Realities of FSUW

[Doll]

who can relate

what do you mean?

[Doll]

I love it- nurses, firefighters, foster parents,teachers, doctors, AM married to RW
 

[Sculpto]

  But what do I know, I'm just single neanderthal knuckle dragging public servant.  

Bear.. I want to thank you for your service.  

For many many years I could not even tolerate to be in the presence of anyone in LE.  Then I had a client who was a cop and got see a cop from a more human side.  As a result I evolved and have grown to greatly appreciate the honesty and integrity of most of the police in this country as well as the danger they place themselves in daily.  

Best of luck to you and keep the good side up!

[Daveman]

You see,acrzybear , if there is a "I rescued you" component, then it has to be another (of his wife)-" I am and will always be thankful to you, dear". This latter being the most useful and important for rescue man. This is the trick.

Gratitude isn't a bad thing.  "I will always be thankful to you, dear,  for loving me, for being a partner and for making my life brighter" is far more beneficial than "you should be thankful I did this for you and now you owe me something in return"

Gratitude is a major part of a relationship.  If either party doesn't have it, the writing is already on the wall.

[Ronnie]

You see,acrzybear , if there is a "I rescued you" component, then it has to be another (of his wife)-" I am and will always be thankful to you, dear". This latter being the most useful and important for rescue man. This is the trick.

Wrong.  Is this your Russian mentality at work?  No doubt about it.

[Ronnie]

what do you mean?

My point is proven.  Thank you.

[acrzybear]

Ronnie

 None of my post was direct at you, it was just my thinking and observations

 Doll

 I understand what you are getting at, but my way of thinking is that if I met a woman that was willing to move to a foreign country start a new life with me then I damn well better make sure I do my part.  She has already shown her commitment to the relationship and it would be incumbent upon me to live up to my half of the deal (so to speak).  

I know I would end up despising someone if they decided to hold over my head that they "rescued me", I did not realize I needed rescuing. And as you pointed out these ladies are doing ok (some better then others) in their country.  Like I said marriage is a partnership and it takes both people to make it work.

  

[Ronnie]

Gratitude isn't a bad thing.  "I will always be thankful to you, dear,  for loving me, for being a partner and for making my life brighter" is far more beneficial than "you should be thankful I did this for you and now you owe me something in return"

Gratitude is a major part of a relationship.  If either party doesn't have it, the writing is already on the wall.

I thank my dear wife several times a day and I do it with the greatest sincerity.  She makes my life better in countless ways.  I don't ask nor expect her to reciprocate in the same way.  She says "thank you" in other ways that are far more meaningful. 

[Sculpto]

Wrong.  Is this your Russian mentality at work?  No doubt about it.

someone hand that man a mirror..

but in all fairness we are not "in his life" so we really don't know what the dynamics are, and, we should give him credit for being honest about what he did.

But Ronnie, if you are defensive it would indicate that she is right, and, your comment is highly defensive.  Though I see you have learned the Russian arguing techniques very well.

[Doll]

Gratitude isn't a bad thing.  "I will always be thankful to you, dear,  for loving me, for being a partner and for making my life brighter" is far more beneficial than "you should be thankful I did this for you and now you owe me something in return"

Gratitude is a major part of a relationship.  If either party doesn't have it, the writing is already on the wall.

Come on! This is not what a FSUW rescuer wants to hear."Honey, thank you for saving me from that dirty hole called Russia, from the poverty, from these terrible Russian men I could marry. Thank you for the food on our table and the clothing in our closet.Thank you, thank you, thank you again. And again"

[Zhena]

Well, my generalization is based on over 13+ years spent traveling to the FSU and likely hundreds of women that I have met (met not dated). If, based on your one trip to the FSU, you believe that most women in the FSU are materialistic and will marry a man if they do not love him, if he has a lot of money, I will respectfully disagree based on my experience.

Amen
You re an EXPERT,Misha,haaaaaaa!

[Doll]

Wrong.  Is this your Russian mentality at work?  No doubt about it.

OK, Ronetka I am with you to put this knight on ignoring.

[Daveman]

I thank my dear wife several times a day and I do it with the greatest sincerity.  She makes my life better in countless ways.  I don't ask nor expect her to reciprocate in the same way.  She says "thank you" in other ways that are far more meaningful. 

And there it is. Gratitude brings out the best in people.  A circle of positive emotions feeding the next.

I didn't mean my post literally, but rather to be an example of attitude.  An attitude of appreciation is something that is sorely lacking in many of these cross cultural relationships. And those lacking ones will surely die if they ever really existed to begin with.

[Doll]

Ronnie

 
 I understand what you are getting at, but my way of thinking is that if I met a woman that was willing to move to a foreign country start a new life with me then I damn well better make sure I do my part.  She has already shown her commitment to the relationship and it would be incumbent upon me to live up to my half of the deal (so to speak).  

I know I would end up despising someone if they decided to hold over my head that they "rescued me", I did not realize I needed rescuing. And as you pointed out these ladies are doing ok (some better then others) in their country.  Like I said marriage is a partnership and it takes both people to make it work.

  

Bear , that charity subject has nothing to do with readiness to move and start a new life. But let's let it go or all RW here will get sick (in the stomach)

[Ronnie]

But Ronnie, if you are defensive it would indicate that she is right, and, your comment is highly defensive.  

Dear Sculpto, FYI, the word "defensive" in the way you are trying to use it means when someone starts defending themselves without being accused or suspected of anything but feels or is guilty.  Refuting actual direct and false attacks does not fit the meaning of defensive as you intended to use it.   I demand nothing of my wife, what she does she does of her own free will and that makes all difference to me.

[Wienerin]

Again, using extremes to validate your point of view. You know, it is possible to BOTH marry for love and marry someone who is compatible with you in terms of religious belief, values, goals, interests, etc... One does not exclude the other.

I'm musing over this... cannot think of a case when someone (let alone myself) really contemplated as a partner somebody, whose core beliefs and convictions were SO different. In some areas it'd be even impossible to consider such a person as a friend - how can I be friends with rabid antisemite or even other kind of a racist, Bible-thumping Christian fundamentalist, or Quran-thumping wakkhabite, a mafia man, etc.? Impossible, - so a question of "love" doesn't even arise. I would be strained to conduct a polite discourse - only if I needed it in some professional capacity, like I had to do on many occasions

[Ronnie]

Come on! This is not what a FSUW rescuer wants to hear."Honey, thank you for saving me from that dirty hole called Russia, from the poverty, from these terrible Russian men I could marry. Thank you for the food on our table and the clothing in our closet.Thank you, thank you, thank you again. And again"

Guys,
Print and frame this post.  It is the very attitude you must be on guard against.  This RW and too many others, are in total disbelief that anyone can do anything without ulterior motive.  She will likely never be able to understand that the culture in which she now lives is quite different from the one she left.

[Zhena]

No,its not a culture.
Doll says this as shes for some years reading the womens forums and countless divorce stories. And this attitude is  not so seldom.

[Ranetka]

Wrong.  Is this your Russian mentality at work?  No doubt about it.

What I noticed about some posters here. Everytime they disagree with RW or do not like some statement or action from a RW, they would either attribute it to Russian mentality or blame it to past communist influence. They would not consider it personal opinion rather then cultural issue or would never ever guess it could be an american influence changing particular RW during her life in the US.

Now what would you call a person who would always attribute bad parts of anyones character to his or her racial heritage?

[Ronnie]

Now what would you call a person who would always attribute bad parts of anyones character to his or her racial heritage?

Well, seems that would be a liberal or progressive, wouldn't it?

[Sculpto]

Well, seems that would be a liberal or progressive, wouldn't it?

go back to your hobbit hole Ronnie.  You have made some comments that are really amazing at times for their lack of insight and skewed point of view, but this one really takes the cake. 

In fact, it verges on trollish.

[Ronnie]

go back to your hobbit hole Ronnie.  You have made some comments that are really amazing at times for their lack of insight and skewed point of view, but this one really takes the cake. 

In fact, it verges on trollish.

I do it so as to elicit your most intelligent comments.  :evil:

[ECOCKS]

It seems like every thread with an interesting topic is doomed to reach the point where each post is like pouring alcohol on a razor cut.....


 

[Sculpto]

I do it so as to elicit your most intelligent comments.  :evil:

yup, TROLL.  

Go hit some balls or something.. you are polluting this thread.

[Sculpto]

It seems like every thread with an interesting topic is doomed to reach the point where each post is like pouring alcohol on a razor cut.....


 

no kidding man.. as soon as a troll shows up the whole thing degrades.

I am so serious you guys have no idea how difficult it is for me to keep my mouth shut on this guy... I also find it incredible how the typical troll will spew forth provocation and drivel on the internet but in real life 99% of the time prove to be feeble, shy and afraid to articulate IRL the inane stupidity they feel the freedom to express on the internet.