Turboguy's K1 Ordeal

[Sonar]

OK, I need to take care of some other things. Don't have the time to sit here and defend myself all afternoon.

The door is open to all of the self righteous here to get in their jabs.

Thank you, The 7 day guy. (I like that better than The 7 day wonder).

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="darkred"]Sonar,
I'm sorry if you feel like you are being condemned. Believe me,
I know the feeling. I applaud you for being open about such personal matters.

What should we learn from your story?

There's the dichotomy of knowing her for three years versus the 7 days in your home town. There's her lying. It's sort of like a bridge being built from both ends toward the middle, but the steel is ...weak.

I think you definitely need to know the woman better, before she comes over. And she probably needs to know you better too. Perceiving the reality of the inner world of your potential partner may require many days of face time. I think that depends on how perceptive you are. I'm not saying a person has to be a rocket scientist or a mind-reading genius like me <joke>, but I think it's a matter of focus and concentration. All of the signs and flags are there in the beginning. Take a really close look at her and know what you want in a partner.[/color][/size]

[Sonar]

Sonar, mate I suspect you've never seen the British Film 'Kes' made in the 70's and a gritty Northern kitchen-sink drama.....

One famous scene at the school - a round of smokers are queueing up to be caned by the headmaster for being caught in possession cigarettes....

One kid is only there to give the headmaster a note and despite pleading his innocence he ends getting well caned too!

That kid is you mate! Came to help, add a bit of assistance, ends up getting pilloried!

Sorry, great movie tho!

Ste

HaHa. Don't give a damn about some stupid movie, mate.

By the way,  I don't know anything about your situation. Care to reveal something?

I'm sure that I can also find a movie that would match you just fine.
[/quote]

Blimey, touchy aren't we?

My situation is fine, I've not sent mine back yet.

Ste[/quote]
No, not really touchy about any of this. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. Since I'm the only one that knows what is best for me, it's not a question of right or wrong for me. Some others here have tried to make it into that.

Anyway, maybe the movie Romeo and Juliet works for you.

Good luck, mate.

[Sonar]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

Sonar,
I'm sorry if you feel like you are being condemned. Believe me,
I know the feeling. I applaud you for being open about such personal matters.

What should we learn from your story?

There's the dichotomy of knowing her for three years versus the 7 days in your home town. There's her lying. It's sort of like a bridge being built from both ends toward the middle, but the steel is ...weak.

I think you definitely need to know the woman better, before she comes over. And she probably needs to know you better too. Perceiving the reality of the inner world of your potential partner may require many days of face time. I think that depends on how perceptive you are. I'm not saying a person has to be a rocket scientist or a mind-reading genius like me <joke>, but I think it's a matter of focus and concentration. All of the signs and flags are there in the beginning. Take a really close look at her and know what you want in a partner.

Now this guy really makes sense!! Thanks, Doug!!!!

[Ste]

Sonar, mate I suspect you've never seen the British Film 'Kes' made in the 70's and a gritty Northern kitchen-sink drama.....

One famous scene at the school - a round of smokers are queueing up to be caned by the headmaster for being caught in possession cigarettes....

One kid is only there to give the headmaster a note and despite pleading his innocence he ends getting well caned too!

That kid is you mate! Came to help, add a bit of assistance, ends up getting pilloried!

Sorry, great movie tho!

Ste

HaHa. Don't give a damn about some stupid movie, mate.

By the way, I don't know anything about your situation. Care to reveal something?

I'm sure that I can alsofind a movie that would match you just fine.
[/quote]

Blimey, touchy aren't we?

My situation is fine, I've not sent mine back yet.

Ste[/quote]
No, not really touchy about any of this. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. Since I'm the only one that knows what is best for me, it's not a question of right or wrong for me. Some others here have tried to makeit into that.

Anyway, maybe the movie Romeo and Juliet works for you.

Good luck, mate.
[/quote]

Cheers

My goal on this board to lighten things up!

Any movie with Ron Jeremy in suits me except I don't have the porn star 'tache.......

Ste 'King' Dong

[KenC]

Sonar,

"I have no clue as to the meaning of love? Ok Ken, what is your meaning of love? I would be interested to know. Since the word 'love' has many different meanings to many different people and is a word that describes a human emotion that is really impossible to completely explain, it seems very subjective to tell someone that they have no clue of the meaning."

If it were any kind of "love" how could it end so quickly?  How could you not have given your "love" any more of a chance than one weeks time?  I would say "easy come, easy go" but that doesn't account for the three years of wasted time (yours and hers).

KenC

[Sonar]

Sonar,

"I have no clue as to the meaning of love? Ok Ken, what is your meaning of love? I would be interested to know. Since the word 'love' has many different meanings to many different people and is a word that describes a human emotion that is really impossible to completely explain, it seems very subjective to tell someone that they have no clue of the meaning."

If it were any kind of "love" how could it end so quickly?  How could you not have given your "love" any more of a chance than one weeks time?  I would say "easy come, easy go" but that doesn't account for the three years of wasted time (yours and hers).

KenC

Ken, I don't think that you understand. Our "love" had three years time. Not just 7 days. And it did not end on a spur of the moment decision. After she left, we still "loved" each other. You have no idea what it's like to place someone that you "love" on an overseas flight and not know if you will ever see them again or not.

It was a very emotional parting and at the time she still "loved" me and I still 'loved' her. If fact, three months later, I spent Christmass and New Years with her in Moscow. Before she left, I contacted my immigration attornry and was informed that there would be absolutely no problem for me to file for another K1 for her in the future. According to the attorney( he handles 100's of k1's yearly for AM/RW ) it is not such an uncommon thing for a woman to return home and come back on another K1 sometime in the future. As long as the conditions of the original K1 were met. (Meaning no over stay). Whether you agree or not, marriage is not a requirement. Only the intent to marry.

Anyway, trying to imply that I did not love her or she did not love me or that I didn't understand this or that is silly. That shoe does not fit.

[RacerX]

Sonar ~ I wouldn't give it a lot of worry - if there's one thing I've gleamed from this board, it is the continual display of inflexibility.  A number of guys, who are married to RW (and I might state the obvious: we don't know if their relationship is one you would ever want) have a "my way or the highway" type of attitude.

A little thinking "outside the box" wouldn't do any of us any harm.  KenC is quite correct about one aspect though: the K-1 is specifically designed to bring over your fiancee and marry her within 90 days.  It's a bad system, but it is the one we have.  OTOH, you are also equally correct that the USCIS will give you another K-1 to see if you can put if off a second time, and yes, if like in Doug's case it doesn't work out, she has the option, hopefully with eyes-wide-open to return.

If you haven't detected the general flow of this thread, it's that a many of the counter-posters would have preferred you "came clean" a little earlier rather than dole out qualifying info on each successive post.

I like spunk in a woman - if she decided the circumstances were not to her liking and asked or at least conceded to heading back - so be it.  What disappoints me to no end is those, usually poor UW, who know their best course of action after being "imported" is to zip up, act happy and then plan for the future!  The one thing I noticed about FSUW is that they are quite content to lie dormant for a half-decade or so before, like a terrorist sleeper-agent, springing into action. 

[Leslie]

Well Sonar,

You have chosen to spill your guts on someone elses thread.  You are definitely here looking for support and sympathy and have found neither. 

The more you post in self justification the deeper you dig the hole. 

Your "3 year" relationship was obviously based on your own imaginings.  7 days of 24/7 was enough to burst the bubble.  You post like a heavily delusional guy who seriously needs to see a therapist.  The only guy who offers you any support suffers from the same malaise.

Do this woman (and every other FSU woman) a favor.  Stop looking for an FSU wife.  You do not have what it takes to suceed in this endevour so you would be doing yourself a favor too.

I won't say more on this thread.  If you want to start a flame fest open your own thread in no holds barred. 

See where that gets you.....

 

 

 

[Turboguy]

 The only guy who offers you any support suffers from the same malaise.

No Leslie, I have my own personal maliase.  It is not the same as Sonar's 

My case and his were entirely different.   I didn't give her 7 days and send her back.  Up to the end, I asked her to stay even knowing what was going on, but only if she would try to make things work.  Even after she was back, she wrote me sad letters and told me her keyboard was covered with tears and she wanted to come back to me.  I seriously considered it until she made definate plans to go to Germany and spend two weeks with her other love interest.  At that point I drew the line.

I was never so happy being with anyone in my life as I was with her.  It has to go both ways though and she had doubts when she was here.   I knew the whole time it was a high risk proposition.   I just took the gamble and lost.  I saw red flags the whole time and did not have the confidence it was going to work that I would have liked to.  

The next time, if there is one and I expect there to be, if I see red flags, I am bailing.  If someone is not really into me, I don't care how much feeling I have for them.  I resume my search.  

As far as Sonar, I don't know what he was looking for here.  I think like Doug he just wanted to share his experiences in case it might help someone.   I think there are probably a few things we don't know.  Since more and more keeps coming out we may know sometime.   I still say you can know someone for years and not really know them.  I was married to a gal for 18 years that did not know me at all or want to.   Sometimes listening to a story is not the same as living it.   You and I would not have sent her back in 7 days.  Maybe had we lived it like Sonar, we would have.

[KenC]

Turbo,

I think Leslie was refering to Photoguy and not you.

KenC

[Ste]

[user=154]RacerX[/user]

I like spunk in a woman - ........

Crikey Racer, to us Brits the word 'spunk' has an entirely different meaning!

Ste

PS, it means, err, seminal fluid.....

[Turboguy]

Sorry Ken and Leslie,  I was so busy defending Sonar that I did not notice that I was not alone.

[Bruno]

 The only guy who offers you any support suffers from the same malaise.

No Leslie, I have my own personal maliase.  It is not the same as Sonar's 
[/quote]
A short time, i have think that Leslie speak about me :?...

I support Sonar but not fully... he have make his own mistake... but who don't make some mistake ? If you read carefully, problem with his girlfriend have begin before she was in USA... Why have he continue the relation and bring her in USA... When problem appear before the coming in the new host country, it is not easy to resolve them in the 90 days of the K1... the first time of Russian woman in foreign country is a difficult periode but if something was wrong before, it become a hell... for both...

Now, for some, 7 days together seem a short periode... certainly when compare to the 3 year of courtship... but on these three year, how much day effectif together... let say, by example, two trip year, two week together... this make only 3 month... and these 3 month are not like usual life but more like holliday...

So, imagine the same situation with a local woman... you are with her during 3 month... after these three month, you decide life together... but after one week, you discover that normal life together is not possible... so each choose to go his own way...

These situation seem normal !!! Why it is different with russian women... Russian women are like other women... some are real b!tch, some are liars, some are good women... situation who can appear with local woman is possible with russian one...

If you think that russian woman are angel or superwoman, you are wrong... they are usual one... sometime, relation work, sometime not... of course, the distance, the culture, the difference of age are not parameter who help in the process...

These of you who are lucky in the progress can help these who have fail... attack other or insult them lead to nothing... Sonar is again in the quest to russian woman... advice him for these new quest... the past is the past, nobody can change it... but what about help him to build a better future... for him and his future bride... And never forget that advice is not bashing...

 

[Turboguy]

I support Sonar but not fully... he have make his own mistake... but who don't make some mistake ? If you read carefully, problem with his girlfriend have begin before she was in USA... Why have he continue the relation and bring her in USA... When problem appear before the coming in the new host country, it is not easy to resolve them in the 90 days of the K1... the first time of Russian woman in foreign country is a difficult periode but if something was wrong before, it become a hell... for both...

Now, for some, 7 days together seem a short periode... certainly when compare to the 3 year of courtship... but on these three year, how much day effectif together... let say, by example, two trip year, two week together... this make only 3 month... and these 3 month are not like usual life but more like holliday...

So, imagine the same situation with a local woman... you are with her during 3 month... after these three month, you decide life together... but after one week, you discover that normal life together is not possible... so each choose to go his own way...

These situation seem normal !!! Why it is different with russian women... Russian women are like other women... some are real b!tch, some are liars, some are good women... situation who can appear with local woman is possible with russian one...

If you think that russian woman are angel or superwoman, you are wrong... they are usual one... sometime, relation work, sometime not... of course, the distance, the culture, the difference of age are not parameter who help in the process...

These of you who are lucky in the progress can help these who have fail... attack other or insult them lead to nothing... Sonar is again in the quest to russian woman... advice him for these new quest... the past is the past, nobody can change it... but what about help him to build a better future... for him and his future bride... And never forget that advice is not bashing...

 

Bruno, I have always thought you made a lot of good posts but I think that one was one of your best.  I agree with you about Sonar,  The two things you said that are really good are:

Russian women are like other women... some are real b!tch, some are liars, some are good women.

These of you who are lucky in the progress can help these who have fail... attack other or insult them lead to nothing... Sonar is again in the quest to russian woman... advice him for these new quest... the past is the past, nobody can change it... but what about help him to build a better future... for him and his future bride... And never forget that advice is not bashing...

[Sonar]

Well Sonar,



The more you post in self justification the deeper you dig the hole. 



I won't say more on this thread.  If you want to start a flame fest open your own thread in no holds barred. 

See where that gets you.....

 

 

 

Your crap is nothing more than a personal attack. Do you as an individual have the guts to go there? If you do, I will gladly accept your offer. I would like to know what is really on the mind of someone that would make such an ignorant post.

I doubt that you will be much competition, but sure, if you want to jump into the fire with me>>Go for it. START THE THREAD MR CLEAN !!! I'LL SEE YOU THERE!!!!

Lets find out if you can bury me in the HOLE that you refer to.



 

 

[jb]

Sonar,

I wouldn't get into a pissin' contest with the Scot if I were you, he has a barbed wit and knows more big words than Webster.

[Bruno]

Sonar,

I wouldn't get into a pissin' contest with the Scot if I were you, he has a barbed wit and knows more big words than Webster.

I agree with JB... no pissin' contest at all... with nobody... this don't lead to something positif... Sonar, it is already a fire, why trow some oil more... calm down, try it, same if it is not easy...

 

[andrewfi]

Bruno ~ Reality check. If this is how he reacts to comments that are plainly justifiable given the context, just think how he reacted when his young Russian arrived in his home and needed some support.

[Sonar]

Bruno ~ Reality check. If this is how he reacts to comments that are plainly justifiable given the context, just think how he reacted when his young Russian arrived in his home and needed some support.

You guys are funny. Go ahead and try to pi## me off with your goofy comments. It won't work. Man you are so far out in left field that I can't even see you.

Good try. HaHa

[Bruno]

Bruno ~ Reality check. If this is how he reacts to comments that are plainly justifiable given the context, just think how he reacted when his young Russian arrived in his home and needed some support.

I am not sure that the comments was justifiable but yes, his reaction is high... over proportion... but it is several days that some post only critic... and not the construtieve one...

About his reaction with his russian woman, i am not sure that i have react other... i have already receive my load of unfaithfullness from my first russian woman... i am not ready to accept so behavour again... i am tired of all these lies in relationship, now, i use the tolerance 0.

A example with my previous wife... one day, i have finish work more early and i go back home... nobody... i phone her and ask where she is... she reply that she is home... ok, i have forgive her these little lie... several year after, i have know that these day, she was in bed with one of my friend...

When Sonar have explain the phone problem with mother, if i was in his place, i have send her directly home, not wait 7 days... how is it possible for a man to marry a woman who lie the first few day together... The trust is dead... 

[Sonar]

Sonar,

I wouldn't get into a pissin' contest with the Scot if I were you, he has a barbed wit and knows more big words than Webster.

I'm not too concerned about anyones barbed wit JB. And I'm also not concerned about big words neither. A pissin' contest does not interest me and if that is all that he has to offer, then I won't waste my time. But if he feels that just because he is married to an RW and I am not, that he is somehow superior or an expert on the subject, than I find him to be naive. He may be able to slap a greenhorn around now and then but it won't work with me. 

[Turboguy]

I really can't see that where this thread is going will help anyone and personally I think it would be great if we could cool things off before this thread gets moved to anything goes or gets locked. 

You are all better guys than you are showing here.  Cool down!.  Lets go back to helping each other.   This is my thread so I hope I am not out of place in saying that.

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="darkred"]We all know that there is only one alpha male here. :DCome on guys- quit the bashing and name calling. It's only self-serving. Exercise some self-control. Discipline yourselves.

Turbo, this is your thread. Your K-1 ordeal is over. What have you learned from your experience? For newbies, what advice would you give them, based on your K-1 ordeal?[/color][/size][/b]

Turboguy, this is your thread. If you think things get too far from the obejctive PM me and it will be locked.