Once Upon A Time...

[myrddin]

...   Looking down on the clouds above the Old Country (well, an Old Country, not sure which one at this point) from a few 1000 meters above, on my way to, at the very least, an adventure I could not have had a few decades ago. And at best, a quest for true love. There, I said it. Don’t deny why you’re here. It’s not the only reason, and not finding something so elusive hardly makes it any kind of failure.
   Wow.

[Gator]

Myrddin,

Keep writing.  I enjoy everything.  The first trip is very exciting, especially when you meet your first UW.  They have these wonderful large eyes and you feel as if they stare through your eyes into your soul.

[Jumper]

myrddin - nice report so far
and i dint know, or perhaps remember , that you were in the chicagoland area..!!

i see a repeating theme, in your posts leading to landing in the FSU?

.. that it's better to attempt something , anything, regardless the outcome..
than do nothing.

I couldn't agree more!
glad you got on that plane despite any misgivings

[myrddin]

myrddin - nice report so far
and i dint know, or perhaps remember , that you were in the chicagoland area..!!

Hi neighbor!

i see a repeating theme, in your posts leading to landing in the FSU?

.. that it's better to attempt something , anything, regardless the outcome..
than do nothing.

I couldn't agree more!

In my life, that theme has applied to more than just traveling to FSU.

glad you got on that plane despite any misgivings

So am I! 

[myrddin]

   Finally On The Ground

   Landing in Kiev, I think I feel something inside on touchdown. Airport is … FSU. In feel, it reminds me of what I remember of landing in Moscow. From 18 years ago.
   As we roll up towards the gate past the Ukrainian flags, something ... twists ... in me. I wonder if it’s just wishful thinking.
   I lose track of Taz and JD since I’m towards back of plane, but I assume most of the passengers are headed for passport control, so I follow them. The line moves, if slowly, and I am finally at luggage, there’s Taz. My bags show up immediately, but we’ve got to wait for them all. JD has already taken his outside, even though we’re all going in one car. Swisskid steps up out of the blue and says “hi” as if nothing’s happened. His seat had been changed on the first flight and JD just didn’t look for him.
   The belt stops, but Taz is missing one bag (Man, I’m just lucky so far) so it’s off to file a report. That line is not short. It’s Friday night, a long way to P to drop off JD, and my first meeting in O is at noon. The only thing I can do now to prepare is rest, but even though I’m running on empty, there’s definitely an adrenalin-fueled excitement to finally being in country. It’s hard to believe Taz can stay alert, much less stay on top of everything, but he does. He remains unfazed by anything and I only hope that someday I can achieve the same attitude. I can’t shut up the voice in my head screaming in a bad cockney accent, “Not bloody likely!”
   Finally to the rental lot. Despite Taz making the reservation two months before, it just arrived today and they don’t have the right car. What they do have is a Ford mini-wagon, though in rental car land I’m sure it’s called a “Colossal Jumbo Gargantuan Oversized Mega-Vehicle” and normally costs $150 a day. Plus they want a huge deposit never mentioned before. What can you do? “We try harder”, my a$$. I talk to Swisskid and JD as Taz lives up to his namesake, taking care of a dozen things I’m aware of and I’m sure hundreds I’m not. There’s just not much we can do to help right now.
   The one time I remember that I am supposed to call Lady Z, I realize Taz has our local SIM cards, but they’re packed somewhere. He’s finally done with the rental agency, and now setting up the GPS, checking maps, worrying about that huge deposit, and I hate being a burden so I don’t bother him about this. Also, my dance card is already full and I am mentally in no place to juggle this schedule, in fact my decision-making capacity is severely diminished, and even my thought process is severely slowed. I don’t think Lady Z is the one with the 6-year-old daughter despite a profile that said “no children”, but I’m just not sure. I am ashamed to say it’s almost a relief not to deal with this yet.
   While we wait, JD shows us profiles of the ladies he’s meeting in O. I can see a tinge of his issues, as he mentions several times how attractive one lady or another is, and never comments on anything other than the physical. I wonder if he wants some kind of approval. They’re all beautiful, but these are just pics, and anyway what does it matter what I think if he likes her? He’s also curious about one of my meetings, a lady he and Taz already know. This seems to bother him a bit, but I’m not sure if he’s beyond exhaustion as I am or naturally speaks in monotone and doesn’t change his facial expression much.
   We’re behind and need to hit the road. All the baggage for the four of us is spread out behind the car like some horrendous 3-D Tetris game at the level no one can ever beat. Yet if there’s some kind of merit badge for clever packing, Taz would teach the master course - he must be discovering new dimensions inside that car, because somehow all the baggage and all 4 of us can get in. I can’t help much with that as I watch in amazement. I can’t move with suitcases leaning against me, but what’s amazing is that there’s any space in the car at all. The suspension doesn’t give at all when we sit down – it’s already maxed out. Adventure.
   I am too tired to think much about impressions – it’s all I can do to attempt to sound out the Cyrillic signs as we head off. But I will not sleep much on this ride.

[myrddin]

   “Almost” = Adventure

   The road is rough, apparently typical of the place. I hear tales of the politzia, and Taz has his sixth sense working overtime to sniff out traps. I may not be actually sleeping, but at times I am definitely not fully conscious.
   I don’t know how many hours in before we actually do get pulled over. Taz says to just keep quiet, and it’s not like I’m gonna speak up anyway (so far all I’ve said is no doubt annoying stuff about my own nerves). I’m thinking about how I don’t even know my rights here, or if that matters.
   Suddenly Taz has forgotten all his Russian and can barely even speak English. The police don’t know English, but they’re determined to say he was speeding, breaking out clipboards and using gestures and words that might have began in English. I think this might be unusual, even to me these guys seem persistent. Sure, there are hardly any posted speed limits. When he insists on writing that the speed limit, which I thought he had said was “60”, I am doubting my extremely limited vocabulary.  The cop very clearly writes 16 (!) kmh, and my nerves are shooting into afterburn. I sit in silence, worrying, not looking at anyone. JD says something and I don’t know if he’s playing along, but they dig out some papers for the cops.
   I will never know how long we actually sat there, except that it is far...too...long.
   Taz has to get out of the car and go talk to the cops in a squad car. I start to wonder if we’re going to end up as a story on CNN and talk radio (sort of like that brat in Singapore a few years back, but without actually having done anything). It’s probably only minutes, but I have visions of Taz being driven off. And at that point the absolute best thing that could happen to the three of us is that we sit in the car for uncomfortable hours. It’s all I can do to NOT think about worse things. I’m wishing hard that he’ll just pay the “fine” if that’s possible, but I say absolutely nothing during this whole stop.
   Eventually, Taz is back (he left his stuff in the car when he got out, which is probably a good move). He reports that these guys really are serious.
   Right along with fears for my physical safety is fear of missing my meetings. We’ve only got about two and half days scheduled in P, so even if we get hauled in and let out later, I’d miss those. I notice there are no thoughts preceding that disappointment - at least my instincts are starting to be re-trained.
   Taz has to go back to the squad car. I’m hoping hard it will be over soon and try not to think anything beyond, “well, this is supposed to be an adventure!”
   At long last, he’s back. As we drive away he’s telling us their plans, what he overheard that they thought he couldn’t understand (searching everything, hauling us in, getting interpreters and a court date sometime next week). They had a book full of confiscated licenses and papers. It’s as bad as I thought.
   But we drive away and soon I can talk again and within a few minutes, as I make sure we’re not being followed, it becomes a story. “Almost” keeps this from being something other than an adventure.
   Which is the whole point of this trip for me.

[Taz]

Don't believe a word he says! It is all lies. Lies I tell you! Especially the parts about me!!! 

If he keeps it up, it might actually sound like I care about people rather the the grumpy person I am in real life.

Honestly it was a pleasure to have you along on the trip. You and SK provided some needed relief and contrast from JD. I won't say why at this moment as I don't want to give away parts of your trip report that are yet to come. Sort of interesting to live the same trip that someone else is writing about from their perspective. We'll have our own different versions of history so to speak. 

[myrddin]

Time Marches On
   
   The rest of the road is rough but relatively free of politzia harassment. Finally, at some very early morning hour, we drop JD off in O, which is a relief after he lit up a few of those extra stinky cigarettes. More significantly, whenever we drop off JD, a weight leaves the car that has nothing to do with pounds or kilograms. When even *I’m* saying a guy needs to lighten up, he ... well, he really needs to lighten up!

   There’s been no time to change our dollars for gryvna, so I do the only thing I’ve done to help so far: hit the ATM. It’s always fun to see what those charges actually are when I get back from abroad, but I’m not worried about the money – I’m just glad to play a role besides ballast.

   I’ve only eaten on the plane and I’m finally actually hungry. We stop at McDonald’s in O because nothing else is open. Swisskid has to be convinced to try it because he doesn’t eat McD’s in the US. They have two types of fries, and of course I prefer the type we don’t get in the States. )

     The last food I ate in Moscow, half my life ago, was McDonald’s, and the first in Ukraine. I’m tired enough to find this amusing

     On the road again, mileage is surprisingly good, but there’s trouble with the GPS and map directions telling us to take roads that don’t exist. Nonetheless, Taz finds his way and as the sun rises on what must be Saturday we are approaching P.

   There are some places to stop for pictures, and people are starting to hit the streets for work. It is impossible to miss the way the ladies are put together even at this early hour just to go to work.

   Taz points out some sites in the city, perhaps in an attempt to help us get our bearings, but I am hopeless. We stop at a grocery store, I remember that I might have to try to cook something to entertain, but mostly I just need some snacks in case my brain falls out (which seems like a distinct possibility) and I can’t make it past the kitchen of my apartment.

   Lana meets us with keys for our apartments circa 5:30 or 6. This is my first time talking to an FSUW, and I stumble for words while standing there stupidly. I’m off to a great start! She is very nice, but tired, and seems uncomfortable (understandable, considering she’s doing favors for crazy Americans she’s never met). But clearly Taz has excellent taste, which is not surprising.

   We go to my apartment in the center of town first. It all looks run down, but in overall effect it is not much different from what I saw in Russia in 1990.

   In any case, I’m here. Finally in my apartment at P. It’s as expected from pics, maybe a little better.

   Taz, Lana, and Swisskid leave. I unpack a few things, and realize I’ve forgotten some basics like toilet paper. Yikes, if I forgot that, what else did I mess up? Thankfully, I am too exhausted to worry as much as I normally would, since I am counting the hours of sleep available and wondering if I’ll be able to get any at all. I try to avoid reflecting too much, because that only feeds my nerves (which is beginning to feel impossible - how could I get any more nervous?!). I have to write some, it’s a compulsion with no cure. I also have to unpack enough to attempt to make myself presentable.

   Only a few hours till my first meeting.

   I do feel connected to this place. But at this point I wonder if I’m just imagining everything - even being here in Ukraine! My mind is chugging along at about the speed of a hibernating bear on valium.

   Taz’ll be back to “chaperone” us to the first meeting. He showed us where the agency’s office is at one point but I have no chance of finding it on my own, and I can’t find any contact info.

   I eat a few bites and drink some water. Might wanna plug in the fridge!
   
   Mmmm-musty!

[Ooooops]

To have women who, in the US, would not cross the street to spit on me, checking me out from head to toe is worth more.

 

[KenC]

myrddin,
Let's get crackin with the typing Dude!  There are people (like me) waiting to hear the rest of your story!
KenC

[myrddin]

Hey, it's not even a full day and I'm working long hours!

(Thanks, Ken  )

[myrddin]

The Future Is Here

   I slept a bit. Finally got to sleep maybe around 8 A.M. Nap is much needed, but of course also much too short. My eyes are burning, which means I’m waaaaaay under the amount of sleep I need in the last two days - perfect conditions to make a good impression!

    I channel my nervous energy to a record-setting complete unpacking session of about 5.6 minutes. Time to shower and get ready. I’ve heard that “a man should be more attractive than a monkey”, but after some 50+ hours of work and travel, and maybe 6 hours of fitful “sleep”, who knows who would win that contest....

    I thought I’d lost my shampoo and conditioner, and even after I find them, I manage to break both bottles since I’m now moving with all the grace of an intoxicated gorilla. The shower’s got no curtain and no rod for one, and despite my best efforts the bathroom is soaked. Good thing I don’t believe in omens.

   My eyes are still burning after the shower and I’ve also lost track of the time - my phone adjusted to Amsterdam at AMS. As far as I know, it hasn’t changed even though Kiev is an hour ahead. So I’m either less than 2 hours or less than 1 hour away from my first meeting. Why that should matter now I don’t know, though it is possible I simply have too much time to think….

   Finally I remember that I can check different time zones on my iPod, and I see that it’s less than one hour to noon. I think I’ve done all I can, so I just sit and wait and try to force myself to relax.

   It doesn’t work.


   I was not going to write more, for some reason having less than an hour left is more nerve-wracking than having two. But it’s not like I have anything left to do to prepare. All this over-thinking and nervousness is NOT doing me any good. So I write.

   I have a balcony, small but cool, if completely enclosed. In the 50 seconds I spend looking down at the small courtyard of this medium-sized town in Ukraine, two beautiful women stroll by.

   The TV doesn’t work at first, apparently because someone needed two or three minutes to check if it was plugged in. [It’s a good thing no one will ever know about that!   ] There’s a weather segment hosted by a lady in a bikini. And what do you know? It IS possible to appreciate a woman without devaluing her. Seems a bit of feminazi BS has seeped into my head over the years and I am happy to get THAT out of there. And I am unlikely to forget the Russian word for “weather”.

   And now Futurama is on. It is in Russian and it’s an episode that’s new to me, but I know the show well enough that I can follow a lot of it.

   If I believed in omens, I might try to figure out what Futurama could be an omen of. My future tied to Ukraine? Or maybe that I’m going to be cryogenically frozen until the year 3000? It’s almost the last thing I expected to see here (actually, I never thought about it for a single millisecond). It’s pretty cool, though.

   Okay, I can distract myself for about a second at a time. About being my relaxed, confident self: Over-thinking is my enemy and does not lead to better action. I need to learn to go on instinct, and re-train instinct if need be.

   *Even doing the wrong thing is better than doing nothing!*

   I’m gonna have to remind myself of that a lot.

[dneid]

myrddin,
Let's get crackin with the typing Dude!  There are people (like me) waiting to hear the rest of your story!
KenC

OK, I have to chime in and second Ken's post.  Come on, myrddin.... get those fingers limbered up and get crackin!  Time for a marathon session.  You have me on the edge of my seat.  Your lead up is such a teaser.  Let's get down to the meetings!  And don't forget any JD's.  I am curious as to how he will bungle this new round in Ukraine.

[Chasaboo]

Hey, totally new guy here.

Great thread, really enjoying it. I try not to check more than twice a day to see if you've added to it but it's not easy. Real page turner you got going!

Thanks and keep it coming....   

[Taz]

OK, I have to chime in and second Ken's post.  Come on, myrddin.... get those fingers limbered up and get crackin!  Time for a marathon session.  You have me on the edge of my seat.  Your lead up is such a teaser.  Let's get down to the meetings!  And don't forget any JD's.  I am curious as to how he will bungle this new round in Ukraine.

I think most of the JD content will be in my original thread. Myrddin definitely has an engaging story here. I am sure he will have more to come. Ok, a lot more! Since I was there I can relate all to well. He truly has a compelling tale for anyone who will listen. I am still interested in hearing it all from his perspective and compare it to what I witnessed.

Keep it coming!

[Jet]

I am still interested in hearing it all from his perspective and compare it to what I witnessed.

Keep it coming!

I have to say that in all the years I've been around the boards, this is the first time I've ever witnessed a trip report from three different perspectives. This is really cool stuff, and I'd like to applaud not only Myrddin (who has this GREAT story going here) but also Taz, who's obviously a very talented writer, and now SwissKid has joined in with his excellent report as well. All three are fantastic reads. Keep it up guys, and thanks for taking the enormous amount of time to share your experiences with us all, it is very much appreciated

 

[Taz]

@ Jet It's all good! The simultaneous posting should be RWD gold! Fortunately we all 3 don't suck at writing so it should be an interesting ride for most here. We all live in different areas and come from different background but we have pretty similar perspectives. It is really pretty cool in general and it was a great time for all of us.

[Swisskid]

@ Jet It's all good! The simultaneous posting should be RWD gold! Fortunately we all 3 don't suck at writing so it should be an interesting ride for most here. We all live in different areas and come from different background but we have pretty similar perspectives. It is really pretty cool in general and it was a great time for all of us.

Except JD!

[myrddin]

I really appreciate the kind words, everybody.

This is really cool stuff, and I'd like to applaud not only Myrddin (who has this GREAT story going here) but also Taz, who's obviously a very talented writer, and now SwissKid has joined in with his excellent report as well. All three are fantastic reads. Keep it up guys, and thanks for taking the enormous amount of time to share your experiences with us all, it is very much appreciated

 

Without Taz, I would not have any trip to report about.  But if we keep lauding him, his head will get too big and he won't be able to do that cool tornado-thing! 

I'll try not to step on anyone else's T/R toes, but if I give something away just think of it as foreshadowing!

[myrddin]

Through The Doors of Perception

   One thing I’m hoping isn’t that new to me is the clothes thing. When it comes to everyday attire, I’m not a slob, but it’s fair to say I’m normally *extremely* casual. Still, I’ve never worn shorts or even jeans on a first date. When this all began, I needed new clothes anyway, so I spent a lot of time telling Taz that I don’t need to be convinced to get nice clothes. I needed pretty much everything. However, I draw the line at ties. I’ve worn a tie once in the last 23 years, for a job interview… I got that job… Hmm…. But I’ve gotten jobs without ties, too. 

   I use a credit card for bonuses and added protection on significant purchases, and then pay that amount towards the card online ASAP to avoid building new debt. As if they’re on his side, my credit card company actually calls me with a potential fraud alert because of those clothes purchases.   

   I did lose the goatee and get the haircut, which, while it wasn’t the 153-month hack I endured a few years ago, was significant!

   *sigh* I’m pretty sure Taz’d have given up on me if that horse hadn’t knocked the sense from his head….



   So I’m as ready as I can ever be, which is not at all, when Taz finally arrives at my apartment (I suppose he has things to do other than look after us! And apparently Lana’s mom wouldn’t let him get back on the road without supplying us enough homemade food for a two-week expedition in Siberia). At last, I get the local SIM card in my phone.

   We head to SK’s apartment, where SK’s out cold from exhaustion but gets ready like a sprinter. He’s almost ready to go by the time we head back to the car. But then we are waiting outside and time is passing.

   More time passes. I hoped to have a bit of time to settle, talk to the terp, psyche up in the room where I will first see the ladies, but we’re already running late. I suggest we see what the hold-up is, but I’m not allowed to move. I just sit in the car anxiously as Lana tries to talk to me a little in English. Maybe she’s trying to calm me down.

   Turns out those wonderful FSU doors and locks have pulled a number on SK, but it’s okay now and soon we’re off to the agency. I am desperately trying to memorize the streets since I’ll have to learn it on my own, but I fail miserably.

   I realize that the little gifts I collected from Chicagoland are still in my apartment. Oh well, nothing for it now. In fairness, I can’t give any gifts to any ladies at the first meeting. They’ll have to wait for second meetings. If there are any.
   
   We stop at the agency, the building looks innocent enough. Up the stairs, it's ridiculous but I can actually hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears. This is worse than high school!

   The agency owner R has opened up the agency for the weekend just for us. The door opens and luckily I have no more time to think. There are several people waiting, I’ll never know who everyone was or even exactly how many. R, two terps, both of our first meetings.  Maybe someone else, maybe several. We enter, and I immediately lose track of Taz and Lana. SK goes off to my left and begins chatting with his lady immediately, and with what to me is enviable ease. I only see her in my peripheral vision, but I’ve got a feeling if I look too closely I might not get my jaw off the floor.

   Directly ahead of me, sitting at a large desk, is the agency owner. Across the desk is an almost gratuitous hot blonde and a lady I recognize from her profile.

   Hey, how about that - my nerves have just discovered warp drive!

   Lady A is a blue-eyed blonde (which isn’t specifically my thing, but I ain’t against it!). She’s every bit as gorgeous as her pictures suggest, maybe more. She’s made up impressively and has a wonderful, shy smile. And those eyes, those eyes! They look right through me and back again, like silent Sirens luring me to my doom….

   As she stands up, I cannot decide if she’s the most attractive woman I’ve ever dated or just really, really close; my throat is already as dry as the Gobi Desert.

   I approach awkwardly.   [Ha! Bet you didn’t see THAT comin’!  ]

[dneid]

Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!   Myrddin, you tease!!!  Damn, you are worse than my ex!  For the love of Pete, man.  More more!!!

[Jet]

Yeah, quit d**kin' us around Myrddin, blue eyd Blonde with great peepers, and..................

[myrddin]

Man, tough room!     Between working overtime, workout programs, Russian lessons, and writing and talking to certain people    I've sacrificed sleep to post every day.

I was gonna title the next post "Can't Fight the Teaser", but I doubt many people have my odd synesthesia, where I hear the song in my head even with the words I'm reading changed a bit (and never mind how many people might know Veruca Salt's 1994 "Seether"...). 

I wrote it so late on Day 1 that it was actually Day 2, but before I get back to specifics:

[myrddin]

The Legends are TRUE!!!


   Blown away.

   I am absolutely blown away.

   I’m not saying this was the best day of my life, but nothing recent springs to mind.

   These are women. They still exist. Who knew?

   This isn’t my first writing since the meetings, I’ve filled the profiles with notes and every detail possible. And I already have a problem: four beautiful, intelligent, charming women, any one of whom I’d be honored to meet, much less date. I have to think hard about who to let down, because it seems like they’re worried about competing for me!

   It’s like karma is paying me back for every bad thing that’s ever happened in my life.

   I can speculate about the reasons, about culture and the causes of societal trends.  I understand statistics, but ultimately all personal experience is anecdotal. I know there are all types of women everywhere, but it is exceedingly difficult to believe that the percentages are not very different here.  Maybe this is a complete anomaly and I’ve hit a 7-reel progressive.  Each of the women I met today would stand out no matter where she lived.

   Any vestige of concern for those who think this endeavor is for losers or misfits is gone. No one who has met ladies like this could possibly have the time or patience for such idiotic preconceptions.

   I understand the Russian word for “woman” is “женщина”, but I wonder if there is really an exact equivalent in English. The best I can do is “woman as woman should be”.

   It’s good just to be around such fine ladies. It is amazing and refreshing to be around so many women who, even though each is unique, are comfortable with themselves. The dynamic of male-female interaction is more natural. It’s *right*. It’s not a game or a contest, it’s a kind of dance.

    The legends are true.

   I am just totally blown away.

   It is a good day to be a man.

[KenC]

myrddin,
Like I tell every guy involved with this: Once you go to the fsu, you will be "ruined" for life!  Great report so far.
KenC