What to if your Russian wife says she wants a divorce?

[Universeisours]

My wife visited her family in Russia Nov. to Jan this year. In Feb. signed and turned in our 751. Less than a week after  my wife said she wanted to stop intimacy and file for divorce. We have a 2 year old daughter. She say she wishes to stay in the US, live together until she finds someone to move out with and take our daughter with her. I was of coarse disappointed about the her decision because all seemed well as far as any relationship but not as well as thought.
Questions:
Can she do this, divorce, stay in US and take our daughter with her?
Should I pull my sponsorship and file the divorce papers?

[Ravens9273]

Very sad to hear. You are definetly in a tough spot.
Although I am no expert what I do know is you cannot pull your spnsorship. Once done it is done. Even if you divorce you are still responsible for her.

Sponsorship will last until 1 of the following are met.

- the green card holder becomes a citizen,

-obtains 40 qualifying quarters and becomes eligible to recieve means tested benefits,

-ceases to hold PR status and leaves the USA, or

-dies.


Also it seems sometimes you have less rights then your wife.
Others here can give you better advice then me.

[GoodOlBoy]

Hello Universeisours.

My best advice......Get a VERY good divorce lawyer!!

Questions:
Can she do this, divorce, stay in US and take our daughter with her?

You have bigger worries than this.

She can take your Daughter back to Russia and you will probably never see her again (other RW have done this).

If this happens, the Russian Government will not help you.

Example:

http://en.rian.ru/world/20090415/121146379.html


GOB

[ECOCKS]

Hopefully, you are doing everything possible to get the very best possible lawyer as quickly as possible. If you are hesitating or tryign to cut corners by using someone who is not highly motivated you are more than likely spiraling into a worse and worse situation.

Get off here and get to a lawyer ASAP!

Come back after you have found a good lawyer and you'll get some moral support but this is not the best place for the legal advice you need NOW.

[Shadow]

You have got two possible options.

First one is to accept it happens, be a man and do your best to stay good friends.
This involves a lot of patience, and accepting that the relationship is over but you still have a daughter to care for, from and by both sides.

Second one is to pull out all stops and protect yourself at maximum. This involves some stressful and heartbraking stuff (as getting apart ASAP) and will cause a definite break in all relations.

A child belongs to the mother, unless the mother is mentally incapable of caring for it.
Recent cases of the father (in Europe) kidnapping the child from the Russian mother are incredible to  me.

In both cases, you will need assistance of a good lawyer. Get one.

[GoodOlBoy]

A child belongs to the mother, unless the mother is mentally incapable of caring for it.

Absolutely NOT true in the GoodOl'USA.


GOB

[Misha]

A child belongs to the mother

So a father is nothing more than a glorified sperm donor?

[JR]

1. Do as ECOCKS says and get a GOOD attorney NOW! Try to find one that is familiar with immigration issues also.

2. Do you WANT and are you PREPARED for custody of your daughter?

3. In the USA the child does NOT belong to the mother. Custody is 50/50 unless mutually agreed upon or the court orders it differently for some reason. Like yourself I have a two year old daughter and I have primary residency ordered by the court.

4. Protect yourself financially NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Turn off the credit cards and get separate accounts, LIKE YESTERDAY. Continue to support both her and your daughter. Get legal advice as to how much you should provide. What you have done and what you do from now forward will be scrutinized by the courts and be considered when determining what you will have to pay.

5. Do everything in peace but be firm. Protect yourself and your daughter.

[KievHarmony]

A child belongs to the mother, unless the mother is mentally incapable of caring for it.
Recent cases of the father (in Europe) kidnapping the child from the Russian mother are incredible to  me.

WTF ? this is totally stupid assessment. I don't know you Shadow but my children will laugh about you if they hear you... Children belong to themselves and need their parents !

[JR]

A child belongs to the mother, unless the mother is mentally incapable of caring for it.
Recent cases of the father (in Europe) kidnapping the child from the Russian mother are incredible to  me.

I'm perplexed by this also. In the USA (which is where Uni claims to be from) a child belongs equally to both parents.

From everything I have read UW and RW have to obtain the father's permission to remove the child from the country. So I am not sure where this statement finds validity but I don't think it is accurate.

[ScottinCrimea]

My wife visited her family in Russia Nov. to Jan this year. In Feb. signed and turned in our 751. Less than a week after  my wife said she wanted to stop intimacy and file for divorce. We have a 2 year old daughter. She say she wishes to stay in the US, live together until she finds someone to move out with and take our daughter with her. I was of coarse disappointed about the her decision because all seemed well as far as any relationship but not as well as thought.
Questions:
Can she do this, divorce, stay in US and take our daughter with her?
Should I pull my sponsorship and file the divorce papers?

I am one who is in a position to empathize with you. I understand all the thoughts and feelings that are trying to overwhelm you.

Your number one thought needs to be what is best for your daughter.   She has no fault in this and yet stands to be the one most injured by it.  Not knowing all of the issues involved, in my mind, the best end result is that your wife remains in the US, you both live fairly close to each other, and that you share custody and care of your daughter.

Now the 751 process may have become pretty complicated by your wife's actions, as you will need to show a good faith marriage at the time of the interview.  I think the fact that you have a child together will help, but you will both need to work together to get the conditions removed and so you need to stay on good terms with each other.  I have no idea how things would work if the petition is rejected and she is required to return.  Your daughter is a US citizen.

As much as you hope the split will be amicable, from my experience and that of most I know, it very rarely ends up that wasy.  KenC's case is one of those rare exceptions.

Immediately take her name off all accounts.  Not as a form of control, but as protection for yourself and your ability to provide for your daughter.  Then be generous in what you provide her.

Does she have any means of supporting herself or is she expecting you to provide for her for the next 16 years?  Because you are her sponsor, you may be required to support her at 125% of poverty level for the next 8 years anyway.

Having a daughter together certainly complicates things, and these are all issues that need to be discussed with a lawyer experienced in both divorce and immigration.

Finally, I would strongly recommend marriage counseling.  Maybe this is a relationship that can be salvaged, and your daughter certainly is an added incentive for both of you to try to work things out.

[Mir]

Finally, I would strongly recommend marriage counseling.  Maybe this is a relationship that can be salvaged, and your daughter certainly is an added incentive for both of you to try to work things out.

In my experience (which is limited I admit) couples go for counseling when their marriage is in trouble and most of them realize through this process that divorce is the best outcome for them

[Ade]

One thing you guys should do before jumping the gun in condemnation is realize Shadow's first language is not English...

A FWIW, in my opinion, all else being equal, the woman should have priority over the man in child custody cases as she is the one that gave over her body for 9 months to carry the baby not to mention all the long term effects on her body after the birth.

[Shadow]

Thanks SJ, I think I should have phrased that differently, as some pointed out children are not the proterty of any parent.
However if you guys are out for 'traditional values', then you should understand that the mother is the one taking care of the children, while the father is the provider of income.
This means that it is in most cases in the interest of the child to remain with the mother in case of a divorce, and the father should provide adequate means for the child he has helped bringing in to this world. That does not mean that a father would love a child less than a mother, or would be a worse parent. However as a young father I can tell you that, even when feeding is not an issue, the bond between a child and the mother is many times stronger, which means that to separate a child from the mother one should provide a very strong reason.

[Faux Pas]

However if you guys are out for 'traditional values', then you should understand that the mother is the one taking care of the children, while the father is the provider of income.
This means that it is in most cases in the interest of the child to remain with the mother in case of a divorce, and the father should provide adequate means for the child he has helped bringing in to this world. That does not mean that a father would love a child less than a mother, or would be a worse parent.

The US courts generally view it this way unless for some reason the mother is unfit.

[ambach123]

This is a very difficult situation, complicated by an innocent child.

The courts in USA, give mothers a preferential treatment, and custody is often awarded to mothers, actually 86% of the times. There are many websites by fathers, where these stats are stated.

Both of you are facing uphill battles, and a very difficult life, no matter how it turns out to be. No lawyer can make it easier for you. You are on the hook to support the RW and the child until she turns 21.

The GCG usually don't get pregnant, so I would tend to think that the marriage was legitimate.

My suggestion for FWIW is marriage counselling, and try to save the marriage.

Does your wife know what she is up against after divorce?

Being a single mother in a strange country, with no job skills is no piece of cake. And where is she going to find a man who will support he? You should be prepared that you will be paying for them.

I am really sorry to hear your plight, this is about the worst scenario one can face.

The other option is get her deported, a lawyer will help you, but you will never see your daughter again.

[KenC]

This is a very difficult situation, complicated by an innocent child.

The courts in USA, give mothers a preferential treatment, and custody is often awarded to mothers, actually 86% of the times. There are many websites by fathers, where these stats are stated.

Both of you are facing uphill battles, and a very difficult life, no matter how it turns out to be. No lawyer can make it easier for you. You are on the hook to support the RW and the child until she turns 21.

The GCG usually don't get pregnant, so I would tend to think that the marriage was legitimate.

My suggestion for FWIW is marriage counselling, and try to save the marriage.

Does your wife know what she is up against after divorce?

Being a single mother in a strange country, with no job skills is no piece of cake. And where is she going to find a man who will support he? You should be prepared that you will be paying for them.

I am really sorry to hear your plight, this is about the worst scenario one can face.

The other option is get her deported, a lawyer will help you, but you will never see your daughter again.

Just to set the record straight.
I find that there are a few inaccuracies in the above post.  The courts usually decide for joint custody with the child's primary residence being the Mom's home.  The length (and amount) of the alimony is decided by the court.  Child support is paid until the child reaches 18 or graduates from high school.  To my knowledge, deportation is not an option or a possibility unless there is a basis for the marriage to be fraudulent, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
KenC

[Admin]

Just to set the record straight.
I find that there are a few inaccuracies in the above post.  The courts usually decide for joint custody with the child's primary residence being the Mom's home.  The length (and amount) of the alimony is decided by the court.  Child support is paid until the child reaches 18 or graduates from high school.  To my knowledge, deportation is not an option or a possibility unless there is a basis for the marriage to be fraudulent, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
KenC

Affirming Ken's comments, I have some experience with this topic here in Colorado. Here is my understanding:

* Colorado (and most states now, I am told) have an established "presumptive standard" commemorated by the State Legislature that calls for both father and mother being entirely equal in all matters associated with the children. That nearly always translates into joint decision-making, and the starting point (from the court's perspective) is a 50/50 share of custody.

* In terms of the stat ambach cited - I believe it is true that mothers are frequently awarded a greater share of the "parenting time" (custody) than fathers - HOWEVER (and this is REALLY important) - I also understand that when a father challenges the court for an increased share of parenting time (beyond the "presumptive standard" of 50 percent), they are successful in more than 80% of the cases.

* As for the time paying child support, there are variables. In Colorado, it is through the 19th birthday - OR - it can include through college if both parents agree. In any case, child support continues beyond the 18th birthday in Colorado, but not to age 21 unless he agrees.

* Alimony ("Maintenance") is highly-variable by each state, and considers a number of factors - too many to address with any accuracy. Check with a GOOD family law attorney in your home state for a review of your particular circumstances.

* Deportation. My understanding is a guy should take that notion off the playing field. It is NOT going to happen. The only instance where it *may* be possible is in the case where the marriage is legally annulled. Once again, check the laws in your particular jurisdiction as to the grounds for annulment - but my bet is that VERY FEW marriages will qualify for annulment.

I hope this helps.

- Dan

[Universeisours]

My wife visited her family in Russia Nov. to Jan this year. In Feb. signed and turned in our 751. Less than a week after  my wife said she wanted to stop intimacy and file for divorce. We have a 2 year old daughter. She say she wishes to stay in the US, live together until she finds someone to move out with and take our daughter with her. I was of coarse disappointed about the her decision because all seemed well as far as any relationship but not as well as thought.
Questions:
Can she do this, divorce, stay in US and take our daughter with her?
Should I pull my sponsorship and file the divorce papers?

Appreciate the feedbacks. Does anyone know the sponsorship withdraw proceedures?

[ECOCKS]

As Ken, and now Dan, describe, shared custody with the Mom as primary residence is the norm in the US barring extenuating circumstances. Generally the fathers get physical custody awarded at around 35-45% of the child's time and work the actual times whenever they want, working the schedules (visitation) around each other.

Also, both a problem AND a help is that IN THEORY the mother should have a letter from the father for the child to leave the country. In practice there is no way for the authorities to keep up with whether a child is from a divorced family or not. At a guess, I would hope my lawyer could have the judge order the child's passport kept by the father to prevent trips out of the country without permission. The problem is if she takes a reasonable trip for the girl to see her grandparents and then decides they aren't coming back. Of course, you would not have to pay child support and your support of her would be ended, but you would also lose contact with your daughter. There is not a good history of cooperation between America and Russia with regard to paternity rights of fathers.

Rgus akk reinforces that you should get the best lawyer posssible. You need a divorce settlement and custody agreement that you can live with for 16 years.

Again, Good Luck!

[BillR]

No one seems to have picked up on this statement:

She say she wishes to stay in the US, live together until she finds someone to move out with and take our daughter with her. 

Also, has the OP asked his wife why she wants a divorce and whether she would consider counseling?

[Ronnie]

Appreciate the feedbacks. Does anyone know the sponsorship withdraw proceedures?

Read what Ravens wrote.  He is completely correct.  The I-864 is inviolable.  You simply can't go back on it as it was put in place to keep immigrants off of welfare and to discourage marriage fraud. 

This action by your wife seems out of character for an immigrant wife.  What are the reasons she gives for wanting the divorce?

[tfcrew]

Child custody statistics...
 
http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats18.htm

Also...

Children from fatherless homes account for:
63% of youth suicides. (Source: US Dept. of Health & Human Services, Bureau of the Census).
71% of pregnant teenagers. (Source: US Dept. of Health & Human Services)
90% of all homeless and runaway children.
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders. (Source: Center for Disease Control).
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger. (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26, 1978).
71% of all high school dropouts. (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools).
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers. (Source: Rainbows for all God`s Children).
85% of all youths sitting in prisons. (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992).

http://www.childrensjustice.org/stats.htm

[tfcrew]

From the Homeland Security's Shusterman Report..

http://shusterman.com/pdf/affregs62106.pdf

In response to nine commenters, the
final rule clarifies that a household
member’s obligations under Form I–
864A terminate under the same
circumstances as the sponsor’s
obligations under Form I–864 terminate.
One commenter asked whether a
household member’s obligation under
Form I–864A terminates when he or she
leaves the household. It does not. One
of the commenters suggested that
divorce should terminate a support
obligation. Another commenter
suggested that divorce should be
irrelevant to the support obligation.
Finally, one commenter maintained that
the support obligation should terminate
five years after the sponsored
immigrants become resident aliens,
‘‘even if they do not become citizens or
work.’’
Section 213A of the Act specifies the
two circumstances that end the support
obligation: The sponsored immigrant’s
(1) naturalization or (2) having acquired
40 quarters of coverage under the Social
Security Act. The interim rule added
two more: (1) The death of the sponsor
or sponsored immigrant or (2) the
sponsored immigrant’s abandonment of
status and permanent departure from
the United States. These two additional
grounds for termination exist as a matter
of logical necessity. Section 213A of the
Act does not provide any basis to say
that divorce does, or does not, affect a
support obligation under an affidavit of
support. If the sponsored immigrant is
an adult, he or she probably can, in a
divorce settlement, surrender his or her
right to sue the sponsor to enforce an
affidavit of support.

[JR]

If you want to know what you may have to pay google your states "dissomaster" It will look something like this one:

http://www.childsupportca.com/dissomaster.htm

I think the OP stated the his wife's status in still not solidified and that is why there may be a question at to her staying or not. But I believe the point is moot if their child is from thier union and was born here. I do believe the mother could stay based soley upon that.