How fat is too fat?

[Daveman]

First of all, there are not too many 700 or 800 lb individuals, even in the US. 

Second, nobody is arguing that the individual is no less physically attractive.

What thread have you been reading?

Proves you don't get it and likely never will.

Proves nothing at all actually.

And yet, that guy found a wife who, apparently, loves him.

And unless that woman/wife met him as a fetus, he was probably fat to begin with.

I knew a woman (one of those MN Scandinavians) who was going through a divorce and started posting online a lot.  She was working through her emotions and was looking for anonymous views/support.  Online, she "met" a guy with a very similar humour to hers, and who was obviously very intelligent.  They really clicked, and eventually, he flew out to meet her.  She knew he was big, as he'd sent her a picture, but she confessed to me she didn't know how big.  He had been really depressed and, at 6'2", was over 300 lbs.  She later told me that during that first meeting, they could not even consummate the relationship, because of his size; not because she didn't want to, but because it was physically impossible.  Yet, she was undeterred.  She told him that if their relationship was to proceed, he needed to lose weight.  She didn't expect him to be thin, just healthy. 

He was motivated and joined Weight Watchers.  He dropped over 100 lbs. Within a couple months of their meeting (while he was still dieting), she left MN and moved in with him.  Five years later, he is still a big guy, overweight, even, but they are very happy together.

If she had not "met" him online, I doubt they would have come together.  But she really fell in love with his personality, and that was paramount to her.

Again, a comparison of apples to oranges.  Proves you don't get it and likely never will.. 

[facetrock]

  Boethius. Does a person really need a degree to realize most people are fat by choice? I dont see any degrees and credentials you have posted either.
  I wonder if your freind wishes she had her 200lb man back, she did require him to lose weight in the first place. So if his weight is back where he was before, the sex life must be nonexistent. I bet that makes her happy. Very shallow of me to think like that though.

[Boethius]

Daveman, you were the one who used the 700-800 lb example.  The words I was reading are yours. 

facetrock, I was referring to physicians who study the area.  There are many articles and studies on this issue.  Most physicians who are experts in the field will say that unless you treat the underlying emotional factors, people who lose weight will regain most of it, often even more.

As for the woman I referred to, you didn't read very carefully.  She asked him to lose weight for his health, not aesthetics, at the very beginning of his relationship.  He is still a big guy, though 100 lbs lighter than when she first met him, and she loves him despite his weight. 

[facetrock]

   Thats what I love about America. No matter how much a person is at fault because of their actions it seems there is always some doctor or shrink who will come up with an excuse for their actions. The lazy fat bodies of the world love doctors and shrinks.

[Daveman]

Daveman, you were the one who used the 700-800 lb example.  The words I was reading are yours. 

 

Boethius, it seems that I conveyed neither the point of that example nor the quote very well.  Nevermind.  It's really not important in the grand scheme of things.  

...nobody is arguing that the individual is no less physically attractive.

I guess I've been arguing with myself about it.  Happens sometimes... out of modem experience... The demons of the id... something

[Taz]

Boethius- your example is the opposite of the original poll. It is different when your partner starts small which is generally considered more desirable and then ends up very obese (less desirable). I don't set the rules in society, that is how the vast majority of the population is.

It reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend. I was living in Austria at the time and he was working in Italy and went down to visit him. We were discussing all the Italian women. He thought they were the most beautiful in the world. I like Russian women better. He pointed out all these young Italian women and I agreed but I then I pointed out all the married Italian women who weren't so good looking. He seemed to think that many Italian women got bigger after marriage. I asked what reaction the men have. He said they were still married but many had a young attractive mistress on the side. I personally remarked that I wouldn't be interested in that as I want just one woman to be my wife, best friend, lover, mother of our children, etc.

He thought about it for a bit and still like the fact that he could potentially trade-up for a different mistress if he got tired of the first one while still having a stable relationship with his wife as long as he didn't bring her "home" or embarrass her in public. At that moment it sort of struck me. It the first living example I saw of "bait and switch" advertising. You were drawn like a moth to the flame by this alluring woman in her late teens to mid 20's and than about 30 something then the metamorphosis takes place and they change into something that resembles something bearing no resemblance to the woman you married. Sure of course there are a lot of older Italian women that don't do this but I saw quite a few that did.

My first wife is of Latin descent (Spanish) and she went through this same metamorphosis. The joke in her family was they were the family of "asses". Did I divorce her because of her size, heck no. She did gain quite a bit of weight though. Her sister's husband got the worse end of the deal. Not only did my ex wife's sister gain almost twice the weight my ex did, she got a really bitchy attitude. My ex brother in law once confided in me that he no longer wanted to have sex with his wife. I didn't to ask the reason. I could only guess. Was it because she gained about 100 lbs or was it because she was so bitchy all the time. Maybe she was bitch all the time because she didn't get any... because he didn't find her attractive any more. Not my problem and sort of the chicken or the egg situation.

Most obesity can be prevented. It is a lifestyle choice. No body forces you to drink cola sweetened with corn syrup. I drink water 99% of the time. People need to walk more often than drive their cars. I haven't driven my car in almost 3 weeks except for when a friend came to visit and I had to take him and my kids someplace. I am either walking, biking or riding my push scooter. I typically walk or push scooter 6-8 miles a day. I could eat a lot more food based on my energy usage and not gain weight. People just need to get off their duffs and walk more. No excuses. Don't blame other people. Take responsibility for your own actions! What are you waiting for, some drug to remove your fat? Maybe all the people who didn't want to get an education shouldn't have to either... Almost anything worth doing requires sacrifice!!!

[Boethius]

   Thats what I love about America. No matter how much a person is at fault because of their actions it seems there is always some doctor or shrink who will come up with an excuse for their actions. The lazy fat bodies of the world love doctors and shrinks.

A little less than a century ago, schizophrenia was viewed as demonic possession.  Yet some doctor or shrink didn't think demons was the full answer, nor that casting spells or drilling holes in the skulls of schizophrenics would change their behaviour.  So, based on prevailing wisdoms, had such individuals had been more religious and prayed for the release of demons, they would have been cured without either a diagnosis or the medication that later was developed to treat their disease.

[Boethius]

Boethius- your example is the opposite of the original poll. It is different when your partner starts small which is generally considered more desirable and then ends up very obese (less desirable). I don't set the rules in society, that is how the vast majority of the population is.

It reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend. I was living in Austria at the time and he was working in Italy and went down to visit him. We were discussing all the Italian women. He thought they were the most beautiful in the world. I like Russian women better. He pointed out all these young Italian women and I agreed but I then I pointed out all the married Italian women who weren't so good looking. He seemed to think that many Italian women got bigger after marriage. I asked what reaction the men have. He said they were still married but many had a young attractive mistress on the side. I personally remarked that I wouldn't be interested in that as I want just one woman to be my wife, best friend, lover, mother of our children, etc.

He thought about it for a bit and still like the fact that he could potentially trade-up for a different mistress if he got tired of the first one while still having a stable relationship with his wife as long as he didn't bring her "home" or embarrass her in public. At that moment it sort of struck me. It the first living example I saw of "bait and switch" advertising. You were drawn like a moth to the flame by this alluring woman in her late teens to mid 20's and than about 30 something then the metamorphosis takes place and they change into something that resembles something bearing no resemblance to the woman you married. Sure of course there are a lot of older Italian women that don't do this but I saw quite a few that did.

My first wife is of Latin descent (Spanish) and she went through this same metamorphosis. The joke in her family was they were the family of "asses". Did I divorce her because of her size, heck no. She did gain quite a bit of weight though. Her sister's husband got the worse end of the deal. Not only did my ex wife's sister gain almost twice the weight my ex did, she got a really bitchy attitude. My ex brother in law once confided in me that he no longer wanted to have sex with his wife. I didn't to ask the reason. I could only guess. Was it because she gained about 100 lbs or was it because she was so bitchy all the time. Maybe she was bitch all the time because she didn't get any... because he didn't find her attractive any more. Not my problem and sort of the chicken or the egg situation.

Most obesity can be prevented. It is a lifestyle choice. No body forces you to drink cola sweetened with corn syrup. I drink water 99% of the time. People need to walk more often than drive their cars. I haven't driven my car in almost 3 weeks except for when a friend came to visit and I had to take him and my kids someplace. I am either walking, biking or riding my push scooter. I typically walk or push scooter 6-8 miles a day. I could eat a lot more food based on my energy usage and not gain weight. People just need to get off their duffs and walk more. No excuses. Don't blame other people. Take responsibility for your own actions! What are you waiting for, some drug to remove your fat? Maybe all the people who didn't want to get an education shouldn't have to either... Almost anything worth doing requires sacrifice!!!

The example I provided was to illustrate that not everyone is obsessed with bodies.  She didn't care about his weight, other than not wanting to bury someone she was in a relationshiop with.

I also never stated obesity can't be prevented.  But I don't think it is as simple as eating/moving, particularly when you are discussing someone who is morbidly obese.

Bottom line is, if you want to dump a spouse because he/she got fat, fine.  Justify it all you want.  But don't expect me, or some others here, to think it is a normal reaction for someone who purportedly loves his/her spouse. 

[facetrock]

  I know many sane people who are fat and lazy. Its their choice to be that way. America is fat because we eat to much and exercise to little. We dont need drugs, we need to keep our teeth together and get off our lazy fat asses.

[OlgaH]

We dont need drugs, we need to keep our teeth together and get off our lazy fat asses.

No! Just eat cookies 

[youtube=425,350]n5RarRSLbbc&feature=related[/youtube]

[Daveman]

Complexity is merely an intricate relation of simplicities.   Untangle the web, thread by thread.  Even the most complex algorithms are constructed with the simplest expressions.  

Here's is the area where this discussion has been apples to oranges for some of the participants -- less physical attraction does not equate to "dump a spouse because he/she got fat", but for some reason that implication seems to be the point of contention.

[Daveman]

No! Just eat cookies 

LoL! Yeah, I'll go along with that! But they gotta be homemade peanut butter cookies!  Second only to Borshch on the fangasmic scale!

[Blues Fairy]

 I know many sane people who are fat and lazy. Its their choice to be that way. America is fat because we eat to much and exercise to little. We dont need drugs, we need to keep our teeth together and get off our lazy fat asses.

There's an excellent series of articles about emotional eating by Geneen Roth at prevention.com; she explains WHY people eat too much and exercise too little.  That is, if the WHY question is really of any interest to you.  I realize that not all people have inquisitive mind; you might just be one of them. 

[OlgaH]

I agree, if one eats junk he/she will gain a lot of weight.  I also agree that sedentary lifestyles are a factor.  However, I also think that if we are talking about huge weight gains, the emotional factors cannot be discounted.

I agree.

For example Atypical Depression

http://www.healthyplace.com/depression/main/atypical-depression/menu-id-68/

[OlgaH]

LoL! Yeah, I'll go along with that! But they gotta be homemade peanut butter cookies!  Second only to Borshch on the fangasmic scale!

My husband would also add pelmeni and cutlets 

I'm ready to eat borshch every day especially with cheese-garlic croutons by Rothbury farms. That croutons so tasty. I love them also with milk   

[Taz]

The example I provided was to illustrate that not everyone is obsessed with bodies.  She didn't care about his weight, other than not wanting to bury someone she was in a relationshiop with.

I also never stated obesity can't be prevented.  But I don't think it is as simple as eating/moving, particularly when you are discussing someone who is morbidly obese.

Bottom line is, if you want to dump a spouse because he/she got fat, fine.  Justify it all you want.  But don't expect me, or some others here, to think it is a normal reaction for someone who purportedly loves his/her spouse. 

Do you GET IT OR NOT? I never said dump your spouse because they are fat. My question was at what point do they become LESS physically attractive. I never suggested or imply in any way you should love them less. How am I trying to justify dumping my spouse when I never suggested dumping her because she was fat.

You can either accept responsibility for own actions or blame everyone else. There are lots of reasons why people do lots of things. There are 100 hundred excuses why my kids don't do their homework too. At some point, if you have a problem, you can either choose to get help or not. Just like people that have any disorder you should get help. Too many people in this world try and make everyone into a victim. My ancestors were significant percentage American Indian. I don't go around with a chip on my shoulder say "we got screwed by the white man" and play the victim card. It is so much easier to blame everyone else than to do the right thing. Everyone wants to be a victim in America because there is some benefit if you are.

EVERYONE has some sort of emotional issue that will fit some diagnosis everywhere. When we start to diagnosis everyone with some condition then it really diminishes things for those that really have significant illnesses. Just like thousands of kids were diagnosed with ADD or ADHD by schools just so they could get more money for programs. More victims = more $$$ for programs to "fix" the problem.

So if I follow your logic, if I CHEAT on my spouse, there must be some clinical reason and I should be excused from my actions. It's not simply that I was a cheating scumbag but somehow I can blame it on a low self-esteem issue that can only be fixed by sex for medicinal purposes with a hot woman. Of course the logic being that there is almost always some other reason for my behavior. If I over eat, I am not just lazy and sedentary, I have Atypical depression...

This is what is wrong with so much of the world. Everyone wants to blame somebody else but themselves...

I have done a lot of research into the WHY issues BF. I am not oblivious to the myriad of eating disorders out there. I worked in the healthcare field for a while for one of the largest companies in this field. I was about the only person in my family that didn't go into medicine as a doctor/dentist/nurse etc. I still work extensively with people in this field. The problem is there is so much money going to help "victims" that aren't victims that it short changes those who really need treatment and can't get it because resources are being wasted on those who don't need it. If you have a legitimate illness, I'll be one of the first to understand. If you don't, then quit your whining. I've been through enough surgeries, life threatening illnesses, accidents etc. that I am much more understanding of those that truly have issues but not tolerant at all of the whiners and cry-babies.

My ex went for checkups and there was nothing clinical they could diagnose her with. They suggested both diet and exercise. That is what changed when she came here. She exercised less AND still ate the same amount of food! Simple recipe to gain weight. She also ate developed a taste for McD's the last few months in Ukraine and carried that over to here. Is this true of all overweight people, of course not but for many it is. I didn't gain all my weight from just being a slob. However the way I lost my weight is through diet and exercise over an extended period. It wasn't easy but I did it. I have learned to carefully control what I eat and track the calories I consume as well what nutrients are in my food. While I am not slender yet and never will be, I am no longer obese and within the normal range for my height and weight. I just did a body fat percentage and it was very good and under the maximum of the normal range. I know better than most here what it is like to go through such a change in my body both increasing my size and what it took to shrink back down. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[Daveman]

My husband would also add pelmeni and cutlets 

I'm ready to eat borshch every day especially with cheese-garlic croutons by Rothbury farms. That croutons so tasty. I love them also with milk   

MMMMMMmmmMMMMMMMm  Pelmini and cutlets also sound good to me too!

Which reminds me...

[facetrock]

  Your right BF. The reason so many people are fat is because of Atypical Depression. God, in that case a large percentage of the American public is depressed!! Only a closed naive mind would believe that! Give me a break and use the physco babble on someone who will actually believe that crap.
  I personally know lots of people that are fat. They are not depressed, just gluttons that love to pig out and drink like fish.

  Come to think of it I know a few people in shape that are depressed. Maybe I should tell them to get fat so they can be a victim.

[Ade]

Do you GET IT OR NOT? I never said dump your spouse because they are fat. My question was at what point do they become LESS physically attractive. I never suggested or imply in any way you should love them less. How am I trying to justify dumping my spouse when I never suggested dumping her because she was fat.

No, you didn't, but the implication is there. You and others say that you will not be physically attracted to the woman you "love" if they put on weight. You also say that physical attraction is essential in a "loving" relationship. If your "love" diminishes because of the weight what is the inevitable conclusion...?

What some of us are saying is that when you truly love someone, attraction and the intimacy that naturally flows from that comes from more than just the physical shape and size of a person. My opinion is that some people here are a little too free and loose with the term "love" and who knows, but perhaps you have never really experienced what it is like to be truly in love? From the way some people talk about their girlfriends and wives it really wouldn't surprised me in the slightest that they confuse lust and companionship for love.

Personally, I think you've had self hate issues relating to that obese period in your life and now you're externalising and projecting that onto others.

You can either accept responsibility for own actions or blame everyone else. There are lots of reasons why people do lots of things. There are 100 hundred excuses why my kids don't do their homework too. At some point, if you have a problem, you can either choose to get help or not. Just like people that have any disorder you should get help. Too many people in this world try and make everyone into a victim. My ancestors were significant percentage American Indian. I don't go around with a chip on my shoulder say "we got screwed by the white man" and play the victim card. It is so much easier to blame everyone else than to do the right thing. Everyone wants to be a victim in America because there is some benefit if you are.

EVERYONE has some sort of emotional issue that will fit some diagnosis everywhere. When we start to diagnosis everyone with some condition then it really diminishes things for those that really have significant illnesses. Just like thousands of kids were diagnosed with ADD or ADHD by schools just so they could get more money for programs. More victims = more $$$ for programs to "fix" the problem.

So if I follow your logic, if I CHEAT on my spouse, there must be some clinical reason and I should be excused from my actions. It's not simply that I was a cheating scumbag but somehow I can blame it on a low self-esteem issue that can only be fixed by sex for medicinal purposes with a hot woman. Of course the logic being that there is almost always some other reason for my behavior. If I over eat, I am not just lazy and sedentary, I have Atypical depression...

This is what is wrong with so much of the world. Everyone wants to blame somebody else but themselves...

I have done a lot of research into the WHY issues BF. I am not oblivious to the myriad of eating disorders out there. I worked in the healthcare field for a while for one of the largest companies in this field. I was about the only person in my family that didn't go into medicine as a doctor/dentist/nurse etc. I still work extensively with people in this field. The problem is there is so much money going to help "victims" that aren't victims that it short changes those who really need treatment and can't get it because resources are being wasted on those who don't need it. If you have a legitimate illness, I'll be one of the first to understand. If you don't, then quit your whining. I've been through enough surgeries, life threatening illnesses, accidents etc. that I am much more understanding of those that truly have issues but not tolerant at all of the whiners and cry-babies.

My ex went for checkups and there was nothing clinical they could diagnose her with. They suggested both diet and exercise. That is what changed when she came here. She exercised less AND still ate the same amount of food! Simple recipe to gain weight. She also ate developed a taste for McD's the last few months in Ukraine and carried that over to here. Is this true of all overweight people, of course not but for many it is. I didn't gain all my weight from just being a slob. However the way I lost my weight is through diet and exercise over an extended period. It wasn't easy but I did it. I have learned to carefully control what I eat and track the calories I consume as well what nutrients are in my food. While I am not slender yet and never will be, I am no longer obese and within the normal range for my height and weight. I just did a body fat percentage and it was very good and under the maximum of the normal range. I know better than most here what it is like to go through such a change in my body both increasing my size and what it took to shrink back down. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

There are many reasons why people become overweight. Some, yes, they are lazy and they like food too much. The root cause for most though is not laziness and a particular appreciation for Big Macs; and even if they are lazy, sometimes there's a reason for it. Maybe your ex-wife became overweight as a direct result of your relationship, maybe because of the way you made her feel? Have you ever considered that?

And you know of course that certain foods, particularly those high in saturated fats and sugars can be addictive to some people? I was taking high doses of corticosteroids for a couple of years because of an illness and I experienced extreme food cravings like I never thought possible, cravings that even surpassed the cravings that I had the first week when I gave up smoking. It's these sorts of cravings that some people have to live with constantly.

[Ade]

Read carefully again SJ- I spoke about the Norwegians in the US. I am surrounded by them at the moment. This apparently is the home for all transplanted Swedes, Finns, Danes, Norwegians, etc. They all seem to have migrated to where I am currently working.

Unless these grew up in Norway they are Americans; people are, by and large, products of the society they grew up in.

One thing I remember very well was the cost of everything. I'll attribute that to socialism as that seems to be the one of the most common effects of socialism. They tax the heck out of everything.

Yes, it costs a lot to live here and the taxes are extreme but we are not so short sighted that we don't realize that you can't get something for nothing in this world and a quality of life that we have here costs money. Of course, most Americans seem to forget that the "socialist" states here in Europe are hybrid systems that try to take the best parts of capitalist and socialist ideals and merge them into what are probably some of the most stable and successful economies in the world with an incredibly high quality of life and very low poverty and crime rates. We also have the best figures for gender opportunities here although not perfect yet - something those paranoid about the "feminist agenda" would find terrifying I guess.

As for the red's under the bed. Never subscribed to that notion. I do have a major problem with socialism as it punishes those who are successful.

Oh yeah, I feel very "punished". I feel privileged to be a part of this society. I must be a masochist.

SJ - you may be the best Norwegian in the world but all it takes is one bad woman to totally screw up your life. So I'd say don't be too overconfident. While going through flight training my instructor told me - "Taz, it is dangerous to be among the 3 worst fighter pilots and among the 3 best!" Hopefully you can understand why.

I'm British, Welsh to be exact. With my skills and my experience I could have, quite literally, picked any country in the world to live in and I chose to stay here. Even after my ex and I split, I chose to stay here. There's a very good reason for that.

[Ade]

SJ,

I'm continuously amazed at this same fact as well. In fact, you are so out of place here that I wonder why you even post.
However, please keep posting since you are a live example of the 0.1% of truly great guys among "FSU wife seekers".   Gives us women hope (just read LadyR's posts)

Thank you for the compliment and I probably will hang around as there are lots of amusing things to read here.

Although I'd like to clarify that I'm not really a "FSU wife seeker", not in the same sense as 99% or more of the guys doing this are anyway. I had no intention of ever dating anyone from the FSU and was quite happy dating local women when my fiancée contacted me via an email of mine she found on a Western dating site. If it hadn't worked out between us I would have gone back to dating locally. My wife-to-be is a woman I love that just happens to be Russian; some of the guys look to be so obsessed with the FSU-thing that they seem to delude themselves into any half workable relationship as long as it's with a FSUW. It's no wonder there are so many train wrecks along the way.

[ladyR]

SJ,
I'm continuously amazed at this same fact as well. In fact, you are so out of place here that I wonder why you even post.
However, please keep posting since you are a live example of the 0.1% of truly great guys among "FSU wife seekers".   Gives us women hope (just read LadyR's posts)

Pitbull, agree with you You know, I've got an idea about meeting someone after reading this thread. I think I'll stick with local "thematic" sites, like, for example,  divorcesupport.com. The target audience of this site are: single , have an experience of living with someone+reading their posts about their past relationships I can easily find out what kind a person is it . Half-joking, but thinking about this.

At the beginning of my search (a year ago) I was so paranoid about this "FSU" thing, I even dumped several men from the beginning because they started to speak how "interested in Russian culture they are" . But unfortunately this didn't save me from the person who constantly feels like he is at the "people market".

[Gator]

This entire thread reinforces the fact that many men DEPERSONALIZE women.  By depersonalization, I mean to treat women more as an object than a person.

Considering what is involved with marrying a RW, I assert that the average man pursuing RW depersonalizes women more than the average AM contented with his AW peers.  The RWD archives, and RWG before that, are replete with examples suggesting men want a RW as a possession – a beautiful object to look at and to touch, a trophy for public display, something to make him feel better about himself.  And consider the much larger number of men who pursue RW yet do not post at RWD.

Such depersonalization is on a continuum, and most men are not as blatant as I described.  Yet, how many men want a RW as a real person with her own thoughts on how to live?  An equal partner with whom to communicate and cooperate closely?  A best friend? 


Before someone accuses me of male bashing, I believe that women are not necessarily innocent.  How many women depersonalize men and think of them foremost as a provider? 

Perhaps some of this behavior is hardwired in us through evolution.  Even if so, it still is not an excuse for shallow relationships. 

Perhaps some have never felt the joy of a truly connected and profound relationship.  Perhaps some say such is impossible, or think that they do not deserve it.  Whatever, marrying the first skinny dyev will not find it.  Whoa!  You say she looks great, just like a swimsuit model.  And she is fantastic in bed! Never mind, in that case who cares about a higher plane.

[Gator]

Now below is Ranetka with a horrid weight of 185 lb...(I am 5' 7'')

Ranetka, I always thought you were smart.  I now question your ability in mathematics.  You have not converted stones correctly into pounds.  Or maybe it was kilograms because you weigh much less than 185 lbs. 

[Gator]

ladyR,

You seem much wiser than your years. 

The K-1 process requires lifelong decisions be made on a fast track basis with incomplete information.  It is easy to make a mistake.  Unlike many people, however, you stepped back from the K-1 process and asked yourself some important questions about your relationship.  It helped you develop a vision of your future together, and you did not like what you saw.

Do not be hard on yourself.  So you lost some months of calendar time by selecting the wrong man.  Think of what you saved by not marrying him.  And you are wiser now.

One of your comments confused me:

At the beginning of my search (a year ago) I was so paranoid about this "FSU" thing, I even dumped several men from the beginning because they started to speak how "interested in Russian culture they are" .

I would think such interest would be good.  I have always felt that a critical part of understanding a RW is to understand her culture. 

It is a sign of a man's respect for a RW.  Many men come to Russia seeing only the bad.  They miss the good aspects, and wrongly declare that America (or Norway) is vastly superior.