Wife split!

[TwoBitBandit]

Now daughter...

All I can say about this is "what a train wreck!"

[OlgaH]

Olga, some questions that you might be able to help with.

So Olga, you mentioned Krasnoyarsk University.  What are the entry requirements?  Do you think that daughter would qualify?  I think that O just wants money for herself.  I don't think that daughter is even attending school any more. 

Russian grade system is different.

5 (отлично) - excellent
4 (хорошо) - good
3 (удовлетворительно) - satisfactory (but honestly it is almost about poor)
2 (неудовлетворительно) - unsatisfactorily, poor
and even 1 (очень плохо, отсутствует) - very poor, no grade.

To enter a higher education institution she must complete her Secondary Complete General Education, pass the Unified state examination and obtain Certificate of Secondary Complete General Education. After she must pass the high education institution's entrance examination and have a pass mark.

If after Unified state examination she have marks "2" for such subjects as Math and Russian language she will have the Certificate of Secondary Complete General Education, but only a reference from her school that she was studying in the school, but she will have a right to try to pass the exam again after one year.

As you said that she had only "3" and "2" it means that the doors of any higher education institution are closed for her, even on the base of paid education. Her marks just show the she was not interested in education... and I guess her mother also did not worry about it so much.

As I remember you wrote that her mother also did not have any education after school. Is it correct?


The Russian Federation - Description of Education System
http://www.qualificationsrecognition.ie/recognition/int_qual_databse/Russia/school.html

 

[OlgaH]

  Daughter was not doing her homework at all that I could see.  O did nothing about this!  

They simply followed their Russian path. It was their life in Russia...

[OlgaH]

This poor young lady has been through "hell" the last year and yes I would not begrudge her an education with Wayne's money.

GOB

You are too idealistic about "poor young ladies" in Russia. When I was 26-27 y.o. I was a deputy director of a summer camp for "difficult" children and  I can tell you that some  poor young ladies can turn your life into hell.

Ask your wife to translate the song (Juvenile sluts). It is very true.
[youtube=425,350]Hk1kQwT8q78&feature=related [/youtube]

Wayne, btw, gives very useful information in his thread. 

[Wayne]

Olga, thank you very much for the information about Russian schools.

Yes, O had only a basic education, no college.  It was probably a mistake for me to get involved with someone that is not well educated.  We had little in common.

[BC]

We had little in common.

Now that is well worth reading and heeding.. over and over again.  Thanks for your honesty Wayne.

[Diplomacy]

The sad part is the daughter may have had a chance here, probably not now.  Unless she learned a lot while she was here, and makes a conscious decision to stop this cycle her mother has going.

It is lack of parenting, and caring what is best for your child.  Remember, this girl was raised by the grandparents.  Who knows what their story is.

Torn away from a path that does not lead to the top of a mountain, with a beautiful view. As Olga said, there is slim to no chance for the daughter to get into University.  Slim has probably left town by now.

There is being a man, then there is being a Lox.  Like you said, kindness is not weakness.  It is though perceived by man as weakness.  You are trying to hold the standard of a lady, to someone that is probably not a lady.

There may be another side to all this, but I do not care.  Wayne, just get this over with.  If you got the money, fight it if you want.  I know she will think she won the lottery with the money.  My guess is she will blow it on nothing, and be back to what she was in no time.

Why delay it?  Get that poison out of this country, and let her slither back to the motherland.

[OlgaH]

Olga, thank you very much for the information about Russian schools.

Yes, O had only a basic education, no college.  It was probably a mistake for me to get involved with someone that is not well educated.  We had little in common.

You are welcome, Wayne.

To be well educated is not just about having a Certificate or diploma   Some people can be very  self educated and interesting without diplomas, it is all depends on their interests.

My mother got her higher education after my birth. She was about 20 y.o. when I was born. My father died when I was about 3 y.o. in his early 30s. But she did her career step by step working and studying. The first was a college, the second - The Pedagogic University.  She worked as a director of The center of additional education for children, she taught other teachers the new educational methods. Now she is a director of a charity fund. She has  letters of thanks from a city administration and newspaper articles written about her. I'm very proud of my mother.

Due to some circumstance some people can not obtain a higher education and even college education. If it would happen to my mother I'm sure she would be still educated and interesting, as she is now, without a diploma, but she would incarnate all her dreams in me... as she did. It was my mother who has passed her positive attitude towards education to me.

About having little in common. Yes, Wayne, you married a woman who you did not know well and had a little in common. But what so interesting people can have a divorce after 10 years and even after 20 years and reason can be the same - little in common  

 O. was so quick to found other man and notified you after her GC that she was going to live with him. No, she did not find any job as she planned, she did not take any interest in a job that you found for her, helping her, she did not take interest in her daughters education in US, she did not showed so much interest in spending her time with you, but she did take her interest in finding other man while you supported her, and who knows maybe she knew that man before coming in US with you.

Question is should you pay for your "mistake" and her indecent action? It is just a rhetorical question... but your story can be very didactic   for other men.

I'm really sorry that it happened to you.  

[OlgaH]

The sad part is the daughter may have had a chance here, probably not now. 

Diplomacy, her daughter even did not want or was not able to use the chance in Russia regarding education 

People usually don't change their life style so quick. If a person lazy in his own country he will not be workaholic in a foreign country.

As you said they will think about winning a lottery 

I know she will think she won the lottery with the money.

[Daveman]

SUFFER!!!    I swear this has become an addiction.... SUFFER!!!  Why can't I just be an alcoholic like most decent folk? but nooooooo, I have to walk around screaming SUFFER!!!



so, anyway.... SUFFER!!!

[ScottinCrimea]

I'm already running into a similar situation with our daughter.  She had English classes every year in school and took an intensive English class before she came (though I have doubts now about her attendance).  She has been here three weeks now and does not even try to speak English and seems to have difficulty understanding even the most basic English words.  She has yet to pick up a book to make any effort to study. At first I let things go as I understood that she needed some time to adjust, but I'm really starting to wonder.  All of her time is spent on Russian internet sites. She won't even watch English language TV. Any efforts on my part to encourage her to study English brings a basic FU response.  Her mother seems more interested in having a Russian speaking shopping buddy than encouraging her to make any attempts at studying English, which is really the reason why we had her come here rather than attending university there.  She starts ESL classes Monday, with classes 5 hours a day 4 days a week.  I'm hoping this will give her some motivation and put her in a position where she is forced to speak English to interact with the teachers and other students, but at this point I'm not hopeful.

[Doll]

Have just read the final part of drama. Wayne is cheap- now negotiating tickets and some support thought 4 months ago he was facing (like he thought together with half of forum)) DVC.
God bless you heart!  :selfharm:

[Diplomacy]

Doll

What is the definition of cheap versus a лох?

If he was cheap

He would have bought her an older model vehicle and he did not.

IMO Wayne was the latter. 

If Wayne pays out, then she goes back and tells all of the FSU how she got $12,000 for playing an American fool.  Then there is a real chance that more men face this issue.

Has she actually put DVC into action?

I am pretty sure, that a decent judge is going to see through all of this.  That is why there is checks and balances in this country. 

So far we have a woman that was supported for a very long time by Wayne.  I do not think it is unreasonable to believe, that she was dating other men at the same time.  Laughing, as Wayne pays for their little escapades.

She had little to do with her child, and of course we are only hearing one side.  The reality is, that they can check with the school and see who was helping or not.  If the Mother was never around, then it is going to not bode well for her either.

He has a car payment to support the fact that he bought more than reliable transportation.  She had the transportation, to get to a job.  She could prove she was at interviews, but I bet there was none.

If she pushes a DVC, he is going to go very hard after annulment.  Then the marriage never existed.  Her DVC, will be seen as extortion.

So when the fool gets wise, is he then cheap Doll?

[Wayne]

The settlement is going to arbitration, now.  I just want what is fair.

O had mentioned long ago some problems with daughter in Russian school.  I think she just gave up on her.  I never had any reliable information about the father.  The father's parents were much involved and their grand daughter spent time with them.  They had retired and moved to the dacha, giving their apartment to O and daughter. 

Now, I can see a pattern where O took advantage of others. 

[Doll]

What is the definition of cheap versus a лох?

I don't this they are opposites

[Doll]

If she pushes a DVC, he is going to go very hard after annulment.  Then the marriage never existed.

What are you talking about? She has not filed for DVC, the divorce is going on and there is no way to think of annulment.

[Doll]

So when the fool gets wise, is he then cheap Doll?

In this case when the divorce takes years and husband pays his wife's maintenance
till it is final.
This is nothing wrong in buying a nice car for wife, after all Wayne did it himself- willingly. As far as I understand the pay off would be much more than tickets and 12,000 together. If tickets are purchased before summer season it won't hurt. 
How much is a car? 30-35? Go ahead and do the math.

[Diplomacy]

Oops Doll, Divorce Court is what you meant by DVC.  I thought you meant she was filed Domestic Violence Charges.

I hear what you are saying about the car.  I do not think this divorce case will take years though, only time will tell now.

[Doll]

Oops Doll, Divorce Court is what you meant by DVC

No, I do mean Domestic Violence Charges

[Wayne]

I do not think that O wants to return to Russia to stay there.  She specifically requested ROUND TRIP airplane tickets.  She has the two year green card and can return to USA. 

If she was going to stay in Russia, she would have requested a lum sum payment instead of alimony.  She would have to pay income tax on alimony, which would be taken out by the friend of the court.  How would she receive the alimony?  The friend of the court would normally send a check in the mail.  What is the chances of receiving this check in Krasnoyarsk?

We think that O went to NYC.  She said there was a job working for a travel agency where she would be a guide for Russian Tourists.  She probably would have to pay for parking for the car.  The traffic would be terrible to drive in.  It would be easier to take the subway.  Anyway, if she is flying all over the country with Russian Tourists, the car would be unnecessary. 

Now consider the daughter.  She had a serious relationship with a boy in Russia.  The walls in her bedroom, here, were covered with photographs of daughter and boyfriend.  She called Russia every day and talked for an hour or more. (Thus the $500 plus per month long distance bills.) 

Daughter is now 18 years old.  She is no longer attending school.  She would be bored if she is sitting around in an apartment while mom is traveling around the country.

What if, daughter wants to return to Russia and marry her boyfriend?  Of course, O wants to attend the wedding. 

I live in a beautiful resort area.  Many people visit here.  Most jobs are in the service areas, retail, banks, etc.  Wages are much lower here.  If I was doing the same exact job in a large city, I would be earning twice the pay. 

So what would O earn?  Say, she had this job at the travel agency.  She is an attractive woman who knows how to turn on the charm.  Most likely, she is earning much more money than I.  She has a fun job!  Why would she give that up to return to Russia a go back to being a hairdresser? 

If the divorce takes a long time to settle, consider this:  There is a court order so O cannot return to my home.  She left the security of her 'BOYFRIEND" in this local area to move to NYC.  She either has a new boyfriend, or is suporting herself.  The arbitrator would find everything out, and rule accordinly.  There is no reason for me to rush into a settlement.  The longer O is able to support herself, and what if she is earning much more than I, then the less chance for alimony. 


per month

[groovlstk]

So what would O earn?  Say, she had this job at the travel agency.  She is an attractive woman who knows how to turn on the charm.  Most likely, she is earning much more money than I.  She has a fun job!  Why would she give that up to return to Russia a go back to being a hairdresser?

Pure speculation. If your wife moved to NYC to work for a Russian travel agency, chances are she's living in a run-down apt. in a run-down area of Brooklyn and making peanuts. Many of the Russians living in Brighton do not acclimate themselves to US life so it's further likely she's being paid under the table (and if so, she's not paying taxes and can't document her earnings).

[OlgaH]

We think that O went to NYC.  She said there was a job working for a travel agency where she would be a guide for Russian Tourists. 

A guide for Russian Tourists in NYC? Honestly I doubt any decent travel agency would hire a hairdresser without any education from Russian province and without any work and life expirience in U.S.  as a NYC guide. To have a charm is not enough for such job. I don't know, but maybe she is a genius in NYC history and culture.

 

[Shadow]

A guide for Russian Tourists in NYC? Honestly I doubt any decent travel agency would hire a hairdresser without any education from Russian province and without any work and life expirience in U.S.  as a NYC guide. To have a charm is not enough for such job. I don't know, but maybe she is a genius in NYC history and culture.

 

Not so hard to do. Just pass the tourist traps and tell whatever you want, hoping the Russians have not actually studied and are just relying on their movie knowledge.

[tim 360]

I don't know Wayne it sounds fishy to me.  There are literally thousands of women in the NYC area who speak good Russian and English who would also want that job and why import O to do the job????

As far as you just wanting "what is fair" in your divorce???  There are lawyers who will just eat you up and spit whats left of you out.  I don't want to get negative but Wayne you are in one f---up situtation and I wish you the best.

[Doll]

Wayne, look how it can work- you don't agree to the settlement, then they will start the separation. While being separated you might be ordered to pay the spouse maintenance (your income+her income divided 2 and hers will be the difference - like 5.000+1.000=6.000 Half is 3.000 so the difference equals 2.000 )