Out of the blue

[Doll]

Gator, you are disappointing me

[Gator]

About what?

In my early years, when I did not know better, I was smitten after a first meeting with a magnificent RW. 

I did not want to lose her.  So I offerred to pay her not a small amount each month for English lessons.  She could have taken that money and bought boots. 

She refused the money, telling me to save it for a future trip together to learn more about each other while having a good holiday.  That is what I call sincerity and a proper progression of the relationship. 

In other words she wanted to see me again.  Later she told me that taking the money made her feel like a prostitute even though she had just pounded my body as hard and as frequent as a rabbit in heat.   And perhaps I lost points offering her some money, as it did not distinguish me from the RM.

BTW, the third trip I met her parents who did not live in the city where we first met.

[Faux Pas]

Gator, you are disappointing me

Doll are you of the opinion that all available FUSW are vestal virgins of the highest moral character? More often than not as the saying goes, "It is, what it is"

[Doll]

About what?

About your attitude towards RW

[Gator]

About your attitude towards RW

Doll, this is a discussion forum.  No blanket statements please.  You need to elaborate.  You are good with words, so how would you describe my attitude towards RW?

[Doll]

Doll are you of the opinion that all available FUSW are vestal virgins of the highest moral character? More often than not as the saying goes, "It is, what it is"

You are treating them like prostitutes

[Doll]

Doll, this is a discussion forum.  No blanket statements please.  You need to elaborate.  You are good with words, so how would you describe my attitude towards RW?

For the 3rd time- YOU LOOK AT THEM LIKE THEY ARE PROSTITUTES.
Read your own posts

If you had not given $400/mo to this woman, she probably would not be interested in seeing you again.  That would be the end of your story with her and you now would be well on your way with a more compatible RW.  Instead you have wasted your time and some money, your heart hurts, and you are hanging on to a fantasy.

Giving her $400/mo is what the UM with money do.  The difference is that the local men get to boink her every day, don't have to support her in Hong Kong, and can discard

[OlgaH]

 And perhaps I lost points offering her some money, as it did not distinguish me from the RM.

Honestly I have never met a RM who would offer me money or monthly allowance    

[HiTech]

I'm with gator and I/O, Sending money in a non committed relationship is a very very bad idea.

Even if the woman you are sending the money to is genuine, it can still cloud the relationship by putting doubt in your mind.

I am of the opinion that loosing the money is no big deal for many of us 400 a month would be easy, but how it clouds the relationship is the real problem, not the money.

I do not agree with Faux Pas. Deciding the  basic criteria  of the woman you are searching for is a must. You have life long goals what ever they may be, I think it is much better to start the search for some one who has the basic same goals (I.E. Children, family,religon ) then to just search blindly for the 1.

While I agree that the attitude of shopping is a bad idea (this implies comparying many woman to each other after you meet to choose the best, and thinking the choice is only yours) vs understanding that there are many woman who you can love, so you may as well start writing or meeting woman who already have the same basic goals as you.


HiTech

[JR]

You are treating them like prostitutes

Doll, we are discussing FSUW here. If we were discussing AW or Korean, Austrailian, or Eskimos and the behavior was the same, our perceptions would be the same.

"If it looks like a duck and it quawks like a duck it's a pretty good bet you're looking at a duck."

[Doll]

Honestly I have never met a RM who would offer me money or monthly allowance    

BTW me neither

[Doll]

Doll, we are discussing FSUW here. If we were discussing AW or Korean, Austrailian, or Eskimos and the behavior was the same, our perceptions would be the same.

Didn't get it
OK, let me try again- Gator looks at women like they are prostitutes

[Blues Fairy]

Honestly I have never met a RM who would offer me money or monthly allowance   Undecided  Smiley
BTW me neither

Neither have I.  
Nor such AM, for that matter.

Nor would I have accepted if they did.

[Faux Pas]

HiTech Thats not exactly as I meant it to sound but, we can agree to disagree. I do believe in searching for a woman that meets the man's criteria. However, searching for a woman with a young child seems pretty bizarre to me. A possible exception would be if he didn't have/couldn't have children and wanted some. Not the case here.

It's almost as if he want's the child in his life before the RW. For those RW that have children they are part and parcel, part of the package. For those that don't , more options are available but they are not available in either case if he hasn't won the heart of the RW

[Gator]

Didn't get it
OK, let me try again- Gator looks at women like they are prostitutes

Doll, you are sounding like an aging, emotional feminist by crying all women when it was one woman.  Crying prostitution when it was more like sponsorship, a term used frequently for the perverted state of affairs in the FSU.

I do not call it prostitution as such a term would require that both the man and woman knew it was money for sex.  Clearly Aventino was not a "john" in his mind.
 

So what was it?  Love?  Hah hah!  Survival maybe. With the information I have today, I consider Aventino to have partially and unknowingly sponsored the woman from Lugansk.  

If she was not interested in marriage with him, why would she take the money?  Other than introducing her daughter to Aventino, I see multiple signs that she was not interested in marriage with him.  I repeat:

-  I don't read of constant communication saying how much she misses him.  

-  She avoids introducing him to her parents who she lives with.  

-  She kept her profile active on the Internet so that she could find another man.  

-  Without any warning signals (hence, "Out of the Blue") she vaporizes.  

Where is the love?  What else was Aventino getting if nothing more than an opportunity for another visit?  If a woman accepts money from a man when she is not interested in him, and she knows he is interested in her, what is it called?  Professional dater with sex?

[Gator]

Honestly I have never met a RM who would offer me money or monthly allowance    

BTW me neither

Neither have I. 
Nor such AM, for that matter.

Nor would I have accepted if they did.

Olga, Doll and BF,

Your comments are those of sincere women.  Are all RW sincere?  MostRW?   What was sincere about Aventino's woman from Lugansk? 

[ECOCKS]

Hmmm, I didn't face this situation or maybe I could have brought up "sponsorship" if I had known about it but who knows how that would have gone?

I regard volunteering money each month as a less than smart thing to do overall though. Responding to her request for "support" is one of the obvious warning signs for a scammer but having seen the conditions here and thinking about the preparation necessary for a woman to come over, it strikes me as a judgement call. Sharing money for everyday living is several steps down my road to commitment as I believe it is for most AM. It also seems like it would lead to being taken advantage of if you were less than sure about the gal. So I don't regard it as something necessary to make her take you seriously although some may well think that way. I would wonder if a woman who thought that way was going to have serious problems understanding western conditions and social expectations in many other areas as well. This is that materialism question popping up again IMO.

That said, if your GF is in dire straits and YOU are CERTAIN of the situation and conditions, I see nothing wrong with determining what support she might be needing. This seems especially true if you have begun the K-1 process and she is working on her English more plus getting ready to leave her home.

I remember one AM that came through Kyiv, dated a week or so and was angry that his date took $125 (to clarify he offered it to her) but while she was with him she spent it on a Barbie doll for her daughter living in Vinnitsyia. He was angry because he wanted her to spend it on lingerie.  

[Doll]

What was sincere about Aventino's woman from Lugansk? 

We don't know!

[Doll]

I remember one AM that came through Kyiv, dated a week or so and was angry that his date took $125 but while she was with him she spent it on Barbie doll for her daughter living in Vinnitsyia. He was angry because he wanted her to spend it on lingerie.  Roll Eyes

My husband-to-be before our first meeting sent me $600. I asked what he wanted me to spend it on, he said that I was the mother with two kids so I knew better how to manage money.
See?

[ECOCKS]

What do you want us to see Doll?

[Doll]

What do you want us to see Doll?

That self esteem is important. Don't search for troubles

[ECOCKS]

Hmmm, I cannot connect that but think it's great that you and your husband had this level of faith before your first meeting. Always great to hear a success story.

[Shadow]

My husband-to-be before our first meeting sent me $600. I asked what he wanted me to spend it on, he said that I was the mother with two kids so I knew better how to manage money.
See?

Would you have continued to accept his money if after the first meeting it would have been clear you had no interest in him ?

[Sculpto]

what is "Sumburg desperates"?

Sumburg.. thats the place where some of my detractors live.. we have sumburg in usa too..

[Sculpto]

Money really complicates things when there are oceans between the couple.

My GF refused any offers of support, but I left an ATM card in her purse.  Then, a bit later when I knew she hadn't been working and was in a really bad mood and nothing could snap her out of it.. I told her about the card and there was $100 on it.  First she was mad that I would do that and said, "I not prostitute why you do that"  You are my fiance and how do you think I can feel ok if I know you are having a hard time?  She took the money and gave me an accounting of every penny she spent.

There have been a couple of repeats since then and the scenario is always the same.. she refuses to say anything about it.  Drives me freaking crazy.  One time she didn't call for several days.. so I called her and said go take some money from the card.. less than an hour later she called me from the phone store. 

She asked me to send some baby clothes for her sister's baby, for a special gift from America.  Her mother and my mother are exchanging gifts.. we are both the porters.

All other issues regarding money and my less than frugal spending habits have been met with "keep money so we can go for vacation together and for when I come in USA".

Just mentioning this stuff as "green flags" to watch for.