A well thought out WOVO Plan

[Kuna]

I just read a post by a relatively new member and I thought to myself, "What a well thought out WOVO approach".

I just wanted to copy his post here for othe newbies to see that WOVO can be done successfully - and there is more than one way to find what you're looking for.

Please,  no one waste their time picking fault or blasting out the warning cries...  I jut thought there were a few comments he made that proved an uncommon maturity in is thought process - and dare I say he probably benefited from RWD on the way.

Congrats to the poster...  There's a long road ahead yet but you're doing fine!

You started off coming to the board attempting to determine: WMVO, WOVO, WMVM.

I see that as more of a personal judgment call based on what fits your personality and your ability to identify woman that might be a good match for you. But you must also make a realistic assessment of the time you have available to write women, your vacation time to see them now, in the future through the visa and financial resources available to pursue this and adjust accordingly.

When you date at home do you date more than one lady at the same time as you attempt to find the right match? Meaning do you go on multiple dates with multiple ladies in the same period of time? Or do you find one lady you really click with after meeting/emailing/talking on the phone/etc., and shift your focus on getting to know her and go on dates with her as you determine if she is the right one? I fall more to the latter end of the equation than to the former. But what is your style? What works best for you? Are you able to size a woman up pretty quickly or do you move slowly?

When I was wrestling with the WMVO, WOVO, WMVM question I read something somewhere that influenced my opinion. Basically, you are more likely to take a lady more seriously if you are going to see one as opposed to being focused on the next one or the last one you saw. You may think from photos the next one will be the best one and not take the current one as seriously only to regret it later. And she is more likely to take you more seriously as well, in my opinion, if you are only visiting her. Some will probably disagree and say that she will try harder for you if she knows you are seeing other woman and she needs to compete.

If you visit only one you must really do your homework first, get as many non-studio every day photos of her as you can, talk to her on the phone and if you get lucky a webcam. If she has internet at home I would strongly suggest figuring out the web cam as that has made a massive difference for me. I believe visiting her in her city is important as well so you can see if she introduces you to her family and how she acts when she introduces you. It also takes the burden off you of figuring out what to plan to do for the time you spend with her as she will want to show you around her city. I am sure the many members that have infinitely more experience than I do can offer many more valuable tips.

If you did not guess I probably fall into the WOVO a I quickly whittled the search down to one woman. We started off emailing, which quickly turned to using a combo of sms/im to get around the time difference, I set up a jajah.com account so she could call me at no cost to her when she wanted to (incoming calls to a cell phone are free for her and that is how jajah works) and then we got on a web cam (she had one) and the rest is history. Talking to her on a web cam let me see some body language and most importantly her eyes. It was very clear to both of us the other was very interested in the other and we matched up well, so I went to visit her in her city. I moved a lot quicker than most here would likely recommend but so far it has gone very well.

If you do visit only one you better have a backup plan. I had a backup idea that I would have acted on, although it was not a thorough plan and I would have been flying by the seat of my pants. I booked my flat through a different agency than the one we met through, Elena's Models, and would have gone to them to meet some ladies in that city. Or I would have jetted off to Kiev but that would have cost me more money. Fortunately, I did not need my backup plan as the trip went better than I could have imagined.

-E

Congrats mate - it's great to see a well thought out plan come off! 

 

[Jet]

I've spoken with epdx off board and he really does seem to have his sh!t together all the way around. His post highlights a lot of the same thinking/motivation I used when I went the WOVO route 6 years ago, before ever discovering these types of forums. I had only ever dated two women simultaneously once in my early 20's. It lasted about 4 weeks and I thought my head was going to explode trying to keep track of what I had told to whom, who I was supposed to meet at what time, etc. Even with the obvious additional risks of WOVO, the way Lil and I met almost dictated this type of meeting, and it felt very natural, and very comfortable for both of us.

[Taz]

There is no ONE way to meet women. My main point of contention is there are greater risks as even Jet mentions with WOVO. People need to decide what will work best for them. I've seen people get lucky doing all the wrong things too. Sending money before meeting, meeting in a foreign place for the first time, etc., etc.

People should carefully way the pros and cons of each approach and no matter what have a back up plan. Without a backup for a WOVO and it goes bust you just wasted a large chunk of time, money and energy. You in effect have NO OTHER CHOICES. To me that is too big of a risk. If I was 25-30 and had a lot of time to potentially start over I'd be less concerned.

[msmoby_ru]

There is no ONE way to meet women. My main point of contention is there are greater risks as even Jet mentions with WOVO. People need to decide what will work best for them. I've seen people get lucky doing all the wrong things too. Sending money before meeting, meeting in a foreign place for the first time, etc., etc.

People should carefully way the pros and cons of each approach and no matter what have a back up plan. Without a backup for a WOVO and it goes bust you just wasted a large chunk of time, money and energy. You in effect have NO OTHER CHOICES. To me that is too big of a risk. If I was 25-30 and had a lot of time to potentially start over I'd be less concerned.

But may be WOVO's don't FEEL the need for a backup .. they don't think it is risk.. As you say.. folk need to work out what's best for them.. for *ME* meeting lots of wonderful ladies at a time - I couldn't be objective and there are some very BIG sexual health risks involved. ..more esp in the FSU. I'd rather waste my time and money

[Shadow]

I agree with Taz that there is no one way. But the original post shows the things one should weigh before making the decision what kind of plan to use. One very important thing is time, but equally important is your own disposition towards dating.
WOVO has the risk that you will end up with nothing, WMVM has the risk that the options cloud your choice, and you find out only after the second trip, ending up with the same nothing.
There are more ways to fail than to succeed... so better choose whatever fits you best.

[Gator]

Kuna,

Yes epdx's plan is well conceived given his objectives and personality. 

He hit home with me when he asked, "When you date at home do you date more than one lady at the same time...?"

My style is one woman at a time even though I went as a WMVF.  I never dated RW concurrently, so that sticky situation never materialized.  In fact, I avoided dating women from the same city and scheduled my trip to spend a few days or as much as a week with each of the FEW in separate cities. 

Another issue did emerge, however.  That is the degree of seriousness I gave to those who I met first.  On my initial trip, my favorite was scheduled last, and I perhaps did hold back some with those before her.  The important point is that they did not hold a candle to my favorite and that made my favorite even more compelling when I finally met her (and married her 6 years later).  Assuming my favorite dumped me, I would not have re-visited any of those I met first and would have started over.

If I had met my favorite first, I would have been even less serious with the others.  In fact, I think I would have cancelled my meetings and asked my favorite to spend more time with me.

 

[epdx]

Thanks guys. Just adding my $.02 about what worked for me. I cannot emphasize enough how much of a difference a web cam has made.

[epdx]

And yes I have read quite a bit of RWD even if I have not posted much. Very helpful board.

[msmoby_ru]

If I had met my favorite first, I would have been even less serious with the others.  In fact, I think I would have cancelled my meetings and asked my favorite to spend more time with me.

Exactly... your instinct was good We should all trust in it more !

[diverboy70]

I really recognized my own thoughts in epdx's plan. I think he has a very logical reasoning. I also did a WOVO, and had a wonderful trip! I just can not do a WMVM, it's not for me! But all have to this their own way! I can also understand why you don't want to do a WOVO if you live in the state. It's a huge risk if it does not work out. Honestly if I lived in the states I don't think I would have got involved in this at all. I am very lucky to live just one hours flight from S:t Pete and i am just treating this as dating any woman. And so far I have been very lucky! 

[djfourmonie]

Thanks guys. Just adding my $.02 about what worked for me. I cannot emphasize enough how much of a difference a web cam has made.

 Glad I invested in one of the better ones -

 http://www.everythingusb.com/logitech_quickcam_ultra_vision.html

 Works great and I suggest those that haven't bought a web cam yet, to get a good one. I can also make calls from mine and talk to a Russian girl I know every so often via this web cam and MSN.

 

[UTRO]

WOVO for me. Suits my Personality and Character.

[felix8787]

I did a WOVO, as WMVM does not suit me... I like to focus on one woman to get to know her, see how we interact with each other etc etc etc...


felix8787

[Misha]

To cite the immortal words of Robert Burns:

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

Or as it goes the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry leaving you nothing but pain and grief.

I did a WOVO before meeting my wife. Thought that she was perfect and she seemed to be into me as well. We chatted for a couple of months, spent much time on the phone. However, when I finally spent a few weeks with her, she realized that she had still not gotten over her ex-husband.

I then decided that serial WOVO was much better. Date one woman, if things do not work out immediately, move on. Saved me much grief and pain and fits the fact that chemistry usually happens in the first few minutes after meeting.

[diverboy70]

I defenetely see the locigal benfefits of WMVM but I could just not do that myself. I am a hardcore WOVO, but I would be ok with back-up plans. However I have the advantange of living just one hours flight away from St:Petersburg So for me it is not really a practical problem with WOVO  If I was living in the US I would probably not go this way! I am today glad that i don't live there

[UTRO]

If I was living in the US I would probably not go this way! I am today glad that i don't live there

Ah, ya....er...ah....Me too!!   

[Ronnie]

Comparing dating at home to dating in the FSU is not without fallacy.  At home you have months or years to engage in serial dating.  In FSU, with only a few weeks at a time available, you must compress everything.  I am against both WOVO and WMVM.  I did both and saw and experienced the drawbacks of each. 

Ultimately I decided what worked was just to go and do serial dating.  A first meeting BTW is not a date.  You can meet, say, 10 women in a week, then pick the one with mutual interest to date until a decision about  feelings and marriage can reasonably be made.  If it only takes a second date to rule out a continued relationship, then move on to the next prospect.  That's not dating many at one time, which I tried and didn't like.

[steviej]

I'd like to propose an entirely new mode: WMVMMM
That is write many, visit many, and .. marry many!!

[diverboy70]

Comparing dating at home to dating in the FSU is not without fallacy.  At home you have months or years to engage in serial dating.  In FSU, with only a few weeks at a time available, you must compress everything. 

This is true even if you live close to the FSU! You don´t have the constant interaction with your girl that is so important in building a realtionship, especially in the early stages! I am very fortunate to have a very good girl that I trust completely, so I don't have to worry about that issue! It will allways be a bit of  uncertanty, since you can not really date as you do at home. I also think that is why you really have to let this take the time that is needed! Yes there are one week wonders, but most of us need some more time!

[SANDRO43]

I'd like to propose an entirely new mode: WMVMMMThat is write many, visit many, and .. marry many!!

That could appllicable to M(uslims) and M(ormons ?) only .

[Ronnie]

Sandro, you're usually up to date on stuff.  I don't think those religions do that anymore... I think there are some African and South American tribes, and a fundamentalist group in North America that get way with..even some international airline pilots!

[SANDRO43]

Sandro, you're usually up to date on stuff.  I don't think those religions do that anymore...

That's why I put a question mark after Mormons. However, polygyny is still religiously sanctioned in the Muslim world (the Quran, the foundation of Islam, being word of God is forever UNCHANGEABLE, to the point that translations are NOT allowed to believers in non Arabic-speaking countries):

Sura 4:3:
And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, you may marry two or three or four women whom you choose. But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one wife, or marry those who have fallen in your possession..

Although some predominantly-Muslim countries have limited or even prohibited (e.g. Tunisia, Turkey and Bosnia) polygyny.

[OlgaH]

Polygamy and religion
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy

[steviej]

Sandro, you're usually up to date on stuff.  I don't think those religions do that anymore... I think there are some African and South American tribes, and a fundamentalist group in North America that get way with..even some international airline pilots!

Polygamy is still definitely cool in Islam. You can have 4 wives. You have to support them all equally. In Islam there is no separation of church and state either, so there is no secular law that overrides that. That's why there's all these conflicts in Western countries with Sharia and civil law. The Muslims, as soon as the get some strength, start pushing to be allowed to live in their community by Sharia instead of civil law. Mormon theology allows polygamy, but they also accept civil law, and abide by the exclusion of polygamy in US and other countries.

That's a good example by the way about why the social ideologies of "diversity" and "multiculturalism" are false and doomed to increased social fragmentation and conflict. There is no such thing as a "common law" under which many happy cultures agree to live peacefully. Law is, by definition, the enforcement of cultural norms of a group through the institutions of the group. You cannot have "equal protection" under the law, and at the same time have law where for one group polygamy is legal, and for another illegal, based on their "culture'. This is where the "one world one people" Global idealists drive me crazey. They are truly driving toward the continued destruction of Western civilization, which should not be taken lightly.

[Ronnie]

Under the broad definition of Polygamy, it would seem that a serial monogamist could meet that definition perhaps.