Kharkiv (Jan - Feb 09) - My experience so far

[I/O]

Gawd, it's confusing, parallel threads, transplant the names, story the same. Who shafted who or who got stiffed or didn't get a "stiff" or whatever it was that did or didn't happen.

My take for whatever it might be worth (Nothing if it is similar to 97.32% of the ramblings in these two threads) is this. Guys go expecting. Incidental frustrations with aspects of what they thought was purchased (or would be purchased) as part of the deal happen. Individually, none of those things mean anything but collectively they create a picture in the buyers mind they are not receiving their dues. This will be amplified if the overall plan isn't producing the anticipated result. In business, it's often called "navel gazing" followed by "finger pointing". Experience tells me that combination rarely produces a positive result.

Mila: For whatever this may be worth, a little advice (I still think you'd have been better to remain silent and hold your powder) regarding what I've seen in various FSU locations over the years and particularly with service provision as it relates to export business which the MOB and associated peripherals are. Settling an account at the airport was and is quite typical and it is a sure fire way to ensure NO repeat business. Very clearly, the thinking (whether you realise this or not and I suspect you perhaps don't as you've grown up within) is TODAY. The assumption, consciously or unconsciously is that when this person departs he will provide no further business so I must get whatever I can now. In some cases, that may be true and that is a judgement the provider needs to make at the time. Nevertheless, in this example, you / your business is catering to a clientele from another culture, you need to embrace those cultural demands or expectations whether you like them or not. Guys expect far too much from agents, however the agent needs to clearly understand the nature of the clientele. In this example I think you missed that completely.

You would be wise/wiser in future to ensure all accounts are settled in an amicable manner well before the final leg of provision and make that final leg of provision something the client will remember fondly even if other things have gone awry. I have noticed a brashness among the modern business people in many parts of the FSU and coupled with that is a severe lack of attention to detail. "Give them roughly what they asked for, get their money and get 'em out of here" whilst the provider tends to display their newfound success quite overtly.

Frankly speaking, from what I've read, I don't think you did much wrong, I simply think your approach to wealth generation is much too "slap happy" and it is very rare that such an approach ever succeeds long term. Often we see this with younger people starting out or developing a business model and almost without exception, if you review the business model that works, somewhere along the way the operator has undertaken an internal review (either formally or informally) with the outcome being a much tighter focus on quality control or attention to detail, whichever term you wish to use.

IMO, you shouldn't change your MO or target market at all but I do think you should have a serious look at how you apply yourself to quality control or attention to detail. I believe that is your recipe for long term success. As an eastern women, do you not pick over ever stitch when buying a new garment? The same should apply to your business dealings.

Am I saying too many youngun's make a quick buck wheeling and dealing from their hip pocket, flash it around on fancy dress or cars or whatever, pay little attention to the real deal in the excitement or the newfound lifestyle and ultimately pay a heavy price for flippancy? Yep. Take a look at Wall Street of recent times. Don't be one of 'em.

I/O

[Doll]

Don't you like to shop Doll? I don't, I hate shopping! And after 10 plus years of marriage then divorce to a RW I can tell you with confidence that was absolutey NOTHING cheap about it.

did get you- sorry

[Ooooops]

That is exactly what we ALL should be doing in situations like these.

Yep, just like this

    * First Base: Who
    * Second Base: What
    * Third base: I Don't Know
    * Left field: Why
    * Center field: Because
    * Pitcher: Tomorrow
    * Catcher: Today
    * Shortstop: I Don't Care/I Don't Give a Darn

 

[Doll]

Just a question- why would a man (or a woman) "hide" their age?
It is a question to CC and others.

[Admin]

Just a question- why would a man (or a woman) "hide" their age?
It is a question to CC and others.

Flip side of that question is - Why should a man (or a woman) divulge their age?

Is it merely a number - or is there something *more* to knowing the age of a prospective partner? If it is *more* - what, exactly, is the significance?

Does it fall into the same category as divulging income or net worth?

- Dan

[facetrock]

How old would each of us be if no one kept track of time.

[Ooooops]

Flip side of that question is - Why should a man (or a woman) divulge their age?

I'd think that it's helpful for the prospective partner to set correct expectations...    There is a funny rhyme about it, but it's in Russian, sorry.   

Повстречался с тобой на балу,
Я никак позабыть не могу,
Ты казалась прекраснее всех,
Но теперь меня мучает смех.

Ты сначала сняла свой парик,
И стоишь предо мной как мужик.
А потом отстегнула протез,
Я от страха на люстру залез.

Ну а третий сюрприз был не ждан,
Ты свой глаз положила в стакан,
Подмигнула здоровым глазком,
Я из комнаты вылез ползком.

"Ты куда милок, погоди,
Мою челюсть на память возми!"
(с)

[Admin]

I'd think that it's helpful for the prospective partner to set correct expectations...    There is a funny rhyme about it, but it's in Russian, sorry.   

Повстречался с тобой на балу,
Я никак позабыть не могу,
Ты казалась прекраснее всех,
Но теперь меня мучает смех.

Ты сначала сняла свой парик,
И стоишь предо мной как мужик.
А потом отстегнула протез,
Я от страха на люстру залез.

Ну а третий сюрприз был не ждан,
Ты свой глаз положила в стакан,
Подмигнула здоровым глазком,
Я из комнаты вылез ползком.

"Ты куда милок, погоди,
Мою челюсть на память возми!"
(с)

I got the jist.

That scenario is a bit different though.

Consider . . . what would it be like if the question of age simply never came up?

I think we are conditioned to expect that all RW will provide their age, as a given. Reason being, all the agencies expect/demand that information - but what if.....

When you see someone in your home town/city, much of the time you will make a decision about whether they interest you, and at that early stage, you have no clear idea what their age is. Sure, you have the benefit of a visual - but how many times have you been surprised by learning someone's age?

To be clear, I am a firm proponent of open and complete disclosure with someone who is identified as a potential life partner. Still, I cannot help but think that the mere disclosure of a number - absent any other context - is just too sterile, and does not even begin to address the more important dimensions of compatibility.

Do you think I am wrong?

- Dan

[Boethius]

Deleted

[Sculpto]

Just a question- why would a man (or a woman) "hide" their age?
It is a question to CC and others.

I once corresponded with a lady in Dnepro.. I was suspicious about her photos because she listed her age as 36.. but the photos looked much younger.  I finally asked about it and she put up a current photo.. amazing how much a person can change in ten years.  I stopped the correspondence not because of her current appearance.. she still looked good.. but because she had very old photos and she knew it.  Indicated a liar.

[Boethius]

deleted

[Sculpto]

Of course not.. but using photos at least ten years old is really deceptive.  I am sure she generated lots of letters and gifts for her agency. 

[Doll]

Flip side of that question is - Why should a man (or a woman) divulge their age?

Is it merely a number - or is there something *more* to knowing the age of a prospective partner? If it is *more* - what, exactly, is the significance?

Does it fall into the same category as divulging income or net worth?

- Dan

If it was "merely a number" then what was CC unhappy with?
Age is VERY important.

[Admin]

If it was "merely a number" then what was CC unhappy with?
Age is VERY important.

Why - exactly?

- Dan

[Doll]

Why - exactly?

- Dan

Why what? Why very important?
Too tired (today))) to think what is important for men but I can say why it was important for me when I was searching- I didn't want a much older (more than 6-8 years) man because I wanted the one from same generation and also to minimize sexual problems. There is something else- let me think...

[Admin]

Why what? Why very important?
Too tired (today))) to think what is important for men but I can say why it was important for me when I was searching- I didn't want a much older (more than 6-8 years) man because I wanted the one from same generation and also to minimize sexual problems. There is something else- let me think...

>>I wanted the one from same generation<<

Why? What, specifically, were you seeking?

>>to minimize sexual problems<<

Which problems were you concerned about?

- Dan

[Doll]

Which problems were you concerned about?

S  E  X  U  A  L
 
There can only one if a man is much older 

[Doll]

Why? What, specifically, were you seeking?

What I was NOT seeking was a "father-daughter" type relationship.
My husband is 6 years older.

[Admin]

S  E  X  U  A  L
 
There can only one if a man is much older 

That is a pretty broad statement. Were you concerned about erectile dysfunction, decreased libido, something else? Was your concern intercourse focused, or broader sexual concerns of some sort?

What I was NOT seeking was a "father-daughter" type relationship.

Your description of what you wanted to avoid carries with it a number of assumptions - so to be clear - what, exactly, is your definition of a "father-daughter" type relationship? What characteristics of such a relationship were you seeking to avoid?

- Dan

[Doll]

That is a pretty broad statement. Were you concerned about erectile dysfunction, decreased libido, something else? Was your concern intercourse focused, or broader sexual concerns of some sort?

Haaaaaaahaaaaaaaa :kissing:

[Sculpto]

Haaaaaaahaaaaaaaa :kissing:

might be too personal a question.. but.. how many times a day? 

[Admin]

Haaaaaaahaaaaaaaa :kissing:

Doll,

Of course you are free to decline to answer. My questions are not intended to be intrusive - I am sincerely interested in why this should be any sort of issue at all. If we cannot, as adults, 'discuss' such things, we will never achieve any kind of common ground and mutual understanding. There is no need to be sexually graphic or salacious. A simple statement of the issues that concerned you is sufficient.

Unless your concerns can be definitively and unequivocally connected to age - then I wonder why providing that number has any value. Make sense?

- Dan

[Doll]

what, exactly, is your definition of a "father-daughter" type relationship? What characteristics of such a relationship were you seeking to avoid?

At 11 pm (!!!) after work and driving the kids to and from CAP I am capable to just try- I would hate to NOT have interest to share, to hear something like "when I was your age" or "listen to me - I've been living longer and know better"
Also, I would not like people look at us thinking "here come a father and a daughter"
( I mean the way people can look).
I did meet a couple of substantially older men before and then decided to keep the age difference within 10 years. Really! I just didn't answer the much older men.
Still J thinks he is quite older- I was in the 7th grade when he was in Vietnam.
 

[Doll]

might be too personal a question.. but.. how many times a day? 

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Doll]

I am sincerely interested in why this should be any sort of issue at all

You must be kidding me!
 
What why? Or why "why"? Why "this" should not be a woman's concern?