So You Want a Younger Woman? True Confessions ...

[LiveFromUkraine]

Thomas " fighting" today  everywhere ,not only on this forum sometimes I also have such mood 

I am not fighting at all.  In fact I am very relaxed.  I just call it the way I see it.  I like to be straight with people.  If you don't like what I have to say then too bad.  I have every right to post how I feel just like everyone else.  I won't be bullied from some irish know it all and flunkies.

Also, Look through the posts here to see if anyone else had problems with Eduard and his constant business on these forums.  You will see I am not the only one.  That would be the other conversation you are referring to.


Thanks for your post.  



Thomas

[msmoby_ru]

It was difficult to break things off with Tatiana. It's one of the reasons I had decided my "no sex" rule, at least on this first visit. I spent about 2-3 weeks significantly "slowing down" with Tatiana, and she could tell obviously that something big had changed since my departure. I did not just drop her into silence. But I did not tell the whole truth. I said I had gotten re-involved with someone here (AW) unexpectedly, and things had just clicked. She was sad, and so was I. But the "no sex" part makes for a much more respectful break-off.

My wife knows that I met with another RW before her, but not that it was the week immediately preceding our meeting.

Dear SteveJ

Thanks for telling us the answer to a question I *really* regret asking     

[msmoby_ru]

I am not fighting at all.  In fact I am very relaxed.  I just call it the way I see it.  I like to be straight with people.  If you don't like what I have to say then too bad.  

That would be fine, if you didn't misquote , misunderstand, and fail to admit it....

I have every right to post how I feel just like everyone else.  I won't be bullied from some irish know it all and flunkies.

I'd have this complex of yours checked out - You're being "bullied", now ?

Also, Look through the posts here to see if anyone else had problems with Eduard and his constant business on these forums.  You will see I am not the only one.  That would be the other conversation you are referring to.


Thanks for your post.  

Thomas

Methinks thou dost protest too much...

[GreginGa]

Mark I personally dont think you're doing anything to defuse the situation by calling the man something other than his name.

[LiveFromUkraine]

That would be fine, if you didn't misquote , misunderstand, and fail to admit it....

I'd have this complex of yours checked out - You're being "bullied", now ?

Methinks thou dost protest too much...

How many posts are you averaging per day now?  Maybe it is time for you to go to bed.  

I am really serious when I say this, what have you posted that really helped?  I haven't seen it but may have missed a gem here or there.  You do post a lot and I just can't keep up.  

I have seen you blast people because they like to visit more than one woman when they travel over her for the first time.  Is that all?


Is that how you respond?  By saying I have a complex?  GREAT REBUTTAL.



Thomas

[msmoby_ru]

Mark I personally dont think you're doing anything to defuse the situation by calling the man something other than his name.

Hi Greg

as a "non involved" person you are correct, and I reverted to Thomas, and noted that our exchange was rather pathetic...

I'm sorry you needed to state the obvious.. ( that's not meant as an insult, btw .. )

[LiveFromUkraine]

Hi Greg

as a "non involved" person you are correct, and I reverted to Thomas, and noted that our exchange was rather pathetic...

I'm sorry you needed to state the obvious..

It is best to just agree we won't be the best of friends as I hoped and just move on.  I apologize for mucking up this thread with our heated exchange.



Thomas

[GreginGa]

So it's done. We soldier on and try and be as cordial as possible. I know I've certainly pissed off my fair share on these boards in the past and hopefully in the future if I feel one so richly deserves.

[Ooooops]

Based on the ladies that my wife knew (and knows), other couples we’ve met there, and friends of her younger sister, my completely unscientific study says that 30% - 50% of the ladies marry men more than 10 years older than they.

As we say in Russia - fisherman sees another fisherman from afar    I guess because I and my friends are same age couples (+/- couple years) we don't see too many couples with age difference.   And I'm not judging here which way is better - which ever works that one is better.    

[steviej]

As we say in Russia - fisherman sees another fisherman from afar    I guess because I and my friends are same age couples (+/- couple years) we don't see too many couples with age difference.   And I'm not judging here which way is better - which ever works that one is better.    

I like the expression. We have a simiilar one in US, "birds of a feather flock together." It's very likely that the ladies my wife feels an affinity to are similar to her in regards to age as well. I remember reading in some "Russia Today"-type magazine that a Russian man in Moscow who has achieved some success is expected to have a pretty wife at leats 10 years younger than he is.

My wife's younger sister (5 yrs younger) , on the other hand, is a very different kind of girl. She's already older than my wife was when we got married but doesn't have any feelings about getting a husband. My wife has tried to talk her into working with a good marriage agency and finding a good husband. You see, for my wife, the most important thing in life for a woman is to find the right man for husband and to have your own family and home. Everything else is secondary (career, hot vacations, whatever) and you can do that later (which we do, by the way - we have a lot of fun). Her sister just wants to have a good time (much to her mother's chagrin). She dates many different men of all ages, and none, it seems, for very long. And as far as an older man being in a better position career-wise and financially for marriage, that has no meaning to her.

In the end, of course, it's two people living together, loving each other and enjoying each other's company. If that's not working, then how you got there doesn't matter too much.

[Ooooops]

In the end, of course, it's two people living together, loving each other and enjoying each other's company. If that's not working, then how you got there doesn't matter too much.

Amen to that!   

[msmoby_ru]

In the end, of course, it's two people living together, loving each other and enjoying each other's company. If that's not working, then how you got there doesn't matter too much.

I'm really starting to "dislike" you already Very astute words !

[Zmejka]

steviej, i read your story about meeting your wife and i'm glad you're both happy together during all these years - and hopefully - there're more to come!
I wanted to ask you - you wrote "When I went to Moscow, I was way past the “getting to know someone” phase with these two ladies. I think we both would have said that we felt we new each other with a high level of intimacy"
As no lady knew about another - didn't any of them ask you if you were writing to others or if you were going to meet other women? How did you avoid to express your thoughts about the future, family together, possible changes in their life (if things progressed in a right direction like moving to another country etc.) when writing to both women? Didn't they express their thoughts and feelings about it? Because i suggest that high level of intimacy includes discussing such things (with the remark "if everything works out between us"). Or all discussions of such kind were postponed till the real meeting?

And i'd like to ask also about how did your wife apply her diploma - philology and literature - in the US? Or did she have to study again? I heard there're not many opportunities for Russian language or Russian literature teachers overthere (did i understand correctly her dimploma was in Russian philology and literature)?

[steviej]

steviej, i read your story about meeting your wife and i'm glad you're both happy together during all these years - and hopefully - there're more to come!
I wanted to ask you - you wrote "When I went to Moscow, I was way past the “getting to know someone” phase with these two ladies. I think we both would have said that we felt we new each other with a high level of intimacy"
As no lady knew about another - didn't any of them ask you if you were writing to others or if you were going to meet other women? How did you avoid to express your thoughts about the future, family together, possible changes in their life (if things progressed in a right direction like moving to another country etc.) when writing to both women? Didn't they express their thoughts and feelings about it? Because i suggest that high level of intimacy includes discussing such things (with the remark "if everything works out between us"). Or all discussions of such kind were postponed till the real meeting?

And i'd like to ask also about how did your wife apply her diploma - philology and literature - in the US? Or did she have to study again? I heard there're not many opportunities for Russian language or Russian literature teachers overthere (did i understand correctly her dimploma was in Russian philology and literature)?

I am guilty during the 8 weeks of daily phone calls and emails preceding my visit with these two ladies of "two timing" them both. That is the only way to describe it because I did not tell either one that I was in communication with another. It was not the right thing to do. I wish now that I had told both of them about the other. I believe things would have worked out the same, because this was during the letter and phone call stage, and I believe they each would have accepted it (I mean, that there was 1 other I was in communicating with. Knowing both ladies, they would not have accepted that I was communicating with many other ladies.) I think if I had had a forum like RWD to talk about this, I would have come to that conclusion. As it was, things just kept going forward, and my ideas and feelings about this were confused. Strangely, neither did ask if I was doing anything seriously with anyone else. I never talked about "when we are married ..." or things like that. I also didn't talk about "when you are in USA you will do this or that ..." Since I had been married before (and the last 10 years being particularly alienating) I had had a lot of time to think about myself, marriage, and what I really wanted in a woman and marriage. I don't mean anything like housework. I  mean spiritually and emotionally. Even philosophically. Both of these ladies were (are) highly intelligent and highly educated. There seemed to be no end to things to discuss. It was an extraordinary experience for me.

About my wife's degrees, she has not applied them in a "career" sense here. She has not had the desire to return to university to finish a degree locally in something else. Nor does she have any desire to be a "career woman." She is quite happy being an outstanding housewife and spending her free time on things that interest her: painting (she's a very good artist), sewing (she can make anything) and scouting around for interesting things to do at museums, lectures and galleries. I have to say, we have a great life. She is my spiritual and intellectual soul mate.

Are you thinking about these issues for yourself at this time?

[msmoby_ru]

I can't help noticing that all the married couples here where the man is 20 or more years older then the wife have no children.
As someone said in a post there is a certain type of woman who desires a much older man, perhaps one of the feature of these young ladies is that (unlike other women in their 20s) they don't have a strong desire to have children.

or.. may be the guys have kids, already, and don't want anymore .. .. it's a very personal subject, Mir;)

[Markus]

Dude,

You have a target, just go for it. But, when you find your younger women, please don't try to
justify it by saying, "you just fell in love." 

Mark

[diverboy70]

I was looking for a younger woman for one specific reason. I have been thinking long and hard about this. I just don't want to take in new stepchildren. I know that this is crazy, because I demand this of my future woman (I have a son)  But it is my choise!

Anyway, I rather start a new family with our own children. And I am allways very straghtforward with this!

The woman I have found is 24 (I'm 38)and is really ok with my son.

[steviej]

I was looking for a younger woman for one specific reason. I have been thinking long and hard about this. I just don't want to take in new stepchildren. I know that this is crazy, because I demand this of my future woman (I have a son)  But it is my choise!

Anyway, I rather start a new family with our own children. And I am allways very straghtforward with this!

The woman I have found is 24 (I'm 38)and is really ok with my son.

Be a true "real man" as the ladies in FSU say, and you will find what you want. Good luck. If you're brave, you can keep us posted on how things progress with your lady.

[Ooooops]

The woman I have found is 24 (I'm 38)and is really ok with my son.

Have you lived together yet?   

[diverboy70]

Have you lived together yet?  

No we have not done that yet. So I should maybe say that he is ok with the "concept" of me having a son from a previous marriage.

She is however used with children, since she has worked as au-pair for a family with a girl in the same age as my son.

[Ooooops]

No we have not done that yet.

Oh, dear...   Well, I hope that your theory works!   Good luck! 

(although I would think that a woman with children would accept step child much better than one who doesn't have any kids of her own)

[mspanky]

  If your son is ell behaved and you give him discipline then I think all ill be fine. But if you and the ex tend to compete and let the little guy have his way most of the time I would say it may be difficult. Will you allow her to discipline your child also with "time outs" or whatever?

  Being an Au-Pair is way different from having kids. The Au=Pair helps the mother but gives the kid back. The Au-Pair does not haver the child 24/7. Cannot give discipline,doesn't stay up through the night with child when sick, etc.

 Also as an Au=Pair she may have seen what life can be when you have money. May expect the same lifestyle from you.

[diverboy70]

Yes I know it is not the same to thing to be an au-pair and to have your own kids! But i don't really see this as a major problems at this time. There are still so many unknown factors in this. I just know that I like this girl! I will go back for 10 days in three weeks. And just take it step by step.

I am not really worried about the money bit either. I know I have the ability to bring her here and support her in starting a new life, if we get to that point. But I am not I rich man in that scence! And she doesn't seem to care a lot of that. She knows the basics of my economical situation and is ok with that.

[ScottinCrimea]

diverboy, I don't know how long you have known her.  If only a relatively short time, you still have much to learn about her.  It sounds like what you know (or think you know) so far is great but only with time and seeing how she reacts in situations (not only how she says she will react) will tell you what you need to know.  Like you said, just take it step by step and you will be fine.

[diverboy70]

Yes Scott! You are absolutely right!

She seems to be a very good girl. But it is far to early to say anything about the future! But I try not to focus on practical problems at this time. I just want to get to know this girl better! And this process is nothing that you should rush! After getting involved in this "search" I just wants to laugh when I hear the expression MOB, there is no such thing! Its just like any other dating, just a lot more complicated! I am going in to this with my eyes wide open (even if I was a little blown away during that weekend  )

At least Im invited to meet her parents on the next trip, and that is said to be a good sign