Realities of FSUW

[brucen36]

i just realized, some time ago i saw a topic with a poll (anonymous, so trustworthy i presume) on a russian forum for women who are married or are going to marry  american guys, the question was: "will you leave your husband when you have enough money", 75% said "no, i love him", about 10% said "yes i will" and the rest said maybe. so there.

If you ask people anonymously if they think that they have a good sense of humor, then a 100% of the people in the world have a good sense of humor.

[Zhena]

Who says I want him to learn to give presents?  
It seems it's you who are hopeless; you just don't get it, do you.  

BFdont worry,maybe one day your financial situation will improve,dont get so angry You will be the stone wall for your husband and will provide for a family cos you love your darling  
I noticed that the women who scream the most loudly that they dont need anything,in fact very unsatisfied,but afraid admit that even to themselves.
I wish all the best to you adn your little one.

[Misha]

I noticed that the women who scream the most loudly that they dont need anything,in fact very unsatisfied,but afraid admit that even to themselves.

So, how exactly do you know this? If a woman says she is happy and does not need more, why should we not believe her? What you are saying is that if someone doesn't agree with you or does not share your opinions, it is because they are not telling the truth or deceiving themselves  Using this approach, I could "prove" anything that I wanted.

[Doll]

Misha,,, NEVER ask a woman her real age!!!
She will never tell.
In the future, look at her profile, add 10 years to her posted age and be silent that you know the real answer. Then imagine her without makeup, without her hair salon color and well, you get closer to the true picture. When you see her passport you will confirm it.

 

Hey you!

[Blues Fairy]

BFdont worry,maybe one day your financial situation will improve,dont get so angry You will be the stone wall for your husband and will provide for a family cos you love your darling  
I noticed that the women who scream the most loudly that they dont need anything,in fact very unsatisfied,but afraid admit that even to themselves.

Angry? Oh please. 
I don't get angry at silly posts and yours is one of the silliest I've seen posted on RWD so far.

[Aloe]

If you ask people anonymously if they think that they have a good sense of humor, then a 100% of the people in the world have a good sense of humor.

yes but i don't think you can compare the 2, i mean most of those women probably know how they feel about their husband, so they can give more or less accurate answer about their intentions in the immediate future, if their life keeps going as it is. The only inaccuracy are dishonest with themselves or the poll people and because the people are at different stages of being engaged/being just married/being married for a long time, so it's mixed women who married for love and are happy(or unhappy but too much in love), so they vote "no, i love him", or who married for love but got disappointed, so they vote "i will leave him" or "maybe", or who are only going to marry for money or already married for money and know they will leave him, or who is going to marry for love and say they love him, but later turn out disappointed and leaving, and etc, also some inaccuracy might be because that exact forum attracts some exact type of women, but i'm not sure about that, so all in all i think it's safe to say that most of married/engaged women do so for love.
Besides, a "good" sense of humor is a vey relative definition, somebody will think dry sarcastic humor is good, someone will think it's boring, but intention to leave somebody or not is not relative at all, you either have the intention or you don't. or you doubt.

[Sculpto]

Wow!

What is clear is Zhena has her mind made up and now with Doll backing her there is no way either one of them are going to face reality.

Thank goodness for BF and Wienerin injecting some reason.

Now.. defining success.. that is left up to any particular individual.  Looking in the mirror is in fact a good starting point.  

In the 90s when I was self employed most people on the outside considered me very successful.  I had a lot of cash, travelled a lot, numerous vehicles, nice clothes.. but, I wasn't happy.  I felt I was spinning my wheels and not doing what I really wanted to do.  Everyone thought I was succesful and I knew I was miserable because even though I could travel the time spent away from the roar of power tools and woodworking machines was less than 5% of the year.  I spent more time in the company of machines than I did with people, but, I was making more than most surgeons and lawyers...  I was addicted to the cash.. but once I finally let go of it.. guess what.. all the stress that was making me physically ill all the time disappeared and so did the constant ailments.

I consider myself a lot more succesful now, even unemployed, because I am happy.

Money is only useful as a means to an end.  People who live for the accumulation of money and posessions are missing a lot.

Women who understand their own personal success by proxy of their husbands financial success are in fact parasites.  I pity the poor men who is married to such women.  That has nothing to do with them being FSUW or from any other place in the world.

One of the reasons I love living in the Bay Area is here it is possible to encounter many very interesting people.  There is a stereotype, based on reality, of the PHD carpenters.  There are a lot of them around here.  Men with high levels of education who CHOSE to be carpenters because there can be a great deal of pleasure from building something beautiful.  I often joke with my clients that I love building kitchens  because I can "make the world better one kitchen at a time".  But, it isn't a joke.. families gather in their kitchens so creating a kitchen the promotes family unity and positive interaction does in fact make the world a better place.  When my clients invite me to dinners in their new kitchens and I see how much pleasure they get from the new environment I feel great satisfaction.

Zhena.. you portray yourself as very smart and with all the answers to happiness, but, very bluntly I think you are in serious denial and I find your perspective on this world to be very empty.  I feel bad for you.  I hope your life improves and you can get a taste of what you are really missing.

[brucen36]

yes but i don't think you can compare the 2, i mean most of those women probably know how they feel about their husband, so they can give more or less accurate answer about their intentions in the immediate future, if their life keeps going as it is. The only inaccuracy are dishonest with themselves or the poll people and because the people are at different stages of being engaged/being just married/being married for a long time, so it's mixed women who married for love and are happy(or unhappy but too much in love), so they vote "no, i love him", or who married for love but got disappointed, so they vote "i will leave him" or "maybe", or who are only going to marry for money or already married for money and know they will leave him, or who is going to marry for love and say they love him, but later turn out disappointed and leaving, and etc, also some inaccuracy might be because that exact forum attracts some exact type of women, but i'm not sure about that, so all in all i think it's safe to say that most married/engaged women do so for love.

But I do not say that those who say they think they indeed have a sense of humor are dishonest about it.  They probably sincerely believe they are funny.  But just because they think it does not make it so.  In other words what we think consciously are our true intentions does not necessarily equate with the truth.  There are baser instincts that drive man and his choices, not made aware to conscious thought.

[Misha]

They probably sincerely believe they are funny.  

And, I am sure there is somebody on this planet who will think they are sincerely funny  So, they are not necessarily wrong.

[Aloe]

i edited my earlier post before i saw your new post, i wrote: Besides, a "good" sense of humor is a vey relative definition, somebody will think dry sarcastic humor is good, someone will think it's boring, but intention to leave somebody or not is not relative at all, you either have the intention or you don't. or you doubt.
And i think decision to leave somebody is very much conscious.

[Zhena]

So, how exactly do you know this? If a woman says she is happy and does not need more, why should we not believe her? What you are saying is that if someone doesn't agree with you or does not share your opinions, it is because they are not telling the truth or deceiving themselves  Using this approach, I could "prove" anything that I wanted.

I am good at psychology,Misha,I worked with the people and women especially. They used me a sa psychologist along with getting treatment. If a woman  loves a man but knows he cant (or doesnt want) to jump over his head,she will defense him and their lifestyle and say she is happy. Then there is a moment when her patiennce breaks up and you will see a shocking metamorphose. Why the women are defensive? Its obvious,she wants to think that a man she choosed,is the best. Its her ego also,understand? She cant think he is a looser. I will tell you,the russian women are really devoted in their love and able for the big sacrifices. It was created historically.Какой-никакой-а мой! Я его слепила из того,что было....
I thinki our women are really heroic and deserve to be appreciated.

[brucen36]

And, I am sure there is somebody on this planet who will think they are sincerely funny  So, they are not necessarily wrong.

Well if you take it to that extreme, then there is no such thing as right or wrong anymore.  If everything is subjective, then discussion is pointless.  We have to agree that the statistical majority bears out the truth as the sample size approaches infinity.

[Zhena]

Angry? Oh please. 
I don't get angry at silly posts and yours is one of the silliest I've seen posted on RWD so far.

you re rude,means you re angry,means u re defensive. go with a peace,I dont reply to little angry durochkam. go on other forums also,break your zone of comfort.

[Blues Fairy]

If a woman  loves a man but knows he cant (or doesnt want) to jump over his head,she will defense him and their lifestyle and say she is happy. Then there is a moment when her patiennce breaks up and you will see a shocking metamorphose. She cant think he is a looser.

And of course she can't be genuinely happy without presents; and of course the man who can't/doesn't want to give them is nothing but a loser.  

[brucen36]

i edited my earlier post before i saw your new post, i wrote: Besides, a "good" sense of humor is a vey relative definition, somebody will think dry sarcastic humor is good, someone will think it's boring, but intention to leave somebody or not is not relative at all, you either have the intention or you don't. or you doubt.
And i think decision to leave somebody is very much conscious.

My point is how you rationalize to yourself why or how you picked someone is not necessarily correlated with the truth.  When searching for a mate, no one consciously thinks, "my how symmetric his/her face is".  Yet this is one of the true guiding forces behind such decisions whether you consciously realize it or not.  And so it goes...extrapolate to the wallet case.  

[Misha]

I am good at psychology,Misha

As an amateur psychologist, you should realize that individuals will invariably judge and evaluate another person's thoughts and feelings based on their own understanding of the world. In other words, people impose their own worldview on somebody else's experiences.

[Aloe]

brucen36, i see your point, you are right, some factors might influence our decision making without us realizing it.

[Misha]

Well if you take it to that extreme, then there is no such thing as right or wrong anymore.  If everything is subjective, then discussion is pointless.  We have to agree that the statistical majority bears out the truth as the sample size approaches infinity.

The example you choose is inherently subjective, so no whining   The fact of the matter is that there is no objective measure of humor.

[Misha]

When searching for a mate, no one consciously thinks, "my how symmetric his/her face is".  

Why? They may not phrase it in terms of symmetry, but they may say "he has such a cute face."

[Mishenka]

Hey you!

Yes dear?  did I hear a giggle? or maybe it wasnt as funny to you as it was to me at the time. I like to joke a little and lighten things up.
 :hairraising: :hairraising:
 

[brucen36]

The example you choose is inherently subjective, so no whining   The fact of the matter is that there is no objective measure of humor.

Everything is inherently subjective.  As soon as you speak it becomes subjective.  But a majority of people find certain things to be beautiful/funny, etc etc.  This is our soul major of objectivity and hence the truth.  

[Misha]

Everything is inherently subjective.  As soon as you speak it becomes subjective.  But a majority of people find certain things to be beautiful/funny, etc etc.  This is our soul major of objectivity and hence the truth.  

Is the majority always right? Humor IMHO is like finding a spouse, you don't have to please all people, just the one you are with 

[brucen36]

Why? They may not phrase it in terms of symmetry, but they may say "he has such a cute face."

Just like no one may phrase directly that they want a fat wallet and they may not even think it consciously inside of their head, but they may say "oh he is so intelligent, now that's what I want, intelligence"

[Zhena]

Scot,I want to answer your question about what for your wife married you.
I think,the love was there. But unfortunately your and her ambitions is quite different,she wanted to work more together on making yur life better. You didnt want,you were satisfied with what you have had. It made her very offended. She was not smart about the way to get her goals,she thought it will stimulate you that she works so much. It didnt work though. She had to be wiser and go another way.

[groovlstk]

Misha pointed out something earlier that rings true. Women who value wealth above all else will walk backwards on their hands trying to convince everyone that "all" women share the same desire and those who won't admit it are either lying or delusional. I see the same behavior in my male friends who cheat on their gfs/wives - when asked why they do it they insist all men cheat - quite simply it allows them to live like pigs without having to accept the fact that there's something lacking in their character.

Sound familiar?

All you single guys out there should read this thread over and over - don't get involved w/a woman who is standing on the opposite side of a huge psychological divide over a subject as important as $$.