Preparing for HER arrival - USEM interview done!

[bobb]

I wasn't sure if this was the right forum to post this.  I will speak briefly about her time in Moscow for her medical and interview but most will be about preparing for L's arrival.

Today, or I can say yesterday, as it was close to midnight for me when L walked out of the USEM after a successful interview.  I had called her about a half hour before she entered the embassy to give her more words of encouragement and confidence.  About 2 and 1/2 hours later she exited and it was another 20 minutes when I called her to hear her happy voice.  I was extremely confident it would be a piece of cake.  One of the main reasons was our ages and the 2 years 4 months difference in our ages.  I could also add the photos of the two of us together are also very convincing.  Her medical, the previous day at IOM, went very smoothly and quickly.  The only comment from L and her friend was the time spent going from one location to another.  L obtained the DHL mailer after her medical before she was to return to receive the package.  I asked her to make sure she asked for a copy of the DS-3025. 

Last Friday L and her good friend and English teacher arrived in Moscow, in the morning.  They spent Friday locating where L would have to go on Monday and Tuesday.  They were going to go sightseeing on Saturday and Sunday but it was cloudy and much rain both those days.

I couldn’t be there so I paid for L’s good friend to accompany her and to help keep her calm.  I paid ahead of time for four nights at Izmailovo Gamma-Delta Hotel, Business Twin room, to the NE of downtown and four stops from Kazinski Railway Station.  After taxes it came to $411.  I was told the hotel was very nice and they were pleased with the accommodations.  I should add these are two women in their late 50’s with little travel experience.  L’s friend was in Moscow once about 20 years ago and L has never been to Moscow, other than to meet me at the airport in January on my 2nd trip.

Understanding what they would be up against I made some good maps for them to navigate with.  I sent these in a package back in April.  I sent another package with a completed DS-156 and DS-230.  All L had to do was sign these two applications.  In this same package I sent all the other documents and documentation she would need for the interview.  Sent in mid-May USPS Priority Mail.  My three previous Priority Mail (flat rate envelopes) arrived in 2 – 3 weeks.  On June 8th she had not received my package.  All I could see on USPS site was it arrived in Moscow on May 22nd.  Oh s**t.  UPS one week, 1lb 2oz letter envelope cost $121.  She has still not received my original package.  Maybe it will arrive when I’m there in August!

Although I was never worried about the medical and interview it is sure a nice feeling to have all the hurdles cleared that would have kept her from receiving a Visa.

I will return to Russia on 13 August for her birthday on the 15th and her son’s 6 days later.  The next day we will take the train to Moscow and then fly HOME.  While in Izhevsk we will have shaslik at one of her brother’s dacha.  It will be like visiting a new place and will look completely different from January.  I have constantly been reminding her since we filed to enjoy all the little things one takes for granted that one enjoys wherever they call home before she leaves - The melting of the snow, blooming of flowers, the new growth on trees, the green carpet appearing in the forest, the good company of friends.     

 In my next post I’ll start being on topic with the title of this thread! 

[bobb]

I’ve read posts in the past about all the work around the house some men have to do to prepare for ‘HER’ arrival.  Not so much in my case as I've always been a neat person, know how to clean a house, cook, wash clothes and iron.  My preparations are not quite the common ones.  I painted the entire interior 3 and 1/2 years ago.  Although I am aware she may wish to paint a couple rooms a different color after her arrival and maybe even some wallpaper somewhere else.  After I painted I re-carpeted.  I did do my annual baseboard thorough cleaning last weekend.  Bought a new liner, shower curtain and rod for one bathroom and new sliding glass shower doors and frame for the master bath I’m installing this weekend.  In early August I’ll clean all windows inside and out.

In late 2008 with Mervyn’s liquidation and the great sales elsewhere around Xmas I purchased a couple new sets of sheets, new pillows, new towels, and a variety of picture frames to frame her photos.  I bought some new tray organizer’s for my kitchen utensils, a tea press similar to one she has, a juicer (she loves fruit and especially carrot juice), glasses that match , and some other miscellaneous items.  I took several of my oldest shirts to Salvation Army and replaced them with new ones and purchased a few other clothes items for myself.  I won’t need to buy any clothes for me for quite some time.

A month ago I refinished the tops of three pieces of furniture I made 30 years ago out of local black and English walnut.  I’m not a person who has ever accumulated clutter, but what little I did have is gone.  I don’t hang on to things on the oft chance I will use it sometime in the next 10 years, or even in the next 2 or 3 years.  There is room in the front and rear yards for her to plant many flowers after her arrival.  She loves flowers although her favorite, tulips, won’t grow very well here.  I finally cut a hole in my garage ceiling and placed some scrap pressboard from some new home construction nearby for future storage needs.  As I said I've never needed to store a lot of c**p.

I bought her a new bicycle and replaced mine I purchased 10 years ago.  She is excited about riding a bicycle in Bidwell Park, often called the "Jewel" of Chico. In 1935 at 2,300 acres Bidwell Park was the fourth-largest municipal park in the country. It is now 3,670 acres and stretches nearly eleven miles, beginning at Bidwell Mansion in downtown Chico and ending five miles up into the foothills of Upper Park.  It’s an amazing park.  She will also ride her bicycle to stores and new friends homes.  Chico is a very bicycle friendly town, flat and does not take a long time to get anywhere.

I doubt L will ever learn to drive.  She will be 58 in August, has never driven, and has been in a car rarely.  She has even told me it would be a disaster if she drove.  I hope she eventually does just so I don't have to do all the driving.  For the first few years she will have no need as everything is close and accessible.  Even though the buses only run every hour it is only 15 minutes to downtown and she will rarely be pressed for time. 

I had money in my ‘new car fund’ and bought a 2010 Prius - had a 2006 Prius before.  I decided to go with leather for the first time in a car ever.  I still have money in that fund after selling my old car.  Replaced my automatic pool sweep.  I don’t see any major purchases for some time to come.  I may consider looking into replacing my HVAC system as it is 17 years old and the tax credit this year would reduce the cost.  I’ll get a few estimates and see.  I doubt I will, but getting some estimates will give me a better idea.

As you can see not quite the normal preparations as most do or don't.

More later…

[ECOCKS]

Grats Bobb! Best of luck to you and the new Missus-to-be!

[Ooooops]

You know, Bobb, I think it would be much better if two of you go shopping for your new home items together.      That way L will know where to go for that kind of stuff and also you can choose all those nick-nacks and fittings to both of you likings instead of guessing - oh, what would she like?   

[GoodOlBoy]

Congratulations Bobb!

Hope you and the new Mrs. have nothing but happy days in the future.


GOB (Rick Hill)

[bobb]

You know, Bobb, I think it would be much better if two of you go shopping for your new home items together.      That way L will know where to go for that kind of stuff and also you can choose all those nick-nacks and fittings to both of you likings instead of guessing - oh, what would she like?   

Some good points.

I sent her links to the tea press and she agreed.  The juicer - I did some research online before purchasing online and I seriously doubt if she will be disappointed.  She liked my previous car and I had her look at the new car at toyota.com and she agreed again!  Sheets and towels - I think I know her well enough to feel she will be comfortable and satisfied with my choices.  Shower curtain - we can change it if she wishes.  There are still many kitchen items we will go shopping for together when she has arrived and other little things.

[bobb]

More preparations:

L and I had talked about what kind of wedding we wanted.  I find myself bored at many American style weddings.  I had researched traditional Russian weddings and L and I discussed and decided we would do the following:

Within 10-14 days of her arrival we will be married in the Park by a friend who is a Universal Life Minister.  I know some will advise to wait longer until marriage.  Some will also understand some people just ‘know’ there is no need to wait further.  This feeling is based on observations, experiences with the person and past life experiences.  I’m in that group.  We will have several from the local FSUW community at that ceremony.  We still need to discuss how many and what kind of small celebration to have after our marriage.

On the third weekend in September we are going to have a Marriage celebration that will be primarily based on traditional Russian weddings/celebrations.  This will be in the Sacramento area at my twin sister’s home.  We will have a small re-enactment of fetching the bride; witnesses to keep the guests entertained; the sharing of the wedding loaf; cries of “Gorko, Gorko”, etc.  A friend at work did a search for Vodka reviews and I decided on Russian Standard. Click Here!  I found an online site to have 1 oz hard plastic shot glasses imprinted with two crossed golden rings, representing the Russian symbol of marriage, with my name in the left ring, ampersand in the overlap, and L’s name in the smaller right ring. 

I setup a website at one of those wedding website companies giving our guests several different pages of information on what they can maybe expect.  L looked at the site after it was completed and we made some small changes.  There’s a pdf file for people to read several pages about what goes on at traditional Russian celebrations.  Another page provides a language link to Listen2Russian.com for those interested in learning a few words, or many.  A Russian Food page shows many photos of some Russian foods and gives links to some websites for those interested in bringing some Russian food.  This celebration will be much like a Thanksgiving get together and people have been asked to bring, if they desire, a dessert, appetizer, salad, vegetable, or even a main dish.  No wedding invitations will be mailed.  The only way to RSVP is through the website RSVP page or by emailing me directly.  The music will be half Russian (more traditional type Russian music – not modern) and Western.

Her cousin (45 male not married, but is Vice Chairman of a department at a University in Udmurtia) will have his interview shortly for a tourist visa.  He would come for 3 weeks for the wedding and celebration.  I’ve been told and read the chances are very slim he will get a visa, but we are both hoping he does. 

Yes, I did mention a local FSUW community here.  I’ll go into more detail in my next post. 

[bobb]

The following preparations may be the most important.

Back in 2003, when I first began this, a friend of mine introduced me to a women living in my city who had arrived in 1988 at the age of 18 with no English skills - E.  When I met her she was married.   I asked her some general questions back then and until 2005.

After L and I sent in the I-129F this same friend, also the Universal Life Minister (part time), told me about a good sized Russian community now in my city.  I called E in early April and she suggested I go to a gathering being held on Russian Easter in the ‘Park’.  There were probably 15-20 FSUW there, only a few husbands were present, between 20’s to 50’s.  More in the 40’s and 50’s age range.  I talked with several and they were all impressed with my obvious love for L and my coming to meet them knowing I was doing this for L.  They could see from some photos a glimpse of L’s personality.  They were impressed with my basic knowledge of Russian, but one woman said not to learn too much because women need to talk amongst themselves without being understand by the men.   

About one month later four of these women came over to my house to meet and talk with L on Skype.  They were all excited and L was excited to meet them.  One of L’s sister-in-laws made a comment back in January about L not knowing any Russian women, when she would be moving to America, to be friends with.  As you can imagine word travels fast in a local Russian community.  I have been told, by more than one RW, they are all anxious to meet L when she arrives.  There is one who has been here for 11 years.  Every year here twin sister comes for a 3-month visit in the late spring and early summer.  Another from Yalta, who has lived here 7 years, has told me she wants L and I to use her house in Yalta someday.  Her husband here can no longer travel and she doesn’t return.  Her house now is just closed up.  The most recent arrival was just over 2 years ago.

This has helped L to already begin to form some friendships as she has emailed a couple of them after they emailed her.  It is a big relief to know there will be local women who understand ways they can help her after she arrives.  It’s a big relief to know she will not feel isolated and will be able to talk Russian.  For the most part they gather together for Russian holidays.  One husband told me very few husbands go because the women enjoy being able to talk in Russian and they feel like a third wheel.  I’m not worried about any possible negative interactions as I feel L has good judgment in friends, as I observed in January, and from other comments she has made over time. 

When we marry I imagine we will have a small celebration at my house with mainly guests from the Russian community.  I hope several of them will be able to attend the big celebration a couple of weeks later. 

I’m not going to do a trip report because after I return with L, I just don’t see myself visiting RWD for many moons.