Going to Mexico with my lady

[Johnny2009]

Sigh.... I feel for you Sculpto, though you can't say that I didn't try to warn you all these weeks and months.

Was this last comment really necessary? Big deal, you were right! 

[Turboguy]

Sorry to hear what happened Sculpto.   I guess it is better to have a ruined vacation than a ruined life but we were all pulling for you and sorry to hear the news.   

[Taz]

SeriouslyJaded's crass remark was definitely uncalled for. Perhaps many people thought it but they should have kept it to themselves or said it later at a less painful time if they felt the need to blurt it out.

Definitely sorry to hear about this Eric. I hope you can salvage what's left of the time remaining and make productive use of it. Misunderstandings are common in any relationship but can be particularly difficult when there is a language barrier.

I think her age is definitely an issue. I know you've been through a lot with her. Perhaps you'll give her more time but I think what you are seeing is at least partly due to her age and I maybe she isn't the right woman for you as well. As mentioned before, patience is essential. This doesn't just apply to you but should to the woman as well. Since you are much older than her however, the burden is more likely to fall on your lap since I doubt she is capable of much patience at her age. She is still pretty wet behind the ears so to speak. This can be an issue with almost all young women no matter how unique we like to think our woman is in this respect.

Unfortunately I have experience in this area as well. Not only with RW but AW as well. A very young woman (19-25 or so) is definitely not as emotionally mature (even if physically) as we'd like to believe. They often have a princess complex of some sort and often don't value what a good man has to offer. This isn't the case for all women but I've seen it quite a bit. As most guys here know they can change a lot between their early 20's until their late 20's. They quite often make bad decisions without thinking them clearly through. In the early 20's few women have learned the art of compromise. They are young and pretty enough to attract a man even if they are downright b!tches.

See if you think anything is worth salvaging. Be extra patient for a few days and see if she can come around. Better to have it blow up now than down the road. Best of luck and let us know how it goes. Of course if it goes badly, there is definitely not a small number of attractive Thai women... Perhaps you can drown your sorrows in Thai women and find a Thai website devoted to them and live happily ever after. 

[boaterguy]

Sorry to hear this Sculpto.

I also think you should give it more time. When I 1st met my wife I learned very quickly if she had a choice between positive vs. negative in a misunderstanding she would always choose the negative. Nothing a little patience and discussion couldn't overcome. I also learned to never stir the pot! Give her a chance to chill and she probably will. On the otherhand my wife was 42 when I met her.

[groovlstk]

I'd hold off on the epitaphs, I suspect this story is long from over based on Sculto's past TRs.

[Taz]

Sure Groov, based on his pasts posts it will likely get even crazier. 

This likely to be more interesting to some folks than the baby daddy drama on Jerry Springer. At the very least Sculpto is leading an interesting life the last few years.

Even though we don't always see eye to eye on many issues I do wish him the best. I know he had a few issues leading up to all of this. I know it was a let down for him having to go to Thailand instead of Mexico as he planned. He rolled with that pretty well. He definitely is resilient though I have the feeling reading between of the lines of his post that this one hit him pretty hard. It took a lot of courage to come here and post what transpired and for that I give him a lot of credit. Most men aren't man enough to come and post something like that and slink off with their tail between their legs when the feces hits the rotating blades.

[Gator]

SeriouslyJaded's crass remark was definitely uncalled for.

SeriouslyJaded did not make the "I TOLD YOU SO" remark.

Perhaps many people thought it but they should have kept it to themselves or said it later at a less painful time if they felt the need to blurt it out.

Now that is 100% accurate.

[Misha]

I don't think that was necessary.  Sometimes I think you don't have very good social skills.

Sure, I would be a much nicer guy if I were a cheerleader telling every person what they wanted to hear 

[Misha]

SeriouslyJaded did not make the "I TOLD YOU SO" remark.

Now that is 100% accurate.

True, I did that  But, hey, what do I know writing from my "rat hole" 

[Gator]

When reading Eric’s post, I concentrated on:

The argument yesterday escalated because she completely misunderstood one word and then refused to listen because she was offended by what she thought I said, not what I actually said, and her Tyrant took over and she made a series of irreversible and extreme decisions in the heat of the moment. 

It reminded me of some of my past experiences so I wrote it is imperative for the man to show PATIENCE and be the strong, silent leader.  A misunderstanding will not be corrected quickly, yet it can become an important learning experience if the man is patient and can communicate.

HOWEVER, let's read Eric’s prior words.

   

and then one misunderstood word led to an argument of epic proportions.  and the entire thing caved in.

in the hours long discussion that followed many things were revealed.  All the obfuscations penetrated and some other issues I didn't even know about were brought to light. 

End of story is.. questions of character and morality, (seems strange coming from me but its serious)

Hell, this could be anything.  And it could indeed be bad.  Some people in the heat of an argument reveal crap that should have stayed in the closet.  Once out, it can not be forgotten.  Ignored?  Possibly if there is a sense of repentance.

   
Will be taking a break from women for a while.

Eric is from San Francisco.  Does this mean…..?  Oh no!  Say it is not so!

[Ade]

SeriouslyJaded's crass remark was definitely uncalled for. Perhaps many people thought it but they should have kept it to themselves or said it later at a less painful time if they felt the need to blurt it out.

What are you talking about? My comments are no more "crass" than yours.

[GQBlues]

See if you think anything is worth salvaging. Be extra patient for a few days and see if she can come around. Better to have it blow up now than down the road. Best of luck and let us know how it goes. Of course if it goes badly, there is definitely not a small number of attractive Thai women... Perhaps you can drown your sorrows in Thai women and find a Thai website devoted to them and live happily ever after.  

LOL. I was really starting to hear the violins reading your post Taz, but when all is said and done, men still understand what's important to them, eh? It made me wonder which of the two salvaging options I'd wish to read at this point really...

Sculpto, sorry I didn't realize you were already on this trip as I don't really read much in this section. But bummer on the situation you're in right now. I don't know you, your lady, and your relationship as many here seem to so all I can really do at this point is wish you well and hope you never chalk up strange behavior to cultural differences.

Except of course if the mysterious event involved a suggestion of an added company as a joke that didn't quite cut the mustard....It's Thailand, so yah never know...But was the mysterious word happen to be 'kamsutra'? To many, this Hindi word may mean 'love', to others...

[CallMeSasha]

an absolute ability to not compromise

ahem to that!

i found that trying to reason with my wife is like trying to teach a blind man to see - i've given up ever trying to reach a compromise & have no choice but to always back down, sad but true

[Turboguy]

i've given up ever trying to reach a compromise & have no choice but to always back down.

Humm, I could swear that somewhere I read that RW were attracted to strong decisive men.  That must be so they can show how much stronger and more decisive they are.

[Taz]

Sculpto,

a pity that it didn't work out for you although I wasn't surprised to be honest.

This is the part I thought was rather crass. The other parts I mostly agreed with with what SJ said. That has got to be a first.  

Sometimes the advice we give people isn't necessarily the path we ourselves would follow. While I am generally pretty patient about key issues, I don't know that I'd have the patience to wait the weeks it might require to sort this all out. It seems pretty bad and maybe Sculpto will give us an update soon.

Almost always there are other factors here that we all are unaware of. I've talked to Sculpto for quite a few hours on a wide variety of topics. I think that often there is a disconnect between what he writes and the impression I get from speaking with him on the phone. While I understand more of what has transpired in his situation than most, it would be a violation of trust to discuss what I know about his situation with anyone and that is something I won't do.

I will say that if I were him, I probably wouldn't have made the trip in the first place. He had a lot of guts to get on the plane and go. There was a lot of stuff going on before he left and he was already dealing with a lot of things that are public knowledge here. I know that he really wanted this relationship to work out. So if it has gone this badly, it must have been something really catastrophic to meltdown this badly.

I do hope it will work out best for him in the end.

[Ade]

This is the part I thought was rather crass.

For me, it's strange that you should think that saying I wasn't surprised is "crass".  I've posted several times previously that I thought he was making a mistake if for nothing else than because she was a drama queen. Maybe you should get some perspective.

[remiel6]

While its always wonderful and necessary to be honest with our partners, it does little good if we are not honest with ourselves first. I say this because you are going to have disagreements with anyone. It behooves you to know which areas you can and will negotiate on and which areas you cannot, and yes you must negotiate on something or any relationship will fail, I don't are what the ages or languages or nationalities or anything. It is a two way street and it is never fair to ask one partner to walk 34 miles uphill in snow carrying 100 pounds of potato chips so the other can wait in his recliner watching football games. That being said if Sculpto is anything like I am as an artist there are certain subjects that are absolutely taboo. You have a better chance at negotiating a middle east peace settlement then getting me to change. Knowing that, I always am more willing to move on other areas, you have to. From the tone of the post I was left to conclude that whatever it was that happened crossed one of those "magical lines" in the sand that we all have. The one point where we close the book and say done, because what he indicated happened clearly said to me she had crossed a line in the sand and he did not really expect it.
I wish him the best.

[Blues Fairy]

Hey, no place like Thailand to heal a heartbreak of a newly single guy! 

[Shadow]

As they are still in Thailand, and most probably neither packed up and left, all is still possible. It is not the first time things have been blown up, and I wonder what could be so shocking that even Eric found it beyond his limits.

I wish him all the best whatever choices he has to make.

[tim 360]

Sorry Sculpto to read things are not going so well.  Sounds like you have a drama queen on steroids on your hands.  Since you are both in Thailand it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings.  Maybe,  maybe you should just go have a great time in Thailand in spite of her tyrannical behaviour.  Plently of places for you to go and explore, eh?  Take care of # 1 and let her decide just what she is gonna do.

[CallMeSasha]

Im going to hang a couple more days in this steam bath and come home early.  Will be taking a break from women for a while.

ok, if you've learnt from one argument that she's not the one for you it must have been one serious argument - there's definitely no going back at all? oppressive heat & jetlag could've played their part in the argument.

i would try to patch things up, if it's way beyond making up then don't make the mistake of leaving early - travel around the country & enjoy it while you're there you'll be mad not to

[pitbull]

I'd hold off on the epitaphs, I suspect this story is long from over based on Sculto's past TRs.

I second that. I believe Sculpto had at least one similar situation last year. Stayed with the girl anyway 

[Daveman]

A Possibility:

One thing I have noticed, and of course I am sure there are exceptions, is something I would call the RW Argumentative Arousal Syndrome.  or RWAAS.  As far fetched as it sounds, there are some RW who appear to have something similar to an argument fetish. 

Any guy learning to deal with an AW needs to learn to NOT provide a solution to what she's on about, but rather just allow her to talk and talk and talk about whatever she's on about. We hear the problem, cut immediately to the bottom line and see a solution, but as we all know, that's really not what she wants.. she wants to talk it out with herself while we are merely providing a prop of "ears" so she doesn't feel like an idiot talking to herself. 

RW (not all) have a similar manifestation of this but rather than talk, they want to argue.. feel the strong emotions, blast away over what is absolute nonsense to us,.. and argue until they feel better (and often times very tender and/or aroused)..

Something has put a bug up Eric's woman's ass.  She probably doesn't even have a clue what that is but rather jumped in on a trigger (something he said) to justify going off the deep end.  Eric is going out of his mind searching for a solution, to solve her problem when in actuality she's probably just in a bad mood from jet lag, whatever, and wants to bitch until she feels better..  probably about now, she's done a complete 180 turn and has porked his brains out, leaving Eric in a state of complete bewilderment.

You think this is BS? you better think again....  Learning to argue with an RW is an art form.  It is a little like mastering an instrument, or an art form.  When she does this, I am sure he starts talking about "maybe we can't live together.. I don't want to live this way.. etc etc" and that pisses her off even more because she absolutely does not want the end of the relationship, but rather wants him to show very strong emotions in the argument which proves he cares -- but NOT cast her aside.  The stronger the emotions, the stronger the care, and afterwards the stronger the intense feelings of love/tenderness/arousal, and then conversely, insanity for the western man to whom this concept is as foreign as green borsht.

Whether or not a man should want to be with a woman like this is a side debate.. they do indeed exist, and if you are in a relationship with one of these, your options are pretty simple.. learn to argue her way, i.e., blast emotions at each other without actually taking offense, allow it the time to change into the positive side, and then have great sex.  OR simply move on to less dramatic pastures.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Sure, I would be a much nicer guy if I were a cheerleader telling every person what they wanted to hear 

Coming from the same guy who ran from a different forum crying because he didn't like what people said.  So your a tough guy here, eh?

[Misha]

Coming from the same guy who ran from a different forum crying because he didn't like what people said.  So your a tough guy here, eh?

Yes, I learned that it does not pay to be nice in forums  :evil: