet some single ladies?  Right?
next: Meeting the ladies

[Jazzyclassy]

But you see KenC , you were just lucky  to meet a person who has no limits in age, so it was kinda maybe natural for you both , as you also know no limits in age.

Though some people are really worried about it not like that much but it does matter a lot to them. And I think those people whom it worries they simply just never can possibly fall in love with an older person. Or have anything romantic with them. I also like to talk with older people and with our professors at Uni and  just people at work , I had such a great communication with our chief accountant he was a man of 60 , (unfortunately he died 25 of dec 2007),but in my view they are my friends my so to say teachers, I treat to them like I treat to my father or grandpa and they do see a little girl in me not a hot woman or some lady vampire one thankfully hahahah that would be mental ahhahah if they thought something of this kind

Yeah I enjoy your trip report KenC and look forward to reading how you met other women and why you turned them down

[Lily]

But you see KenC , you were just lucky  to meet a person who has no limits in age, so it was kinda maybe natural for you both , as you also know no limits in age.
 

I'd second Jazzy in the thought that KenC has been exceptionally lucky, just as Maxxum and may be a few other people. He meet a woman of his interest and she at least granted him a personal time.

It might be well the sad case when people enjoy weeks of extensive correspondence, agree to visit, get a visa and... disappear. Subsequent weeks of phone calls, emails, etc attempts of contact just to know what happened would not bring any clarity.  That sort of frustrating experience seems to be rather often..

[timothe]

I'd second Jazzy in the thought that KenC has been exceptionally lucky, just as Maxxum and may be a few other people. He meet a woman of his interest and she at least granted him a personal time.

It might be well the sad case when people enjoy weeks of extensive correspondence, agree to visit, get a visa and... disappear. Subsequent weeks of phone calls, emails, etc attempts of contact just to know what happened would not bring any clarity.  That sort of frustrating experience seems to be rather often..

An excellent point, Lily!!!  And it doesn't get mentioned here often. 

There are two ultimate risks for the men involved in this process. 

The first risk is that they meet someone who just wants to get out.  She acts her way into getting the guy to apply for the Visa, then plans her escape once she is in the new country.

The second risk is that they meet someone who really wants love and marriage, but can't completely commit to the man who is wooing her.  Often times, the woman is chastised by the family and friends if she lets the guy get away.  But at the same time, she may not love him.  Time will often will expose these relationships for what they are, but not before considerable expense, time, and heartache.

It's all a roll of the dice, really.  There's only so much a man can do before getting on the plane to weed out those that aren't suitable.  It's obvious that the way Ken did it was to find compatibility on other levels prior to the first visit with Lena.  Judging by his ultimate success, it seems like the right approach. 

I look forward to the rest of the story.   

[Serebro]

But you see KenC , you were just lucky  to meet a person who has no limits in age...I also like to talk with older people and with our professors at Uni and  just people at work , I had such a great communication with our chief accountant he was a man of 60 , (unfortunately he died 25 of dec 2007),but .. I treat to them like I treat to my father or grandpa

that's a really good post, Jazzy, it made me cry..
 

they do see a little girl in me not a hot woman or some lady vampire one thankfully hahahah that would be mental ahhahah if they thought something of this kind

I am sure that some of these "grandpas" do, but they are sober and they realize that Jazzy is too good for them, so they join their "babushkas".