Kharkiv (Jan - Feb 09) - My experience so far

[Doll]

I've tried, it's not my fault that you don't like my answers.   

Yes, they don't like our answers so like kids- ask again and again hoping to get another ones 

[Admin]

Yes, they don't like our answers so like kids- ask again and again hoping to get another ones 

Or . . .

When the answer provided is not complete, or not sincere, or merely a glib diversion - then, in good faith and assuming the best of the other party (i.e. assuming they are truly wishing to communicate), the question is repeated - usually changing the 'angle' of the question slightly in the hopes the other person will more fully understand and respond appropriately.

- Dan

[Ooooops]

... assuming they are truly wishing to communicate...

That's the second time you say so.    I'm sorry to disappoint you but the only person I truly wish to communicate to is my husband.   All others are just chat buddies.   

[Admin]

That's the second time you say so.    I'm sorry to disappoint you but the only person I truly wish to communicate to is my husband.   All others are just chat buddies.   

Yeah - I get that. At the same time, you surely understand that others here at RWD have a different objective. To some extent then, the lack of a shared objective is likely to frustrate some.

- Dan

[Sculpto]

Dan.. I might have a small insight into this.

First of all.. there is a very idenitifiable gender issue here.  Both of you are entirely right in your perspectives, except the man is coming off completely rational and the lady is coming off completely emotional.  Both attitudes are correct. 

I also believe the lady is a LADY and the topic many of us wish for her to elaborate on is something that a LADY does not discuss in mixed company with strangers.

[Doll]

When the answer provided is not complete, or not sincere,

OK.
 ONE MORE TIME- in my opinion my answers are complete and sincere

[CCowboy]

Sorry for the late comment.  Several people, including Gator and myself have mentioned personal choices.  I have friends I play golf with regularly.  We are all late 50's to early 80's.  We all walk the course, even when it's 90 degrees and 90% humidity.  My 83 y.o. friend is like the Energizer Bunny.  Besides golf 2-3 times a week, he rides his bike 50 miles a week.  The 75 y.o. member of the group scares us at times because sometimes he looks like he's ready to collapse, but never has.  But even at 75, he's doing OK.  Then I see these guys in their 40's and 50's, riding carts, 30-50+ pounds overweight and feeling they'll never see 65.  

In a social group I belong to, there is a guy who just by looking at him, his life is mainly about food.  He NEVER misses an event if there is food involved.  He's 53 and is a least 100 pounds overweight.  I went to a buffet last Monday with a friend of mine.  There was a woman maybe 30 who weighed 400+ pounds.  Yet she pilled on the fried chicken and everything else that was going to add to her weight.  All these people made choices that affect their appearance and quality of life.

I've been involved in different sports since junior high.  I've also never smoked, used drugs, and except for Vasily's birthday party, rarely drink more than an occasional beer or a glass of wine.  My diet is 90% what people would consider health foods though I occasionally submit to chocolate and Hagen Daaz.  I've been taking my vitamins and supplements religiously for many, many years.  I played 17 years of organized American football.  When I was 36, I bench pressed 405 pounds.  When I was 49, I got involved with Hawaiian outrigger canoe paddling.  My first season ended with a 41 mile race from Molokai to Waikiki Beach called the Molokai Hoe...interesting reading if you have a chance.  Of the 9 members, 2 quit and puked over the side of the boat.  I wasn't one of them.  

On my 50th birthday I benched pressed 325 pounds.  Now I'm 65, today.  I can no longer play football like I did in my younger days.  I can't do the Molokai Hoe, but with proper training, I'm sure I could.  I can no longer bench press 325 pounds, but again with proper training, I'm sure I could...but lifting heavy weight and golf do not go together.  Since 1970 I have been a scuba diver/instructor and have logged over 3000 dives.  I made choices early in my life to be an athlete, sportsman, and to lead a healthy life.  As a result, I've never had trouble dating younger women.  

Gator's comment about choosing between a 50 y.o. slim woman and a much younger woman who looked like a cement mixer is right on.  People make choices and for many people as they get older, they give up on their appearance and accept that being 40 pounds overweight is average, and unfortunately in America it is.  I read that the average American woman is 165cm (5'4") and about 80 kg, (175 lbs).  I know I am 65 but I have made the choices to have a quality of life that most men my age are not physically capable of doing.  I'm sure there are many men on RWD who have made similar choices.  But with the poor choices of women for men in my age range and younger, we go elsewhere.  

So, the point being, it's all about choices....for both the man and the woman.  No woman is being forced to become involved with a man 10, 15, or 20+ years older.  Sometimes what is reasonable and what a person chooses to accept is not the same.  When the 33 y.o. woman in Ukraine chose to get involved with a man 36 years her senior, it was her choice...and his and they've been together about 9 years.  I've met her and she seems to be quite happy.   So, I respect all the opinions people have posted about age and what is acceptable to them and what is their comfort zone.  Bottomline, it's still the decision and choice of the two people involved.  CC        

[Doll]

Well - I still luv ya (Doll too) - even if I can't seem to get you to open up.  

- Dan

Listen, we are Russian women and what we answered is complete enough. This is what we (I) think, this is the degree of completeness we think is enough.
 

[Doll]

First of all.. there is a very identifiable gender issue here.  Both of you are entirely right in your perspectives, except the man is coming off completely rational and the lady is coming off completely emotional.

No, on the contrary.
(Have to go to work-will  explain later)

[Doll]

the question is repeated - usually changing the 'angle' of the question slightly in the hopes the other person will more fully understand and respond appropriately.

I got it right away- the way you "slightly changed the angles". I did give the appropriate answers ( appropriate in my understanding)

[Sculpto]

Men.. we must become mind readers.. thats all there is too it. 

[Doll]

I also believe the lady is a LADY and the topic many of us wish for her to elaborate on is something that a LADY does not discuss in mixed company with strangers.

That's exactly right! You got it! 

[Doll]

Men.. we must become mind readers.. thats all there is too it. 

Hehe- good luck to read RW's minds! 
Don't think it will ever happen.

[Ooooops]

At the same time, you surely understand that others here at RWD have a different objective.

Well...   How about talking openly to your woman instead of bunch of virtual strangers?   Wouldn't it be better for the relationship?   

[Admin]

Well...   How about talking openly to your woman instead of bunch of virtual strangers?   Wouldn't it be better for the relationship?   

Oh - I *do* - often.

Communication with Olya, except on very rare occasion, has been the most intimate and most open and most satisfying I have ever had in my life.

That does not preclude me from seeking deeper understanding of others - and in particular, those who visit RWD to learn more about cross-cultural relationships with women from the FSU.

As social beings, I think we are ALL drawn to create bonds of understanding. It is instinctual. We later learn to be wary of some of the pitfalls that can result from too open disclosure to others who take advantage.

The 'balance' to be struck is to find that 'sweet spot' where we can share deeply while still feeling 'safe'. It is not an easy balance on the internet.

- Dan

[Ooooops]

The 'balance' to be struck is to find that 'sweet spot' where we can share deeply while still feeling 'safe'. It is not an easy balance on the internet.

Why would you want to "share deeply"?   How one person's intimate experience can help hordes of man in pursuit of Russian brides?   

[Ranetka]

  BTW, I prefer the glowing look of a 40 yo woman over the 30-yo, especially if they have that look of confidence and wisdom.

Yeah, I prefer the look of 40 yo man over the 30yo too :-) Just do not want to go for 60 yo...

If age does not matter then why don't you go for 60yo? 

[Gator]

Yeah, I prefer the look of 40 yo man over the 30yo too :-) Just do not want to go for 60 yo...

If age does not matter then why don't you go for 60yo? 

Age did not matter (within a certain range).

I know a number of magnificent 60-yo women.  My Moscow wife has met two and she is impressed with their beauty and intelligence and personality.  One problem - both are married, to my friends.

The single 60-yo women with whom I have come into contact at social gatherings just didn't do it for me.   

Most of my married friends in their 60s and still with their first wife are very happy men.  They have been married 30 or more years with grandchildren.  In fact, I would suggest that on average they are much happier than men not with their first wife.  All of them will say, "It is about companionship, not the sex."  This says something about choosing when young a good compatible woman, becoming true friends, and staying committed to each other as life unfolds. 

There are no friends like longterm friends.  Adding love and intimacy is pure bliss.  Unfortunately, my choice when young was not the best.  I am now with someone who also made a less than good choice.  We are now doing the best we can, and enjoying it. 

How long does it last?  That depends upon so much.  I don't worry about it, and instead focus on enjoying the time together now.

[PepeLePeu]

This followup post is for Sculpto and sandro43, from about 5 days ago.  I take great offence at your interpretations of the word "spelt."  Where I come from "spelt" is a serious word, used in serious circumstances, such as, "I spelt my beer all over my wife's new carpet."  Please don't abuse the language.   

[SANDRO43]

This followup post is for Sculpto and sandro43, from about 5 days ago.  I take great offence at your interpretations of the word "spelt."  Where I come from "spelt" is a serious word, used in serious circumstances, such as, "I spelt my beer all over my wife's new carpet."  Please don't abuse the language.    

You may take whatever offense you like, however where you come from seems to have its irregular English verbs in a tangle . I hope you'll concede that Merriam Webster is a slightly more credible authority over the matter: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/spill. As in:

It's no use crying over spilt milk (not spelt )

You're confusing to spell with to spill, totally different verbs as far as meaning is concerned.

[Sculpto]

pepe.. dont be offended.. I was making a joke.. about you picking on someone else for spelling.. Im all bout usin vernaculer, though I spose itd make Sando nuts if I was doin itall da time. 

[SANDRO43]

pepe.. dont be offended.. I was making a joke.. about you picking on someone else for spelling.. Im all bout usin vernaculer, though I spose itd make Sando nuts if I was doin itall da time. 

I don't know about Sando, but I'd reply in MY vernacular:

Và a cagà in del prà, bamba!

[LiveFromUkraine]

Sandro and Sculpto, I think Pepe was joking with you. 

[SANDRO43]

Sandro and Sculpto, I think Pepe was joking with you. 

If so, sorry, I missed that altogether .

[Admin]

Why would you want to "share deeply"?   How one person's intimate experience can help hordes of man in pursuit of Russian brides?   

Ooooops - I think our members at RWD provide tremendous assistance and value to people interested in cross-cultural relationships (as contrasted with your negative characterization of "hordes of man in pursuit of Russian brides"). Often this value is achieved through relating of personal experiences. RWD is unlike other RW fora in that we are quite serious about our mission/vision to provide quality support and information, hence, we don't see nearly the same number of empty, hollow mindless posts found at other sites.

Having said that, and repeating what I wrote upthread, I do not believe it is necessary to divulge sensitive personal and intimate details about oneself. With some careful thought, it is possible for adults to engage in productive discourse in which personal experiences are shared, but that do not cross the lines of propriety.

- Dan