Bad Boy Syndrome vs. Nice Guys from the West

[Gator]

Oh, c'mon, people, let's stop pretending that we don't know the truth: most of the so called "good guys" are butt ugly and overweight. And THAT is the main reason why women ignore them. 

 

Where have you been?  I miss your wit.

[BC]

Watching the little movie made me laugh hearty...

Yeah.. mee too.. especially this part..

[boaterguy]

Oh, c'mon, people, let's stop pretending that we don't know the truth: most of the so called "good guys" are butt ugly and overweight. And THAT is the main reason why women ignore them. 

  You have the username I would asign my wife if she posted here. She participates in several fashion forums. PM me if you are interested.

PS I'm a good boy...I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm not ugly or overweight! 

[Fashionista]

 

PS I'm a good boy...I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm not ugly or overweight!  

You know, I wouldn't believe you, but I actually used to know a girl, who was gorgeous and at the same time nice, kind and unpretentious. Her dad was in the military. So, I know for sure that under right circumstances exceptions do exist.  

[Fashionista]

Where have you been? 

Been busy quitting my menial job.  Now I have to find the one that interests me.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Oh, c'mon, people, let's stop pretending that we don't know the truth: most of the so called "good guys" are butt ugly and overweight. And THAT is the main reason why women ignore them. 

hehe, I agree with this, but when I was searching for my man it didn't matter to me what most men are, both in Russia and in the US. I just knew that there was zero chance of finding him at home and 100% chance of finding him abroad. If that kind of man is rare abroad too, still that chance is pretty good. Common fear or lack of belief is that there is no chance, thus people looking for somebody who they are willing to condescend to, not the worst and not the best either. We all were there at some point but it probably didn't end well, at least in my case it didn't and it taught me so much. I became even more strict in my search and it definitely happened. Both tall, handsome, athletic, smart, educated etc etc .....and a very nice gentleman!  and I thought i had a strong will, but his is even stronger.

[Lonewing]

My mom's second husband was a true bad guy and he had been to jail a number of times to prove it.  A "Bad Guy" is in short a guy who gets in trouble because his personal moral ethic is not in sync with social norms.  On one hand he can be super nice and really friendly.  On the other hand he's usually drinking something, or smoking something and it isn't tobacco.  And he believes he has a constitutional right to be the a biligerent @$$hole if he so likes.

The thing about these guys is they get in trouble a lot - if not with other people, then with cops.  They don't let things go; rather, they get drunk and then take issue with little things, pressing people until either the other guys leave or worse, the other guys come back just as bad as they are and a fight breaks out.  And these fights usually then bring in cops.  And these guys get in trouble without any help from anybody else, as they are more than willing to drive drunk or do something stupid like steal cigarettes and lighters if they can't figure out another solution to their problems.

And just as they get in trouble a lot, you can count on them being in toruble when you need them most.  i was at my mom's one Thanksgiving, and the night before he calls up "I'm in jail...I got in a fight...It wasn't MY fault...I need money...just $1500...I don't wanna stay here for three days!...PLEASE! "

Eventually my mom got tired of it and kicked him to the curb.  Mind you, she's no patron saint.  I've seen her be downright cruel.

I'm an academic myself.  So I flew right under the radar throughout school  everybody else is asking when class is over or if we can leave early and I'm hoping we get meshed in a deep discussion about the content.  Usually it ended up being nothing more than a lecture of material in the textbook accompanied by a word-for-word reading of the class powerpoint slides, which meant it was NAP TIME for me!  but I digress.

[Muddy]

I did not find a specification on what exactly constitutes 'being bad'....

Men who do not come home some nights, men who beat their wives, drinks vodka and gets drunk often, ...

[Muddy]

What ever 'bad' qualities AM from this board or in the US possess, these things are absolutely nothing in comparison to bad traits of Russian men. Yes, they may be 'argumentative, stubborn or confrontational', but in an American way which is totally different than in a Russian way, I

Please explain what you mean by "American way which is totally different than in a Russian way"

[Gator]

Some of you are misunderstanding what constitutes a “bad boy.”  Perhaps these are bad men but not a bad boy.  A bad boy has a style that is exciting to not a small number of women.   Bad boys have some negative flaws yet not necessarily as severe as some of you have described.

Men who do not come home some nights, men who beat their wives, drinks vodka and gets drunk often,

These are extreme behaviors of a crude "village" man.  Someone can still have the appeal of a "Bad Boy" and not do any of these.

A "Bad Guy" is in short a guy who gets in trouble because his personal moral ethic is not in sync with social norms.  On one hand he can be super nice and really friendly.

Agree, although I would say "charming" rather than "nice."

On the other hand he's usually drinking something, or smoking something and it isn't tobacco.

Few dopeheads are bad boys. 
 

And he believes he has a constitutional right to be the a biligerent @$$hole if he so likes.

That just makes him an a$$hole. There are many a$$holes that don’t have the charisma of a bad boy.

 

And these guys get in trouble without any help from anybody else, as they are more than willing to drive drunk or do something stupid like steal cigarettes and lighters if they can't figure out another solution to their problems.

That describes a criminal, not a “bad boy.”

you can count on them being in toruble when you need them most

Good point.  Bad boys are not reliable among other faults discussed on the first page.

[GQBlues]

A badboy is one who socially goes about his ways void of any written rule, tradition, or emotionality. He has no time for any silly trivialities. A badboy understand how to take a woman to the highest of the high without even trying. A badboy is anything but a woman beater, abuser, or a criminal ~ he has no reason to be. Insecurity does not exist in a badboy's psyche. Women for him is as easy as pulling a cigarette out of a pack. Regardless of a woman's compliments  she's merely a lone cigarette in a pack. He's void of regrets.

Badboys are like drugs. They're an addiction for women. Women need to get that 'fix'. They need the addiction. They understand they're bad news but they simply don't know how to say 'no'.

It has nothing to do with looks, money, or fame. It's simply their ability to understand, recognize, and control the innate hunger to unleash the sensuality out of any woman.

[Misha]

These are extreme behaviors of a crude "village" man.

Sorry Gator, if you think that all "city" men are suave philosophers who drink tea and read the classics, you are grandly mistaken   Sadly, in Russia, and elsewhere, crudeness (and by extension alcoholism and domestic violence) is also to be found in cities and the "better" classes   "Villagers" don't have any monopoly on good or bad behavior.

[Blues Fairy]

Insecurity does not exist in a badboy's psyche.
Women for him is as easy as pulling a cigarette out of a pack.
It's simply their ability to understand, recognize, and control the innate hunger to unleash the sensuality out of any woman.

Insecurity is often exactly what causes the bad boy's behavior.  Selfishness, childishness and a constant drive to compensate his insecurity by tormenting another human being attached to him.  In his past, there will likely be a cold, unresponsive mother or oppressive, humiliating parenting style in the family.

Although there certainly are bad girls who operate in the same way.    

[GQBlues]

Insecurity is often exactly what causes the bad boy's behavior.  

Not sure you're right, Blues. Badboys get bored very easily and that's why they'll never settle with a few let alone ONE woman. They make no apologies.

Conversely, I believe it is the insecurities of the women that badboys often feed upon. For badboys, it's a game and a hunt, nothing more...

[OlgaH]

In his past, there will likely be a cold, unresponsive mother or oppressive, humiliating parenting style in the family.

Although there certainly are bad girls who operate in the same way.    

or parenting style of permissiveness and indulging.

Working with children and teens I have noticed that children from such families more often are egoistic and spoiled, and respect to others means nothing for them.  

[GQBlues]

or parenting style of permissiveness and indulging.

Working with children and teens I have noticed that children from such families more often are egoistic and spoiled, and respect to others means nothing for them.

...or he could simply be a man (or woman) exercising their most basic instinct without promises or due regard for the dramatics. Not everything is clinical, you know.

[Gator]

I think GQ has nailed it in the context of the original post. 

I initiated this thread in response to Jooky’s comment,

Many Russian women sign up with an agency because they want to marry a 'good man' unlike their 'bad' Russian men…. It's the type of women that are attracted to 'bad' men that find their local world full of only these types. All the nice guys around are uninteresting and virtually invisible. It's called 'bad boy syndrome'.

In other words there is something exciting about a “bad boy,” making him attractive to women in the manner that GQ explained. Women are not attracted to his faults, and in fact these faults eventually push a woman away. 

Jooky raised an issue with his comment,

I've seen it happen often where a woman with 'bad boy syndrome' will make a rational choice to pursue and marry a 'good nice guy'. It's the right decision for her, but deep inside she is still missing that exciting 'bad boy' attraction.  Sometimes it works out and love does grow, but more often it leads to disaster.

Is a nice guy doomed if he happens to marry a RW with a bad boy syndrome?  And Jooky claims there are many such women such women signed up with an agency.

I used to be attracted to a certain type of adventurous woman.  The problem is that the attraction was short lived, sometimes good for only a weekend - I could not live with them (nor them with me).  When it came time to marry (an AW many many years ago) and have a family, I chose someone who wanted to stay home and raise kids. 

[Misha]

Not sure you're right, Blues. Badboys get bored very easily and that's why they'll never settle with a few let alone ONE woman.

I would say that a woman is not attracted solely to the "bad boy," but rather the ATTRACTIVE bad boy. Fat, balding bad boys won't necessarily have any women let alone one  :evil: 

[Muddy]

Is a nice guy doomed if he happens to marry a RW with a bad boy syndrome?  

WOW, what is going on Gator? Mr Nice guy!!!:)
Its seems something is wrong...
A poster keeps sending me private messages asking about keyloggers, I hope that is not you buddy.

[OlgaH]

...or he could simply be a man (or woman) exercising their most basic instinct without promises or due regard for the dramatics. Not everything is clinical, you know.

yes, it can be just a person's view on sex as at drinking a glass of water or satisfying his/her physical need for example to go to the bathroom. It can be simply a sexual  dissoluteness and/or lack of elementary ethics and morals. Therefor, some women looking for a good guy abroad have a local "bad boy" or several at the same time, and then dump him or them at the last moment.

[Gator]

I would say that a woman is not attracted solely to the "bad boy," but rather the ATTRACTIVE bad boy. Fat, balding bad boys won't necessarily have any women let alone one  :evil: 

"Fat, balding bad boy" is an oxymoron.

[Misha]

"Fat, balding bad boy" is an oxymoron.

Why? Went to a collector car exhibition and there were a fair share of balding, graying, fat bikers there. At least a few Hell's Angels. Not one of them had gorgeous women with them  :evil: I am sure they were all young bad boys at some point.

[GQBlues]

To a great extent, I suppose you can say Russia is a haven for babdboys. But that will be strictly in the manner of RM's womanizing ways. Take the alcohol dependency (which chiefly contributes to physical abuse), then it comes closer to the definition of the term.

Metaphorically speaking, the difference that set a Badboy from a womanizer prone to physically abusing women is the difference between a thief and a robber. A thief will execute the crime without harm or terror whereas a robber will likely have the same alluring qualities of a thief except, because they find themselves involved in a relationship ~ which badboys are adverse to; they are also likely to resolve on terror and harm. Women's dependency on these types of relationships is beyond me though I know they eventually get closure (most of them). However, women's lust for her babdboy experience never gets closure for the most part, (so yes, based on Jooky's observation I concur) because they never got closure. So the addiction remains. No different than cigarette, drugs or alcohol addiction. You may quit the habit for the better, but you will always be a sip, a drag, or a snort away from being helplessly hopeless. I've seen this countless of times.

A woman (any woman) can tell you she's happily married wth a nice guy ~ deep inside her primal base, she's an open season waiting to happen.

[Gator]

WOW, what is going on Gator? Mr Nice guy!!!:)
Its seems something is wrong...

I think you are missing the context.  Besides, my wife says I am a good man but not easy.  What she thinks?  I don’t know.

A poster keeps sending me private messages asking about keyloggers, I hope that is not you buddy.

You will never be able to live down the fact that you thought so little of your fiancée that you spied on her.  Little girls will prowl and have secrets, and they continue this as women.  It is their nature.  By key logging, you were doing the prowling and stealing her secret thoughts.  

Her private thoughts were one of the few freedoms she had as a newly arrived immigrant fiancée.   She probably felt trapped in a cage.

All men wonder what is going on inside a woman's pretty head, yet men don’t steal their woman’s thoughts.  Instead they spend a lifetime learning them all.  That is part of the fun of being married.

[Gator]

I am sure they were all young bad boys at some point.

Perhaps.  And the moral of the story is - a bad boy if he does not change his ways ends up with a ghastly tattooed, deeply wrinkled, leather wearing BBW on the back of his hawg.   If everyone is happy, so be it.