One month update

[START2]

Just thought I'd stop in and say hello. It's been a very busy month and all is good. No, all is excellent. There hasn't been any surprises. Maybe because we spent alot of time together before deciding to do the K-1.  There have been a few times when I walked into the bedroom and found her crying and the reason was  home sickness. She calls home everyday, but it's not the same. All I can do is lay down with her, let her put her head on my shoulder and console her. When the cry is over, well, she just gets closer to me. I thought missing home would last longer but she's coming along just fine.

After the 2nd week we spent 5 days in Pensacola. I' m glad we did it then. A week later Katrina hit and you all know that situation. She was impressed with the white sandy beaches as opposed the rocky beaches of the Black Sea. Our first night was spent with a romantic walk on the beach under a full moon. It was made to order. I had sent the  our sons out earlier to the movies so we could enjoy our evening together. In my 50 years, it was probably the best night of my life. The sea, the ful moon, a bottle of wine, and my beautiful Ukrainian fiance, will be a night not forgotten.

As Im typing this, she just brought me a cup of coffee and said she loves me. I've never been with a woman who is so attentive to me. She always has her little things she does for me that make me feel very special. In return, it's very easy for me to please her.  She requires little in the way of material items . She doesn't like to spend money on what she calls non-essential items. In other words, she's put me on a budget. Splurging for her is going to the russian market and buying that red caviar that her and our son like to eat on buttered bread. As for me, I can't get passed the smell even though I like seafood very much. She gets the biggest smile on her face with the simple things I do like opening the car door for her. I see how it pleases her so I make a point of it each time we go somewhere. But already it's just a habit for me.

I have found out something I didn't realize before. Maybe some of you have noticed this as well with your woman. She has this belief in numbers. 6 seems to be her number. I must admit it's quite intriguing. She's pointed this out to me several times. We met on the the 6th. Our sons were born on the 6th. Even the same month. Her birthday is 2nd april . Get it? 2+4 =6. my birth month is 6. We were engaged on the 6th. . and will be married on the 24 th. Once again 2+4. I know it sounds like a stretch but but that's the way she sees it. And that was a day I chose not realizing the implication. Lets see, , oh yes. then there was the day of the court decision for child custody. July 6th.  Day of entrance into the U.S.A. Aug. 6th. Is this beginning to get a little spooky? Go figure. Seems like there have been a few other  dates that have 6 in them to. So, have any of you experienced this yet?

Our/her son is beginning to get the feel of school here. He can write and read but his converstional english is lacking but just in a few weeks I have seen alot of improvement in that. He has an ESL teacher a few days a week but seems to do better when the the other students help him. Could be he relates to them better. The teachers have usually dealt with only mexicans in this area so this is their first Ukr/Russ. kid.They were all giddy about that. As I thought, at grade 4, he's far ahead of the rest in math, science and geography.  The local kids have been very helpful to him. He's a star in soccer so at recess they choose him first. That helped alot. After the first week of school I asked him if he was able to understand  what the teachers said. He told me the first few days he didn't but after that, it seemed like the words the teachers spoke were in russian,  so I assume for him that means his brain is begining to understand the words better. If any of you have seen the movie the 13th Warrior, it reminded me of that. The scene where Antonio Banderas begins to understand the language of the vikings. Also, a teacher has explained to the class more about Ukraine and has allowed him to write russian words on the blackboard. One teacher called and me one night and said how interesting this was for everyone. For now all seems to be going well in his adjustment to school. Of coures, this is good for mama to know.

SOC, I'm happy to hear of your news. I read that someone made some bad comments about you . I didn't see the posts, but blow it off. They don't know you. Empty words dude.

It's Labor Day, so I wish everyone a happy holiday and hope you go out and enjoy some shaslyk(SP). We're spending time with some friends and family doing just that. She"ll prepare and I'll do the cooking. Also my brother-in-law made her promise to make some borscht and it's very tasty to.  

 

[START2]

Woops!! Put this in the wrong catagory. Sorry.

It has been fixed. Marriage forum seems right.

[Bruno]

Wonderful life !!!!

I think that you have no regret about all these proces... be happy and for very long time... enjoy the life, you life only one time...

[Photo Guy]

Start2,
Thanks for the update and the positive outlook. It looks like UW/RW have something in common with AW: They are all different. Some are frugal. Some are suddenly 'rich' AW. It looks like you found yourself a great catch.  Doug

[Michelangelo]

Thanks for the update and positive report, Start2.  It's nice to have a bit of hope in light of some of the negatiives we hear about..thanks!

[Son of Clyde]

Start2,

I wish you the best of luck.

The guy who posted the negative comments is ancient history.

Things are beginning to fit together for Ira and me.

It is just a matter of adjusting to different personality types.

[START2]

Thanks for all the kind remarks and well wishes. I think if it were possible for most of us not to feel rushed to do this there would be more success stories. I'm glad I had the luxury of time........ Clyde, I'm happy to hear things are going a little smoother. It can be a whirlwind at first. Hey, it's only a storm and they pass in time. Soon you just settle into something that feels extremely comfortable. Have you gotten to the point yet that when you go away for a few days or even the day, that it feels sooooo gooood to be home? You get to the front door, kick off your shoes, rush back to the bedroom, close the door, and collapse on the bed holding each other close? It's feels like heaven!!

wxman, I think your fiance will be here soon?  I know the days seem a little longer now. Good luck and I hope the time passes quickly.

Bruno, no regrets at all. .....Photo, I was truly blessed. When is your next visit?.......Michael, Thank you.

[wxman]

I was planning on bringing them to the US the end of this month. I am going to visit them then, but we decided to wait until Christmas for them to come here so her daughter can finish this semester in school, plus I want to go back there at Christmas so we can all spend time with her family before she leaves. I know moving will be difficult for her, so I want her to be able to spend this Christmas and New Years day with her mother and brother. The visa is good til the end of January, so we have plenty of time to spare. The embassy messed up by mis spelling her name on visa, so she did not get the correct one until the end of July. How they mispelled her name I have no clue.  

[Michelangelo]

[user=297]START2[/user] wrote:

Thanks for all the kind remarks and well wishes.
Bruno, no regrets at all. .....Photo, I was truly blessed. When is your next visit......Michael?

I have business in Europe in October, so I think I will take advantage of visa free travel and hop over to Urkaine for a few days then...

[Maxx]

I told Clyde last night I was going to stay off these damn message boards because they take up too much of my time. I then said "Let's see how I do". Well START2 your story just made me want to comment.

It was a delight reading about this blissful first month of yours. The part I liked the most was your observations of your future stepson's adaptation to school. It sounds like he is off to a great start. I can picture what you wrote in my mind's eye. Good writing! Your fiancee sounds like a delight too. A real sweet woman. 

It has been asked here and elsewhere "why we men are attracted to women from the FSU?" There are lots of reasons but one of the best is what I can only describe is that magical time when we see our world a new in the eyes of our wives and fiancees. I can only pity the men who do not understand this.

Maxx

 

 

[Son of Clyde]

Maxx,

You did stay off the boards for a few hours.

These boards are addictive and Start2 has posted an excellent recap of his first blissful month.

In spite of the ups and downs, my wife has always been attentive. Even when she is angry she is still attentive.

An AW would show us to the couch and are not afraid to go to bed angry. I learned a long time ago it is best to resolve the anger and misunderstandings before going to sleep. I remember as a child I never went to sleep angry with my parents. 

[RacerX]

Sorry START2 but I don't know your story very well.

After all the 'high fives' you've gotten, I hate to sound so negative, but I doubt if your fiancee would have written such a glowing report.  Her crying each night is a serious problem you are overlooking.  For whatever reason, she is not able to share her concerns and is obviously not dealing well with her situation.

Might also comment that the home sickness will not go away, so it's best to get going on the AOS and file for AP soon so she can visit her family.  The New Year's is very important to FSUW, so you might want to plan for it.

[KenC]

. Her crying each night is a serious problem you are overlooking. For whatever reason, she is not able to share her concerns and is obviously not dealing well with her situation.

Might also comment that the home sickness will not go away

You might want to re-read the original post.  He said "a few times" not every night.  This is very typical in my experience.  And it does get much better over time.  There will always be a warm feeling towards her Motherland, but over time, where ever she lives will be "home" to her.  With every trip back to Russia, my wife began to notice more and more faults with life back there.  After over 6 years here, this is her home and she has no desire to ever move back.  Of course she will always miss her family and previous friends there.  That is only human nature.

KenC

[START2]

Racer, Ken read the post correctly. She doesn't cry all the time, just whenever the homesick bug hits. As for calling home everyday, she definately does that. But I can also say hello to the folks and her favorite sister. They've accepted me as part of the family long ago. Babushka asks our son if he's ready to come home yet and he always says nyet. Maybe it's all the fun he has on the 4 wheeler or at school. I've got 200 acres he's free to exlpore on. He's become quite a celebrity. He's the first Ukr./Rus in these parts and everyones  interested. He's also very outgoing. It's funny to watch him get off the school bus and although he doesn't have good conversational skills yet, 5 or 6 kids have their heads stuck out the bus windows yelling  bye Ihor.  

Ken, I've heard the same thing from others that after several visits back to the homeland, the trips become fewer and fewer. However, I enjoy my times in Ukraine. I hope to spend the summers there when that becomes possible to travel freely. I hope next summer my wife will have the proper documents to do that. We'll start filing all that when we get married. BTW. Sept. 24 will be the day. After that we'll be flying to Vegas for 3  days so she can experience the bright lights.   I especially want her to see the fountains at the Bellagio and the laser show downtown where the 4Queens is. From there, 3 days in the mountains in E. Tennessee near Gatlinburg. A cozy chalet type cabin with a hot tub/jacuzzi. MMMM Life is good!!

[KenC]

Start2,

From my experience, it is the social isolation that is more depressing than the homesickness.  If your gal was the least bit social back home, the void is difficult to replace.  The busier you keep her, the better.  Lena and I married in Vegas too.  I also honeymooned in Gatlinburg, TN, but that was after my first marriage in '72.

KenC

[ConnerVT]

Ken's advice is sound.  It's a year and a half since my wife came to the US.  She wanted to go back to Russia to visit this past summer.  I was able to swing 3 weeks vacation from work.  She decided she wanted to stay 8 weeks.

Well, I wasn't back home in VT more than a week before she was ready to come back too.  She loves her family very much, and enjoys their company, but she is already feeling her home is here in the US, and no longer in Russia.

Now that she's been back for about one month, Mama has been asking when is she coming back.  Next summer?  The holidays?  Right now, I think my wife has no interest in making the trip anytime soon (even in next year).

[KenC]

Conner,

What is funny now is that even Lena's parents have less desire to visit here as time goes on.  Lena's Mom has been here four or five times and her Dad, twice.  Lena's Mom is sitting on enough frequent flyer miles for a free trip and has yet to pull the trigger in the last year.  I have offered to go with Lena to Russia for the holidays, but she isn't too keen on the idea.  All is fine by me.  I have done my job as a good hubby in offering everyone the opportunity to be together. 

KenC

[jb]

I think this is a common condition, my wife has little desire to make the trip again, other than the obligitory visits to see her mom, her home is here now.  My eldest step-son has no desire to ever go back to Russia, while the youngest is still tied to his school chums and old friends, and likes to return.  Long distance air travel is still an adventure for him, and the girls of Moscow are the chief allure for a 20 y.o.... can't say I blame him.

But that's after 4+ years, it didn't happen overnight.

[START2]

Just out of curiosity, how long did you wait until family was allowed to come here? I assume the wifes AOS and other docs had to be complete before applying for other family to come? Did it take long to get their visas? Val has a sister that would like to study here. She's 21, single, and wow, what a fox. Would it be possible for her to come here to finish at a university?

[KenC]

Start2,

Lena's Mom had no trouble getting a visa the second year that Lena was here.  Of course she had a hubby, an apartment and a good government job to return to.  She had also been out of Russia before and returned.  It wasn't until her third trip here that we brought Lena's Dad.  By that time, her Mom had set a pattern of coming back.  Most of the MIL's have been successful in getting visa's to visit their daughters.

The student visa for the sister in law will be much more tricky.  I will not say it is impossible as Lena originally came to America on a student visa.  You will have to have a very specific educational plan.  From what I remember, I even prepaid Lena's tuition which was expensive for a foriegn student.  The possibility for success is really dependent upon how you present your case to the Embassy and how the agent views the legitimacy of your plan.  I also do not know how things have changed since 9/11.

KenC

[START2]

Ken,   I know I may be thinking ahead but it's just stuff that pops up in conversation and thought sometimes and I don't have all the answers for Val when we talk about it. .  For me, it first things first and taking care of our business. Bur believe me, I'll make lots of mental notes about family visiting. I'm not even sure if mama and papa would make the trip. But sister is a different story. It'd be great if she could go to school here.