She came here on our first meeting

[JamesDH]

James.. i was just curious.. I have a friend who is a Chevron guy who works in Angola.. same schedule as you, 4 on 4 off.. he is the one who told me about the guys in kazakstan and siberia getting married to Russians.. any chance you are working there?

Yes I do work in Angola but for Exxon. I see the Chevron guys and gals all the time. I even went out with a woman that works for Chevron over there. She was a true shopoholic, taking trips to NY to go shopping etc..
No word from anyone about marrying a Russian woman. Actually most of the people I work with are not from the US. I think in my group there are only 4 expats from the US with the rest being from UK, Russia, India, Australia, Indonesia, Philippines, France, Pakistan and Portugal.

I've been to Kazakhstan, Azerbaijan and Turkmenistan and noticed some pretty women there but never thought of dating one. In fact I had never heard of the Russian woman connection except for some blurbs on the news about scams etc.. 

Whatever, you have now connected emotionally.  Congratulations.  This is all about feelings, yours and hers.

In actuality that remains to be seen. She hasn't landed in Russia yet so I'm going on gut feelings not facts. If her first communication to me is "I love you" then I'll know for sure.

It has a fairy tale feel to it and I like it

[Gator]

I have a good friend who is a compulsive shopper - for her, it's a form of stress relief, a pastime to take her mind off everyday problems. 
I like to go shopping occasionally, but when I am with someone, especially if I arrived specifically to spend time with him, I feel it's quite silly and simply rude to spend hours on this mindless exercise while there are so many better things to do.   

BF, your shopping style is perfect.

If the shopping prevented James from doing something he really wanted to do, I agree.  If he could not share museums with her or an Astros game or take her fishing and that is really what he wanted to do, then I agree with you.  If the shopping bored if not upset him, then I agree.

Apparently the manner in which she shopped impressed him.  She studied every detail, and by so doing he learned that she is analytical about her decision making.

Also, perhaps James' woman really liked him and wanted to know if Houston was an acceptable place to live.  Ability to shop conveniently for what you want would be a mandatory criterion for RW (among 10-15 others).

[Faux Pas]

 

In actuality that remains to be seen. She hasn't landed in Russia yet so I'm going on gut feelings not facts. If her first communication to me is "I love you" then I'll know for sure.

It has a fairy tale feel to it and I like it

You may or may not be setting yourself up for disappointment looking or waiting for another Ja tebja lyublu. I would encourage you to not try to force something into being but let it develop with more communication. You sound smitten and bitten. Your meeting sounds like it finished well despite the early roller coaster ride that appears self-inflicted.

I would recommend some heart to heart talks that you seem to have avoided during her trip. James, she is a woman that happens to be from Russia. Treat and talk to her like a woman. It sounds like she is still interested but with your mixed signals she may have had a really long trip home and thinking the worst. If you want to pursue her you should let her know and quit riding that fence IMO

[I/O]

James: This was a first meeting of penfriends. Way too much speculative analysis. Realistically speaking, could you have expected any more if you had written the script? The important questions is, what are you going to do now?

I/O

[Daveman]

Lol, to shop or not to shop... James, one thing is for sure, you are absolutely more patient than I am. I cannot... I mean it's a hand wringing strangulation factor that I just cannot overcome... I cannot go shopping with a woman.  I don't mind going to the mall or something where I can walked through the entrance and run in my own direction - to hit Sears, Best Buy, Radio Shack, Spencers.. um, watch the scenery while she goes to whatever shops she wants to visit, but to walk with her and stand around while she flipped jeans inside out and stuff?  I couldn't do it.. I don't care how much I LOVED her, I just couldn't do it. 

Next time, drop her off and go get a beer. 

[WmGO]

I have a good friend who is a compulsive shopper - for her, it's a form of stress relief, a pastime to take her mind off everyday problems. 

It is very common for women in the U.S. who suffer from anxiety, depression or
just plain worry and stress to anesthetize themselves through chronic shopping,
just like a drug addict goes and gets another fix.

A lady in my church called me a couple of years ago crying and balling about
having maxed out upteen credit cards buying crap she didn't really need and
now the bill collectors were after her. She had racked up $ 55,000.00 in cc bills!
Unbelievable.

[JR]

       I think your lady was worried about rejection since it took you a while to warm up. I think if you would have warmed up earlier you both would have found other things to do

Me thinks you're right. If he'd kissed her at the airport she probably would have jumped him at the dropping of bags at his place....then they would have been shopping for baby clothes

[SANDRO43]

Please don't take this as an insult from GoodOlBoy, BUT....You come across in your last post as "damaged".

James, to show you how scary your situation is, I'll tell you that this is probably the first time I agree with something GOB writes .

1. You find someone interesting via the Internet.
2. You develop a virtual relationship with her.
3. You like her to the point of financing her trip to see you.
4. When you see her in the flesh, first you says she's prettier than you expected, then your past haunts you into inaction.
5. First you complain about her shopping sprees as if she were a maniac, then you say you didn't mind that so much and even compliment her on her sagacity.
6. The more you write about her now, the more positive aspects you seem to recollect.

To an outside observer reading what you write, you appear contradictory and confused. Mate, I'd concentrate on doing some serious self house-cleaning before you venture any further , consider that playing with another person's emotions while still hobbled by your past may be hurtful and very unfair to her .

All the best to both of you .

[JR]

Ahem, everyone! Didn't we, almost to a person tell James that she was a scammer? I did. Well guess what? She F---ing showed up! James came to the airport with a five gallon bucket of water and immediately threw it in her face. Not even a little kiss. I can imagine how she must have felt. Do you think perhaps she might have given that first kiss a little thought before she met him? I think she did.

Do you think maybe she felt a little rejection as she flirted with James, brushed up against him, gazed in his eyes, laughed with him? She did everything but grab him by the ears, pull his face to hers and say "Kiss me you fool!" But she got nothing. Not even pheromones from a restrained desire from his side.

Of course she went shopping when he suggested it. But most here failed to pick up in James's first post where he said they did other things too. We just jumped on the shopping.  It's pretty damned obvious she wanted to be with him by how she reacted to the meeting with the parents.

James, if you had kissed this woman at the airport when she arrived instead of departing your trip report would have been X-Rated.

So what if you didn't have sex?  What is VERY important is this: you like each other!!!
Get it? If you have to imagine a big heifer of a woman to get into being with her at first by all means do so but my guess is that you're going to start looking at skinny women in a whole different light real soon

Guard your heart....but move ahead. Waiting forever only gets you a lonely forever.

[Sculpto]

Ahem, everyone! Didn't we, almost to a person tell James that she was a scammer?

I didn't and I think you are all reading waaaayyyyy tooooo muuuucccchhhh into the shopping. 

[I/O]

I think you are all reading waaaayyyyy tooooo muuuucccchhhh into the shopping. 

I concur.

I/O

[JamesDH]

I didn't and I think you are all reading waaaayyyyy tooooo muuuucccchhhh into the shopping. 

Agreed!!!

[JR]

I didn't and I think you are all reading waaaayyyyy tooooo muuuucccchhhh into the shopping. 

Sculpto, I said "almost" to a person. 

Now go back to the 'Bash Sculpto Here' thread where you belong

[Admin]

Agreed!!!

Hey James - I agree too FWIW.

And nice TR contribution overall - well done.

- Dan

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, I said "almost" to a person. 

Now go back to the 'Bash Sculpto Here' thread where you belong

 

[Daveman]

Agreed!!!

LoL, well, of course you'd agree. You are in the stage where you would rationalize away her slitting your throat as loving you because she actively chose to use a dull enough blade so the cut wasn't quite deep enough to kill you.  NO offense intended, but it really is true (the rationalization phase that is).  Don't sweat it, most guys go through it (been there, done that, lived because it was a plastic lettuce knife).

We have several ladies putting up that it ain't a good sign.  That ain't a good sign.
Of course I/O is happily married and isn't too concerned, same with Gator.  Good sign.

I can see Sandros rationale very clearly. 

So, I vote I don't know and don't care.......  but agree that what is important now is where you go from here -- hopefully somewhere other than Tiffany's 

[Ooooops]

We have several ladies putting up that it ain't a good sign.  That ain't a good sign.

I was just gonna write about it.   It looks like guys think that they know women better than women  know themselves.   

[Gator]

We have several ladies putting up that it ain't a good sign.  That ain't a good sign.
Of course I/O is happily married and isn't too concerned, same with Gator.  Good sign.

I have been trained by a master shopper, and I am a charter member of PWed Anonymous.

[JamesDH]

Something I found humorous was the fact that she looked the house over top to bottom and her comment was "it's perfect for two people" but she wants "carpet in the bedroom".

When we were in Home Depot she showed me exactly the carpet she wanted.

[Sculpto]

what style was the carpet?

[gemini]

I think there are so many red flags in this story, almost like on May 1 parade.
 

She wrote in nice English and had a smooth, sweet tone

Scammer… well… I will put small one.

She had American visa.

Why? Did she go already “shopping”?

I agree, it is very rude to come to visit guy for the first time and do what she was doing. Or… it is “normal” for a person that had a very good free vacation plus she will bring lots of free clothes for her and very possible to sell and make some money.

I think the reason why you didn't want to kiss her at the beginning was she came for free vacation, not to see YOU. You didn't know this but you felt it unconsciously.

She was sweet and warm but why she wouldn't? It didn't cost her anything.
I am sorry, I hate to be mean, but it is so obvious.

I told this story to my husband and he had the same reaction I did. His opinion: this woman had the shopping vacations visiting her “boyfriends” before and possibly not just to US. He said: This guy got off cheaply, he could have married her and divorce in couple years.

[facetrock]

   Aloe, I didnt really get that feeling from the story. Kind of the other way for me. The OP I believe had a pretty good fantasy built up, then they meet in real and it took him awhile to get his emotions in order.

[JamesDH]

She picked out the low cut Stainmaster in a goldish cream. Very nice.

[Daveman]

James, let's try something here if you don't mind. You have 100% of the ladies saying the shopping thing is not good..


Would you mind telling that part of the story in more detail? You were driving the truck, so how exactly did you wind up at all of these various places again and again? Did she suggest that you take her or did you?  Did she mostly browse and ponder? How much exactly did she buy? Did you pay for everything and how did she finesse the situation?

Really, James, as much as I trust the opinions of Gator and I/O in most every aspect of this pursuit, the fact that you have every single woman in this thread "smelling something" should make you take a closer peek at the situation.

[I/O]

It looks like guys think that they know women better than women  know themselves.   

  Never met a woman that "Knows Herself" yet . Ooooops, when were you last married to or considered being married to a Russian woman?


I/O