St: Peterburg again!

[diverboy70]

Im back home again after my 10 day trip to my girl in St:Peterburg.

I will be back with a more comprehensive report a little later, but I just want to chek in here now and say that I had a wonderful trip. I have changed my status from searching to commited, because my heart is really commited to this wonderful girl now.

We had a lot of time to discuss values, goals and dreams in life this time. We had a lot of honest and open discussions. And I feel this girl has all of the values I am looking for in a woman.

The meeting with her parents went really good and I got a very warm hug from her father when we left that evening. Im especially happy for that, because I know her parents have a very big influence on J:s descisions!

[msmoby_ru]

Im back home again after my 10 day trip to my girl in St:Peterburg.

I will be back with a more comprehensive report a little later, but I just want to chek in here now and say that I had a wonderful trip. I have changed my status from searching to commited, because my heart is really commited to this wonderful girl now.

We had a lot of time to discuss values, goals and dreams in life this time. We had a lot of honest and open discussions. And I feel this girl has all of the values I am looking for in a woman.

The meeting with her parents went really good and I got a very warm hug from her father when we left that evening. Im especially happy for that, because I know her parents have a very big influence on J:s descisions!

Hi Diverboy

thanks for the heads up .. looking good for you both !!

[Shadow]

Careful diverboy. Before you know it you will be married.

[diverboy70]

Careful diverboy. Before you know it you will be married.

Hold your horses Shadow  it's a long way to get this girl to leave her beloved motherland! Maybe we will get there one day. Right now I am just enjoying this wonderful feeling of beeing in love again  We have decided to take it one step at a time. The next step will be to meet again in the end of august!

[Shadow]

Do not rush, but also do not drag it out too much. On the next trip try to be together 24/7 and try a 'daily routine' in some ways.
If it goes well... its time for her to experience your country.
But do not worry, the Finnish elephant is the best friend of the Russian elephant. 

[diverboy70]

Do not rush, but also do not drag it out too much. On the next trip try to be together 24/7 and try a 'daily routine' in some ways.

exactly my thoughts! 

we actually tried a little of the 24/7. Her parents were on vacation most of the week. So i was also spending the nights at her place and got up with her in the morning, when she had to go to work.

She will try to get a week off in October and then she will come here to visit me

[diverboy70]

This trip gave us an opportunity to get to know each other a little better. We had a lot of long and deep discussions. I had decided to be completely honest and not to try to be something I am not. I told her what I want in my life and what kind of life we would be able to live together. She also told me about her wishes and her ideas of a future. Her wishes of a man  to take care of her and her children. And also of her wishes to take care of her husband. Its been said before, but in Russia it is still a difference between a man and a woman and it is just perceived as natural.

She also said that off course her first choice would have been to find a good Russian guy, but that she had given up the hope for that. For her it was not so much the cliché that they are all drunks. But rather that they were treating women as a commodity to use and throw away as they fell like. She said that she could not really trust a Russian guy to take care of her and her future children. It is also very clear that future children is part of the deal. And that is really fine with me, since I since my divorce have given this a lot of thoughts and the conclusion is that I want a new family with kids!  

As she also is accustomed to the western culture we had some talks abut the difference between RW /WV. She was so sick of all the focus on money in Belgium, where she worked. She worked as an au pair at a really rich couple. But she also saw the downside of that. Their son said “you are really my mother” and she was just so sad for his parents. I told her that I never want to live that way and that I never want my children so say that!

The meeting with J:s parents was something I was both looking forward to and fearing at the same time. I know J. have a very close relation to her parents and their opinion weigh quite heavily on her decisions. The day that we had the meeting was the “navy day” The meeting went really good even if I felt like a lamb ready for slaughter when we were waiting for them on the square in front of the hermitage. And when her father was coming towards us in his navy captain uniform I was really a bit shaky. He went straight on to me and greeted me. I managed to say "dobre dien" and gave him a firm handshake. J:s mother is quite the opposite, a very timid small woman. We then went for a walk along the banks and J:s father was explaining all about the warships laying along the banks. J. was a really good terp.

After the walk we went back to their apartment for dinner. We exchanged some gifts and J:s father, who is a very good speaker ,held a “minispeach”  Telling a bit of the history of St:Petersburg. One thing he said that really stucked with me is that you should not judge Russia by the state of the roads by rather by the number of saints from the country. I gave him some locally produced seamans rum, and he was really happy about that and was joking and telling some story about rum and pirates. Then followed an “interrogation” about my home place, with a lot of queations. After the dinner J. and I decided that we wanted some time for our self again. So we prepared to go off to the the seaside and to take a beer at some café. I gave my hand to her father and he just gave me a big hug! So I feel the first meeting really went fine!

That evening we had a very good discussion about values in our life! J. put her values very good in a few sentences. She said that she sees bad attitudes in life as drinking, smoking, one night stands and as the good attitudes family, children, god and the church. After that we had a long discussion about religion, and I explained to her that I believe, but that I not a Christian but rather a searcher. She was ok with that, but said that she would have a problem with an atheist.




Just as a side note: We had a beer at a pool club and I think it is just Russian woman that are able to walk in black high heel shoes and a string bikini and look comfortable in it 

[ScottinCrimea]

My impression is that you are doing things in the proper manner, one step at a time, with all of the appropriate expectations.  It may or may not work out in the end, but by going about things in this manner, you will be satisfied in either event that you both gave it your best effort.

It is a sharp contrast from those who feel rushed in the process and who make decisions based on time and cost of visits.

[BC]

Great experience diver!  You tell your story well.

Visit her family often and build that relationship as well.  You don't marry a RW, you marry a clan.

Watching interactions within the family (esp her mother) on later visits where things are more relaxed will give you a great preview of what is to come.

[diverboy70]

Scott:

We both feel that we don't want to rush this thing, since we have the possibility to let it take the time that is needed.

There has been a slight change in plans. We will meet allready in two weeks in Helsinki. She allready has a multiple entry visa to Finland. She will take the train or bus from St:Pete and I will take the ferry there. It will just be a weekendtrip, but anyway!

We will probably do a couple of these weekendtrips during the autumn. It is also possible that she can get 10 days off work in October. If so she will come to my place.

I am a lucky man to live so close to Russia, I know! 

[UTRO]

Everything sounds like it's going well for you and J!
It's very smart of you both to be honestly talking with one another about your values, principles, needs, wants, expectations, etc...
I am so envious of your proximity to the Motherland! Compared to my my situation and others, J is like the 'Girl Next Door'
Continued Happiness!!

[steviej]

Diverboy - glad to hear you had such a good visit. That's a big turning point to be introduced to the family. You and your girl look great in the photo - natural and comfortable. You're holding on to her good - and she seems to like being there  :kissing:

About the religion thing, there are many things in life with a woman where there's no reason not to follow the "whatever you want baby" way. Church is certainly one of the them. If it makes your wife happy, go. It doesn't matter what you believe, just let her enjoy it with you together. IMHO.

It's great that you're talking with her about values and desires related to family life as husband and wife. Harmony in these expectations is an important part of happy marriage. Yet it surprises me how many couples do not probe these areas at all. They may say a lot about how much they have in common interests and activites. But that's a whole different thing than what a man really wants and expects from his wife, and what she really wants and expects from her husband.