Traveling to Kaluga end of March

[SANDRO43]

my friend will eat "fish and seafood" (still trying to figure out what the difference is)

Crustaceans like lobsters & oysters, maybe ? Could be an expensive taste to maintain .

[Chillidog]

in 10 days I will be with my lady :heartafire: and her son again. Fortunately this reunion will last for 2 weeks as opposed to our March 4 day reunion.

whoever coined the phrase "boy, how time flies" I would love to find and beat with a stick, because it certainly has not felt this way for me, and these last days are just dragginggggg by

[Chillidog]

I have just recently returned from what can only be described as a "fantastic and wonderful time spent together". This time we were able to be together for 2 weeks (June 14-27) but even that amount of time was WAY TOO SHORT.

If all goes according to plans I will be leaving for Kaluga on August 3rd (arrive due to time change on the 4th) and will stay the WHOLE month of August returning to the States on August 31st. As with previous meetings, I will be staying at Olya's apartment, living 24/7 with her, her 9 yo son and her mother. This time I will also have the opportunity to also spend a couple of these weekends at their dacha.

I am very happy that I did NOT listen to some of the "Naysayers" about meeting a woman with "limited" English abilities. MY Russian is poor (have been working on it for 3 years but I am one of those that languages does not come easy to).

Olya and I hit it off from the very start (no, I am not refering to physically, refering to things that play an even greater importance in a relationship ---though a healthy sex life in a relationship is also very important). Of course we struggled at times in finding the write word, yet there was always the ability to understand what the other was trying to say, the experts say (and I am not an expert) that even in verbal communication there is also other signals and stimuli being given off that help a person understand what is verbally being spoken (I'll just trust to the experts that this is true).

We have now had about 1 month of "face time" together. We both understand the importance of being able to communicate effectively, and both know that when/if the time comes that she arrives to the USA that we will need a very strong and solid base of communication. So we continue to work on our verbal communication, and both of us have been working hard on improving our knowledge of the others language (but you can see more improvment with Olya than with me)

Also for us we are viewing this as "parents" helping and giving time to her son to not only become emotionally and mentally prepared (as much as a 9 yo can) for this drastic change in his life. To also give my future step-son more time (in personal meetings) with me, so he can become comfortable with having a male in his life for really the first time (he was 3 when their divorce happened), and also to become comfortable with NOT being the sole attention and love of his mothers (I think most on here will understand what I am talking about on this)

We both just knew from the very first moments we saw each other at the airport so many months ago that we had found the "One" that there never has been a question of "where this relationship is headed" emotions and feelings have always been very HIGH. We both know and feel this is a love and a relationship of which we have never felt before, but

We are trying to keep this emotional part out of our decision making process. To take our time and not rush, to continue to build and improve our verbal communication skills between us, to continue to help prepare her son with his English skills and also get him emotionally more secure and comfortable with this eventual event of moving to a strange country. But most of all to give our relationship the time to grow and become stronger so that when we are together, it is a life, a love, a relationship that will last our entire lives.

To build in our relationship/love the strength to over come the difficulties we will face and also over come the many things that we each may do or say unintentionaly that may hurt the others feelings. Yes, we have had to work thru a couple of these moments -- it did show the commitment we have to each other, in these very few small moments. (A couple of my "not so finer moments/jokes" that did not come off they way they were intended. That if I had thought before I opened my mouth, I would have kept my mouth shut)

In short we both know and realize we are not perfect but we are trying to do all the little things that make a realtionship strong. We know we will each make mistakes but we are both 100% committed to each other and we always put the other first in our thoughts and it is our hope that with all these things going for us, that we will have the life and love we both have been dreaming of.

[GoodOlBoy]

I am very happy that I did NOT listen to some of the "Naysayers" about meeting a woman with "limited" English abilities. MY Russian is poor (have been working on it for 3 years but I am one of those that languages does not come easy to).

Don't want to pi*s on your parade Chilidog, BUT...Right now you are experiencing what GoodOlBoy calls the "honeymoon" phase.

I went through it (3 straight month's of living in Omsk with my wife) and so have several others here on RWD.

BUT.......REALITY will set in the minute your lady and her son step foot off that plane in the GoodOl'USA.

With limited or no English (communication skills) you and your new family will be in for a tough row to hoe brother.

Best of luck.


GOB


PS...Maybe I BS a little bit to much here on RWD, but not about this.

[Misha]

I am very happy that I did NOT listen to some of the "Naysayers" about meeting a woman with "limited" English abilities. MY Russian is poor (have been working on it for 3 years but I am one of those that languages does not come easy to).

My wife spoke one word of English when she arrived: "okay." The first year was tough because of culture shock, but now she is doing much better. She is even working. It requires a lot more patience, but it is not impossible.

[Simoni]

I am very happy that I did NOT listen to some of the "Naysayers" about meeting a woman with "limited" English abilities. MY Russian is poor (have been working on it for 3 years but I am one of those that languages does not come easy to).

It's WAY to early to be gloating, Chillidog.  Right now you are in that romantic stage where it is just fun to be together, even without talking.  But marriage takes communication, and I shudder at how in the world a couple without a common language can discuss the very important issues and decisions that marriage requires. In our case, dealing with the culture shock was hard enough, even with a fluent wife.

Best of luck to you, but hold back the "I told you so" lines until you are in your third year of marriage or so.

Anyway, I do wish you the best.

~Simoni

[Boethius]

I don't think he is gloating.  I think he is just saying he is happy he didn't initially exclude his fiancee because she is the one.

What makes three years the magic number?  Why not fifteen, since the average US marriage lasts fourteen years?

Chili, my husband did speak English when he arrived, and he didn't go through culture shock. He approached things as if he were a child, relearning.  Yes, there were things that he observed, such as the politeness of people, that were different, but culture shock?  No.  I think that is a very personal thing, and not everyone reacts the same way.

I wouldn't worry too much about your stepson's lack of English.  Kids pick up languages very quickly.

[Simoni]

I don't think he is gloating. 

This statement certainly sounds like gloating to me--

I am very happy that I did NOT listen to some of the "Naysayers" about meeting a woman with "limited" English abilities. 

He made it his point to say "look what I did!"  And "it's a good thing I didn't listen to you Naysayers."

My response to him was that it was too soon for such a response.

[Boethius]

To each his own.  I read it as "I am happy I didn't listen to you because I found my soul mate."

[Simoni]

What makes three years the magic number?  Why not fifteen, since the average US marriage lasts fourteen years?

...my husband did speak English when he arrived, and he didn't go through culture shock.

Three years is not a magical number, and of course it varies from person to person.  But three years gets you passed the hardest part in the  adjustment to a new culture.  And it also gets you past the infatuation stage, and  the place in a marriage where it is fueled by pure love.

I'd say your husband is in the rare minority in that he did not experience culture shock.

[Simoni]

To each his own.  I read it as "I am happy I didn't listen to you because I found my soul mate."

Fair enough.  I took is as a "I told you so" to the people who advised him to search for girls who spoke English.

[Faux Pas]

I don't think he is gloating.  I think he is just saying he is happy he didn't initially exclude his fiancee because she is the one.

What makes three years the magic number?  Why not fifteen, since the average US marriage lasts fourteen years?

Chili, my husband did speak English when he arrived, and he didn't go through culture shock. He approached things as if he were a child, relearning.  Yes, there were things that he observed, such as the politeness of people, that were different, but culture shock?  No.  I think that is a very personal thing, and not everyone reacts the same way.

I wouldn't worry too much about your stepson's lack of English.  Kids pick up languages very quickly.

I have to agree. Seems to me Chilli has been pretty darned deliberate, methodical and honest with himself and with this lady. He's had over a month of face time and seems his euphoria continues to rise. I suspect there is a reason for it. Likely, they both have found what they are looking for. IIRC this isn't his first rodeo and he has walked away in the past after several learning curves. Why the extreme caution at this juncture?

Simoni, 3 years isn't any kind of "high water" mark in relationships or marriages. Either can collapse in the first month, 10, 20 years or anytime in between. Your post comes off as a bit sanctimonious. Is 3 years the duration of your relationship?

I am rarely in the cheerleading role but Chili has done everything right and appears to me, keeps doing so. I say plow ahead Chili. Life is too short.

[Simoni]

Simoni, 3 years isn't any kind of "high water" mark in relationships or marriages. Either can collapse in the first month, 10, 20 years or anytime in between. Your post comes off as a bit sanctimonious.

I've already responded to this before your post, but I'll repeat it.   There is nothing special about three year, but I was making the point that he needed to get a little marriage under his belt before he shouts "success" and attacks those who cautioned him.  Three years does allow a settling in period and gets you past the worst of the cultural adjustment phase, so that number is as good as any to use, IMHO.

Your sanctimonious comment is wrong.

[Boethius]

I agree with Faux Pas.  Three years means nothing.  It all comes down to the individual.


I wish you the best, Chilidog.

[Ade]

Way to go Chilli

Ignore Simoni, he's just being pissy and reading more into your joy than is there - you seem to be the last person that would gloat about anything.

I hope all the hurdles will be small ones.

[Makkin]

  Simoni makes a great point and if you desire not to listen then it's up to you.


   Jaded,

    I,ve met Simoni in person as well as his lovely wife. They are salt of the earth people who have common sense and use it. If you consider that a pissy mood then I can assure you your wrong.


Makkin

[Faux Pas]

I've already responded to this before your post, but I'll repeat it.   There is nothing special about three year, but I was making the point that he needed to get a little marriage under his belt before he shouts "success" and attacks those who cautioned him.  Three years does allow a settling in period and gets you past the worst of the cultural adjustment phase, so that number is as good as any to use, IMHO.

Your sanctimonious comment is wrong.

I wouldn't advocate to anyone to start a relationship or seek a wife of a woman without a common language. Still, people do it and yet still, they do at times succeed. His measure of success is obviously different from yours. He's obviously very happy with where he is at and sharing it with the forum. The guy is knowledgeable, experienced and believable. It's not like he's one of the many drive-by newbies.

The sanctimonious comment was correct. It did come off as such. Whether or not intentional, I'll make no assumption.

[Simoni]

To FP & SJ:

I did wish Chillidog the best of luck--check out the actual post.

My concern was his dismissal of the advice he got her at RWD to look for a girl that he could communicate with via a common language.  His actual words were "I am very happy that I did NOT listen to some of the "Naysayers."  Newbies will run with that endorsement, I fear.  I merely pointed out that the journey is just beginning for him.   The guys married to FSUW have a comprehension that far exceeds the single guys playing cheerleader here.  Unlike FP & SJ, they know how difficult marriage to a FSUW is, and the need for the ability to communicate through talking together.

Chillidog had made his choice, so this post is not about him.  It's for those that follow.  And my advice is to look for a woman you can actually talk to, and to not marry a stranger.

[Boethius]

To FP & SJ:

The guys married to FSUW have a comprehension that far exceeds the single guys playing cheerleader here.  Unlike FP & SJ, they know how difficult marriage to a FSUW is, and the need for the ability to communicate through talking together.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If your marriage is difficult, you are married to the wrong person.

Chillidog had made his choice, so this post is not about him.  It's for those that follow.  And my advice is to look for a woman you can actually talk to, and to not marry a stranger.

Everyone marries a stranger.

[GoodOlBoy]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If your marriage is difficult, you are married to the wrong person.

Boethius......I am curious, please define "difficult".

Everyone marries a stranger.

And if you don't mind......what is your interpretation of the word "stranger".



GOB

[Boethius]

It is subjective, of course.  However, for me personally, it would be non harmonious.  For others, it could mean not enough arguing (yes, I have seen that).  But if personally, you find your marriage is "difficult", you are mismatched. 

[Simoni]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If your marriage is difficult, you are married to the wrong person.

Then we have different definitions of the word "difficult."

And, you have morphed the word, changing what I said. I never said my marriage was difficult, I said being married to a FWSW was difficult. 

[Simoni]

Everyone marries a stranger.

I didn't.  We knew each other very well.  I married my best friend.

[Boethius]

So what is your definition?


Caught your edit -

And if you don't mind......what is your interpretation of the word "stranger".

You can't really truly know a spouse, not intimately, until you have lived with him/her.

[GoodOlBoy]

It is subjective, of course.  However, for me personally, it would be non harmonious.  For others, it could mean not enough arguing (yes, I have seen that).  But if personally, you find your marriage is "difficult", you are mismatched.

"Civilized" arguing is part of a marriage and it is considered "healthy" by most marriage counselors.

GOB