Hello everyone, new to RWD and going to Russia on May 8th

[Jet]

An update from Felix...
He tried to post a long update here on Monday but his time ran out at internet cafe and he lost all of it. About this time last week, while Felix was out walking in the afternoon he felt a sharp pain in his side that got worse as the day wore on. By early evening his lady decided to take him to the local hospital. Half an hour later he was on an operating table receiving anesthesia in preparation for an operation to remove his appendix. He spent the next three days in the hospital and is recovering nicely. Things continue to go very well with his lady and he is making some small headway with her young son.


I'm not sure which hospital he attended, but Nizhniy Novgorod has some VERY good ones, even by Moscow standards. He told me he was really quite impressed by the ability and professionalism of the doctors and nurses. We didn't talk for a long time, but he did not give the impression that the facility was anywhere near as rustic as what Rvrwind described when he had his heart attack in Tver. All in all he sounded very good and very optimistic about the future of his budding relationship...

[Faux Pas]

An update from Felix...
He tried to post a long update here on Monday but his time ran out at internet cafe and he lost all of it. About this time last week, while Felix was out walking in the afternoon he felt a sharp pain in his side that got worse as the day wore on. By early evening his lady decided to take him to the local hospital. Half an hour later he was on an operating table receiving anesthesia in preparation for an operation to remove his appendix. He spent the next three days in the hospital and is recovering nicely. Things continue to go very well with his lady and he is making some small headway with her young son.


I'm not sure which hospital he attended, but Nizhniy Novgorod has some VERY good ones, even by Moscow standards. He told me he was really quite impressed by the ability and professionalism of the doctors and nurses. We didn't talk for a long time, but he did not give the impression that the facility was anywhere near as rustic as what Rvrwind described when he had his heart attack in Tver. All in all he sounded very good and very optimistic about the future of his budding relationship...

What a bummer. A hospital stay can certainly dampen a trip. Good to hear it's working out with the lady.

[UTRO]

Crap Felix!! I feel for ya Do you need my OHIP number??? This is that 'Free' Canadian Government Medical Insurance that the 'Far Right' claim as being inferior to the Private $$$ system!! Seriously, let us know how it went. Best Wishes guy

[Ronnie]

We interrupt this thread for a short lesson in economics. 

Nothing comes free.
People pay for health care..either directly or indirectly.

Now back to our show...

[felix8787]

Hello everyone!
Just a quick update, things are going very well here expect for the intimacy, not because of her but because of her son. Imagine going 100 mph and running into a steel wall and that is exactly what is happening.  It is driving me insane. 
The operation went fine, the last thing that I remember before waking up stark naked in bed was this beautiful Russian girl with these sexy blue eyes strapping my arm down and it wasn't for any SnM (just kidding) she was strapping my arm down for the surgery. The cost for the operation was 10680 rubles = about 450 us, they were quiet happy when I came back and paid the bill. That is one long story that I will have to tell when I get back to the states.
One thing though, I did call this Ukraine woman that I have been talking to for about the same amount of time that I have with this one that I am visiting, and when we spoke one of the first things she told me that she misses me even after not writing or calling her for a little over 2 months but I figure hey let me call her to say hi, no I didn't tell her I was in Russia, would look good on my part.......   Anyways, I might have to make a trip to Ukraine in the near future??? Gotta keep my options open right?
One last thing, I met her parents without her...........................actually I ended up staying the night at her parents house with her brother and her son, when I asked why she didn't come? Her brother told her that it is just going to be the men going over to the village, so all 3 of us went to the village and stayed the night. This is another story that will take up some typing time. Oh and I also met her parents parent, one of them at least, the mother is deceased, but he fought in 3 wars including WW2.
But that is all for now, the last time I tried to post something it was about the operation and when I was done, I got timed out, pissed me off 

felix8787

[groovlstk]

One thing though, I did call this Ukraine woman that I have been talking to for about the same amount of time that I have with this one that I am visiting, and when we spoke one of the first things she told me that she misses me even after not writing or calling her for a little over 2 months but I figure hey let me call her to say hi, no I didn't tell her I was in Russia, would look good on my part.......   Anyways, I might have to make a trip to Ukraine in the near future??? Gotta keep my options open right?
One last thing, I met her parents without her...........................actually I ended up staying the night at her parents house with her brother and her son, when I asked why she didn't come?
felix8787

Felix, if you're not ready for an exclusive relationship with this woman, I hope you've made her aware of it. Meeting her parents and spending the night at their place is a pretty big deal, I may be wrong but it seems to me you're setting her expectations very high.

[UTRO]

We interrupt this thread for a short lesson in economics. 

Nothing comes free.
People pay for health care..either directly or indirectly.

Now back to our show...

Ouch Ronnie!!!

[Kuna]

Just in case anyone missed it I'll repeat groov's words...  anything les wouldn't be very chivalrous!

Felix, if you're not ready for an exclusive relationship with this woman, I hope you've made her aware of it. Meeting her parents and spending the night at their place is a pretty big deal, I may be wrong but it seems to me you're setting her expectations very high.

[felix8787]

Hello everyone

Groovlstk: That situtation with her parents, I was put into without knowing, I had absolutely no clue about it, I thought that we were going there just for the evening and dropping off her son and coming back the next day. I honestly don't know what her expectations are Groovlstk, I don't know if she thinks that we are exclusive or what, let's just say that some stuff came up that I thought made us exclusive was not so, I won't get into any details but I am keeping my guard up.
I have tried to get into her head and talking about us, and we have managed somewhat but as of lately, to me it just seems like I am partially none existent there, I don't know if that is how she goes about things or if it still hasn't hit her until I'm gone that I was really there for her.
Has she shown me affection? Yes she has and still does what little of it I get, when we are not interrupted. Does she make any effort to really spend quality time with me? Not really, she did only once, one the evening back from her parents and that was only briefly when she actually laid the law down with her son, to go to sleep early so that she could spend some quality time with me, did he go to sleep like she told him to? No, did we get any quality time together? Yes, very very little, until we were interrupted (there was no sex involved for those of you thinking that) just good quality time. 
The point that I am making is that even though by me staying the night at her parents without me knowing that was going to happen ( I wouldn't have minded if I was givin a heads up about it) and that is setting her expectation very high b/c of it, I had the same reservations with myself about her, and those reservations fell way short. After reading alot on this forum about other mens experience when a RW likes/show affection/loves/whatever the case maybe, that she would go out of her way to spend quality time with that person b/c they know that they traveled from whereever they are from to be with them exclusively.
Maybe I had my own expectations set to high, I don't know, but what I do know is that whatever expectation that I did have, I no longer have, been here almost a month with the exception of the operation and hospital stay and I can't think of one moment where she actually made any effort for us to have any time alone together (meaning having a close friend watch her son for her and I was willing to pay for the service) , I have a week left here with her, time will only tell how she acts towards me before I leave back to the states and see if she makes any effort was so ever before I go.
That is all for now, hopefully that will give you some insight as to why I did what I did.

felix8787
 

[groovlstk]

Felix,

If she has little or no affection for you and actively seems to avoid situations where you're alone together, you may be fighting an impossible battle. Of course her child will always be first, regardless, but if you've been together a month already and there is not even the faintest spark from her side, the simplest explanation is that she's just not into you.

It's all too easy in this venture to avoid calling it quits by attributing a woman's lack of interest to "cultural differences" or some other such nonsense. I'd also be very, very leery if, on your last day or two together, she suddenly opens up and showers you with affection - it's a sign she has ulterior motives.

Although many discussions about lack of affection on this board use sex as the measuring stick, I'm of the opinion that it's the little, casual things that tell you if a girl is into you. When you dated women in the US, how did you decide if there was mutual attraction? Did she seem to relish physical contact like holding your hand, touching you when she talks, hugging you, etc., after a few dates? RW are no different, and at least in my experience they are less inhibited or inclined to withhold affection as a way to assert a pecking order.

You're on the ground and only you can truly judge what's going on, so this is just my 2 cents based on what you've revealed. Good luck and I hope you find the best path.

[Misha]

Does she make any effort to really spend quality time with me? Not really, she did only once, one the evening back from her parents and that was only briefly when she actually laid the law down with her son, to go to sleep early...

I would really pay attention to what groovlstk's comments. So, if I understand correctly, you did not spend any time alone with her? No cafés, no restaurants, no dates alone? This is odd given that grandparents can usually be called upon to look after grandchildren in Russia. It would have been easy enough for her parents to babysit while you two had a night out on the town.

[Ronnie]

Dear Felix,

I'm afraid I have add my voice to the growing chorus.  Have you considered the very real possibility that she is just trying to get through each day until you leave?  Have you considered taking the few days you have left and using it for some impromptu meetings with ladies at an agency in a nearby town?

When I was on my quest, if things happened to procede as you describe, I preferred to not waste valuable in-country time by shaking an unwound watch.

[felix8787]

Hello everyone
Groovlstk: She doesn't actively go out of her way to avoid me, there is no bedroom here, just one room and kitchen and bathroom, so time alone is next to impossible, even if we are in the kitchen alone she has to keep an ear open to listen for her son in case he does something or is calling her (which is all the time) sometimes she just gives me this look, like why can't he just be normal and calm for a change. But that's not the case, when we get close, we are just like any normal couple holding hands, kissing and back at her place it's the same thing but a little deeper.
She does work 2 jobs, one full time during the day from like 9 to 4 and the other is varies on how many clients come in for her to show real estate, but it's not like she works until the wee hours of the evening, maybe just for an hour or 2 not including travel with the bus system. Then there is her son, who is still sucking from the bottle @ 5 yrs old (my little girl stopped that when she was 3 1/2 years old, maybe it's just a difference in culture I don't know) and wets the bed every night, it is to be expected,  I personally think that he has HAADD or is very very undisciplined either way, he is a hand full and runs amuck all over her and talks back, if he doesn't get his way he throws a temper  and throws stuff around and slams the door of the kitchen if he goes in there. I even watched him punch the crap out of the kitten that they have repeatedly, I had to tell him to stop that. When I was at her parents house, the grandmother asked me in Russian when she was spoon feeding her grandson if my little girl in America if she still gets spoon fed, I told her no, she has grown out of that since she was something like 3 or 4 years old and she's now 6.  
I understand that her child comes first, mine would also, I understand that she has a handfull with her son, she does work alot and yes, she is tired alot, I do clean up her place and buy the grocery while she is at work, I'm not making excuses for her by no means what so ever. That is just how her life is here.

I AGREE with you Groovlstk that sex is not a measuring stick for mutual attraction, anyone can put out sex and not have attraction for that person.
There is mutual attraction, there is no doubt about that, the little things that she does no matter how tired she is does tells me that she is attracted/into to me (just a quick note, she asked me at the grocery store if I needed to get condoms that first weekend I was there.) I learned alot from her parents even though they new nothing of the English language, we still managed to have conversations, I learned about my lady, her son, son's father (who has never seen him), her brother, father even broke out the family photo album and we went through the photos etc etc etc.

This is for Misha: her parents live about 77km away from N.Novgorod, she doesn't have a car and her brother's car is busted, he had to borrow a friends car for that weekend.

So calling up her parents is out of the question, but last night her good friend came over and we sat drank tea and talked, she asked her friend if she could watch her son this weekend and she agree (thank god), but apparently it is hard to get someone to watch your child without your parents there to help, because everyone works some much.
But the sad thing is that, she told me that she thinks her son love's me, I don't know if it's because he doesn't have a father figure or what, I was somewhat shocked by it. And that he doesn't want me to go, he wants me to stay with them....needless to say she told him that I had to go back and work that is where he lives, and now she told me that yesterday morning on the way to kindergarden he was telling some other children that he and his mom were going to live in America, I just looked at her big eyed! :selfharm:
I will have a sitdown with her before I go, clear the air and see what is going on.



felix8787

[felix8787]

Hey Ronnie:
Maybe or maybe not, it is hard to say, read my last post that I put up after you posted yours, little more insight of the dailys here with her. I have thought about meeting someother women while I am here but decided against it, all is not lost as I just describe in my last post. One of the biggest factors as to not having the time, is not having the help for someone to watch her son which she will only trust certain people when they are not working alot themselves, and being in a one room apt certainly doesn't make matters any easier for us to have time alone from her son. Hope that gives you some insight Ronnie.
But let me go I have to peel potatoes to make mash potatoes and clean up here. I do respect her home and help out here.

felix8787

[Ronnie]

Felix,
Your latest post sounds more encouraging.  Hope things continue to get better..

[Doll]

 

[Doll]

felix8787 , the woman has two jobs, a 5 yo and a small appartment.
And you are complaining of the lack of quality time with her?
With this schedule I won'd have half an hour for MYSELF (forget somebody else'e self)
(It is not nice- to stay with one woman and call another)
 

[Andrew]

and now she told me that yesterday morning on the way to kindergarden he was telling some other children that he and his mom were going to live in America, I just looked at her big eyed!

:whirling: OMFG!!!

[Ronnie]

Felix,

That one comment about the boy planning to live in America is very, very disturbing!  Does she consider the GC a fait accompli?  It's very un-RW like to speak about future events, lest they not happen.

What's really going on?  Nevermind, it's your business. 

(Andrew..Just OMG would have been sufficient, DYT?)

[Doll]

The boy is fiiiiiiiive yeeeears oooooooold! 5, not 25!

[Andrew]

Ronnie, I'll keep that in mind for next time

[apple47]

    felix,,,,my situation was similar to yours in a couple of respects.   I visited one woman in Almaty,Kazakhstan and stayed for 30 days.   I had no real back-up plan,just figured I could visit an agency if things didn't work out.
       But,the rest of my story is different.   She took the same 30 days off work to free up her time.  She had her own  800sq ft approx. house in a village about 45 min. from the city ,by bus. She had 3 daughters,9,11 and 16 years old.  The 16 year old babysat while my lady visited me.   She would visit for 2 or 3 days and then go home for a day.   I rented her parents apartment for the 30 days while they visited a resort.
          I don't know what your lady's situation is financially nor do I know her job situation.  I don't know anything.  But,I just wonder why she couldn't have arranged at least 3 days[10% of your stay]  of total freedom of all commitments.  I'm sure that your trip wasn't a last minute situation,there surely was plenty of time to make some sort of arrangement .     I'm not saying she may not have a valid reason,but,it does make me wonder.     Maybe I'm a bit of a jerk,but I would require some explaination . 
            As I said,I don't know anything of your situation.Maybe you are already aware and can disregard any doubt I may have possibly caused.

                                    Good Luck..............Larry   

[felix8787]

Hello everyone
I am going to make this fast to answer Ronnie, Doll and Apple47. I was on here earlier and wrote a post then lost it and man did that piss me off.

Right now I am babysitting her son while she is at work, I can't believe how well he is behaving, I guess....hell I don't know. Scratch that, he is acting up a little now that I got him a water gun.

Ronnie: Things are going a little better, we talked last night, it wasn't a deep conversation b/c it was late but good enough to know that things are not what they seem to be so far. I do still have hope and will continue to have hope, I'm pretty optimistic like that. Thanks for the encouragement.
As far as the boy talking about living in America, the only rational reasoning could be that the boy never had a father figure and looks at me like that, who knows? He did tell his mother that he wants me to stay and live with them and doesn't want me to go, but he knows that I have to go b/c that is where I live and work, so he figures maybe that is where him and his mom are going to be? She knows that the process will take a long time and her son probably doesn't understand that.

Doll: She knew that I was coming months in advance and during that time she got ill and had to take time off from work, so now she needs to work. While I am here, I am not some lazy bum who goes out in the afternoon and actively looks for other woman, I stay at her place and clean and go and buy groceries, been buying groceries since I have been here. I all respect to her situtation, now I know  her situation, but givin that she really doesn't have any help for someone to watch her son and givin that her parents are so far away, it is hard. I don't believe it when someone says they, as you say don't have half an hour to one's self, before coming here I held 2 jobs and did side work and still made time to call her and deal with a bunch of other things in preparation for this trip, IMO, making time is not out of the question. So what I'm am saying is that if someone came to see you for you, you wouldn't make the time? You would just act like "Oh well?" As a parent I have the authority to put my child to sleep early, would you to make that time? She has made an attempt to put him to sleep early when I got from her parents, but as unruly as he was, he refused to go to sleep early.
As for him being 5 and not 25, if he was 25 and acted like that, I would NEXTED her immediately, but since he is not 25 and just only 5, do you let your kids run amuck while you had someone of interest seeing you from half way across the world? Probably not. All in all we did have some moments, though very quick, but still had some.

Andrew: Yeah tell me about it.

Apple47: She makes crap for money and her second job is commission based and she hasn't made a dime yet, but she still does it b/c the money would be decent if there is a rental of an apartment. Well we finally have someone to watch her son on sunday, so I will make the best of it, yeah it took a long while but I'm sure that it will be worth it. No your not a jerk, I asked the same thing and now I know from watching and experience on a daily basis of what she goes through. Yeah I do wish that she would of arranged something like that, but seeing as how her parents are so far away and no vehicle, her brothers car is in the shop and he had to borrow one for that weekend, it is hard. Thanks for the luck Larry.

felix8787

[Doll]

 felix8787, talking of 5 and not 25 I mean his words about moving to America.
As for everything else- I am not there to know the situation with time together.
I met my AM in another city just to not be bothered by my everyday stuff.
   Besides I didn't want my sons to see the man and also think of something too soon (if the date doesn't work) Where you are on vacation all the time is "quality time together"

[Ronnie]

Felix,
I want to thank you for painting a real time picture for everyone about real life of a single RW mom.  She, like so many millions of others are on a treadmill turned up to maximum.  She can't afford to step off of it even for a few days or she could lose the meager salary she has now.
People need to understand that the great economic boom in Russia has not now nor ever will reach the average worker.  There are too many corrupt hands the money must pass through before reaching the workers.  And what does reach them gets pulled right back in the form of higher prices.

I saw a piece on TV recently profiling a man who before Putin had no car or big screen TV.  Now he's got 'em.  Good news, right?  Not quite; he bought them on high-interest credit and he's behind on the payments.   On the whole, he was better off before.