Moscow round 2

[Mir]

What could she possibly benefit from being involved with me? she replied that she can easily find a Russian guy.. and a rich one..

Maybe because:

No man has ever put up with her sheet before.  That is from her mouth. Why when no other man will put up with her am I willing to do it?

[Sculpto]

I note that you did not answer my question. If she does not change, blossom, or grow, will you love her the way she is now?

I already do love her Misha.  Can I tolerate her excesses if she does not evolve?  I don't know.  Probably not.

[Misha]

I already do love her Misha.  Can I tolerate her excesses if she does not evolve?  I don't know.  Probably not.

Sorry, Sculpto, you do not love her. You may have fallen in love/lust, but if you don't know whether you could tolerate her excesses, then it is not love IMHO.

[Sculpto]

Sculpto,

If what you've written above is true and her obsession with her career as a journalist is as strong and as attractive for you, you are in for a very difficult time when she comes to the US. Mind you, I am always the one to advocate a RW's ability for a fulfilling career in the US, but sorry, not in your GF's case. There is a one in a million chance she will be a journalist in the US, let alone a successful journalist. She simply doesn't have the language abilities, the general education (sorry, but the "Alchemist" is a "common place" for any half-educated teenager in Russia, let alone a journalist), or the knowledge or understanding of the American society. Make sure she undersyands this before she moves to SF with you.
 Again, if she will be happy with an "ebay vendor deal", this may work out. But in this case, what you have written in the above quote is not true.

She is a writer/journalist.  What she does with her career and how she does it is her issue to work out.  Whether she will write in English, Russia, or freaking Chinese doesn't matter one bit to me.  BTW.. there are three Russian language newspapers in the SF Bay Area and one TV station.  Probably pretty competetive for those jobs, but, there are opportunities.  I am optimistic she can find her niche.

[Sculpto]

SCULPTO,
You must accept her for who she is now, today with no changes nor any expectations of any future changes. If she changes (and I mean IF) it will be due to her interactions with her surroundings (of which you will be a part, and only a part) and she will do her own changing. If you try to force any change it will be met with resistance and resentment. I was married for ten plus years to a Russian woman and tried all the way to change her. I also hoped she would change herself into what I thought she should be. Neither happened. You cannot change anyone but yourself. It is wrong of you to expect any changes. She will be influenced by her new environment and there will be some changes. But she will steer her own ship. If you try to do it you'll walk her plank instead.
It seems as though you are trying to convince us all that you are right. All you really have to do is decide what anyone else thinks doesn't matter and do what you are determined to do. The signs are there (if you are conveying everything correctly, like not leaving out the drunk and loud part) you may ignore them if you must.
I had signs as big as roadside billboards but chose not to look in their direction for fear of seeing what I then must admit to. Namely that we were not right for each other.
I hope you find peace with your decisions.

I have no intent of trying to directly change her.  Simply just creating an environment where positive changes are likely.  Big difference.

[Misha]

I have no intent of trying to directly change her.  Simply just creating an environment where positive changes are likely.  Big difference.

Sorry, this isn't a big difference. It is still your expecting that she will change. Call it trying to change her directly or "creating an environment" for change, it is still the same desired goal. Face it, you don't love the woman, just the woman that you think she could be...

[SMS60]

OK, time for some brutal honesty here. SCULPTO, you need to learn to love and respect yourself. Until you do that you will never have a healthy relationship.
The problem doesn't lie with this young woman. She is being true to who she is. The problem is with you. You are allowing yourself to be treated like a turd. If someone else described this to you you would tell them to dump her. That is why you are here. You don't need us to tell you that it is OK to be with her, you can do that all by yourself. You need us to tell you to lift your head up and walk away. We are telling you that but you aren't listening. Stop defending her actions. Detach yourself and look at this critically. What would you tell someone else to do in the same situation?
The mistake is yours to make. Make sure your eyes are open.

There is a great saying that I like very much: "Above all else guard your heart." There is nothing else in the world that can cause you more pain than your own broken heart.

Cha ching, winner, cash and prizes

Mr Jolly I think I could have a chat with you. You will be beating your head against the wall to steer people in the self improvement department here.

Good post.

[Sculpto]

Okay, so I can sort of understand why she wouldn't want to be sitting next to a drunk "grabby" guy when there are friends in the same room but what I don't understand is why they explained it with the lie, "For Russians it is not common for the couple to show feelings in front of guests" and then, adding insult to injury, blame you for your ignorance by saying, "when you will to read about Russian culture?"

SJ, it was not her who said that but her friend.  And certainly there could have been the subtext of (when the man is drunk and loud RW will not sit next to him when there are guests)

About reading about Russian culture.. she is always on me about this until we sat down during one of the very long conversations at the end of the trip and I asked her what she knew about Jewish Culture.  As an example.. this is ONE simple example so please don't dissect every single word..

I wear a lot of black.  She also wears a lot of black.  She had mentioned she doesn't really like that I wear a lot of black and attributed it to SF fashion.  She went on to explain that wearing black is not uncommon with Armenians, which I have seen in my encounters with Armenians here in SF, to which I countered..

"what do you know about Jewish culture?  Have you ever seen or do you know any Hasidic Jews?  What color do they wear?"  

'I once was in house of conservative Jewish family and you right, all they wear black, why Jewish wear black?'

"Read about Jewish history and culture and after we can talk about Russian Culture and Jewish culture and you can understand how there are many crossovers, and, I must remind you that Borsh is Jewish food"

'really?  the borsh is Jewish food?'

"If you ask any Jew with family history from Eastern Europe they will say Borsh is not Russian food but it is Jewish food, and blini too"  (this is according to my Mom)

She then went on to ask me... 'who are the Americans?'

And I gave her a very long explanation of the process of immigration and culture mixing.  This was the FIRST time in all the time I have known her that she actually calmed down about Russia being better about everything.  Telling her about Fort Ross and the Russian connections to the Bay Area, past and present, also went a long way to what appears to be her first real understanding of the world outside Russia.

[Sculpto]

When I read this part of the saga, I knew she was being manipulative and controlling when she took Sculpto's passport by "accident". 

I forgot the member's name, but does the rest of the forum remember the poor guy who went to the Ukraine to meet a woman and she would lock him into his rented flat every night, keep the keys and then come back the next morning and let him out?

Sound familiar?

It is manipulation Sculpto, plain and simple.


GOB

She did not take my passport.  I asked her to hold my passport in her purse instead of leaving it in my coat pocket when my coat went into the coat check.  When we got home and argued she left.  No manipulation.. just carelessness on both our parts.

As far as the questions of respect or cruelty...

At the same time she was being cold and distant she was also cooking every meal and taking care for me in ways that SHE thought a good wife should.  Yes, her "test" was cruel and it ticked me off to the point that I broke up with her.  She wanted to see what my limit was and she did.  She is an extreme sort of person and although her method really sucked once she learned what she could and could not do and where my limit was her attitude changed and the rest of the trip was pleasant. 

It is really easy in this story to fixate on the negatives.  But, you guys didn't see the tears well up in her eyes, feel her melt into me when I held her close to me or experience the change in her attitude once she realized I would not tolerate her aggression or combativeness.

[Misha]

She wanted to see what my limit was and she did.  She is an extreme sort of person and although her method really sucked once she learned what she could and could not do and where my limit was her attitude changed and the rest of the trip was pleasant. 

You caved and she knew that she could manipulate you at will. She won, you lost, and of course the victor will be content  :evil:

[Sculpto]

I had to go back and fill myself in on your past with this woman.  At least from the beginning.

Sculpto:  What has made you change your opinion to what you stated previously?  Is it rationalization, a change based on how you see her from your interactions, as opposed to how others see her from a more limited viewpoint, or...?

Granted, I have not met her and am only going by what you divulge.  In my eyes, much older than yours, I still see an emotional and/or psychological child in many ways from your descriptions of events.

Just curious.

Bobb..

What I see is someone who defines herself as a radical and a fighter.  Her behavior is consistent with that self description.  Her opinions and methods right now are VERY familiar to me as she is almost exactly as I was not so long ago.  I have been a radical, been a fighter, put myself in harms way to protect innocent people, fought for social justice in two countries, been subjected to death threats by "white hand" death squads in southern Mexico and so on.  Less than ten years ago I began to mellow out as I started to realize my radicalism was alienating people I cared about.  With that said it doesn't mean she has to fight with me and she has been told as much on the night she came over to reconcile.  I made it crystal clear I will not tolerate it, it is not needed, and it is not right.  She apologized and promised not to do it again.  She also explained that she is very afraid to leave her country, had spoken with a woman in Tomsk that had a bad experience with an American husband and read some bad stories on the internet and all that freaked her out and was the thinking behind her actions.  I don't have to forgive or forget and haven't, but, if she says it will nto happen again I am willing to give her that benefit of the doubt.

[Sculpto]

OK, time for some brutal honesty here. SCULPTO, you need to learn to love and respect yourself. Until you do that you will never have a healthy relationship.
The problem doesn't lie with this young woman. She is being true to who she is. The problem is with you. You are allowing yourself to be treated like a turd. If someone else described this to you you would tell them to dump her. That is why you are here. You don't need us to tell you that it is OK to be with her, you can do that all by yourself. You need us to tell you to lift your head up and walk away. We are telling you that but you aren't listening. Stop defending her actions. Detach yourself and look at this critically. What would you tell someone else to do in the same situation?
The mistake is yours to make. Make sure your eyes are open.

There is a great saying that I like very much: "Above all else guard your heart." There is nothing else in the world that can cause you more pain than your own broken heart.

Jolly, I appreciate your brutal honesty, but, I am not a person who sees the world in back and white.  I do not buy into the concept of the perfect relationship.  Somethign I explained to "A" and I know about myself is I need a woman who is a challenge.  I could go find myself the docile wife, maybe in the FSU or the Phils or possibly even in Latin America.. but.. I do not want the docile wife.  I will be bored and I will stray.  I prefer to have someone that makes me win her over again and again.  I am sure that is not what most everyone else is looking for.. but.. it can work for me. 

[Sculpto]

Sorry, Sculpto, you do not love her. You may have fallen in love/lust, but if you don't know whether you could tolerate her excesses, then it is not love IMHO.

Misha.. just because you love someone does not mean you can live with them.  I love my x from France, but, I can not live with her.  It remains to be seen if I can live with Miss "A".  She has created enough doubt in my mind that I am questioning if I can.  Though, after I finishe responding and post about what has happened today I think we will all see there is a very very big challenge for her and will force her true colors to the surface.  Life has dealt some massive challenges in the last 24 hours.

[Sculpto]

You caved and she knew that she could manipulate you at will. She won, you lost, and of course the victor will be content  :evil:

Whatever Misha.. its not so simple as all that and you know it.

[Sculpto]

Two things have happened in the last 24 hours that should settle a lot of the questions I have about "A" and her behavior and intentions.

First.. her Father died in his sleep last night.  She is right now on the plane back to Tomsk.  "M" was with her and talked to me about logistics.  "A" sat on the phone and cried until I got her clamed down enough to go to the airport and buy her plane ticket. 

She will go to Armenia next week to bury her father in the village where he was born and to meet the rest of her family for the first time.  I am not sure what she will do afterwards and I do not think she knows.

Second.. the economic crisis landed on my doorstep.  I was laid off.  I probably have a case for reverse discrimination as I was told i was being let go instead of the younger less experienced designer because she is Chinese and can speak Chinese.  There have been numerous other instances of rather blatant bias over the years I have worked for this company and several of them have been witnessed by clients and suppliers reps.  I do not know if I will pursue legal action or not but I will be making a stop at the DOL on Monday after EDD.

So, now I am on the roles of the unempolyed.  That should pretty much screw up the affidavit of support so it would seem on the surface that the K1 is now out of the equation as is any trip to Thailand later this year.  Given the situation with her Father I did not even mention my mess.

There is a part of me that says it would be a good time to go live in Russia for a year.  Living in the Bay Area on unemployment is hard at the minimum.  The amount I will get will just barely pay my bills and literally leave nothing extra. 

If she is still committed to me after this it should say a lot about what her real intentions are.  Might be a few weeks before i have all the answers though.

[Gator]

First.. her Father died in his sleep last night.

She has my sympathy.  This will be especially difficult time for a young woman.  IMO, after her grieving and mourning have run its course, closure will be good for her development. 

Second.. the economic crisis landed on my doorstep.  I was laid off.

Bummer!  You have my sympathy.  However, you do not impress me as someone with major material needs.  I imagine you will land on your feet.

That should pretty much screw up the affidavit of support so it would seem on the surface that the K1 is now out of the equation as is any trip to Thailand later this year.  Given the situation with her Father I did not even mention my mess. 

That is the only thing positive I see in all of this.  You are now forced into taking your time rather than rushing into what most of us thought to be a severely mismatched marriage.

If she is still committed to me after this it should say a lot about what her real intentions are.  Might be a few weeks before i have all the answers though.

I believe you will need a few months, not a few weeks.  Think months and do not rush her.

I do not want the docile wife.  I will be bored and I will stray.  I prefer to have someone that makes me .  I am sure that is not what most everyone else is looking for.. but.. it can work for me. 

There is a huge difference between finding her interesting and having to "win her over again and again."    Having to "win her over again and again" is hell on earth.  Such names a woman who is never satisfied, does not know what she wants, and is always changing.

The delay brought about by her father's death and your loss of a job gives you time to go to the top of the mountain and deliberate what is best for you.  Maybe it is marriage with her.  Maybe not.

BTW, I do like how you did not rationalize away all of the criticism you received.  You seem to let it sink in enough to consider the validity.  Nevertheless, the mist of love can make it difficult to think straight.

[Wienerin]

Sorry for speaking up:

Yes, I agree with you. Of course it was not an accident but pure and - yes - manipulative intend. But at the same time I would say that it fits her story very well and could also be interpreted in a different way. Could be that she wanted to bring him to his limits but at the same time make sure that he can't just turn his back and she would have at least some chance to explain or excuse herself....

The problem is that anything could be interpreted - by any willing dupe and|or his|her puppeteer. And do not give SCULPTO please any fresh ideas, he is in a mastert class all his own in interpreting and explaining away what is glaringly obvious to everyone else.

[Shadow]

Sculpto, I wish her the best in this time of grief.
You are correct that this, and your circumstances, will bring out a test of strength regarding her true feelings.
Regarding living in Russia, you might pull it off, but remember that Moscow is not a cheap place.
Should you decide to live there and continue in furniture design drop me a PM. 
Tomsk could be better, but in any case it would need you to be able to switch off the luxury.

[Sculpto]

She has my sympathy.  This will be especially difficult time for a young woman.  IMO, after her grieving and mourning have run its course, closure will be good for her development. 

I hope so Gator.  Before her Father got really sick she was always happy and positive.  Afterwards she became moody and unpredictable.  I hope she can reconcile her feelings and find that happy side again.  

Bummer!  You have my sympathy.  However, you do not impress me as someone with major material needs.  I imagine you will land on your feet.

Of course I will.  What is frustrating to me at this moment is simply that I have had this job for several years now.  In the 90's I was self employed and only went back into the job market in 2001.  It has been a battle and I went through a lot of different jobs the first few years.  I was finally starting to feel the kind of stability I had when I was self employed.  I suspect this will force me back into self employment because I am fed up with making other people rich and getting screwed by the whims of people I do not respect.
 

That is the only thing positive I see in all of this.  You are now forced into taking your time rather than rushing into what most of us thought to be a severely mismatched marriage.

taking time is fine.  whether or not the marriage is a mismatch still remains to be seen.

I believe you will need a few months, not a few weeks.  Think months and do not rush her.

Her initial reaction to the news that I am out of work is what I am looking for Gator.  I am dynamic and flexible and as I said above this will probably force me back into self employment.  That is a good thing for me.  What i am curious about is what her reaction to the news will be.  Example.. years ago when I first started my last business my live in GF at the time was not only not supportive but was sometimes disruptive and very negative.  Despite her complaints I still managed to carve out a nice niche and eventually ended up making a lot more money than I was as an employee.  But, when the money started flowing and she suddenly had expensive desires I did not feel especially inclined to indulge them and didn't.  Anyway.. I do not want a repeat of that.  If "A" has a positive reaction, and I think she will, it will be a sign for me to go forward with her.

We did discuss this several months ago.  She asked what I will do if I lose my job in the crisis.  I told her I would get UI and maybe do some cash work until things settled out.  She liked that answer.. so.. now that this has happened I will be looking for the same answer...

There is a huge difference between finding her interesting and having to "win her over again and again."    Having to "win her over again and again" is hell on earth.  Such names a woman who is never satisfied, does not know what she wants, and is always changing.

I know Gator.. and you have just pretty much described me.. I am rarely satisfied.. though I usually know what I want and I am constantly changing.  It has proven too much in the past to ask women to adapt and accept me this way.  That is exactly why I have sought out someone with the same way of being.  Seems crazy to everyone else.. seems perfect to me.  

The delay brought about by her father's death and your loss of a job gives you time to go to the top of the mountain and deliberate what is best for you.  Maybe it is marriage with her.  Maybe not.

I am doing that anyway but you are right.

BTW, I do like how you did not rationalize away all of the criticism you received.  You seem to let it sink in enough to consider the validity.  Nevertheless, the mist of love can make it difficult to think straight.

The criticism is real.  The defects are real.  There are defects on both sides of this relationship.. she is volatile I am too.. she might drink too much and I might smoke too much.. she has a hard time to give her trust and I do also... she is never satisfied and neither am I.. and so on for a long list of things that do not easily conform to the norms of guys, and ladies, who get involved in international marriages.

The demographics typically show that WM who do this are conservative, previously married, have high incomes, want a traditional lifestyle and so on.  I am none of those.  I do not fit the mold and I looked for a woman that doesn't fit the mold also.  Will it work?  I have no idea at this moment in time.  Honestly I am troubled because on one hand I do love this woman and see so many amazing positives in her.. but.. the negatives have also come to the surface and it has caused me to question one of my fundamental principals I have used in this search.

I have sought out a woman who has the same pecularities as I do.. and I have found one.  But.. the "grass is greener" effect is growing in strength and I wonder, out loud, if I am making the right choice.  I am 45 years old.  I do not have time to invest ten years and end up in a divorce and alone.  She knows this and has brought it up several times.  She is afraid she will disappoint me and screw up somehow.  I will try and make an example...

She absolutely insisted on cooking every meal.  Now, this woman throughout our correspondence expressed a major dislike of cooking.  She didn't like to cook and didn't want to be a housewife.  That was always fine with me because I love to cook and do it rather well.  But, she won't let me near a pot and insists on doing it.  I finally asked her why... "It what woman should do for man"  

I said NO NO NO!  If you do not like to do it then do not do it because later you will not be happy.  "yes but Ereek I am woman and it my job to cook for my man"

"A"  I do not care about that.  I want you are happy, not doing things because you think it is required.  I have cooked for myself for 25 years I do not need you to do this for me.  I need you to do what makes you happy and feel complete as a person.  If you want to cook sometimes to do something special for me its ok, but, to see you with sad face in kitchen doing what you do not want to do is not good for me."

'really you do not want this house woman?  it not lie that will change when I come in USA?'

"Yes I promise it is not a lie.  In my family my Father always cooked the meat on the fire, it is Man's job.  WE can do all these things together!  Only thing I really want is we sit at the table together to eat.  I do not care if I cook for you, you cook for me, we cook together, we bring in outside food... not important.. just eat with me.. that is what is important for me"

Then she came over and kissed me on the forehead and we spent the next week sharing the prep of food.  Though, she still is skeptical about my recipes.. my fault for cooking her a particularly spicy Mexican dish the first time I cooked for her.  

[Sculpto]

The problem is that anything could be interpreted - by any willing dupe and|or his|her puppeteer. And do not give SCULPTO please any fresh ideas, he is in a mastert class all his own in interpreting and explaining away what is glaringly obvious to everyone else.

Get it in your head please.. it was a coincidence she had my passport.  There was no conspiracy or manipulation beyond her "bad mood" performance.  What she did not calculate was that I would be ready to end the relationship.  I decided to give her another chance based on her explanation and promise never to do it again. 

Despite the criticisms, many of which are legit and reasonable from a certain perspective.. what no one here is recognizing is that this girl and I have already managed to get through some very difficult situations...

Here is a little list..
her fathers illness
the attack in tomsk (still don't know what really happened)
15 months of correspondence before meeting IRL
and most recently a very non romantic and volatile visit. 

I am also understanding today that no matter how she treated me, good or bad, her coming to Moscow to meet with me, when she knew the condition of her Father was close to the end, is a demonstration of a big positive.  She had a lot on her mind.. not a lot of money in her pocket, rode 3 and half days on the train all the time knowing her Father could die at any minute.  How about we give her a little credit for spending the time with me under very difficult circumstances.  I didn't pay for her travel.. I didn't pay for every single expense in Moscow.. she bought my metro card.. she paid for the Lada taxis every day.. sometimes she paid for the food, sometimes I did.. she brought a beautiful ring she paid for with her money and put it on my finger.

That is not justifying or making excuses for what she did that was wrong.  It is clarifying what must have been a very very difficult choice for her.  She had me change travel dates once already.  She knew I would not do it a second time.  She knew if the meeting was cancelled we would be finished.  She made the effort and as a result missed out on the last two weeks she could have ever spent with her Father.

Lets give her a little credit ok?

[Wienerin]

Just a bit of a liught relief in this generally gloomy atmosphere. Neither borsch nor pancakes-bliny are Jewish. Jews must have had their own foods while in Judea - same as surrounding people (and of course subject to kashruth regulations), but when they moved into diasporah, they assumed (together with the language, dress and other customs - apart from religious practices... to a certain degree) the cuisine of the parts where they settled.

Italian, Greek, Spanish, Dutch, German Jews do not eat borsch or schav or golubtsy-cabbage rolls, etc. On the other hand Russians, Poles, Ukrainian gentiles do... so the emigres from the Eastern Europe - mainly the Pale of Settlement, brought their "native" foods to America. Also bagels, dark rye bread, dill pickles in brine, buckwheat "kasha", blintze, kreplach etc.

If one has a proper Russian/Ukrainian/Lithuanian Jewish background in foodstuffs and goes to a Polish restaurant here, there would be a pleasant surprise of finding all the familiar "soul" foods of one's native land (only the meatballs in sour cream dill sauce and pork cutlets - schnitzels would not belong - but also familiar, since Soviet era Jews were generally secular)

[Misha]

Whatever Misha.. its not so simple as all that and you know it.

Sculpto, you seem to be a nice guy, but it seems to me that you are in denial, and deluding yourself.

[GoodOlBoy]

First.. her Father died in his sleep last night. 

Sorry to hear this Sculpto. I sincerely hope he rests in peace.

That said, you should now be able to go to Tomsk and spend time with her and the rest of her family.

Second.. the economic crisis landed on my doorstep.  I was laid off. 

This really is a bummer, But....You strike me as the kind of person Sculpto to land back on his feet. Good Luck.


GOB

[Sculpto]

Just a bit of a liught relief in this generally gloomy atmosphere. Neither borsch nor pancakes-bliny are Jewish. Jews must have had their own foods while in Judea - same as surrounding people (and of course subject to kashruth regulations), but when they moved into diasporah, they assumed (together with the language, dress and other customs - apart from religious practices... to a certain degree) the cuisine of the parts where they settled.

Italian, Greek, Spanish, Dutch, German Jews do not eat borsch or schav or golubtsy-cabbage rolls, etc. On the other hand Russians, Poles, Ukrainian gentiles do... so the emigres from the Eastern Europe - mainly the Pale of Settlement, brought their "native" foods to America. Also bagels, dark rye bread, dill pickles in brine, buckwheat "kasha", blintze, kreplach etc.

If one has a proper Russian/Ukrainian/Lithuanian Jewish background in foodstuffs and goes to a Polish restaurant here, there would be a pleasant surprise of finding all the familiar "soul" foods of one's native land (only the meatballs in sour cream dill sauce and pork cutlets - schnitzels would not belong - but also familiar, since Soviet era Jews were generally secular)

You may be correct.. but you will never convince my Mom of anything you just said.  As far as she is concerned.. Borsh. blini. chopped liver. dark bread and prepared meats, pickles, and so on are Jewish food..

In fact.. one the topic of food.. I read an article in "Where" magazine which I picked up in Moscow that discussed what is really "Russian Cuisine".  According to the article there is no such thing as practically everything on the menu.. save caviar.. are foods co-opted from other cultures.  I have no idea of the truth of that.. but...

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, you seem to be a nice guy, but it seems to me that you are in denial, and deluding yourself.

Or maybe I have a different perspective and value system than you do.. or maybe I was there and understand that complexity of the contradictions in a way that i am not able to express in hastily typed postings..

I appreciate that you and others do not want to see me miserable.. I certainly don't want to be miserable either.. but...

as I said before I can certainly find the docile wife easily enough.. but, like "A" I like problems.. I like difficulty.. I like challenges..

I mean for example.. despite the fact that i was just laid off I have a nice life here in SF.. a comfortable standard of living.. I know my way around.. etc.. but.. what I really want is to live in Southern Mexico where the economy is not nearly as highly developed as it is here.. where the overall standard of living while acceptable is a lot lower than what we are all used to here.. where environmental damage is not so well hidden as it is here.. where poverty can be really in your face.. where there is a violent drug war taking place.. where social justice is defined in much harsher terms than we are accustomed to here.. yet..

I still want to live there.  Why?  because there is something there that is absent in our post modern, post industrial lives here in the USA.  Something vital and interesting and fascinating and beautiful.  The same "mojo" for the lack of a better term exists in Russia, but, the weather sucks and I don't want to be cold the rest of my life. 

Did I tell the "pin~ata" story here?  Anyone remember?  I don't want to repeat myself.. if I did not tell the story I will.. its a good one and very directly explains what I am talking about.