Adultery, DV charges and moral fiber

[Maxx]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

Maxx,

Please excuse me for being cynical, but how do you know that the 2 women you're writing are telling you the complete story about why their marriages failed? I never completely trust anything a RW says after my experiences. Perhaps they didn't know they could stay in America by playing the DV card?

Did you find these women thru MOB or by some other means?

 

I know people that knew them and their circumstances. And no they were not found through an agency. Also Richard "Rvrwind" (who recently had a heart attack) I used to contact one of them. He gave me a favorable report.  

About one lady whose marriage failed. I have spoken with her ex several times. He is a good guy but I would say he is in the top 1-2% as far as intense natures go. He feels somewhat guilty he didn't stick it with her but understands that they were too different in their natures and interests for each other. She's a homebody and he swing dances 4 nights a week at 4 hours a stretch and runs 2 hours a day. I get the impression he can be sharp and curt and she hurts easily.

The other lady, a fiancee only, I heard from a man (Ron N) who knows her cousin in California. So I heard all the circumstances before I asked her. She was the one that I had Richard contact for me.

A third lady which never went very far I found out was the fiancee of the best man of jb's wedding, CaptB, Mark T. I found out that she was not serious about preparing and following through with engagement (not doing her English lessons and so on) preparations. I confirmed this when I did some searches on her on the other message board. CaptB is happily married to a lady named Marina from Saint Petersburg. 

To play it safe it is good to develop a network of friends and their wives to help give you their opinion on the lady you are interested in. KenC's wife as example possibly could visit a lady I have an interest in and give me her opinion of whether she is of good wife material or not. Lena's a good judge of character from what I have been told. Rvrwind's wife Valentina could do the same and so on.  Frankly it takes a Russian to understand a Russian and woman are usually better than men in understanding who has good character and who is just a character.

I don't mind good advice.

Maxx

       

[PeeWee]

The two women I contacted in the past 6 months, both named Svetlana and 34 years old had been to the US as a fiancee and a wife. The first one went back after a few weeks when she seen her fiance was controling and kept her locked up in the house. The second who I am writing to was married to an American man and lived in America for one year until the divorce. Even though he offered to help her stay and get her Green Card she went back to Russia with her young daughter (now 10).

Besides the things above that they have in common they also have established finances and lives in Russia. Both own their own apartments, one has her own car, another establishing her own tailoring business with the help of her family. Both are close to their families and have parents that are together and married for over 35 + years.  

In the past few years I have seen quite a few good Russian women. Usually they are wives of men on these boards. They contribute and help on the boards. They show love and affection for their husbands.

All in all these are very solid and mature woman. They are in their 20's, 30's and 40's and without exception intellegent and beautiful. Their presense always reminds me that I got gyped. I sold out for Peroxide blonde wearing cheap red lipstick and a borrowed Racoon fur coat.

Maxx

Both women were here and left. This sounds familiar to me. What are the chances that either woman will return to the US? And can they get a new visa to do so? Was the blonde wearing the racoon coat an AW?

 

PeeWee  

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

Bad mouthing their husband/significant other seems to be really common with RW.

With all due respect, how many RWs do you personally know?

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

KenC,

How do you look for a RW outside the MOB business? Just go to the FSU and start looking for women in Bars?

c5driver

There are plenty of Russians in the US, students, professionals, a lot of them speak English well...It's not necessary to look for Russians only in FSU..

P.S. I met my husband in a bar

 

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

I'd love to see some hard statistics about the success of these RW-AM marriages.

I don't have a lot of Russian friends here, but those who are my friends, are in long-lasting relationships with their husbands (actually that's one criteria I look at before deciding to become friends with a  RW). Ex: My best friend has been married to an AM for 14 years, 3 kids... All Russians I consider my friends are professionals, have jobs and support their families.

[MandM]

Was the blonde wearing the racoon coat an AW?

 

PeeWee  

 

PeeWee, you must be kidding! Are you the only person on this planet who hasn't read Maxx's story?

[MandM]

With all due respect, how many RWs do you personally know?

Exactly! C5driver, i feel for you and your bad experience. Your wife sounds like a cold selfish b*** to me, but there are plenty of women like her in every nation!

There are some wonderful women in Russia, but it might not be so easy to find them. Those with peroxide blonde hair, cheap red lipstick and no soul probably stand out in the crowd, but when choosing yourself a wife, surely you should try to use your big head instead of little one?! She might be hot, but you are not going to spend the rest of your life in bed with her. It is wrong to fall in love with looks and not personality.  Marrying some young girl you  don't know well enough is a recipe for disaster , and it doesn't give you the right to slag off every RW. I would understand if you lived in Russia for years and knew hundreds of women, then you could judge what is typical behavior for RW.

Not all of us make lousy wives and cheat on our husbands. Some of us do love our husbands to bits, and respect them, and look after them, cherish them, spoil them, support them, share their joy and sadness as our own etc etc.

I hope it all works out for you, but enough already badmouthing all RW in your every post!

[dostogirl]

Was the blonde wearing the racoon coat an AW?



PeeWee

PeeWee, you must be kidding! Are you the only person on this planet who hasn't read Maxx's story?
[/quote]I guess I'll be the second one :huh:

[KenC]

Was the blonde wearing the racoon coat an AW?

 

PeeWee  

 

PeeWee, you must be kidding! Are you the only person on this planet who hasn't read Maxx's story?
[/quote]I guess I'll be the second one :huh:[/quote]
The blond in the racoon coat was Maxx's exwife Elvira.

KenC

[Maxx]

Elvira was wearing her borrowed raccoon coat and I am wearing a shearling coat which is a skinned sheep. How appropiate :huh:

Maxx

[KenC]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

Everyone I talk to in CA says they've heard of horror stories about RW (usually divorce after GC). I have only heard of 1 success story. You said that about 65-75% of RW-AM marriages fail due to GCG or incompatiblity, correct? It seems like a big gamble to try to be in that 25%-35% that succeed.

I'd love to see some hard statistics about the success of these RW-AM marriages.
 

Everyone in CA?  I'm here in CA and can tell you a few horror stories about others too, but I can also tell you about my happy marriage of 6 years.  We are looking at a very thin slice of the over all pie here on forums like this one.  The happily marrieds don't usually post  But still we have Dan, jb, Conner, Jet, Dostagirl, M & M and myself as examples that AM/RW do and can work.

There are no "hard statistics" on the subject of AM/RW marriage success rates.  I would personally think that the divorce rates would be higher than the norm of around 50% though.  It is only logical based on the increased risks of such marriages.  The whole MOB system encourages AM to seek much younger women in the fsu counties and pushes for quick engagements and or marriages.  Because of the Internet, many lonely AM are exposed to the lure of MOB's.  Many of these men (the majority?) have little or no actual dating experience.  Because of the lure of a better life in the US, the MOB system attracts many (the majority?) RW of questionable character and questionable agendas.  Because of the expense and limited time availablity, the couples spend far too little time together.  Because of the government's very ristrictive timetable (90 days for a K-1) the couple that hardly knows each other jump the gun and get married too early.  All this adds up to a recipe for disaster.

KenC

[catzenmouse]

I agree with MandM's post. Not all or even most RW are bad. Elena is everything I every wanted and more in a friend, partner, wife, etc. I know it is hard for you right now c5 but it is not the end of the world nor is it typical of a real RW. I wouldn't trade mine for anything.

Ken

[Maxx]

Everybody should keep in mind that when I guy is going through what C5driver is going through it is normal to broadbrush all RW as bad.

In time when the nerves settle and a Russian accent doesn't cause one to instinctively duck a more rational mind takes over. That is unless the guy makes up his mind to never expose himself to Russian people again.

I know one guy who with a bottle of something celebrates the day he sent his Russian fiancee back. Last I heard he spends all his time restoring his Jeep and trying to forget the few months they were together. This month should be his 3rd anniversary he sent her back on a direct flight out of the country. He even watched the plane take off....

Maxx 

 

[Son of Clyde]

My wife bickers about everything (it is always my fault) and says I am a nervous man because she takes me to the breaking point.

The last time I said that I was tired of the constant arguments and told her to go back to Ukraine.

Later I regretted saying this because she has many good points but when she plucks my nerves I act like a different person from the quiet person most people see.

She said if I ever tell her to go back to Ukraine she will take me up on the offer.

RW are nothing like AW, they are tough and domineering and used to living under less than perfect living conditions. They expect when they get here things will be better. I have made my apartment far better than I was used to however it isn't perfect and she often complains. Some of her complaints are unjustified such as when a young woman moved upstairs and she bitched because in Ukraine she had her apartment on the top floor. Sometimes she is like a spoiled child thinking everything should revolve around her needs.

But for the most part, life is good and I am well cared for. She has never stopped caring for me even when she is pissed over some trivial issue. 

[Voyageur]

I made the same mistake about "going back" also Clyde - and received essentially the same response you got :huh:

I remember reading somewhere in this or another forum, where some WM in the FSU was complaining how hard it was over there, to find someone. And someone here said that the real work begins when the woman arrives here. I now understand exactly.

It has been really great for me, but RW are definitely not for the timid or weak man. Of course, all women everywhere are different, but time and time again, I see very common, consistent traits and characterisitics of FSU women as posted in these forums. I have never known such love, kindness and care. I used to be married to a divorce attorney and litigator, and so I am used to arguing with a trained professional. But this long previous marriage and divorce did not prepare me for having an arguement with a woman from the FSU in any way.

I also read that the third month is the hardest, typically, and I am about to enter this month. I told my wife I read this and she said "Well, then it is good for you to know, so you can prepare yourself."  Clearly she thought this type of information was nonsense.

[MandM]

I used to be married to a divorce attorney and litigator, and so I am used to arguing with a trained professional. But this long previous marriage and divorce did not prepare me for having an arguement with a woman from the FSU in any way.

Gosh, this is too funny... :D

[Maxx]

MandM is my favorite Russian woman on these boards so I hesitate to use her above post as an example. But if there is one characteristic all Russian woman have is they enjoy being difficult.

Maxx

[Son of Clyde]

An argument with a Russian woman is usually a win/win situation. For her that is.

[catzenmouse]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

An argument with a Russian woman is usually a win/win situation. For her that is.

SoC,

 There is NO argument. You are wrong, that's all there is to it.

Ken

[Bruno]

Everybody should keep in mind that when I guy is going through what C5driver is going through it is normal to broadbrush all RW as bad.

I have know some russian people ( both men and women ) before my marriage with my RW... After the divorce, i have never think that all RW was bad... in reverse, since i have already know a bad one, i am better ready to find the good one... people learn fast from bad experience...

 

[MandM]

MandM is my favorite Russian woman on these boards so I hesitate to use her above post as an example. But if there is one characteristic all Russian woman have is they enjoy being difficult.

Maxx

 

Maxx,

I could forgive you ANYTHING for your first sentence.

But seriously, I think your post is an example that you know exactly how to get your way with RW: flatter or compliment them first, and then critisize afterwards!

[Maxx]

But seriously, I think your post is an example that you know exactly how to get your way with RW: flatter or compliment them first, and then critisize afterwards!

I realize I am rather slow but I seem to be making steady progress in learning about Russian women.

Thanks MandM

Maxx 

 

 

[jb]

I'd love to see some hard statistics about the success of these RW-AM marriages.

That would be hard to do.  As pointed out, a big percentage of AM/RW marriages are made up from a stock of AM who have little or no relationship skills.  These marriages are hanging by a thread from the get-go.  On the other hand, every marriage I know of that is between a "good" woman and an astute man are both thriving and happy.  

All too often we see stories, (one is too many), like c5driver's.  The first one I recall reading was the story of Shane Neff's death spiral.  Maxx's saga was another. The essence of this is that a lot of these men seem to think that they've heavily invested of themself in the relationship with the RW, when in fact, we learn they think spending the equivilant of one or two years worth of annual vacation time away from their jobs is a "serious investment".  Men also tend to look at the dollar sums as an investment, while they ignore the need for an emotional investment. They place huge importance on the fact that they e-mailed and phoned regularly during the months before the visa was granted.  Any woman with an agenda can maintain the MOB hype-driven facade via e-mail and phone calls for months, even years, without missing a beat when it serves her purpose to do so.   Frankly, all that means is the men were looking for a RW to solve all their relationship problems.  Men coming out of a recent divorce are especially vunerable to making this mistake.  A one or two year old divorce decree does not mean you don't still have emotional baggage and scarring.

Regarding c5driver's case, from personal experience, I believe any man can step outside the box for a moment and evaluate his situation better than we can second-guess his situation on a forum, but,,, if a woman is not the least bit in love with her man, she will display traits of short patience, she will pick fights over any real or precieved faults, she will lose her temper over the most trivial matters, she will sulk, she will be be aloof or withdrawn, she will withhold sex, she will not attempt to control her anger, she will constantly demand bigger, better, and more lavish material goods, more expensive living space, and display general unhappiness.  The man is never right, she is never wrong. These are what I call the "divorce red flags".  This is an unhappy woman and in extreme cases this unhappiness will lead to openly hostile attitudes and even blatant unfaithfulness such as c5 has discribed.  A woman knows that there is no more brutal and killing blow to a man's self esteem than to publically humiliate him by sleeping with his friends or neighbors.  

I believe men are pretty easy to figure out.  Men are able to indulge in a relationship with just about any reasonalbly good looking woman and be relatively happy.  As long as the wife isn't chasing him around the house with a butcher knife, he thinks his marrige is pretty good.  Women  are consideralby more picky about their happiness.  Unless she really loves her mate, all the money and material wealth in the world will not stop the constant bickering, pissing, groaning, moaning, compaining, and general PMS-like behavior.  

A woman who actually loves her man will not display these red flags.

[anono]

great thread, good posts all.

a lot of the guys coming over here, the only thing they ask or seem to care about is if a woman is a good cook. i met a lady and she told i was the first guy out of about 10 americans who did not ask her if she knew how to cook.

most of these agencies understand what is going on here. these guys are coming over here with no clue, they think that because they are an american they somehow have a trump card or are instantly desirable, probably because of their money.

they actually think these women are "mail order brides" and think because they (the man) is making a choice, whichever little puppy they chose is supposed to obedietly follow them home.

what they idiot (sorry dan) doesn't realize is this little puppy is 10 times smarter than he is and as soon as she grows up from a puppy, she is going to be a junkyard dog who is going to eat them alive. no compassion? i have no compassion for idiots, they get what's coming to them.

this in part explains why i use this harsh language. many of these women do not even like you guys. they see you as a means to an end and use you because you are so stupid or spineless, you let them and they have NO respect for you. who would? i wouldn't either.

when i walk into an agency, locate the manager or director, i sit them down, explain how i basically live in ukraine. i have met a number of women, have had serious relationships with two and currently have a girlfriend. i am not a "one wee k wonder" or even a one month wonder. i tell them we do not meet women in the usa and ask them to  marry us upon meeting. to a person each and every one of them jump in and say we do not do that here either. why should it be any different? the minute they realize they see i know what i am doing, the agency hype stops. they stear me away from the girls who are just playing the men. they usually know who is sincere or not. of course they have no control over the women and do not know what they all do.

i have more to say on this later but my time at the internet cafe is running out

[Bruno]

Edit : since some are not happy with my post, i delete it