Positive Advice For Newbies

[Doll]

Are there risks involved in this.......YES......financially, emotionally, physically

  I need to start beating my husband!
 

[Eduard]

OK I'll give you just one specific risk - The risk of family and friends meddling and using their influence. While this may happen with AW, there is the distinct advantage of a shared language where a husband has the opportunity to talk and reason with her family and friends. Unless your wife's entire social network is fluent in English, or you are fluent in Russian you will never get them to fully understand things from your perspective. Yes there are interpreters, most of which are highly professional, but there is a reason they are called interpreters and not translators.

you have a point, Jim but is it really more of a risk then when your American wive's family starts interfeering in your lives. Can you ALWAYS reason with them? I find that even when people speak the same language they in many cases can't find understanding or common ground no matter what. If they choose to iterfeer in the first place, they probably wouldn't be easy to reason with. People who can reason know better than butt into somebodie's marriage, wouldn't you agree?
Like i said, there are risks in anything and everything. But are they neccessarily RW specific?
But you are right Jim, in the scenario you described it can get very tough...

[Doll]

OK I'll give you just one specific risk - The risk of family and friends meddling and using their influence. While this may happen with AW, there is the distinct advantage of a shared language where a husband has the opportunity to talk and reason with her family and friends. Unless your wife's entire social network is fluent in English, or you are fluent in Russian you will never get them to fully understand things from your perspective. Yes there are interpreters, most of which are highly professional, but there is a reason they are called interpreters and not translators.

There is no difference if the "local" family don't like you.

[LiveFromUkraine]

This thread has been a full of crap.  I could only get through a little bit of it.

Now, I know Kuna and others understand the risks that women take in this adventure.  To actually take away the risks that men have is very foolish to say the least.  This whole thing is risky.

Now lets take the whole agency crap.  This is a dirty business to say the least.  Now there are some legitimate agencies out there but guess what agencies are more well known?  Not the honest ones.  So men must figure out what is honest and what is not.

Now lets take on the pro daters.  Do the men need to worry about what women want to milk them like cows after paying thousands of dollars to come to another country where they more than likely don't speak the language?  What risks to the women at this point?  NONE.  They need to take an hour here and there for a date.

So the men finally get through the agencies who scam them (my wife interviewed with an agency to practice her english and I know well enough what is going on), past the pro daters and on to the GCG that just want citizenship.  I will leave the GC to Max.


Now the honest RW will be leaving her country, her friends and everything she knows for a man she probably doesn't know very well.  I have heard many terrible stories of bad men taking advantage of good women once they get to the states.  My heart breaks for these women and I would love to meet these types of men face to face if you know what I mean.  A lot of times these women have children as well.  There is a huge risk for these honest women.


Now, I haven't seen any man taking what women risk away.   They are saying that men have a great risk as well.  If you can't see the risks that men have in this endeavor than I really feel sad for you.  I honestly think some people on here are either trying to make business or trying to cause trouble.




Thomas

[felix8787]

  I need to start beating my husband!
 

Wow, again you totally miss the point Doll.

[Kuna]

I'm sorry that i missunderstood you. I guess you trully found your "second half'! that's wonderful

You really are a clutz (Stumbling around foolishly...  awkward, constantly looking unprofessional and incompetent).

Eduard,  one of your pitches was that you understand women... Russian women...  That is a part of your expertise isn't it?

 

Anyone that uses your services is a fool!  I'm sorry...  there's no value in your service.

Ed's services, from what I gather, minimize the risks of being ripped off by an agency  How many men here have complained that they spent thousands of dollars writing women that were paid by the agencies to lead men on and keep them writing so fees could be charged to translate letters and phone calls.

What Ed does is basically what I did myself as I knew Russian: look on free Russian dating sites. The advantage: the numbers and the lack of expectations. Using the free Russian sites, you can meet women that were not looking specifically for a foreigner. We can debate that point, but I see that as a big advantage.

Misha,  I don't disagree with the process but I doubt a guide is advisable for a purpose.

Example:

Eduard says he doesn't give grooming advice to his clients because he feels they should relax and be themselves.  I guess he doesn't want to interfere with the probability of success or something?     Instead he will sit between a man and a woman who don't speak the same language and interpret their words and try to be a conduit so they understand each other...  So isn't this manipulating a natural outcome?  What happens when the couple are left with out his fee bearing services? 

I actually met my wife on freepersonals.ru, a free site aimed at International dating...  but I only sought women that spoke English because I knew there was a risk associated with Language.  You were lucky (or extremely well prepared) in that you spoke Russian.  Congrats.

There is no difference if the "local" family don't like you.

You're either attempting to be an ignorant pain in the butt or you are one.  Either way your advice holds no value.





Late Addition:

Amen Thomas... I think we can all leave it there now!

[Doll]

Wow, again you totally miss the point Doll.

I am not- I am joking 

[Doll]

You're either attempting to be an ignorant pain in the butt or you are one.  Either way your advice holds no value.

  Again butt! 
 YOU ARE being ignorant- read Ed's post over.  The family that is here would interfere times more than people overseas.Times!

[Doll]

 Эдик, фсе- пристрели,штоп не мучалась. Оставь себе последнюю пулю 

[Kuna]

  Again butt! 
 YOU ARE being ignorant- read Ed's post over.  The family that is here would interfere times more than people overseas.Times!

I'm sorry, I don't understand. 

Forgive me for being too dumb to understand your next post too where you speak Russian.  I could go through the effort of translating but why bother???  You say nothing of value anyway - just the rantings of some silly woman.

Can you rephrase this one though because your english grammar is poor?  I don't understand what you're saying.

Thanks,

Kuna

[Doll]

It will be same value 

[LiveFromUkraine]

It will be same value 

Doll, I really haven't understood a lot of what you said either.  I can appreciate a second language and all the difficulties that come with it.  It would help a lot if you would explain more than one sentence comments.


Thomas

[Doll]

If her family is here (she is a local girl) then the chance the in-laws  intrude in  the marriage is much bigger.

[felix8787]

Good, reasonable post Felix. I guess what I am trying to say is that there are risks in anything you do in life, from the time you get up from the bed, go to the shower, you might fall down on a slippery wet floor and break your head, you might get into a car crash going to your local grocery store, you might walk in a convinience store as it is getting robbed and get shot, etc. What I don't see is how and why getting a RW is more of a risk then getting an AW.

Of course there is Ed, there's risk everywhere, but the risk of going to a foreign country and not knowing what to expect or happen certainly out weighs anything that could happen here locally IMO.

you wrote: to say that the risk is low or none  for an AM is absurd. Anything could of happened to me while I was there and I mean anything. is it any different here in the US? Anything can happen here as well. I've been held at gun point in NY, crashed into while driving, witnessed robbery, assaults and even death. My point is that  anythingcan really happen anywhere

I don't know, all that I do know is that I was treated quiet well while I was in FSU. But anything can happen anywhere, it would IMO just depend on the morality of the people in the place that you are at.

you wrote: Her brother is police officer, who's to say that he couldn't of done something to really mess me up with me being there, but he didn't b/c IMO he is a down to earth fellow Russian and I guess you could say that we were friends.
let's say we have the same scenario here in the US, and the brother  of the girl you are trying to date really doesn't like you. He also happens to be a Louisiana cop who also happen to make extra money by robbing drug dealers and contracting for organised crime (true story, I know the guy) Do you think that there wouldn't be any risk envolved in dating his sister if he hates your guts?

Of course there is risk in that particular situation. It's the choice of the person dating the woman if he wants to deal with that.

you wrote: My operation could have gone sour (use your imagination) but it didn't!
and they could of ripped me off financially. but they didn't, because you were smart about it. you mean to tell me that people don't get ripped off financially here in the US??? I personally know a guy that married a gold digger`AW who was married 6 times before him. She is a beautiful blond who only marries rich men and in a couple of years takes them for everything she can, then moves on to the next victim. They speak the same language and are from the same culture, yet they still fall victim to her. Is that a risk? Off course it is!

Thank goodness that it didn't or else I wouldn't be here Ed writing in RWD, if anything nobody would of ever known.
Yes they do get ripped off here in the US Ed, but here you can raise HELL, talk with management or whatever other means possible to fix the situation or get your money back. I don't know how it would be over there if I would of gotten ripped off, but I imagine that nothing would of been done about it IMO, maybe b/c of my lack of the Russian langauge and they could of just shrugged it off, I don't know.
And your friend didn't see the red flags with her? 6 times? That might be the start of another thread.

Fortunately I was lucky enough not to have experienced those downsides of the risks involved when going there. I am sinceraly happy that you didn't and hopefully nothing bad happens to you here in the US

Thanks Ed

felix8787

[LiveFromUkraine]

Speaking of risks.

I have traveled around the world somewhat and I have never been poisoned with bad vodka, dragged into a police station and robbed of all money as well as the police extorting a $500 phone from my brother in law in order to release me.  My brother in law was pretty scared for me since police has a nasty tendency of beating people and pinning crimes on them here.

Yeah, you are right, no men have risks in this adventure.   



Thomas

[Jumper]

Doll-
I do think im many cases the risk factor is higher for the RW and would never deny that.
i admire all who have taken such  challenge on to relocate thier lives.

that said-
you have been in the USA?  about 5 years?
 and from your statements certainly do not understand the INS or the way it can be easily abused.

My wife went thru the whole immigration process (like yourself)
and has been here many years now.
but if she was so inclined , she could have come here, left me in two weeks and become a US citizen much faster.

if you PERSONALLY do not understand how to manipulate the INS system.
ok.(and honurable)
but your own lack of understanding  of INS protocal, or naivete' of the motivations of others  who would do so , does not eliminate the risk on a citizen marrying a foriegn national
(and to be honest, this situation effects american women marrying forign nationals as well)

if you want some  increased risk spelled out
read the affidivate of support form,that  your husband had to fill out  in filing a family visa application for you.
He is responcible for life.
it IS a risk he would not have to take or sign, when marrying a US citizen.
it is an INCREASED risk. yes monatary. yes not a big one as most RW are not going to live on welfare.

The risks involved for either party are HIGHLY flexible and different in everyones situation.

I admire my wife for all she has done, accomplished and overcome in relocating her life.

but i could easily takle your same cavalier attitude about risk,
 and say she risked nothing?

she knew me quite well.
so what did she have to lose?
some time? a decent vacation to another country?

She could easily get her old job back,, still holds the ownership of her flat.

My risks were also minimal..
and i certainly have no paranoia.
but i did risk a bit more in my mariage to my wife, than to someone local.
it's foolish to think otherwise.

and i would say she took more risks marrying me ,than marrying a local Russian man,,


 the statements you make that the INS protects the AM in this venture , is quite honestly silly.
would you like me to copy /paste from the INS website, how they clearly  define
how a married immigrant can apply for thier ten year GC  early , when NOT still married ..?
(its FASTER than going thru the process as a legitimate married couple )

also the guidelines for the 864? affidavit of support ..?

is it high risk? to me no.
but greater risk than marrying a fellow citizen. yes.

this does not negate the fact that indeed most RW risk far more!!

carry on...
 


but i cant believe noone has lined out the basic fundementals ,at the very least,
 after 11 pages.
RWD is slipping.

[I/O]

I do not consider driving cars as dangerous.  Racing cars, yes!

Ah Gator, you're touching the point now. Being married to RW after being married to a WW is something akin to stepping out of 4000 pound, 250 hp 50's Chev into a 1800 pound, 600 hp formula 1 with super electronic throttle. The best of drivers "hit the wall" in these at times and what a mess when they do.

I/O

[Ooooops]

People get killed every day driving automobiles, yet I do not consider driving cars as dangerous.  Racing cars, yes! 

Exactly.   If you take normal activity, like driving or traveling or creating a family to the extreme level - oooops, you got yourself some danger and risk!   

[Eduard]

ight, after 11 pages of this, does anyone have anything positive to say about marrying a woman from the FSU? I thought that this was supposed to be the topic of this thread? Catman, it's your thread... am I missing something? Many pages ago I tryed to get it back on track and described my relationship with my wife and how happy she and our daughter makes me. I have been called dumb for raising a question, you've been called a fool for using my services, Doll has been insulted and belittled for agreeing with my opinion and having her own that doen't neccessarily coinside with some other member's and somebody even made fun of her English skills...that was really shallow and uncalled for.
"Can't we all just get alone?" Rodney King.

[Mod5]

Эдик, фсе- пристрели,штоп не мучалась. Оставь себе последнюю пулю 

Doll, have you actually read the terms of use you agreed to when you signed up? They state, and I quote:

Rules of Conduct

The 'official' language is of this site is English. The vast majority of our board members are literate in English, hence, posts and communications are expected to be in English. Accommodations may be made for our international visitors to post in other languages in specific sections of the site, but the predominant and 'official' language remains English.

If you feel compelled to post in Russian in the Starting Out section, where most of the readers are new, please accompany your Russian language posts with  English language translations.

[Taz]

Doll-


but i cant believe noone has lined out the basic fundementals ,at the very least,
 after 11 pages.
RWD is slipping.

I can't believe there is a thread on this anyway. There is so much hype from the agencies that the positive advice is definitely out there. Read the trip reports. There is a ton of positiive advice there.

[Jumper]

Eduard-

sorry , yes the topic drifted many pages ago..
so on page 11 it isnt likely to return to "positives"


 I think there are many positives, there have to be enough to overcome the
addoitional  risk  



The reason i dint chime in on the positives ,, of "RW",
is that after years of marriage, my wife is simply my wife,
her nationality is naturally part of the equation, but a small part.

others may feel differently,
but honestly the specific positives about my wife,
 that i admire and adore-
 are her own, and  not reflective of her nationality.

 I think the best examples of positives of "rw" are often found in reading the
posts of RW members here.
(not from us knuckleheads listing what RW alledgedly are ,or arn't?)

A western man reading a good percentage of the RW  posts here , should clearly  see the (positive) differences in outlook that are subtle, yet important, in relationships.

They are probably the only actual difference he will find ?(but i agree they are important)
 I wish i could explain it well.I can't put a finger on a particular example,or positive, its far more "general"?

My wife(and many RW i know) generally have a certain mindset when it comes to relationships.That outlook is refreshing to me,,(but might not be to someone else)
While in my view refreshing and overall very positive..
it has both positives and negative sides to it,and it may be a bit different than what a western man is accustomed to,at least certainly in a long term relationship.


Sorry to be so vague...
to me it is much like the often repeated expression here-

When a RW loves you,
you will certainly know it.
(if you are left guessing, no need for doubts or to dwell on it,  she simply doesn't)

The same for the real , root positives.
I am not quite sure they can be expressed well to someone with no experience in a RW relationship?
but if you are in one, you certainly know them.

this may seem silly to read.
the married guys will know what i'm talking about, both good and bad,
and others can't imagine.


I can describe in great detail the feeling and thoughts of what its like to jump out of an airplane at night..,into an area you have little information about and uncertain any outcome... but until you actually do it..?
( yes life with a RW is a much more pleasant experience than this example lol)

but most situations in  life simply need to be experienced,
descriptions fall very short.

i dont think this is much different,
but it is the nature of a forum to try?


 

[Ooooops]

The reason i dint chime in on the positives ,, of "RW",
is that after years of marriage, my wife is simply my wife,
her nationality is naturally part of the equation, but a small part.

Can't agree more!   

[Jumper]

  Taz- i'm more surprised at a thread based on

*wether to tell the truth, or how truthful to be*
 
 i consider trust and honesty the basic foundation a relationship is based on, so to determine what to reveal ,and when , seems an alien concept to me?  obviuosly someone asking normal questions should be replied to with honesty -
and in a context they can relate to..
and someone asking uncomfortable or probing questions too soon in a relationship is a turn off..and you make a decision on thier motives from that,and wether to continue..?
 deciding to be secretive or intentionally illusive isn't an answer.. ?


but i should have that *rant* in the other thread.. LOL  

[steviej]

Hello Folks! I'm new to RWD, but I've been married to my RW for more than 5 years. This is an interesting thread, and since I've been through it all, and even married my RW and now have the happiest marriage I ever could have dreamed of, I'll make some comments.

First, for the AM, this is all definitely worth the risks.
Second, IMHO, the "risks" are greater for the RW than for the AM. Why? Because the risks to the AM are, in the end, financial (there maybe heartbreak, but that's for any relationship, not to diminish it). For the RW, she can be stranded, broke, disillusioned, humiliated, and ill-equipped, to either struggle on her own to support herself here where her education means nothing, or suffer through the abrupt return to her homeland humiliated, and perhaps wiser and more cynical, with greater difficulty restarting her life there.
Third, there are many things about my wife that are so special, wonderful and different that make our marriage and life wonderful that I could never have found in an AM. These wonderful things exist about her because she is Russian. Why is this so? I don't know, but I know it is so. I dated many AW after my divorce (I was married to an AW before divorcing and marrying my RW) and there is just no AW that could be anything like my wife. Really, I feel like I am the luckiest man in the world.
Fourth, having an RW for a wife is a big responsibility. I think some of the guys that get involved with this and then have difficulties are just not prepared for that level of responsibility. That's probably why, in general, I think the older more well established guys would have much higher success overall in this. If I was 25 and this was my first marriage, I would just not be prepared to handle that level of responsibility. But I'm 45, I have an established career, I've been married before, and I know how to handle things. I had a good understanding of the kind of woman that I needed and wanted, and I knew that I would be able to take care of all this business for her. This has always been greatly reassuring to her.

Well, I guess I've gone on enough for my first post here At any rate, I'm looking forward to further discussions with you folks.