Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce

[SANDRO43]

Is just ONE good woman too much to want for... sigh.  Any good monasteries around?

Define monasteries more precisely, nuns may not be suitable/willing to fulfill much of your wants .

And beware of GOB, he may yet add monacophiles to his hit list of pedophiles and homophiles .

[OlgaH]

Define monasteries more precisely, nuns may not be suitable/willing to fulfill much of your wants .

Sandro, have you red Giovanni Boccaccio's "The Decameron" 

[Co6aka]

Heehee... I was implying going celibate, swearing off women...

not that there seem to be many monks/priests celibate these days. 

[SANDRO43]

Sandro, have you red Giovanni Boccaccio's "The Decameron" 

Of course, but that was set in the XIVth century, when Popes, too, used to have mistresses and sons therefrom that they made into cardinals. Things have changed somewhat since then, nun-wise.

not that there seem to be many monks/priests celibate these days. 

Priest-wise, not much: yesterday night they aired on TV a report where an actress faked being the mother of a molested child and went visiting with a hidden microcamera 5 other parish priests to ask for their advice in this delicate situation. Except for a young priest fresh out of seminary, ALL advised her NOT to tell her husband, NOT to report the fact to police authorities. Three opined she might consult the area vicar, and one just to pray for the errant priest .

[OlgaH]

Of course, but that was set in the XIVth century, when Popes, too, used to have mistresses and sons therefrom that they made into cardinals. Things have changed somewhat since then, nun-wise.

Oh, nuns don't hire the dumb gardeners any more?  Customs change with the times... 

[SANDRO43]

Oh, nuns don't hire the dumb gardeners any more? 

I don't think male gardeners, dumb or clever, are even allowed on the convent premises, but that probably depends on the Regola of the specific monastic order . 

[OlgaH]

I don't think male gardeners, dumb or clever, are even allowed on the convent premises, but that probably depends on the Regola of the specific monastic order . 

The specific orders sexist to circumvent them  and  I guess a "dumb" (I meant mute) clever male gardeners will always find how to "specify" a specific monastic order 

[JR]

I picked very close to you with language, cultural and communication. I guess
language and communication should be considered the same however.

Language and communication is not the same thing. Look at how many "same language" couples can't/won't/don't "communicate."

Just because you share a common language does not mean you have the desire or the ability to communicate in an effective manner.

[badeth]

The New York Times run an article about the increasing divorce statistics. Based on the article, there are several factors that lead to divorce and the case vary from person to person.

The three main causes of divorce are:

<b>Communication</b>- Marriage is a team work and communication is one of the important ingredients to a happy marriage. It is important to open up your feelings or thoughts with your spouse. Some couples play with their emotions, they try to hide it which suddenly burst to anger.   


<b>Money</b> Money is always the culprit of divorce. Divorce may come ahead if if one spouse spends lavishly than the other or if the spouse gambles the money.

<b>Cheating</b>. Some marriages survive infidelity but many don't. Trust is the foundation of marriage;when it crumbles, it will smash marriage and create a chasm in the relationship.

[GoodOlBoy]

Welcome to RWD Badeth!

Please, go to the introductory section and tell us a little bit about yourself.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?board=41.0

We are always very happy when another RW joins our forum!! 


GOB

[TwoBitBandit]

The three main causes of divorce are:

<b>Communication</b>- Marriage is a team work and communication is one of the important ingredients to a happy marriage. It is important to open up your feelings or thoughts with your spouse. Some couples play with their emotions, they try to hide it which suddenly burst to anger.   

<b>Money</b> Money is always the culprit of divorce. Divorce may come ahead if if one spouse spends lavishly than the other or if the spouse gambles the money.

<b>Cheating</b>. Some marriages survive infidelity but many don't. Trust is the foundation of marriage;when it crumbles, it will smash marriage and create a chasm in the relationship.

Well, duh.  This reminds me of a study I once read about why children fall off their bicycles.  The authors of the study concluded that there were two reasons:
1.  They lose their balance
2.  They run into things
 

[Shadow]

Well, duh.  This reminds me of a study I once read about why children fall off their bicycles.  The authors of the study concluded that there were two reasons:
1.  They lose their balance
2.  They run into things
 

Off topic... but an even more interesting study was made towards the cause of traffic jams.
Result : too many cars at the same place at the same time.

[ConnerVT]

Even better OT:

A few years ago, a British study spent over £200,000 to answer the question of why men fall asleep after sex.  Their answer?  They're tired.   

[Shadow]

Even better OT:

A few years ago, a British study spent over £200,000 to answer the question of why men fall asleep after sex.  Their answer?  They're tired.   

Perhaps we could get funding to do a research about forum threads wandering outside the original topic. I have a hunch it might be to poster making off-topic posts.

How about shari ;Dng $200.000 to do the research ?

[BeachStorm]

Or, there never was much communication to begin with. I've met a few couples who marched to
the wedding altar as complete strangers. What's more, I might get into a conversation with a newly
married AM - as my wife engages his new RW bride. The stories, the expectations and perceptions
sometimes don't mesh. They are worlds apart, and soon will find the road ahead a rocky one.

Effect and cause, good thought. I see a few items in the poll that could fall under one heading,
maybe disappointment - or - trust issues. Those were two issues about which my wife was most
concerned, and long before we tied the knot, or even filed K-1.

For every "nice guy" who ends up being used - I'd wager there are fifteen "nice ladies" who end
up being misled. The disappointment comes first, then the trust breaks down. And then - their
reason for divorce (depending on who tells the story) is assigned one of the reasons above.

The more I read, the more aware we are that Elvira and I dodged some very nasty bullets through
some blind luck, and by giving one another sufficient time to build trust. There's no luck at all
involved in maintaining that trust - that's where the work is.

Please correct me if I am wrong. From what I have seen, the typical male who marries a woman from the FSU, normally claims that he is looking for a "traditional" woman. In reality, they are usually men that are either divorced with a history of financial issues, or are men who are desperate for  companionship that cannot be found in their own country.   

[Vaughn]

Please correct me if I am wrong.

By having resurrected a 4 1/2 year old statement in your introductory post, I'd wager that no matter what anyone writes in response, you've already got your mind made up. Best wishes to you.

[Ted W]

Meddling Russian women. This was definitely a contributing factor to my divorce. I'm remarried happily now but in my case the interpreter in my city became too involved with my wife. Helped her file a false abuse claim to get a green card. I won't mention the name but I'd avoid any Russian interpreters based in Acworth, GA.
I have since talked to other guys(3 in Atlanta) who had a similar scam run on them by the same outfit. This particular Russian businesswoman was eager to help any unhappy RW's escape(for a nominal fee of course) and encourage them to leave their husbands. My attorney said that it's very common for RW's to use their fiancee's as transport to a better life but then betray them once a better deal arises and use the local Russian community for support.
I was upset at the time but now all I have to say is: I'm so glad the bitch is gone!
Hope others have better luck.

[Boethius]

Sorry Ted, but I doubt the RW meddled.  You married someone looking for a better life and, when you were no longer of use, she moved on.  It likely would have happened in any event.   I'm happy for you that you found happiness, and kudos for posting your story.  Is your current wife from the former Soviet Union?

[Ted W]

She's from Kazakhstan. I met her while working there. I wasn't looking and stumbled into something good.
Oh, the interpreter definitely meddled. Even helped her plan the adultery when I was away on business. But you are correct; the wife was looking for more cash than I had to offer. Admitted as such after the divorce.

[BillyB]

My attorney said that it's very common for RW's to use their fiancee's as transport to a better life but then betray them once a better deal arises

It's very common for all insincere women anywhere in the world to use a man. Although there is a short timespan for men and women in this endeavor to get to know each other and the long distance barrier gets in the way, it's crucial for people to learn the character of the person they marry.

the wife was looking for more cash than I had to offer.

Ted, is it possible that you failed to disclose your standard of living or misled her before you got married? Often during divorces where finances matter, the man says the woman is a gold digger and the woman says she was deceived by the man to be much more than he is. When people feel they've been betrayed, they betray and can make false accusations and commit adultery and feel they are justified in doing it. Of course two wrongs don't make a right.

[Ted W]

No, I didn't mislead her but thanks for the vote of confidence! Even showed her my pay stubs. I had a decent 4 br house a car and a good job which sounded better in Russia than it really was in the USA where there are bigger fish available than me. She didn't love me to begin with.
I stopped going on expeditions and only dated women in my locale.  Working overseas was great for dating and I soon forgot about old what's her name. Stumbled on this site today by accident and it triggered some old memories. So long and good luck!

[BillyB]

Even showed her my pay stubs. I had a decent 4 br house a car and a good job which sounded better in Russia than it really was in the USA where there are bigger fish available than me. She didn't love me to begin with.

If you gave her full disclosure of your finances and life, then she should not be surprised about anything. I have to agree with your conclusion she didn't love you to begin with. Occasionally we see a guy here post photos and talk about his visit to a woman with much of the forum criticizing him that it doesn't seem the women is "into him". So we assume she's with him for insincere reasons. We tell them it's important not to miss or dismiss red flags.


If you don't mind me asking, did the judge give your ex a chunk of your assets and make you pay spousal support more than normal for a short marriage? If she played you for a domestic violence ticket for a green card, I was wondering if she played an immigrant who spoke little English and is not very employable in front of the judge to get more support from you?

[Ted W]

She already had some guy she was sleeping with when I was away on business. In my house. She disappeared without a word and ran off  to her Russian friends, saying I was abusive. But then I discovered evidence(emails) of her lover. In my state of Georgia, distribution of marital assets is based on performance. So because of the adultery, she got nothing. Had I lived in another state, I'd have been screwed. Two months before, I had forgiven her for a dui she hid from me and she called me the best husband. I missed lots of signs and did dumb things out of ignorance. I only seem to learn by peeing on the electric fence as Will Rogers used to say.

[BillyB]

In my state of Georgia, distribution of marital assets is based on performance. So because of the adultery, she got nothing. Had I lived in another state, I'd have been screwed.

I didn't know states still exist that punishes adultery. You dodged a bullet. Judges from other states will not factor in bad behavior and try to get the weaker party, usually the immigrant woman, a larger chunk of money/assets to move on with her life than if she was an American citizen. Why didn't the judge punish you? You mentioned the ex filed a domestic violence charge against you to get her green card. BTW, you're not the first man to come to this forum with a false domestic violence charge filed against you for a green card and you won't be the last. I'm not trying to be nosy but it's important for newbies to read these horror stories so they understand how important it is to choose the right woman instead of any woman.

[Ted W]

Initially she had planned to get as much as she could. Eventually she capitulated and agreed to take nothing, probably she because was on probation for the DUI, she got caught cheating and she had no evidence to back up her claim. Also she got caught (thanks to me) for stealing expensive clothes,and jewelry from Woodstock high school students where she worked as well as boxes of school supplies I found hidden in the garage. I reported this to the county attorney after she ran off and they did an investigation and she was exposed. Also, I had a tough attorney who said he was going to teach that bitch a lesson, and he sure did. Had she gone to court she was going to be hammered about all this by my lawyer. She got nothing and we got an admission of wrong doing.
 She seemed to be fine in Russia; from a good family. But when she got to America, she fell in with a bad crowd of Russians, primarily the owner of Virtual Translations in Acworth, a vicious Russian woman. All the Russians that hung around there stole; I received a gift of a leather jacket from my ex-wife that I later found was "hot", and had been shoplifted from the store where one of her crowd worked.
It was without a doubt the worst experience of my life. Pure hell.