She came here on our first meeting

[Ooooops]

I/O, we are exchanging out opinions here, right?       Well, mine, as a woman, is this - it's pretty strange to spend all your time shopping when you came to visit a guy you supposedly been romantically involved with (even over Internet).    So there are two reasons for it, as I see - either she's a scammer or she didn't like what she saw.   Which one would be the choice of the OP?   

[Daveman]

Well, all the shopping (especially so many different places.. whew!) did bother me a little in this situation.

But my main concern, is that they are speaking about love so quickly.  IMO, it's just too early for real love... infatuation - of course, wonderful feelings -- absolutely... but love?  Of course everyone is a little different, but after a couple of weeks of communication and one visit, I think it's a little early.

You planted that seed and now do the things which make it grow, blossom, and flourish... but the most beautiful Rose doesn't bloom from a seed in a week.  IMO, we live in a series of moments... there's no need to label the moment, but rather enjoy it... the moments comprise the journey.. 

[SANDRO43]

I'd tend to agree with FP's diagnosis. What I get from James's report is that she may have been puzzled by his lack of initiative - maybe she had seen movies about Texas oilmen, and was anticipating a more masculine attitude .

This might also explain her apparently embarassed reaction to his family's emotional exuberance, and shopping as a fulfilling way to while time away until he turned his act into more 'readable' behaviour .

Just my superficial impressions .

[Ooooops]

C'mon, guys, not all women are so shallow...      There are other things to fill emotional void besides shopping at Walmart, seriously.. .   

[groovlstk]

But my main concern, is that they are speaking about love so quickly.  IMO, it's just too early for real love... infatuation - of course, wonderful feelings -- absolutely... but love?  Of course everyone is a little different, but after a couple of weeks of communication and one visit, I think it's a little early.

Mine too, Dave. Since when does love comes first, and then affection? This is one way in which guys fall into the trap of filing a K1 for a woman they barely know. "She looked in my eyes and said she loves me on our last day together!" Just because this is an unconventional way of dating doesn't mean you should throw out the rules of attraction.

[SANDRO43]

C'mon, guys, not all women are so shallow...    There are other things to fill emotional void besides shopping at Walmart, seriously...

Oksana, if these shopping expeditions were the result of James asking "What do you want to do now?" rather than offering alternative activities, i.e. taking the lead, I'd not think it odd for her to fall back on something she enjoyed in a new environment to explore .

Her interest and participation in his Ikea/PC/park activities seem to indicate she's not totally shopping-bound, given some alternative. If I had travelled half around the world at somebody else's expense, I would have expected my host to have prepared a list of possible ways to occupy our time together for mutual discussion.

However, James apparently developed an early case of cold feet, and his initial attitude seemed to be "Oh well, let's go through with this, and see what may develop ". Not very encouraging for a visitor, I'd say.

[Faux Pas]

C'mon, guys, not all women are so shallow...      There are other things to fill emotional void besides shopping at Walmart, seriously.. .   

I think you may have misunderstood, particularly me. I think the shopping was more initiated by James. I could certainly be wrong and it is only my guess. I could also understand in a weeks time of shopping 1 day or maybe 2 days but not even close to as much as he mentioned here. I gather James didn't know what to do with himself or the newly arrived RW. He found shopping pleased her, so thats what he did.

There was probably a lot of other things that would have pleased her as well  but, he didn't know her long enough to find out or figure out what they were.

[Ooooops]

Oksana...

Sandro, I go here by the name of Ooooops, do you mind?   

If a woman is adventurous enough to jump on the plane and go stay with total stranger in foreign country then I assume she'd be open minded enough to voice her likes and dislikes as well, don't you think?   

[Ooooops]

There was probably a lot of other things that would have pleased her as well  but, he didn't know her long enough to find out or figure out what they were.

Then it was a waste of 2K pure and simple...   

[SANDRO43]

Sandro, I go here by the name of Ooooops, do you mind? 

Sorry, I got that from your website, I didn't think you'd mind: I have problems with the proper number of Os to use when addressing you .

If a woman is adventurous enough to jump on the plane and go stay with total stranger in foreign country then I assume she'd be open minded enough to voice her likes and dislikes as well, don't you think?   

Possibly, but that'd also depend on her personality and on how she was taught to behave when a guest.

Anyway, this is just an exercise in guesswork on our part, given the little we know about both the parties involved.

[GQBlues]

My wife is not a shopping fanatic. I could go on on this but I'd rather stay on James' wonderful story.

I may be in the minority on this but her shopping spree wasn't such a big deal to me. Had I been James, it would not had bothered me to realize that her visit was two-pronged. The bottom line is, I got what I wanted out of it which was an opportunity to meet her personally. The fact it happened in my turf is a major plus.

From her POV, an opportunity to be back in the US shopping, considering the inflationary state in Russia today, is understandibly overwhelming. It didn't seem as though she expected him to buy anything for her nor did he splurge upon her. So just as well they were able to find an activity they were able to occupy their time with.

We've had numerous visitation with both young and older RWs last year who literally did the same thing James' girl did. Many of them even proceeded to venture to hit SF and NY for the very purpose while they're here in the US. That didn't bother me or my wife. If anything we thought they were pretty funny.

On other matters, I thought there are so many little things that were actually worthwhile to note. One of which was she was not only open to hit Jack-n-Box soon after her flight, but trooper enough to down it in a parking lot. It also appeared, at least James didn't mentioned it, she didn't mind at all that he waited until after she arrived to stock his fridge.

On the personal side of James...only he can reconcile his reactions. If his reactions were surpising to him, I can't even begin to imagine how anyone can begin to speculate.

Good story James. Thanks. I'm glad you shared it as I was curious for the follow-up from your previous posts. I agree with GOB, pics would be a nice touch ~ but that's your call.

[tim 360]

Thanks for your unique story James and taking the time to get all the details in.  I guess the first question I would ask you is how attracted you are to her?  And where do you want to go from here?  And where does she want to go?

I could be wrong but I think she was probably waiting for you to take the initative.  I don't think most FSU guys would move so slow.  Perhaps she was sending you signals and you just did not recognize them?  AW's are VERY adept at sending those signals out to a guy they want to get closer to.  

Maybe you just weren't receiving her signals because you were thinking too much.  Sometimes guys can out think themselves when it comes to women.  

Afterall,  you two had plenty of emails and chats and after being together for a few days in person she may have felt rejected by your inattention.  She probably thought you had zero interest in her.

I don't find her shopping to be that alarming either.  I have known quite a few people from the FSU who love shopping here.  Can't believe the bargains.

Thats it.  The ball is in your court.

[HiTech]

Just a little note.

"cheap, so cheap" because they were on sale for $29.

Just want for you to understand the possible confusion, if she was examining the cloths and said cheap, the odds are she may mean that it was not well made vs not expensive.

This has nothing to do with her, but would be an easy confusion dealing with your first RW.

HiTech

[Ooooops]

I have problems with the proper number of Os to use when addressing you .

Any more that 2 should be sufficient.   

[Daveman]

Any more that 2 should be sufficient.   

"O(x)ps" maybe?  You do appear rather formulaic today. 

Ox5Eps?

O.O x 10⁵ps? 

[LiveFromUkraine]

Just a little note.
Just want for you to understand the possible confusion, if she was examining the cloths and said cheap, the odds are she may mean that it was not well made vs not expensive.

This has nothing to do with her, but would be an easy confusion dealing with your first RW.

HiTech

More than likely she was talking about the price.  My wife went into orgasmic delight when she saw the prices for clothes here.   


Thomas

[GoodOlBoy]

Any more that 2 should be sufficient.  

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooops! 

GOB

[Ooooops]

Ox5Eps?

O.O x 10⁵ps? 

Do I need to point to you that there are many other symbols besides Os and Ps in your equations?   

[Ooooops]

Oooooooooooooooo...ps! 

That's more than sufficient, than you.   

[JamesDH]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the different views and well wishes.

I don't want to have to defend my actions so I think I'll just clarify a few that stick out.

"Why didn't you kiss her sooner?"
Mainly because when we first met I wasn't attracted to her. On the way to the truck I was already thinking to myself "I'll do my best to make her stay comfortable but this is going to be a wasted trip". By the third day I had called the airlines to find out about changing her ticket to leave sooner. I was not sending her any romantic signals because I wasn't feeling romantic toward her. Was she confused? Probably. Did she send me any? Yes I feel she did. She touched me, brushed against me, held eye contact longer than normal, joked with me, flirted with me and gave what I felt were signs. Was she laying it on thick as in trying to get "in" for another visit or what ever? No she wasn't and was in fact very subtle and classy, especially compared to the dates I've been on over the past two years.
Top that off with the realization that I had gotten into relationships in the past based on one night stand without getting to know the person I have since sworn off jumping into the sack with someone until I find out who they are.
Merely protecting my emotional side as well as not wasting my or her time.

Shopping.
Yes we shopped a lot but we did other things as well. Went to the museum to see Terra Cotta Warriors, excellent by the way. We went to Brenham and took a tour of the Blue Bell ice cream plant which we both enjoyed. Spent almost one whole day walking downtown. Spent one day at Brazos Bend. It's true some of the shopping was my suggestion and it was that because I enjoyed watching her shop. She had a very good commmand of the english language and cheap meant inexpensive, low quality meant.. low quality. I was involved in all the shopping. Everything that got tried on was modeled for me and my opinion counted. "do you like this color?" etc.. There was conversation almost all the time. "in Russia we don't get this styles", "Made in China in Russia means junk. Your Made in China for the USA is better". I did not want to put her or myself in the situation where we should be doing romantic things so shopping was safe.
I did have other activities planned but felt they were not right for the way things were going. I had booked a room in Galveston to spend a romantic evening walking the beach and seeing the sunset. I had also planned a carriage ride thru downtown on Sunday. My downfall was I did not have a back up plan for if things didn't turn out they way we hoped. Hence.. lots of shopping and the more generic side trips.

What was going thru my mind?
I think I was in touch with reality most of the time. Practical things went thru my mind. How would we fare living together 100% of the time? How would she handle me being gone 4 straight weeks? How would she get around? (She has never driven a car) How much family would she be leaving behind (how strong would the urge to go back be when things got a little rough?)

Something I left out (I should write a book) was that in the mid 90's I met a woman from Mexico City. After we visited back and forth for a year I asked her to marry me. She moved to the US and we went thru what would be the same ordeal for a Russian woman. Same visa ordeal, same fact that she relied on me 100% for everything (she didn't drive either). She didn't know how to cook, clean or take care of the house in any way. I don't expect a woman to take care of all that but if I'm gone all day working and she's at home I think it's only fair that she at least take care of the house. She had a master's in computer science and had worked all her life while living with her parents who took complete care of her. I know the strain that comes from relying on someone 100% as well as the strain of being the sole care taker.
After she got her green card she went to work. I had to drive her to work then drive back to my job which started at 7am. Not a problem except that her job was in the Colony and my job was in Irving and Dallas traffic turned that into a 2 hour commute every morning. (she got a great job making $85,000 in 1996) OK got sidetracked...

All those things went thru my mind several times. Anytime I started to feel attracted to her the memories flooded back. Cold as it sounds I weighed the hassle factor against the rewards and the hassle factor won almost every time.
Yes she's attractive but no more so than several of the women I've dated over the past two years. Yes she was sweet but again no more so than someone who would be a lot less hassle to have a relationship with.

What happened? How did I wind up becoming attracted to her even with my guard up?
First off she is very sweet. She seemed to be concerned with my health and well being. She was always asking if she could do something for me or get me something. She has a sweet voice and a cute laugh. Her accent is music to my ears. She jumped in and cleaned doing the dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, did the laundry, made the bed and generally mothered me. We developed an easy communication between us. Just a look or a nod and we understood. We thought very much alike. She would say something I was about to say and vice versa. I would look at her and she would look at me and we would just burst out laughing. She kept me in line "The speed limit is 45" when I would be doing 60. It felt very comfortable to be around her. She valued my opinion and was always worried about what I thought.
Yes I did give but that's me. I like giving but only if I get it in return and I did. She complimented me often and made me feel good.

Was it infatuation? Define infatuation.. to me infatuation is more based on physical attraction, lust, physiological changes in the brain etc.. I was mildly attracted to her physically even though she was pretty, with soft skin, delicate features and those big blue eyes.
What attracted me to her was her personality, attitude and mannerisms. The way we interacted and the way we complemented each other. She let me be the man and I let her be the woman. Easy.
In fact I think that was the biggest attraction. She let me be the man and I let her be the woman. It felt good.

Is it real love?
I think real love takes time to develop and obviously we didn't have that time but I felt a good start to it.

[GoodOlBoy]

Hello again JamesDH.

Please don't take this as an insult from GoodOlBoy, BUT....You come across in your last post as "damaged".

(from your previous relationship with an immigrant)

I don't know you of course, BUT....Maybe it is just to soon to start looking again for a spouse?

What I can say is this: Don't let bad memories/flashbacks from the past "poison" your relationship with this lady.

And if you find that it is to soon to look for your other half right now...... then thats OK to!

Take your time and be sure.

Just do yourself a favor and don't wait until you are 64yo to start your search again.


GOB

[Gator]

James,

Good story. 

You were way too slow in expressing sexual intimacy.  Your story is about destiny - the way you happened to find each other, how quickly you advanced to meeting, her ability to meet you immediately, etc.  And then you take 5 days as if she is some business associate on a business trip.  Your hesitation probably made her think that you found her unattractive.  It’s a wonder you ever connected.

Then again perhaps what you did in going slow really convinced her that you are a good man.

Whatever, you have now connected emotionally.  Congratulations.  This is all about feelings, yours and hers. 

I felt it in her kiss, I saw it in her eyes and I felt it in my heart.

Yes you are feeling it, so go with it.  With four weeks off, you could spend a lot of time in her city. 

Take your time and go slow.  You have time with your work schedule.

Your comment about her "light baggage" made me smile. Believe me, your woman knew what she was doing about shopping.  A long, long time ago and early in our courtship I promised my future wife a birthday trip to Italy.  I arrived before her at the Rome airport, and she was the first out of passport control from her plane.  I asked, “You are ahead of first class passengers.  How did you manage that?”  “I checked no baggage.”  She arrived with a lightweight carryon and nothing else.  Two weeks later I paid excess baggage fees for her return trip to Moscow! 

Some RW are born to shop.  Apparently the shopping did not bother you.  If it had, you must speak up, and be firm about it.  My future wife would have bought more in Italy except that after three days I lectured her and explained that her birthday was finished (ooooh, what a sour facial expression  ). 

I gave her some Euro and said, “That’s it for the rest of the trip.  Spend it as you wish.”  She exacted her revenge by buying majolica plates (faience, earthenware) for all of her friends.  Very heavy! And I had to carry them for the rest of the trip up and down stairs at rail stations (whew!).

[JamesDH]

Hi GOB,

I'm not taking it as an insult. There is some truth to what you say.

However I feel that the immigrant relationship, which ended in 1999, actually prepared me more for the realities of dating someone from another country.
The woman from Mexico is a sweetheart and we communicate still to this day. We didn't split on bad terms.

I think if it had damaged me then I would not have made the first move to start a profile on the service.

I feel I'm just being cautious and realistic. I don't have the time to waste and need to make sure before I commit time to a relationship.

[Sculpto]

James.. i was just curious.. I have a friend who is a Chevron guy who works in Angola.. same schedule as you, 4 on 4 off.. he is the one who told me about the guys in kazakstan and siberia getting married to Russians.. any chance you are working there?

[Blues Fairy]

Some RW are born to shop.

I have a good friend who is a compulsive shopper - for her, it's a form of stress relief, a pastime to take her mind off everyday problems. 
I like to go shopping occasionally, but when I am with someone, especially if I arrived specifically to spend time with him, I feel it's quite silly and simply rude to spend hours on this mindless exercise while there are so many better things to do.