Need advice on winning my girl back.

[GoodOlBoy]

It's absolutely not completely true, but if you date outside the agency pool you will learn that there are women who would never set foot in an agency office because they believe all the stereotypes. For this reason I always recommend that guys use various outlets to meet women (agencies, free personals, Russian dating sites, chat clients) because if they stick w/one method they are exposing themselves to only a tiny segment of available women.

In my wife's city, Omsk, this is absolutely true.

Unfortunately, agencies do have a "stigma". Women who go to agencies are considered "desperate" by their friends and colleagues.


GOB

[OlgaH]

 
What is important is your wife found someone that truly loves her and she loves you.  I do not see what a crusade against RM on a board that is main purpose is to help us be a better option for FSUW.

Honestly the more I read from some WM how RM are bad, the more their negative words look like their self rehabilitation or they are just blindly under myths influence.    

[groovlstk]

In my wife's city, Omsk, this is absolutely true.

Unfortunately, agencies do have a "stigma". Women who go to agencies are considered "desperate" by their friends and colleagues.


GOB

It's not just agencies that cause it, any women who dates foreigners might expect it. My wife got flack from colleagues, her bosses, and friends once we were engaged. When dating I was a curiousity, when engaged I was a horrible wife-beater disguised as a nice fellow 

Stereotypes can be ugly and it's frustrating when people are unwilling to look past them.

[GoodOlBoy]

Honestly the more I read from some WM how RM are bad, the more their negative words look like their self rehabilitation or they are just blindly under myths influence.    

PLEASE FORGIVE ME DIPLOMACY, I AM ABOUT TO DIGRESS.  

OlgaH, is that one of your "wonderful" RM sitting next to you in your avatar?

He doesn't look Russian.  


GOB

[OlgaH]

PLEASE FORGIVE ME DIPLOMACY.  

Olgah, is that one of your "wonderful" RM sitting next to you in your avatar?

He doesn't look Russian.  


GOB

He is almost Russian    he loves Russia and loves Russians, otherwise I wouldn't marry him. 

[GoodOlBoy]

He is almost Russian 

Sorry OlgaH,

But here in the GoodOl' USA "almost" doesn't count.

Unless you are talking about hand grenades and horseshoes. 

It's kinda like being "almost" gay. 

BTW... I love Russia also. I spent a couple of month's living in Siberia. It was a great experience.
 

GOB

[Diplomacy]

Olga:

The issue is that I have seen all sides of the arguments.  I can tell you horror stories about some Women that came here and married Tyrants.  Women that were Tyrants and married Good Men.  

Men in the FSU that risked their own neck to put someone in jail.  Also seen men so depressed they can no longer function in the FSU.  

The Russian Men's Mother are also part of the problem here.  Nobody is good enough for their precious son in some cases.  

I am sure there are plenty of women to have an axe to grind with RM.  It is just IMO not our place and serves no purpose here.  There are many reasons why a FSUW would marry a WM.  

Watch the comedians, the FSU wives cheat too.  To not use all the advice on the boards to protect yourself is dangerous.  This is dangerous situation to begin with, and should be the biggest decision you ever make.

Mind you I give the same advice to the women that are looking at WM as an option.  If you do not have great instincts, pay someone that does.

 

[OlgaH]

Sorry OlgaH,

But here in the GoodOl' USA "almost" doesn't count.

Unless you are talking about hand grenades and horseshoes. 

It's kinda like being "almost" gay. 
 
GOB

Cheap and I would say low comparison, but reading through some of your posts... there no any other expectation can be.

[GoodOlBoy]

Cheap and I would say low comparison, but reading through some of your posts... there no any other expectation can be.

OUCH!

 


GOB

[Simoni]

In my wife's city, Omsk, this is absolutely true.

Unfortunately, agencies do have a "stigma". Women who go to agencies are considered "desperate" by their friends and colleagues.

GOB

Well, such misguided women are missing out on one of the very best sources of meeting serious men.   And for men, dating services are a great way to meet women interested in international men.  Desperate? Not in the least.  Smart?  Definitely.

Once one girl marries with agency help, others see that it truly is a super way to meet serious guys, and then the stereotypes fall away...at least for those girls.

[Simoni]

It's absolutely not completely true, but if you date outside the agency pool you will learn that there are women who would never set foot in an agency office because they believe all the stereotypes. For this reason I always recommend that guys use various outlets to meet women (agencies, free personals, Russian dating sites, chat clients) because if they stick w/one method they are exposing themselves to only a tiny segment of available women.

I agree.  All are workable methods.  Each comes with a plus and minus.   Free personals do provide access to many more women, but you never know if they are for real until you meet them.  In that comparison, the agency route is good because the ladies are prescreened and you have less chance of a scammer when you deal with a good agency.  Why?  Because a good agency values its reputation and has to keep it by booting out women who are not honest.

[Misha]

Misha, probably much of it is paranoia, but if it's a girl's home town I can't say I blame her for being cautious.

Keep in mind that "town" will be a misnomer. In most cases it will be a city (small, medium or large). You can maintain discretion in all but the tiniest cities.

One thing Serebro mentioned about this (and I'm not sure if it was from personal experience but I'm inclined to believe it was) is that it's very awkward for a girl to introduce a foreign guy to her family and friends, then have him meet other girls and dump her, then have this cycle repeat itself.

I agree with this, but all she has to do is not to introduce him to her family and friends. Problem solved and she can still date men in her own city. My wife was also cautious and waited three weeks, as noted, to introduce me to her family. She waited a few more weeks before introducing me to friends. We still were meeting every night and every weekend in her city.

Relatives and friends will ask her the status of her relationship and it's embarrassing - sure not humiliating but I can understand wanting to avoid such awkwardness by waiting to see if the guy is semi-serious or not.

Again, the woman just needs a bit of discretion. My wife slowly broke the news to her mother. First, she told her mother that she had a date, and refused to give more details. A week later, she told her mother that my name was Misha. A few days later, she told her mother that I was not from her city. Finally, after three weeks, just before I was to arrive, she told her mother to sit down and then she told her that the Misha in question was Canadian. Again, if things had not worked out in those first three weeks, there would have been no "humiliation" and she would have told her mother that Misha was just another Russian  

[OlgaH]

There are many reasons why a FSUW would marry a WM.  

Mind you I give the same advice to the women that are looking at WM as an option.  If you do not have great instincts, pay someone that does.

and one of the reason is they think that all WM are absolutely different. Your advice is to the point (only I would also add the brains to instinct), There are also enough idiots among WM.

[Blues Fairy]

Well, such misguided women are missing out on one of the very best sources of meeting serious men. 

I wouldn't call them misguided, it's just they may have different priorities.  Starting a relationship on an equal footing may well be one of them.  Agency sites may have a better pool of serious men but women may not feel like they are the choosers - rather, they are being chosen (or not).  Not a comfortable thought for many of us.   

[Misha]

I wouldn't call them misguided, it's just they may have different priorities.  Starting a relationship on an equal footing may well be one of them.  Agency sites may have a better pool of serious men but women may not feel like they are the choosers - rather, they are being chosen (or not).  Not a comfortable thought for many of us.   

How is this different from any other form of dating? Usually, men ask for a date and a woman says yes or no. Via a site (agency, free or otherwise), men usually are the ones to initiate contact and woman can say yes or no. A woman can initiate contact on a site, but she can also, in theory, ask a man out in person too. I don't see the difference.

[Blues Fairy]

How is this different from any other form of dating? Usually, men ask for a date and a woman says yes or no.

I won't speak for other women but I'll try to explain why I was squeamish about marriage agencies.  In any other form of dating, you do not carry around a sign "I want to get married to a foreigner, please pick me!".  Some may articulate that but at least not as explicitly as in this agency dating form.  I did join a few international and Russian dating websites but I was very explicit in my profiles that, while I was potentially open to the idea of a serious relationship, my primary objective was to find interesting like-minded people to correspond with.  For me, relationship grows from friendship not the other way round. 
That is NOT to say I despise those who join marriage agencies.  As I mentioned before, it's a matter of priorities. 

[Misha]

"I want to get married to a foreigner, please pick me!".  Some may articulate that but at least not as explicitly as in this agency dating form. 

True, it is likely more explicit with the agencies, but there are many women on Russian dating sites who do let it known that their primary goal is to get married.

[Blues Fairy]

True, it is likely more explicit with the agencies, but there are many women on Russian dating sites who do let it known that their primary goal is to get married.

How likely is it that a woman on an agency website will be the first to make a move (send an email, icebreaker, etc.)?

[Simoni]

I wouldn't call them misguided, it's just they may have different priorities.  Starting a relationship on an equal footing may well be one of them.  Agency sites may have a better pool of serious men but women may not feel like they are the choosers - rather, they are being chosen (or not).  Not a comfortable thought for many of us.

I won't speak for other women but I'll try to explain why I was squeamish about marriage agencies.  In any other form of dating, you do not carry around a sign "I want to get married to a foreigner, please pick me!". 

For me, relationship grows from friendship not the other way round. 

That is NOT to say I despise those who join marriage agencies.  As I mentioned before, it's a matter of priorities. 

Actually, you do choose.  Marina reports that she would get a call from the agency, saying someone had written her and would she like the letter.  Or, they would read it to her by phone and ask if she wanted to respond.  I was one of the lucky ones she said "yes" too  

With us, the agency was just a way of meeting, and then they were out of the equation.  Then it was all phone calls, text messages, and emails.

I don't understand your statement "For me, relationship grows from friendship not the other way round."  In a dating agency, you make a connection or meet someone, and then let the friendship grow.

[Simoni]

How likely is it that a woman on an agency website will be the first to make a move (send an email, icebreaker, etc.)?

It happens.  My first contact with a Russian girl was via Elena's Models, and she wrote me and caught my attention.  We wrote for six months and then met.

[Misha]

How likely is it that a woman on an agency website will be the first to make a move (send an email, icebreaker, etc.)?

That I do not know. I had a few women send me a message on free Russian dating sites. Usually I looked at their profile, and they followed up with a message.

[SANDRO43]

How likely is it that a woman on an agency website will be the first to make a move (send an email, icebreaker, etc.)?

Very, I receive at least 5 per day from non-scammmers. IIRC, our Lily is not shy about taking the initiative with some WM she considers potentially interesting .

[neo]

theres a saying "the woman would choose a man who would choose her".

[Blues Fairy]

Actually, you do choose.  Marina reports that she would get a call from the agency, saying someone had written her and would she like the letter.  Or, they would read it to her by phone and ask if she wanted to respond.

Still doesn't qualify as the first move.   She was chosen before getting to choose. 

I don't understand your statement "For me, relationship grows from friendship not the other way round."  In a dating agency, you make a connection or meet someone, and then let the friendship grow.

In an agency, you start corresponding/talking with an idea of marriage in mind.  Sort of pre-commitment, if you like.  I didn't appreciate that; I preferred freedom from any expectations. 

[Misha]

Still doesn't qualify as the first move.   She was chosen before getting to choose. 

Still say this happens pretty much everywhere. The men are the ones who will invariably go and talk to the women and ask them out on a date. The men choose most of the time, and the women gets to say yes or no. 

In an agency, you start corresponding/talking with an idea of marriage in mind.  Sort of pre-commitment, if you like.  I didn't appreciate that; I preferred freedom from any expectations. 

Well, I still say that many women date without agencies with the idea of marriage in mine  :evil: