So, you want to marry a younger Russian woman.

[catzenmouse]

bonbon,   

 Welcome to the discussion, but I believe you are making a statement biased on facts not yet in evidence, my wife and I have a 19 year age difference and if you want to tale about "energy vampires" then maybe you should be addressing what our 3-1/2 year old daughter does to us.

 We know a number of couples who have been married for several years now who have a similar age difference, some less some more, my wife's younger sister (25 years old living in Moscow) prefers men who are at least 40. Your bold statement seems a bit rash and without corroborating evidence about your claim, you are more than welcome to elaborate.

That is an excellent description of our 5 year old!!! BTW - we have a 17 year difference and I get surpreme $hit when I say I'm an old man....

Ken

[BC]

Bonbon,

don't worry.. if it wasn't such a big deal there would not have been so much of a reaction to your post.

I've seen threads with hundreds of posts on this subject.. probably well over a thousand posts if I added them all up over the years..

yeah no big deal.

[bonbon]

[color="#0000ff"][size="4"]What is  wrong with having a Trophy Wife as long as both people are happy?
[/size][/color][color="#0000ff"][size="4"]
[/size][/color]   [color="#0000ff"][size="4"] 20  years from now I will be long dead and gone, my lady will be well taken  care of so what do I care, enjoy life today because tomorrow may never  arrive.[/size][/color]

And what is "happy"? Do you think she is "happy" if she is not  satisfied with whatever she wants? This could be anythning: sex,  activities, traveling, health, etc. Can she be happy seeing her  hhusband getting so old and sick, for example?

About the 20 years from now: if you think money is enough to think your  lady is "well taken care of", I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it is  not enough. All she will think, I bet, is that she has sacrificed the  best years of her youth just to be lonely after all. Is that HAPPINESS?  C'mon, whatever that is, it definitely is NOT happiness. Happiness is  to wake up with someone you've never regretted marrying. Not even once,  not even a smallest doubt deep down in your heart. That what is  happiness. The young wife will always have those doubts, either small  or big, especially seeing her girlfriends married to guys of the same  age group and wondering how much fun they might have for a LONG time,  not just short 10 years or so. How great it is to mature and get old  together. I know there are exceptions and there always will be. But those  exceptions only support the rule, so to speak.

[Admin]

And what is "happy"? Do you think she is "happy" if she is not  satisfied with whatever she wants? This could be anythning: sex,  activities, traveling, health, etc. Can she be happy seeing her  hhusband getting so old and sick, for example?

About the 20 years from now: if you think money is enough to thinks  your lady is "well taken care of", I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it  is not enough. All she will think, I bet, is that she has sacrificed  the best years of her youth just to be lonely after all. Is that  HAPPINESS? C'mon, whatever that is, it definitely is NOT happiness.  Happiness is to wake up with someone you've never regretted marrying.  Not even once, not even a smallest doubt deep down in your heart. That  what is happiness. The young wife will always have those doubts, either  small or big, especially seeing her girlfriends married to guys of the  same age group and wondering how much fun they might have for a LONG  time, not just short 10 years or so. How great it is to mature and get  old together. I know there are exceptions and there always will. But  those exceptions only support the rule, so to speak.

BB,

We can probably all agree that there is some RISK involved in the marriage of one older spouse to a younger one. What becomes problematic is determining the amount of risk and defining what is "older".

I recently spoke to a guy I have known for some years - but I did not know that his marriage to a younger AW ended 2 years ago with her death in a traffic accident.

Now - what can you decipher from the paragraph above? What does "younger" actually mean - 1 month, 1 decade, or more? In this case, it was more than a decade.

The other message this sends is how fragile our lives really are. No-one knows when they will 'check-out' - and the best we can do is to prepare ourselves, and those whom we love, with the resources and love to enable them to move forward.

Know what? That is true for my wife as well. She has a life insurance policy in the event of her death which pays out to me if I am still alive.

In fact, given some of the VERY serious health and environmental considerations in the FSU, one can make a pretty strong argument that a 'normal' RW lifespan may NOT be the equivalent of an AW, hence, the gap of ages may be less substantial than our society in the west would indicate.

Having said all that, Olya and I have had some very difficult and heart-rending discussions about what she should expect as I grow older - and I am more than 20 years older than she. I worry greatly about leaving her behind and that she may still be active and vibrant and lonely. But - I would worry about that if she were my same age - it is just the RISK of it happening is probably greater in our situation than in others.

My point is - there is no magic in any of this. There are no final and absolute rules. There is no way that anyone can stand in judgement of anyone else for the choices they make - at least, in regards to age difference.

I hope this makes sense.

- Dan

[bonbon]

Another thought. Like I said before, marriages with a huge age  difference are usually frowned upon in FSU. Some of you guys do know  that, some don't. But that is a fact. Just imagine how your young wife  might feel when all her girlfriends hear she'd married an old guy who  is her "daddy" or "grandpa". They laugh and your wife knows they do,  She loses her friends she grew up with. She becomes ashamed and  reserved. She doesn't want to share anything about her marriage with  people she knows. She is ashamed of her old husband. This is true. I  know a girl who married a Swedish guy who was 20 years older than her.  I still remember all the fun her friends made of her. I'm glad she  never heard that. To say the truth, I don't really care who is married  to whom and why. All I want to say that sometimes it is a good idea to  see what the other side thinks/feels/believes/is afraid of, before  making such a big decision to marry someone, whether it is a foreigner,  a much younger person, a person of a different race or religion, etc.  Things DO matter, even though many people are like ostriches and prefer  not to think about the consequences ot to face them. They're like  Scarlet O'Hara: I'll think about that tomorrow. No wonder that the Hot  Line on the Russian forums are overloaded.

[bonbon]

Dan, you sound like a smart guy and should understand WHY the lifespan of RW is much shorter than that of AW.

[TigerPaws]

And what is "happy"? Do you think she is "happy" if she is not  satisfied with whatever she wants? This could be anythning: sex,  activities, traveling, health, etc. Can she be happy seeing her  hhusband getting so old and sick, for example?

About the 20 years from now: if you think money is enough to think your  lady is "well taken care of", I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it is  not enough. All she will think, I bet, is that she has sacrificed the  best years of her youth just to be lonely after all. Is that HAPPINESS?  C'mon, whatever that is, it definitely is NOT happiness. Happiness is  to wake up with someone you've never regretted marrying. Not even once,  not even a smallest doubt deep down in your heart. That what is  happiness. The young wife will always have those doubts, either small  or big, especially seeing her girlfriends married to guys of the same  age group and wondering how much fun they might have for a LONG time,  not just short 10 years or so. How great it is to mature and get old  together. I know there are exceptions and there always will be. But those  exceptions only support the rule, so to speak.

[color="blue"][size="4"]bonbon,

 You are making a great deal of assumptions about a (any) couples relations that you no nothing about.
 As for me personally when I am dead and gone what does it matter to me or anyone else for that matter, what matters is today not necessarly tomorrow.
[/size][/color]

[Admin]

Another thought. Like I said before, marriages with a huge age  difference are usually frowned upon in FSU. Some of you guys do know  that, some don't. But that is a fact. Just imagine how your young wife  might feel when all her girlfriends hear she'd married an old guy who  is her "daddy" or "grandpa". They laugh and your wife knows they do,  She loses her friends she grew up with. She becomes ashamed and  reserved. She doesn't want to share anything about her marriage with  people she knows. She is ashamed of her old husband. This is true. I  know a girl who married a Swedish guy who was 20 years older than her.  I still remember all the fun her friends made of her. I'm glad she  never heard that. To say the truth, I don't really care who is married  to whom and why. All I want to say that sometimes it is a good idea to  see what the other side thinks/feels/believes/is afraid of, before  making such a big decision to marry someone, whether it is a foreigner,  a much younger person, a person of a different race or religion, etc.  Things DO matter, even though many people are like ostriches and prefer  not to think about the consequences ot to face them. They're like  Scarlet O'Hara: I'll think about that tomorrow. No wonder that the Hot  Line on the Russian forums are overloaded.

BB,

There *is* another side to this.

My wife is more than 20 years younger than me. Rather than shrink from her previous friendships, she enthusiastically introduced me to many of her friends. We socialized in Kremenchug and Kyiv together. The fact that I can muddle through with some Russian language certainly helped a lot - as did the fact I have always been active and athletic - but I am not so vain as to suggest that I 'look much younger than my age' or anything like that. I simply enjoy life (when I am not in court :?), and I love my wife.

One of my wife's closest friends from Kremenchug now lives nearby and is married to an AM - with an age difference of more than a decade.

Olya's friends did NOT shrink from her - and they certainly did not laugh at her. Instead, they became MY friends as well - and I see them when I visit Ukraine even when Olya does NOT accompany me.

I share this because your perspective seems to be imbalanced. There really ARE more stories out there - and some of them quite positive - if you care to listen.

I sense you are here to do just that - contribute your perspectives and to learn from others. That is what this board is all about.

I hope to hear from you more in the future.

- Dan

[bonbon]

I make assumptions based on what I see, hear, or read about various  marriages, including those of a big age difference. If not every day  then every other day do I read the complaints or worries of the RWs  about the age gap. It is not a problem for my marriage as there are  just a few years difference. But it is a problem for those girls that  give up searching and marry anyone just because they're tired of  waiting and looking, and then they go to the Hot Lines and cry out for  help. Why not point out to this problem to the AM who are ready to  marry? I'd assume that if one wants to marry, he/she want a peaceful  and happy marriage with minimum misunderstanding and arguments. Why  marry just to get divorced in a year or two? What for pay thousands of  dollars to bring a RW here and then let her go? I personally see a  marriage as a serious thing, not just as an "affair" that is easy to  get out of.

Also, your concept of "what matters" today shows to me personally that  responsibility and committment isn't your strong side. Does your wife  know what you're thinking? Did she know it when she married you?

And what is "happy"? Do you think she is "happy" if she is not  satisfied with whatever she wants? This could be anythning: sex,  activities, traveling, health, etc. Can she be happy seeing her  hhusband getting so old and sick, for example?

About the 20 years from now: if you think money is enough to think your  lady is "well taken care of", I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it is  not enough. All she will think, I bet, is that she has sacrificed the  best years of her youth just to be lonely after all. Is that HAPPINESS?  C'mon, whatever that is, it definitely is NOT happiness. Happiness is  to wake up with someone you've never regretted marrying. Not even once,  not even a smallest doubt deep down in your heart. That what is  happiness. The young wife will always have those doubts, either small  or big, especially seeing her girlfriends married to guys of the same  age group and wondering how much fun they might have for a LONG time,  not just short 10 years or so. How great it is to mature and get old  together. I know there are exceptions and there always will be. But  those exceptions only support the rule, so to speak.

[color="blue"][size="4"]bonbon,

 You are making a great deal of assumptions about a (any) couples relations that you no nothing about.
 As for me personally when I am dead and gone what does it matter  to me or anyone else for that matter, what matters is today not  necessarly tomorrow.
[/size][/color]

[/quote]

[BC]

Bonbon,

You hit the nail on the head..  The women that marry older men are just as much at fault.

It is quite obvious that most of the guys capable of jetting across the globe in search for a wife are a bit older than those that have problems justifying the cost of a passport, visa & ticket.  Most young guys really can't afford this venture in the first place..

[TigerPaws]

I make assumptions based on what I see, hear, or read about various  marriages, including those of a big age difference. If not every day  then every other day do I read the complaints or worries of the RWs  about the age gap. It is not a problem for my marriage as there are  just a few years difference. But it is a problem for those girls that  give up searching and marry anyone just because they're tired of  waiting and looking, and then they go to the Hot Lines and cry out for  help. Why not point out to this problem to the AM who are ready to  marry? I'd assume that if one wants to marry, he/she want a peaceful  and happy marriage with minimum misunderstanding and arguments. Why  marry just to get divorced in a year or two? What for pay thousands of  dollars to bring a RW here and then let her go? I personally see a  marriage as a serious thing, not just as an "affair" that is easy to  get out of.

[color="blue"][size="4"] Everyone's experiences are different bonbon, we know many AM/RW/UW couples with 15 to 25 year age difference who have been together from 1 to 5 years, some from Russia and some from the Ukraine but all seem happy.

 My wife's sister (she is 25 never married) just returned to Moscow and she prefers older men as does my wife and many of their friends, some have as little as a 10 year difference, some as much as 20 so your assertions about the age difference seemd to be more based on your personal prejudices than anything else.
[/size][/color]

Also, your concept of "what matters" today shows to me personally that  responsibility and committment isn't your strong side. Does your wife  know what you're thinking? Did she know it when she married you?[size="4"][color="blue"] Yes to both questions and she is very happy with things, we will have been happily married for 6 years this coming April and we have a 3-1/2 years old daughter.[/color][/size]

[bonbon]

Dan,

I'm glad Olya's friends accepted you and seem supportive and loyal.  Although, to be really sure, one needs to hear them talking when you  two aren't around. The girl I mentioned before, who married the Swede,  was also admired by her friends when she was present. However, when she  was not there, things changed drastically. People COULD be different,  of you know what I mean. I agree, there are many happy ends, but  unfortunately there are SO MANY unhappy ends that they draw attention  to the issue. I must admit that there might be some imbalance as you  said. But why? Why when I hear/see/read about large age gap couples,  there are  so many problems, concerns, complaints? Like I said  previously, out of over a hundred RW or probably even more, only twice  did I read that they're specifically looking for an older man. And both  times the reason was economical stability as it is assumed that a guy  over 40 is more economically stable, although his previous  divorces/children/alimonies, etc aren't taken into consideration.

I can't help it but reading so many Russian forums I come accross much  bigger number of negative stories than happy ones. Not all of them, of  course, are those marriages of a big age gap, but a large number of  them fall into this category. Also, almost all RW who are still looking  express their concerns about a big age difference, AM's health and  ability to have a active life. Not everyone is fit like you Dan. Not  everyone is healthy. You said you can get by with Russian. If you don't  believe me, you can see it yourself. Just visit any of the Russian  forums and read the stories they share. I'm not trying to predict an  unhappy ending to all of the large-age-difference marriages. What I'm  trying to say here is that from reading the posts of some of guys on  this forum, I sense a lot of selfishness: I don't care what happens  when I'm gone. Or: I'm divorcing her because I don't want having any  more children. In other words: I don't care about committment and  responsibility, I just want to enjoy those few years of having this  young chick around. This is the attitude I feel in the air on this  forum, honestly.

[Bruno]

And what is "happy"? Do you think she is "happy" if she is not satisfied with whatever she wants? This could be anythning: sex, activities, traveling, health, etc. Can she be happy seeing her hhusband getting so old and sick, for example?

Maybe young girl who marry older western man are not so crazy... let see the local situation in Russia : life expectancy for woman is 73 yo and for men is 58 yo... and compare to American men who have a life expectancy of 80 yo...

Seem that RW make a good choice to marry a American man, lower chance to be widow... and when see the age gap in the life expectancy between women and men in Russia, around 15 year, the futur is more "rose" with American men...

For sex, you have viagra... for activity, several American old men are in good shape ( some practice extreme sport since they are over 50 year old )... traveling is not a problem, more old, more financial secure... and health care is very good quality in American ( when you can affort them )...

Of course, if you choose a Belgium man like me, it is better since our life expectancy is 82 yo

Really, a reasonable age gap between partner is not a big problem for the futur ... when compare the life term of RW and American men, 15 year seem right...  they will die together...

The real problem of the difference of age is the generation gap... and certainly the maturity gap... a woman from 18 yo will have a lot of problem with a man from 38 yo... but a more mature women from 38 yo old will not have so much problem with a man from 58 yo... same age gap but other situation...

Of course, exception exist... maturity is not always proportional to the age... some young women can be mature and some old men can be like children... So, the problem of "difference of age" don't exist really... it is more a compatibility problem...

[bonbon]

Tiger, I'm glad you're happy and things go well for you. However, this  is not always the case. I'd love to believe that ALL big-age-gap  marriages succeed, but everyone knows it is not so.

Also, this is a question to everyone who has married or wants to marry a much younger woman, no matter whether RW or AW:

Don't you guys ever think how great it'd be to have someone around who  DOES understand you and your needs, who grew up in the same era, who  loves the same music and movies from "good old times", who understands  your jokes or comments on whatever. In other words, someone who IS a  soulmate, not just a "body" mate, who is of the same age and  appreciates the same things. Who is as mature as you and has a lot of  memories to share of the same times. Someone who shares those special  things that belong only to your generation. I could go on and on in  this list. Don't you  ever think how things would be different and less stressful, more  comfortable, etc. I don't know, I might understand a physical side of  this whole issue, but other than this, I don't really see what BINDS  these two people of different generations. Isn't physical side only an  addition to s spiritual, which is much more important, I believe. Isn't  it so good to see that your wife can contimue your though while you  haven't finished saying it out loud? I personally simply can't imagine  myself being a soulmate to someone much older or younger than me. I'm  talking about 15-20 or more years difference. I'd understand when, say,  a music professor and his young student are bound by the same crazy  love for music. But  what is that that binds two people who easily could be viewed by  strangers as a father and daughter? Can anyone share what binds them  with their much younger wives? Just interested.

[Bruno]

You refert to 2 or 3 case... the lack of committment and responsability don't exist only in couple with large age gap... it is maybe a charateristic from one week ( or lower ) wonder, from people who have not use enough time for know each other before be married... speaking over the long term is something need to make at the start of relation...

[Admin]

Dan,

I'm glad Olya's friends accepted you and seem supportive and loyal.  Although, to be really sure, one needs to hear them talking when you  two aren't around. The girl I mentioned before, who married the Swede,  was also admired by her friends when she was present. However, when she  was not there, things changed drastically. People COULD be different,  of you know what I mean. I agree, there are many happy ends, but  unfortunately there are SO MANY unhappy ends that they draw attention  to the issue. I must admit that there might be some imbalance as you  said. But why? Why when I hear/see/read about large age gap couples,  there are  so many problems, concerns, complaints? Like I said  previously, out of over a hundred RW or probably even more, only twice  did I read that they're specifically looking for an older man. And both  times the reason was economical stability as it is assumed that a guy  over 40 is more economically stable, although his previous  divorces/children/alimonies, etc aren't taken into consideration.

I can't help it but reading so many Russian forums I come accross much  bigger number of negative stories than happy ones. Not all of them, of  course, are those marriages of a big age gap, but a large number of  them fall into this category. Also, almost all RW who are still looking  express their concerns about a big age difference, AM's health and  ability to have a active life. Not everyone is fit like you Dan. Not  everyone is healthy. You said you can get by with Russian. If you don't  believe me, you can see it yourself. Just visit any of the Russian  forums and read the stories they share. I'm not trying to predict an  unhappy ending to all of the large-age-difference marriages. What I'm  trying to say here is that from reading the posts of some of guys on  this forum, I sense a lot of selfishness: I don't care what happens  when I'm gone. Or: I'm divorcing her because I don't want having any  more children. In other words: I don't care about committment and  responsibility, I just want to enjoy those few years of having this  young chick around. This is the attitude I feel in the air on this  forum, honestly.

BB,

I suppose the simplest way to address what you imply is to say that - if Olya's friends had been the sort to act around her one way, and then behave differently when she is not around - quite candidly, they would not be the type of people either Olya or I would want as friends. In our case, I am convinced that your scenario never happened. Was the age difference a topic of their conversations when we were not there? Probably. But it never degraded into a criticism of Olya's choice or our relationship.

Yes, I know just enough Russian to be dangerous - and I am able to muddle my way through many Russian boards. I have, indeed, visited several of them over the years. I acknowledge that your observations seem generally accurate with my own experience - but just like this board attracts a particular demographic - so do those other boards. Those demographics, in my estimation, seriously invalidate ANY conclusions you may wish to draw in terms of extrapolating to an entire population or society.

I do not agree with you about the "air on this forum" however. Sure we have some guys that are in it just for the 'fun' of it - and when they post, if they post sour grapes, they are told by the other members of just how the (pardon the idioms) 'cow ate the cabbage.' There is an unusually high percentage of guys here who are married and have been married for some years. Not sure who gets the award for the longest marriage - but that sounds like a good topic for a poll or board exercise. No-one here claims to have discovered the Holy Grail of FSU bride-seeking - though there are more than a few with EXTREMELY strong opinions and they freely express them. On balance, you will NOT find another board with the number of married guys who are happy in their marriages - and whose wives (as best we can tell) are happy as well - anywhere on the 'net. It simply does not exist.

So prepare to be educated about happy marriages between RW and AM (or Western Men) - as there are more than a few of them here.

One last comment - and request. I can sense that you have a great deal to share with us here. Please share it. And do so from your own experiences rather than referencing some other boards. YOUR experiences are more valid and will mean more to the readers - and believe it or not, the board members here would like to get to know you and to learn from you - myself included.

Regards,

- Dan

[bonbon]

Really, a reasonable age gap between partner is not a big problem for  the futur ... when compare the life term of RW and American men, 15  year seem right...  they will die together...

Bruno, you're brighter than this.

[TigerPaws]

Tiger, I'm glad you're happy and things go well for you. However, this  is not always the case. I'd love to believe that ALL big-age-gap  marriages succeed, but everyone knows it is not so.[color="blue"][size="4"]Thank you but as I have often said there are no guarantees in life except that one day you will die, everything else is up to you. bonbon, there is no guarantee that small age difference makes any difference, so what is the point, life happens.[/size][/color]

Also, this is a question to everyone who has married or wants to marry a much younger woman, no matter whether RW or AW:

Don't you guys ever think how great it'd be to have someone around who  DOES understand you and your needs, who grew up in the same era, who  loves the same music and movies from "good old times", who understands  your jokes or comments on whatever. In other words, someone who IS a  soulmate, not just a "body" mate, who is of the same age and  appreciates the same things. Who is as mature as you and has a lot of  memories to share of the same times. Someone who shares those special  things that belong only to your generation

[color="blue"][size="4"]Short answer bonbon [color="red"]NO. [color="blue"]When I started my search for a lady from the FSU I was 44, why would I want some 40 year old or more used up old bag (hag?) when I have other options. You are unquestionably an older woman, so I understand you do not understand how (most) men think, most men do not care about the issues you think are important, what we have here is a basic difference between men and women.[/color][/color][/size][/color]

 I could go on and on in  this list. Don't you  ever think how things would be different and less stressful, more  comfortable, etc.[color="red"][size="4"] NO[/size][/color] I don't know, I might understand a physical side of  this whole issue, [color="red"][size="4"]YES![/size][/color] but other than this, I don't really see what BINDS  these two people of different generations. Isn't physical side only an  addition to s spiritual, which is much more important, [color="red"][size="4"]Nope it is physical and the reason you do not understand it is because you are a woman and you never will understand it,[/size][/color] I believe. Isn't  it so good to see that your wife can contimue your though while you  haven't finished saying it out loud? [color="red"][size="4"]She does that now so what is the big deal?[/size][/color] I personally simply can't imagine  myself being a soulmate to someone much older or younger than me. I'm  talking about 15-20 or more years difference. I'd understand when, say,  a music professor and his young student are bound by the same crazy  love for music. But  what is that that binds two people who easily could be viewed by  strangers as a father and daughter? Can anyone share what binds them  with their much younger wives? Just interested.

[color="red"][size="4"]bonbon,

 Love, mutual respect, mutual need, understanding and maybe being good friends, what else do you really need?
[/size][/color]

[bonbon]

OK, let's agree it is physical for a man, in your opinion. But how  about a woman? When he is much older, say in 10 years from now, and she  is still young and wants sex. What then? Find her a different man?  Divorce her? Or what? Viagra doesn't help everyone. Besides, it has too  many side effects. Not everyone will want to risk. What then? Tiger,  you seem to think about yourself and about today, that's what matters  for you. How about tomorrow and how about thinking about your wife?

[Bruno]

Bruno, you're brighter than this.

Personaly, i am against a big age gap in relationship but it is my own choice... When i post on a forum, i try always to see both side of the coin... This method don't change my own meaning but help me to undertand the meaning of other...

By example, i don't agree with Tiger main line but several time, he have post argument who was valid... and for his own personal case, it seem that all is right until now... each cook have his own recept but what is really important is the result...

 

[TigerPaws]

[color="red"][size="4"] [/size][/color]

[BC]

Bonbon,

My grandfather outlived two wives. He was well in the 60's when my father was born (with a much younger 3rd wife)

I'm happy and as far as I know my grandmother was happy, IIRC in all they had 7 kids.

I understand your point well and even I would not recommend a large age difference but it does take two to tango and all is not 'doomed'.  I do question the motives of men seeking young women and the motives of young women seeking older men but there isn't a darn thing you or I can do about it.

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"]bonbon,

 You will have to understand Bruno and I often disagree and sometimes to the point of wanting to reach through the computer screen and strangle each other but given the oppertunity I would happily but him a beer anytime.

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[bonbon]

Tiger, it is great when there is love, mutual respect and need, and  understanding, and it is true for both same-age and  large-age-difference marriages. It is even better when the two are good  friends.  But how do you know you WILL get it all and will be good  friends when marrying a much younger person who grew up in a different  generation and actually in a different world, and has different values?  I can be good friends with people I grew up with or with fellow  students, but I don't see myself being a "good friend" wiht my in-laws,  for example, just because I don't identify myself with them in this  sense. We do have a wonderful relationship, but we'll never be "good  friends." It's that simple. Of course, we can discuss various things  and have great conversations, play table games and stuff, but being  "good friends" is a utopia. I simply don't see how this is possible  because for me being good friends means being close in our minds and  really understanding each other. It is like watching 'Simpsons' and  understanding every joke or nuance the same way. Would your wife really  understand your needs if she can't understand your era you grew up in  and your generation's special things and needs? You can tell me a  million of times that no, no and no, but I know that deep down you wish  you had not only a physical aspect of your life being satisfactory, but  also the spiritual one. Human beings are social creatures and  communication is probably even more important than sex, no matter what  men would say. Yes, sex is imoprtant, but how much can one have sex?  24/7?   I  don't think so. Communication takes much more time and is way much more  important for men than they think it is, although they wouldn't admit  that. At least not all of them would. And even the desire of being  together with a woman is driven not purely by just wanting to have sex,  but by a desire to be with someone who would really  understand  you and know what you're talking about. How can a 20+ younger person  know what you're talking about if she has been living in a totally  different time?

[BC]

Bonbon,

We all don't just 'rollover' ..