Age Range. What is yours and why?

[JR]

One of the most frequently debated subjects I have seen here on RWD is that of 'age ranges.' Everyone seems to have one and no one seems to be able to agree upon what the standard rule should be. I think that is for good reason. Everyone is a makeup of their particular views, experiences, drives, goals and desires. I am no exception. But I can't seem to pin mine down.

I know what I don't want and that’s about all I can say.

I don't want a woman my own age. I can get that here. With the added benefit of many of them being financially well off. I have met many AW my age who are attractive, slender and have their act together. I don't buy into the whole spiel of "All AW are bitches, bitter and men haters." It just doesn't wash.  There are a lot of really good women everywhere you go, including America. There are also a lot of messed up ones. The same can be said for men.

I can attract women in their late thirties here also. And I think that is where I begin to define what I am looking for. Much older than 35 and I begin to lose interest fast. AW in this age range usually have children and I am not really looking for a woman who has children. This is hypocritical of me since I have a young daughter. But I won’t color what I want so I’ll just wear that particular badge. I am in contact with two women in this age range and of all the prospects they seem to be standing out right now.

So now we get to the early thirties. This is my primary focus group. Most AW won’t seriously entertain this large of an age gap. Why?  Because they don’t have to. This is why I see myself searching outside of my home turf. There are more attractive FSU women in this age group who meet many of my other qualifiers than there are in America.

The mid to late twenties, now this is where it gets interesting with me. There are literally THOUSANDS of FSUW to choose from in this category. Here is where I start to do some serious questioning, both about the ladies and myself. Primarily about myself because quite frankly when I start to think about them reason goes right out the window. And I just seem to stop caring about what their reasons might be. I only seem to think “I want.” That’s about my only rationale. Pretty thin if you ask me. I know there are examples of that large of an age gap working long term, I just haven’t found any yet. Let me know if you find some as I am earnestly searching some more rationalization…

Now we arrive at the late teens to early twenties. What can I say here? When I stop to think about this I just keep feeling like their father. I am corresponding with one young lady in Moscow who is 20. I think we are friends. We chat on Skype regularly and SMS several times a week. She made it very clear that she is not looking to get married and only wants to chat with peeps from other countries. But I think she has a crush on me and sees me as the father she always wanted.  I am also exchanging letters with a lady (I hesitate to call her a lady, I keep wanting to call her a child) who is 18. About a year ago I dated an eighteen year old girl here a few times and I laughed at myself. It didn’t go anywhere, how could it? And we didn’t see each other past two dates. So when I get a letter from this girl I look at myself and after I stop laughing I have this tremendous urge to ask her if she has any idea of what she is doing. What is it that makes an eighteen year old girl wake up one morning and say, “Today I’ll write to a forty eight year old man about our future.”?  Any way I look at it reeks of insincerity or misguided intentions. I won’t say it can’t happed in this world and have it work. It’s just that I think you’re going to have a heck of a time finding sincerity and an even tougher time making it work. Just too much stacked against you in my humble opinion. 

The foregoing is just my opinion and I foist it upon no one else. It is my unique perspective and I am only trying to understand myself better. Hopefully others will contribute in a productive way and perhaps the collective pool of opinions will help others along the way.

There is no right or wrong. For every rule there are exceptions. Every opinion is just that. Unless you are talking about underage then there are no laws against a particular age gap.

I am certain this has been hashed out before (no, I didn’t do a search, far too many hi-jacked threads which lead nowhere) but I found myself thinking about it a lot recently, we’ll all know why after my first trip report which should be posting late next week.

[gemini]

It seems you are not ready for commitment yet. You are playing the games. Young people make us feel younger, it is pleasant. I don't blame you. 
I don't think there is the simple solution. There are happy couples with the big age difference, there is one in your family as I remember. It is more likely you will have  the problems later in marriage.
#1The majority of  RW/UW in their 20th - 30th will want a child sooner or later .
#2Physiologically, the woman's sexual drive increase after 30 , it may be not a problem now but could become the one later, etc.   

[ECOCKS]

So, you listened to the advice, reasoned out your position, reached your decision and you're off and running. All as it should be.

Best of Luck to you JR!

[JR]

It seems you are not ready for commitment yet. You are playing the games. Young people make us feel younger, it is pleasant.   

Wow, you know me so well...NOT! I wasn't asking for feedback upon what I wrote. I was asking for personal responses of what your acceptable age gap is and why.

[ECOCKS]

Sorry, JR, I thought this question was the point of that other thread you did and this was sort of your announcement as to your conclusions.

Generally, for those in the late 40's to late 50's, my age advice has been to fall into the 9 to 12 year range according to your comfort zone. If I was 60 I might can stretch it up to 15. YMMV, but as a general prediction, this seems about right. I just don't see good odds when the max is exceeded. The CDC statistics are weighting in the multiple marriages as the primary factor but obviously age comes into play on those due to the time needed for court-marry-divorce, court-marry-divorce.

[Mir]

JR

I thought you wrote somewhere you have a finance?

If true then what is the purpose of corresponding with other women (and children)?

Not a criticism, just curious.

[gemini]

Wow, you know me so well...NOT! I wasn't asking for feedback upon what I wrote. I was asking for personal responses of what your acceptable age gap is and why.

10 years is acceptable. One of my friend's husband is 10 years older. It was fine when they were 30 and 40, but it is getting worse with age, it is still not so bad...  Her family was unhappy when they were going to marry. They never say this now but it seems they wish he would be a bit younger.
My husband is 6 years older but he feels he is much older. It is depend on not just biological age but how you feel. My other friend is 43, but he looks and behaves like he is in his 20th. When he married 32 yo woman nobody was surprised. She behaves like she is older than her husband.  

[Ade]

Young people make us feel younger, it is pleasant. I don't blame you. 

I think in general that is a fallacy. Young people make older people feel older.

I don't think there is the simple solution. There are happy couples with the big age difference, there is one in your family as I remember. It is more likely you will have  the problems later in marriage.
#1The majority of  RW/UW in their 20th - 30th will want a child sooner or later .
#2Physiologically, the woman's sexual drive increase after 30 , it may be not a problem now but could become the one later, etc.   

Although they probably don't realize it, many guys have problems fully sexually satisfying the women they are with but I think women in love are far more accepting of that than most men would be. This issue is of course exacerbated as the age difference increases and as the man's libido starts to decline.

[elliott]

I'm 31.  My age range is 25-32.  The advantage some members here have is they can go fifteen years younger than them and still find a woman in my age range.  If I went fifteen years younger than me, I would find a cell in a federal prison.  If I go ten years younger than me, I can find a good lay, but it's not likely that I can find something deeper because she'll just want to find the next party.

Like JollyRats, I know what I don't want.  I don't want a woman older than me, and I don't want a 18 - early 20's year old.  Those mid/late 30's and older women might be just right for some, but they're cougars to me and I'm not interested.  On the other hand, those young 'uns are just boy-crazy and they move fast.  Fun to hang out with but they're heartbreakers.

Like one character said in Dazed and Confused, "I keep getting older, but the girls stay the same age."  Or something like that.  And I like them to stay right in that age range that I listed.  For now, at least.

[Ooooops]

I don't want a woman my own age.

Why?    It was a pretty long post, so may be I missed clear explanation about the wrongness of women of you own age...   

Ooops!   Sorry, I guess I have a little ADD here...       Found the reason in your post

So now we get to the early thirties. This is my primary focus group. Most AW won’t seriously entertain this large of an age gap. Why?  Because they don’t have to. This is why I see myself searching outside of my home turf.

That's darn honest of you.   My respect.   

I prefer people of my own age, I feel more comfortable with them.   Too young - and I feel like older sister or mother, too old - and I feel like I have to start chewing their food for them...   

[aventino68]

I'm 41 so for me mid to late 20's is ideal. As mentioned on another thread I'm in Hong Kong so I find women in their 30's tend to be firmly looking at the USA whereas women in their 20's will consider the place (Hong Kong) as they are still young, keen to travel the world and dare I say it, a little less cynical (If it doesn't work out I'm still in the USA vs Hong Kong) IMHO personality and maturity can distort by up to 5 years what you would expect that person to be like. Plus I'm keen to have lots of children and most in the age bracket I'm looking are keen to also. I have to add that the older they get the more settled they are and the more they have to lose, it's no different from dating a woman from anywhere. If she has a good job and a good career it's asking a lot for her to give it all up to move to be with you.

Just my 2 cents from what I've found out so far.

[Aloe]

aventino what is it with you and your usa obsession? virtually nobody is obsessed with usa in Russia, you just have some kind of deep sitting inferiority complexes toward that country or something. A woman in love will follow her man to the end of the world, and hong kong is definitely NOT the end of the world. I think you are just making excuses as to why you are talking to women who are old enough to be your daughters.

[Aloe]

Jolly, whatever happened to your statement in the other topic that you dont mind a woman with a young child? Just curious
And to answer your question, my age range when i was on EM was up to 40 years old (20 difference), which meant id prefer someone around 30, but if a perfect (for me) guy came along who is older, i wouldnt want him to skip my profile cuz of my age limits. But all the guys around 40 never took me seriously haha. And i didnt take anyone below 30 seriously, cuz on average men arent looking for anything serious below that age in the west (just my personal impression), but my husband turned out to be 25 (26 now), and i never took him seriously before we met cuz we were just going on a fun vacation with no strings attached, just turned out we are so perfect for each other, and by the way he was antimarriage when we met, but he converted his views

[I/O]

the woman's sexual drive increase after 30

Soothing words indeed, Mrs is 27. 

It was fine when they were 30 and 40, but it is getting worse with age

Being married to a RW multiplies the aging factor. 

I/O

[Gator]

JR,

Correspond and talk with a lot of women of different ages.  A few should rise to the top, and hopefully the reasons will have nothing to do with their ages.  Instead, you likely will gravitate to the women who make you laugh, who make you feel comfortable, who make you think, etc. (i. e., the qualities of being a friend).

Whoever you choose, the younger she is, the longer should be the courtship. If really young, take at least a couple of years and at least 60 days of 24-7 time together before filing a K-1.

By ignoring women with a child the same age as yours, I think you are missing something.  Just make sure your reasons are valid.

[BC]

There were always a lot of depends in age gap discussions..

By the time anything gets resolved I'll be wearing them.

After 6 years with a 17 year difference, I'd say not a day more, less being better.

Although the differences might seem slight at the beginning, it grows on you quickly thereafter.

[kievstar]

I want a bunch of children but I also would never marry a girl under 25 years because they really do not know what they want to do in life (career choice, where to live, number of children).  These women will tend to change their opinion later in life and I really do not want to deal with that.  30 years was my maximum age do the number of children I want.

I never would date a woman with a child as well.  When I got serious, I targeted women 27-28 years old and between 175 cm to 179 cm tall and less than 54 kg.  So 9.5 to 10.5 age difference for me.  I knew exactly what I wanted and went out and got it.  However when I lived in Kiev I dated women much older than me as well but I was just casually dating.  These older women were not agency girls. 

JR, be careful about a woman with no children.  Many women change their view and want children. 

[myrddin]

FWIW, my own reasoning when I began my search:

At 35, I started with ages 25-32 (pretty much the same as in the US, though there I might as well say 28-32).  Average age of my serious prospects was about 27.5.

Nothwitshtanding the 19-year-olds who threw themselves at me because I so clearly stand head and shoulders above all other men on the planet , it seems to me that women in their early twenties are not intellectually/emotionally mature enough and/or don't know what they want and all that.  Not a bad thing in itself, it's just how things are at that stage of life.

Also, I do not have children and was looking for a woman without kids (largely because I want to share the experience of having my first child with someone else who is also experiencing it for the first time).

I would not have rejected a 23 or 24 year old solely on age, but the starting assumption would be that she was too young and she'd have to prove otherwise.

[russianfront]

I am 38 and am chatting with a 27 year old RW. My range I am looking at is 27-31. Younger than say 25 I would feel a bit like a pervert. Sorry just my opionion.

[Faux Pas]

When I was actively searching I was 44 years old and had in my radar women ages 35-45. The reason was, I was actually searching for a lady closer to my age. At that time my last LTR was with a lady 4 years older than me but I had dated some women of all ages and as young as mid 20's. All American women. While searching, several RW both older and younger interested me but I still gravitated to ladies closer to my age. Exactly why I am unsure but I chalk it up to a comfort level. There were quite a few beautiful, interesting and serious very young ladies (early 20's) contacting me but I wasn't interested. I just thanked them and moved on. My fiancee is 4 years younger than me. She's 44 and I am 48. While she is very interesting and beautiful, after much communication it was evident I thought she was just a really neat person I had to meet.

[Whynot]

My Rouble worth -

I am 41 and typically dated women in the 28 - 35 yo category in my home country.  From time to time i also had women in their early 20's interested in me but they didn't know anything about wine, rock n' roll etc so i wasn't interested.

As far as my preferences for FSU women - i'm looking at a range of around 28 - 40.  I do want to have kids and she should be 'serious' and ready to settle down so this is part of my reasoning.

My current FSU prospect is 29 - oh - and a woman 

Good question JR!

WN?

[bobb]

When I began 6 years ago I was 54 and only seriously looked at women no more than 8 years younger than me.  I had never been with an AW more than 8 years younger than me.  The women I did visit were all less than 8 years difference.  I'm now 60 and my fiancee is 2 years and 4 months younger.  I'm very happy with that.  

The only thing I could add for older men, such as myself, is I don't expect my fiancee to be eligible for Medicare when she reaches the eligibility age.  As you can imagine that will have a future impact.  In my case it should be lessened as I don't plan on retiring until 70, and even then I will still do some work after then.

[Shadow]

When I was young I would turn down anyone who was more than 3 years younger. But as my age progressed, I decided to stretch the gap to widen the pool.
Up to 10 years age difference seemed acceptable, I found a 7 year age gap.

An interesting question to those men who feel that older women are not appealing to them. What are you going to do when your young RW reaches the age of being 'older' ?

[elliott]

An interesting question to those men who feel that older women are not appealing to them. What are you going to do when your young RW reaches the age of being 'older' ?

Can't I just trade her in for a newer model?  That's what I did with my truck...  :evil:


Seriously, when I find the woman of my dreams, age won't matter anymore.  It has something to do with eternity, soulmate, love without end, blah-blah-blah..., but I don't know anything about that stuff because I haven't met a woman who has opened my eyes to that stuff, yet.

[mies]

since I am happily married - I'll speak of hypothetical situation:
for anything really serious: my age (30) +/- 2 years
for everything else: 18-55(ish)
It is harder to have "saturated" relationship with anyone in large age gap because people who are much younger than me have too little knowledge and experience; people who are much older than me have too much of knowledge and experience and they seem (at least to me) lacking flexibility. It requires a bit too much of my emotional energy to be adjusting to very large gap (- or +). It is possible I would be eager to invest efforts and energy into such relationship if I fell in love. For any other reasons - I won't. And i don't need/have to  

JR - there is only one false argument in your otherwise elegant and clear reasoning. Women in FSU don't have to date older guys. Neither from Russia nor from USA. Do you really think it is better to live in the middle of American nowhere with a guy who's 5-10y senior of your own father, rather than live in your native beautiful city/town with a guy of your own age? There are plenty of FSU young guys for sex, there are plenty of young guys who think marriage. Seriously, I think you are fooling yourself.