What were your most difficult adjustments?

[Tamara]

Sink or swim is not the way.

I completely agree with Anastassia.  Women are very different in their approach and while coming to a completely new country, you need to provide enough guidance and support for her to learn and be able to do things on her own comfortable and relaxed. There will be enough stress anyway. So don't rush it and show everything as many times as needed. Something that might look like a small thing to you, might not be for Luba.

I will give you a funny example from my own experience. When I just came to live and work in Canada, I rented an apartment of my own, which had... a dishwasher. To most people here it is an everyday routine to load it with dirty dishes, add soap, unload, etc. It seemed pretty easy to me as well. However I did not know that one should not pour a regular liquid soup into the dishwasher. Guess what happened the next day? My kitchen was flooded with foam and soap bubbling from the dishwasher.  

So even small simple things might turn out to be a learning experience. 

[TwoBitBandit]

However I did not know that one should not pour a regular liquid soup into the dishwasher. Guess what happened the next day? My kitchen was flooded with foam and soap bubbling from the dishwasher.

That's the THIRD time I've heard that story in these forums. 

The moral of the story: guys, tell your girlfriend about dishwashing soap.  lol

[Tamara]

That's the THIRD time I've heard that story in these forums. 

The moral of the story: guys, tell your girlfriend about dishwashing soap.  lol

This makes me feel better.    However there are many small things I can share.  E.g. fabric softener sheets were an eye opener for me as well.     I would just recommend showing and sharing as much as you can without too much teaching.  Just realize that there is a lot to learn!

[AnastassiaAsh]

Well one of my mistakes was stuffing an erator in a sink with carrot peels!  Little did I know that these erators are NOT for throwing away stuff like that, probably for much softer things and smaller portions. The whole thing got stuck and my sink was orange for a while.    I had to call a professional who stuck a special very long cord God knows how deep inside and unclogged everything. He had to do that for 45 min.

Another thing at the very beginning was that I bought a butter for $6! 

[Mars]

I would just recommend showing and sharing as much as you can without too much teaching. 

WOW, that would be quite a magical trick!!

[Mars]

Well one of my mistakes was stuffing an erator in a sink with carrot peels!  Little did I know that these erators are NOT for throwing away stuff like that, probably for much softer things and smaller portions. The whole thing got stuck and my sink was orange for a while.    I had to call a professional who stuck a special very long cord God knows how deep inside and unclogged everything. He had to do that for 45 min.

Yes, the best idea is to rarely use a garbage disposal unit, if at all.  It is necessary for a builder to put garbage disposal units in all new homes, elsewise the home will not sell.  Same with fireplaces.  But then the fireplace is rarely if ever used by most people, and garbage disposal unit should rarely be used.

However, the repair man could not have put a 'long cord' inside because such a cleaning unit could never get past the actual grinding mechanism of a garbage disposal unit.

[Mars]

Another thing at the very beginning was that I bought a butter for $6! 

This reminded me of an experience I had during a grocery shopping trip with a Russian woman in Turkey.  We both threw a lot of things in the shopping cart, and when paying, I didn't pay too much attention to the actual cost because the numbers were in Turkish lira which is something like 13 billion to one dollar (just joking, but some big number).

But, after we got back to apartment I got to thinking that it seemed like much to much money.  So I started looking at the cash register receipt and trying to match items up.  In doing so, I found that the RW had picked up a small packet of cheese that, by itself, cost as much as everything else in total.

I was sure there was some pricing error, so we took the receipt (not the cheese) back to the store the next time we went.  But (luckily) before talking with a manager, we first went to the cheese section.  In doing so, I saw right away there was no pricing error.  The RW had selected a cheese imported from somewhere in Scandinavia as opposed to the local brands.  And this cheese did cost something like 50 times as much as the local cheese!!

I didn't blame the RW as she was just picking something that looked good, and like me, she got a little confused with the lira pricing.  We had sort of a small laugh about it and promised each other to be more careful in the future!!

[Rina_G]

What were the most difficult one or two adjustments you struggled with, or are still struggling with in leaving your country to marry a foreigner?

I ask because in 21 days I will be returning with L from Russia. 

HI bobb!
21 day was passed
did you returning together?
and how anour really adjustments?
Tell please

[Boethius]

garbage disposal unit should rarely be used.

However, the repair man could not have put a 'long cord' inside because such a cleaning unit could never get past the actual grinding mechanism of a garbage disposal unit.

I use my garbage disposal all the time, no problems.  The "long cord" was a snake.  The clog was not in the grinding mechanism, but in the pipe.  The plumber probably put the snake down the sink side (the side without the garbage disposal) to unclog the pipe.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Boethius, you got it, I don't remember details, but it sounds right. 

[Mike78]

Hmm, interesting thread...

I'm not an RW, but I have experienced the adjustment phase (I guess) since I'm a Slovak immigrant living in the US for several years now. I was married to an AW for 5 years, however this is not how I got into States so I did my adjustment on my own. I would say my adjustment was fairly smooth as life in USA is very easy in general (and I could drive and all that necessary stuff), but the one big thing was food for sure. E.g. the spongy bread is just plain nasty, and in general decent bread is fairly hard to come by in a regular store. However if you know where to look (and are not white-trash poor counting every penny) you can buy nearly anything...

[innakrug]

I agree with AnastassiaAsh and Tamara, but I probably would suggest to find a Russian or international store, where she can buy groceries time to time

[Aloe]

(and are not white-trash poor counting every penny)

so being poor makes you white trash? i thought it was rather a specific kind of intelligence level/lifestyle

[kievstar]

White poor people are labelled as trailer trash or white trash.  Size of your house and type of neighborhood you live in tends to be how people classify you.

People who live in trailer parks, apartments, and run down neighborhoods in many cities are viewed as white trash. I think apartment renters in New York City would not be called that.

[Misha]

E.g. the spongy bread is just plain nasty, and in general decent bread is fairly hard to come by in a regular store. However if you know where to look (and are not white-trash poor counting every penny) you can buy nearly anything...

Well, you can count your pennies (be frugal) and simply bake your own bread. As baking/cooking has become a bit of a hobby for me, I have been baking a variety of different breads that are not spongy and are extremely delicious.

[supersaiyan]

White poor people are labelled as trailer trash or white trash.  Size of your house and type of neighborhood you live in tends to be how people classify you.

People who live in trailer parks, apartments, and run down neighborhoods in many cities are viewed as white trash. I think apartment renters in New York City would not be called that.

So I am white trash because I live in an apartment? Well I don't know where you got your definition of white trash, but I totally disagree with your  explanation.

[vwrw]

And another thing I had issue with was food, cause it seems that everything, including fruit and vegetables and tea etc. tastes a lot different. that's why when i came to the States first time last year, i was eating very little food.

Another thing is that public transport is not developed, that's why you either have to get your driver's license, or become trapped at home, or you just have to walk a lot

I agree food tastes different here. Fortunately, I do not miss Russian food at all, and I have never desired to go shopping in a Russian grocery. After one and a half year here, there was time when I was longing for salty fish. My mother taught me how to cook it myself, so now when my husband cannot see it (seeing my eating of salty fish sickens him ), I cook it and indulge in eating it. Salty fish is the only food I cannot give up.

Since my husband is his own boss and can leave his office whenever I need him and be at home in 5 minutes, I have never felt trapped at home.  Now I can drive myself, yet I would prefer riding a bus over driving my car IF the buses were as frequent as they were in Russia and we lived closer to downtown. Unfortunately, in our village, you can catch a bus only once in an hour and it would take you about one hour and 45 minutes to ride a bus to downtown.

[vwrw]

... her biggest adjustment would be overcoming that terrible state of dependency when she has to explain to you her slightest need .

I can identify with this.  It took me about one year to get accustomed to be dependent. I used to cry at the prospect of asking my husband to do something for me what each healthy adult should be able to do herself. Now I get used to my situation. Moreover, my worldview has significantly transformed to the better as a byproduct of my being dependent. I have learned to unconditionally trust to and rely on my husband.  Now the most difficult thing is to calm my panic down when the thought that my husband is not immortal occurs to my mind. brrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[vwrw]

No major adjustments issues here.  

Dear BF, don’t you miss crowds on the streets around you and the opportunity to get a lot of flattering attention that the crowd provides when you walk all dressed up through it ?

I never knew until I moved here how much I love crowds on the streets around me. I feel weird to walk dressed up on streets in our village, but I fell like a fish in water on thestreets in downtown. 

[GQBlues]

Food was the single biggest adjustment with my wife. Thank gawd for Sushi....

The next one is acknowledging the advantages of living in 'suburbia' and ridding the perception that it is equivalent to living in a 'village'.

As an immigrant myself, my single biggest adjustment was getting used to the reality there's so many smiling, incredibly beautiful blonde women around me everyday - and be restricted in my ability to only say 'Good morning' to for a while...

[vwrw]

......... there are many places in the USA where the locals are not used to other people’s accents. I’ve experienced many times a sudden change in the facial expression of a person in a store, pharmacy, etc. when I start talking. Nobody says a word, but you can see an obvious reaction, and it’s not a pleasant feeling… On a positive side, it seems that people who know me well don’t notice any accent at all – it’s a part of my personality. 

I understand completely what you are talking about.  I used to feel bad when I saw the stressed facial expression of the people with whom I had to talk for some reason. Fortunately, thank to people in my college, I found out that people have the stressed facial expression not because they do not like hearing my accent or talking with immigrants, but because of the effort they have to make to understand me and the surprise that I speak with accent. Now when I see the stressed facial expression, I automatically react with smile and question “Is it difficult to understand my accent?” 85 % of people will answer something “I am surprised you are not American. You look like American!” and then they start friendly asking the “small talk questions”. Other people say something like” no, it is not difficult, if one listens attentively” or “it takes time to get used to your accent”. 

[Turboguy]

White poor people are labelled as trailer trash or white trash.  Size of your house and type of neighborhood you live in tends to be how people classify you.

People who live in trailer parks, apartments, and run down neighborhoods in many cities are viewed as white trash. I think apartment renters in New York City would not be called that.

I don't know that I would totally agree with this Kievstar.  We have had it hammered into our heads for the past 60 years that the American dream was a house in the country with a big lawn, two cars, 2.2 kids and a dog.  If you don't have that you may not be living the so-called American dream but it does not make you white trash.  I think it is more how you live than what type of a structure you live in.  If you have old junk cars sitting around in an unmowed lawn you may be in a house but some will think of you as white trash.  Apartment living is pretty common in major cities, older people, students, those with jobs that require frequent relocation, single people and others.  I prefer not to think of anyone as white trash or trailer trash but if I were to think about it I would tend to put those who live in hud housing, who don't have a job by choice even though there are phyiscally able and things like that. 

Personally I tend to think the value of a person goes way beyond the house they live in, how much money they make or how successful they are.  I have seen people with big incomes that had more money problems than many with much lower incomes and who were a lot less happy in their life.  I have seen many really good people who contributed to society to the best of their ability and live happy lives but who had just ordinary lives without riches or fame and people who were total jerks but had money.  I will take the ordinary person over the rich jerk anytime.   

[Blues Fairy]

Dear BF, don’t you miss crowds on the streets around you and the opportunity to get a lot of flattering attention that the crowd provides when you walk all dressed up through it?

I never dressed too flashy back in Moscow, and still got plenty of honks and whistles in the streets.  Nothing has changed in that respect after I moved to Raleigh.    As for the Moscow crowds, they provided much less flattery than second-hand smoke, rudeness and an occasional elbow here and there.  Don't miss any of that. 

[mies]

My Chicagoan classmates told me that if not my accent, I would be well marketable in the States.

listen to the accent of some Chinese people, who are perfectly marketable in the U.S.  you just had some mean classmates in Chicago.

[Chicagoguy]

My wife misses the people. It is like a ghost town here in the evening when we go for walks in our suburban town. Nobody is even outside on their patio's in the Summer. They all seem to have grills but do not use them. Even I can't explain why. We eat outside whenever we get the chance.

Right before she came here she asked me how long was the walk to the grocery store 

She also misses the bread so we try to go to a Russian store when we get the chance. I have a breadmaker and just got it out from the basement yesterday to experiment.

And she misses the chance to have a good Russian friend but we are getting closer on that problem. There are a few Russians nearby but she does not care for them.