First date went well, won't return calls, how many times should I try?

[Gator]

In a perfect world her honesty would be respected but there are too many men with fragile little egos.

My opinion is that men are much better than women at 1)  saying "I don't like you"  and 2) accepting that opinion even if it is not what they wanted to hear. 

why should she bother with explaining something that's obvious to everyone in the world except him

Is it obvious?  Aloe said that 5 minutes earlier the men were saying something nice. 

To me it is rather obvious when all cylinders are not clicking, yet this does not necessarily mean that I have given up hope.  So I would appreciate confirmation of "no."  I can accept "no" immediately (how could I argue with a "no" since it is someone else's opinion, not fact).  I think most every man can do the same.   What percentage of men would actually insult her?  Is it proper to make many sincere men hang on just to avoid an insult from the odd jerk?

The key point is that many RW vaporize, and I thank Aloe for explaining her reasoning, even if it perplexes me.  Yet much has perplexed me with regard to RW.

[Aloe]

maybe i just managed to get so much bad experience, but 1 time saying no directly after a date even got me stranded 30 km away from home at night, with metro being closed and 0 traffic on the road. the 1 single person that did pass, offered to give me a lift to the metro station so i could wait there, and then managed to steal my cell phone. That's what i get for letting a nice person who gave me a free ride use my cell phone for a minute. And for going out with the wrong type of guy The guy who left me there didn't even have the guts to say that he will do so, i left his car for 5 minutes to use the bathroom, and when i came out he was gone and not answering his phone, some men are pretty good at vaporizing as well

[Gator]

Aloe,

That was a terrible experience, really terrible. It sound like something that happens only in the ghetto here.

I am glad that you now have found a decent man. 

Best wishes.

[Aloe]

thanks the ironic part is that after 3 years searching the websites, i ended up with someone who doesn't have any connection with those sites and who i've known all those 3 years lol. Should have looked that way before the websites, so much time wasted!

[UTRO]

I know where Aloe is coming from..... I've been guilty of doing the same as her a few times. It has nothing to do with impoliteness and no, it probably isn't the right thing to do.... you simply feel that it is best to avoid hurt through contact.... you hope the other party will get the hint through silence and simply disappear. However, only after one or two dates and only if the other party isn't calling and texting repeatedly. If the other party tries to communicate, that person deserves a reply no matter how bad you feel doing so.
I've been on the other end and if I don't hear from the other person, I get it. 
Now, abandonment on the side of a road is completely inexcusable, rude and criminal.

[Ade]

I was unlucky enough to date a woman that I met online who had borderline personality disorder and some other mental disorders I can't even remember. She was medicated and seemed normal if a little "special" during the first meeting and for a week after.

I found out later that she'd stopped taking her meds and her birth control after a week. By the end of week two or three I ended the relationship as I didn't see a future with her but told her I wanted to keep her as a friend (she was fun to talk to); she told me at that point she was pregnant and that she'd lied about ever having been on birth control (yeah, stupid me). But being who I am, I didn't explode, I told her with calm anger that it was a total violation to do something like that and such a breach of trust that I wanted nothing to do with her again although I would provide support for any child that I'd fathered.

It turned out she wasn't pregnant, the messages I got not long after at Christmas saying she was lying in hospital dying of an overdose because of me were also fake as was the one that she was dead. 

She knew the first name of a girl I used to date and a friend of mine and she phoned every woman in my town with that first name until she got hold of her to rant about me. She did the same thing with my ex-wife. Very bizarre as were the many abusive calls, emails and sms'.

It took six months of ignoring her calls, sms', emails before she finally stopped harassing me. If I answered even one telling her to stop or saying I'd call the police it would just initiate yet another spate of abuse from her. Sometimes, just ignoring someone is the only thing that you can do and, eventually, they will find something else to focus on.

Of course, I'm not advocating dumping everyone by just ignoring them but if there's any hint of weirdness there be prepared that the news may provoke some bizarre reactions.

[Aloe]

wow what a crazy story, i'm glad you got out ok lucky for you she lived far away, imagine what havoc she would cause had she lived nearby!

[tim 360]

I know where Aloe is coming from..... I've been guilty of doing the same as her a few times. It has nothing to do with impoliteness and no, it probably isn't the right thing to do.... you simply feel that it is best to avoid hurt through contact.... you hope the other party will get the hint through silence and simply disappear. However, only after one or two dates and only if the other party isn't calling and texting repeatedly. If the other party tries to communicate, that person deserves a reply no matter how bad you feel doing so.
I've been on the other end and if I don't hear from the other person, I get it. 
Now, abandonment on the side of a road is completely inexcusable, rude and criminal.

I have to admit I am guilty of the above and also after one short date of realizing that the other person was someone I was definitely NOT interested in for many different reasons.  Women, I find are more sensitive and generally get the hint rather quickly.  If the guy does not call--he just ain't interested. Guys, OTOH may be a bit more dense and not get the subtle hint.  Somedude wonders how many times he should keep calling her 'cuz the date went just ducky for him.

Well, maybe the date did NOT go so ducky for her?  He is very interested in her and any interest she may have had has waned.  Game over, but he doesn't realize it.  MAYBE?  She probably just didn't want to hurt his feelings since he was obviously so hot for more.  There are 2 sides to this story and all we have is his rendering.  The girl could have been bored out of her mind.  Since she isn't posting we just don't know how "great" the date was...just somedude's account which may be inaccurate.

[Ade]

wow what a crazy story, i'm glad you got out ok lucky for you she lived far away, imagine what havoc she would cause had she lived nearby!

Actually not so far, about 45mins drive. There was a period that I was expecting her to be waiting for me with a knife when I got home or when I opened my door in the morning. It was a seriously spooky period in my life and I can totally empathise with people that have been stalked now; you feel rather powerless and trying to rationalise their behaviour, predict and make sense of it just doesn't help because their obsession isn't rational and logical.

I'm still not sure it has ended fully either, maybe it's just in remission. She's messaged me since it blew over a few times telling me she wants to be friends and that she's got married to a guy and is pregnant with his twins (surprisingly, this is true as I've seen her facebook). The disturbing thing is when I told her she should get on with her life and forget me she admitted to still wanting me back. 

FWIW, I don't hate the girl for what she did because I know how ill she was; towards the end of the mess I had some contact with a woman who was a volunteer assigned by the government to help her try to live a normal life and she revealed a lot of what had been going on. One of the most difficult things to believe was how normal she seemed to be when she was taking her meds.

I'll be honest and tell you I stopped online dating because of that incident and it was a while before I trusted my own judgement again. Luckily for me, my fiancée came across an old dating profile of mine which had my email address embedded in it.