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Author Topic: Guidelines for Civil Discourse  (Read 11920 times)

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Offline Admin

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Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« on: March 12, 2008, 01:11:27 PM »
Borrowed from MSN, these guidelines should be helpful as a reference source:

  • Recognize a person’s right to advocate ideas that are different from your own
  • Discuss policies, issues and ideas, not people - and especially not individual RWD members
  • Disagree without being disagreeable
  • Use civil and helpful, not hurtful language (such as name-calling)
  • Respectfully respond to differing points of view
  • When unsure of what another poster means by what they have written, ask for clarification
  • Realize that what you write and what people understand you have written may be different. Be patient and explain yourself again if other posters misinterpret your meaning - particularly here at RWD where members have a variety of native languages, yet are doing their best to communicate in the common language of American English
  • Recognize that sometimes people can and must agree to disagree
  • If you are not sure what you are about to say is civil, find another way to say it or let it go
  • Reliance on labels for groups of people is often the first step toward the negative. Whenever possible, avoid them. They rarely add to the quality of any discussion
  • Put yourself in the other person's shoes as best as possible, to see things from a different perspective - theirs
  • Give an additional benefit of doubt to a person whose first language is not English

Any others you would like to see added to the list?

- Dan
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 09:34:15 PM by Admin »

Offline BC

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2008, 01:21:53 PM »

One thing I like to do is put myself in the other person shoes as best as possible, to see things from a different perspective. It's one of the things here that has changed my view on things happening around the world.


Offline Lit_1nce

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2008, 03:32:26 PM »
I would add.. something about name calling..
Comment on the post, not the poster...

Other readers of the board, can make their own determinations as to whether someone is stupid, or an idiot (etc). If that is a personal opinion that you "must" convey to that person, then do it directly to them via PM.  Name calling can only lead to posts discussing why, or why not, a person is or isn't a(n) (insert insulting name)

Things can get emotional.. but how does it help the situation or prove a point, to resort to name calling ?

Think about this ..  When one poster tells another that they are (we'll use "stupid") and they are, does that boost your image of them ?  Have they informed you about this person ?  Have they really helped the person who they think is stupid ?  Do they really want to help ?  Does the name calling lead to change, or is it more likely that anything relevant is going to take a back seat as the person goes into defensive mode ?  Does it promote others to participate ? (well maybe the jackals)

Some of the best threads here are arguments.. however it usually goes to crap when the name calling rears it's ugly head.

Many take their board "reputation" seriously.. some too seriously, and others are at the extreme opposite... It does have some uses.. I use my RWD status to get coffee for $5.00 at Starbucks  ;D.. but the point is, for some, real not just virtual feelings can be hurt while they are trying to protect their online reputation. . and things get messy. The best response to name calling is direct via PM.. not reciprocating.

Anyway... just some thoughts.. don't know what made me think of them.



Only 1 avatar has been harmed in the making of this post.. and in my defense.., avatar torture is a "grey area" and has only been used in this case to extract information.. and besides, isn't golf just self induced torture anyway ?

Offline Misha

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2008, 03:40:06 PM »
I concur with the calling of names. The rule of thumb IMHO is simple: never use a name that you would not want to be called yourself; do not use a name that would insult you if your wife (or husband) was called by the same name; do not use a name whereby you change the screen name of a forum member to ridicule them. Simply put, do not behave as if you are seven years old and fighting with other kids in the sandbox.

Offline turniptruck

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2008, 03:54:34 PM »
I concur with the calling of names. The rule of thumb IMHO is simple: never use a name that you would not want to be called yourself; do not use a name that would insult you if your wife (or husband) was called by the same name; do not use a name whereby you change the screen name of a forum member to ridicule them. Simply put, do not behave as if you are seven years old and fighting with other kids in the sandbox.

The recent 'problem' sounds like there was bad blood from before.  Trouble with bad blood is that it clouds everything.  The most innocuous posts become points of contention.  Then everything is no longer about the thread topic but rather a pissing match.  You see it a bajazillion (it could be a real word someday :P ) time on every forum.  Human nature I guess. 

It's odd though, in situations like this no one 'wins'.  If you have faith in your fellow forum participants then you should have faith that they can see whats going on.  One need not have to be explicit to get ones opinion across.

Never point out a person for a negative comment IMHO, and you will garner the benefit of the doubt if not the respect of other members.  The Italian Navy on the other hand is fair game :D 

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2008, 04:38:33 PM »
I use my RWD status to get coffee for $5.00 at Starbucks  ;D..
Is that a bargain :o? A bar espresso is € .80 here ;D.
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline Lit_1nce

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2008, 08:51:25 PM »
Is that a bargain :o? A bar espresso is € .80 here ;D.

Well then, using my RWD status in your town,... let me calculate it... yep, I could get an espresso for € .80 !!  :)
Only 1 avatar has been harmed in the making of this post.. and in my defense.., avatar torture is a "grey area" and has only been used in this case to extract information.. and besides, isn't golf just self induced torture anyway ?

Offline Admin

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2008, 11:50:36 AM »
Re: Name-calling. Can you guys boil this down to a single sentence I can add to the list of Guidelines?

- Dan

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2008, 12:09:18 PM »
Re: Name-calling. Can you guys boil this down to a single sentence I can add to the list of Guidelines?
It's already there:
Use civil and helpful, not hurtful language
It could be amplified to:
Quote
Use civil and helpful, not hurtful or abusive language (such as name-calling).
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline I/O

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2008, 04:19:24 PM »
A bar espresso is € .80 here ;D.
Yeah.......that's about $5.00 currently. :o

I/O

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2008, 07:24:59 PM »
I got one.

Although this is an English Speaking forum, not everyone speaks English as their first language. Words, slang, idioms and etc are not understood the same way in American English as Australian English or British English or Canadian English. So imagine how much more difficult it is to understand by a person who English is their second, third or fourth language. Consequently if English is not your first language then consider the possibility that the person could mean something differently than it initially appears.

Condensed version (but not much):

Give an additional benefit of doubt for a person who their first language is not English. If your first language is not English then give additional benefit of doubt that the person may mean something different than it initially appears. 

More condensed version:
Consider that differences in languages can cause misunderstandings.

My two kopecks,

Bill


 
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Misha

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2008, 07:27:47 PM »
It's already there:It could be amplified to: Use civil and helpful, not hurtful or abusive language (such as name-calling).

I like this formulation. It sums it up nicely.

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #12 on: April 20, 2008, 08:12:23 PM »
Give an additional benefit of doubt for TO a person who their WHOSE first language is not English.
Autobiographical ;D? (sorry, I couldn't resist that one ;)).
« Last Edit: April 20, 2008, 08:14:51 PM by SANDRO43 »
Milan's "Duomo"

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #13 on: April 20, 2008, 08:24:14 PM »
Autobiographical ;D? (sorry, I couldn't resist that one ;)).

Sandro, You should have seen my first version LOL. I switched tense at least three times and my sentence structure was more fractured than Sybil's. I could see that I was making little sense and nearly didn't post it at all.

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #14 on: April 20, 2008, 08:28:52 PM »
Bill, I was sure you'd see the unintentional humour of it, and take it in good spirit ;).
Milan's "Duomo"

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2008, 11:48:49 PM »
Bill, I was sure you'd see the unintentional humour of it, and take it in good spirit ;).

Yes of course, here is another one...........
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ScottinCrimea

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2008, 05:44:39 PM »
We have had several discussions regarding how personal attacks and insults have driven many good members from this forum and discouraged many others from posting.
Regarding the issue of keeping the posts civil here, one of our long time members had this wise advice:

“If you cannot respond in a mature and gentlemanly fashion, then don't respond at all.”
 
Unfortunately, it seems this member is unable to follow his own advice.  Here are some examples of what I think everyone is talking about.  Are these the types of comments that one could reasonably call civil?

Quit being a little beeotch
What a friggin drama queen you are!
You are an insecure child like man
You are entitled to your uninformed rookie opinion
Jesus H Christ you guys are a bunch of friggin pansies!
Sorry Dr. Spin, it is you that must have left your brain in Omaha on the way home
your fragile little ego
You, like Jazzy, make conclusions based on BS you pull out of your butt
Are you so stupid or immature to understand that?
You really do yourself no favors and look very foolish in making such idiotic statements like this.
Another of your many faulty assumptions.  Where do you get this crap from?  Or do you just make it up as you go?
What is your point?  Are you in need of some attention?  Call your Momma, I'm sure she will give it to you!
Are you learning impaired?
As usual your comments make little sense and your English has gotten even worse in your absence
I know you actually talked a woman into putting up with you for 5 years but how many others have turned you down?
You almost had an outbreak of being human!
Please quit acting so childish and just discuss this like a man.
No one is asking you to bend over or sell anything.  I sure aint buying what your selling, for sure.
Why don't you read this thread and the other one started by Jen before you ask such stupid questions?
At least now even you can identify when you are speaking out an orifice other than your mouth!  You really do not have a clue.
You are one messed up Dude
You can take your country ass on out of here
Go back to the hills you hick
Know what it is your talking about before you open your big mouth!
By now we are all used to your incoherent babble
Let me explain (for the learning impaired).
Maybe that is because you are such a self centered and selfish man?
No one is trying to convince the old fart of anything.  He continues to interject his situation into every age related thread with delusional double talk and half azz illogical nonsense
your illogical justifications of your stupid actions
You have already proven that your head in the clouds (or up your azz) fantasized world just doesn't work in real life.  Did you come back to whine some more?
I have no idea what your strange little mind thinks
Whatever that last bit of gibberish is, doesn't matter as you live your life clueless of what it takes to be happy with a woman.
I am sure a man that has such low self esteem as you, would think that way
It is almost sad to reply to you as you are so clueless
I am sure your love life plays out like a prime time soap opera in your own mind, but really, the rest of us could care less.
Your geriatric gigolo routine is getting out of hand now
What next?  You gonna tell us all that you have a 20 inch penis?  Yeah, me too!  But some of the guys here are even bigger, just ask em.  Take a hike you blowhard.
At least if I choose to use my financial position to secure a relationship, I wouldn't need a loan from my Momma to pull it off
Let save you some time, you blowhard
In that case, you are a fool.
Have you been drinking?  If your post above was directed at me, you just wasted a lot of time and effort because this is by far your most incoherent post yet.
Huh?  More mindless ramblings without substance
Maybe it is me, but have you been hitting the same bottle as Jazzy?
Commander Jazzy, space cadet
Is your Altzimers acting up?
Again, you are talking out of your azz
I will not defend it to a low life like you or anyone else
Attack me all you want, you slimball
You have the class of a cockroach
I was more than willing to let Jazzy's moronic post slide, but when others started to agree with it, I just had to show how ludicrous it was.  Maybe in Moscow, thoughts from young girls are just ignored as nothing of value is going to be said by them any way.  My mistake here is to even bother using logic with such an illogical person.
In the court of RWD the guy is guilty of being a scumbag!!!
Are you done with your little hissy fit?  Now try to behave like an adult for a while, OK?
Don't you ever get tired of making such a fool out of yourself?
The only abuse you have recieved from me is that I have continued to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Sadly, folks, I do not think we have heard the last from "Drama boy" on this girl
I don't know guys, I still think suicide is a viable option for this pathetic piece of sh!t
It is almost unbelievable that someone could be this stupid and inept.
In your pettiness, you missed the point entirely
Is this a little fantasy you cooked up in your little brain? TFF!
I will take time to comment on your usual tripe.
Forgive me for thinking you were normal
That you are acting like a spoiled child?  Yes, I get it loud and clear
You know it is obvious that you have not read this thread from end to end or you would not run your sanctimonious mouth like you are here
Your comment was rude, uninformed and baseless and you are too ignorant and classless to understand that.
with all the beautiful women in Russia, why did your husband choose such an ugly woman to marry?
For your uninformed and biased little mind
read before you run your big mouth
You have become such a predictable child
You obviously are the one without a clue
For a guy that is usually crying about others like a little girl,…
Who left the door open to the looney bin?
Who cares what YOU think?  You have your own issues to deal with.
So expect more trollish posts from the misinformed
There is no reasoning with trolls like you and there is no reason to contiue to try.
You could have your Momma pick out a nice girl for you instead.  Or you could "grow a set" become a man and move on.
repost your tripe because as it is now, it is much like you:  unintelligible.
Are you so ignorant…
This thread would already be back on track if a few of you more "rightous" members would get down off your pulpits and quite lecturing me on how I post.  I gotta a clue for you all, I ain't gonna change!

These are examples from only one member here, but if we allow such behavior to set the tone for the forum, we all lose.  I think we all need to take a step back and see if we are contributing to the problem or rising above it.  We also need to take the initiative to call members on their behavior when they go over the line. 
We shouldn’t lay it all on Dan to do the policing of our “neighborhood”.  If we remain silent when observing bad behavior, it implies that we condone it.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2008, 07:39:11 PM »
Another photo.........
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #18 on: April 29, 2008, 07:49:04 PM »
Those who cannot understand how to put their thoughts on ice should not enter into the heat of debate.
Friedrich Nietzsche
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline appleblue

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Re: Guidelines for Civil Discourse
« Reply #19 on: April 08, 2010, 10:40:04 AM »
ok,

 

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