Red Flag perhaps??

[GQBlues]

What is strange to me that we here advise men to write more than one for a back up plan. Should we be completly honest and say " Yes I am writing other women in case it doesnt work out then I have someone else to see" We advise this even if they are planning on only seeing one woman. I dont think that would go over to good with any FSU women even if they lied through their teeth and said it was ok.

This I believe is where many of us differ. I think the whole idea/advise of using other women as 'back-ups' is wrong on so many levels, IMO. That's just my opinion and it may be worth a penny for some, it's means a mint to me.

Further, I do not sly away from what I intended to do for my first trip - to meet women of interest to me on the first trip to determine whether or not a pursuit to deeper level is even a possibility. I can never see myself make an emotional investment on anyone I had never met in person. It matters very little to me if this actually is something people had done before and were happy with it. That's fine, it just ain't gonna work with me.

So do I have reservation telling women the truth about this part of the association? Heck, no. Will I feel intruded upon when I was asked? Heck, no. As for these women writing to other men, I encouraged it. I mean, why not? Why invest on writing only to me when they've never met me in person?

If in the end, and despite the odds, she chose me above everyone else, what better confirmation of her sincerity and assuring proclamation than that?

So in the end, the OP question is about as benign as it's intention - the reaction was not, IMO.

[RussianWind]

RussianWind.. You really dont know the answer to this  
Hey, how many men are you writing to right now?

Hey, I always know correct answers  I was interested in what you would say not to lose 

[Shadow]

Hey, I always know correct answers  I was interested in what you would say not to lose 

Correct answer ? I can write some, but I am looking for only one.

[Faux Pas]

GQ

You and I agree so often although I usually make no mention of it but, we'll just have to disagree on this one. What and with whom one is writing is not an appropriate question IMHO to someone you do not know. I think the woman was well within appropriate etiquette to tell Berkough to take a hike. He might as well been asking for a pair of her soiled panties. Writing emails and telephone calls doesn't give free gratis into the woman's personal life. Perhaps I am just more of a private person than you but for me, personal is personal.

[ECOCKS]

I'll disagree here FP. If Berk wants to know, then the question is his to ask. The fact that you wouldn't is your decision just as his decision to ask is his.

It's a two-way street though. Did you indicate to her that you were or were not writing/talking/dating others? Did you communicate your belief that your "relationship" (such as it is) needs to be in the monogamous stage at this point? I thought you mentioned that you were still dating others (maybe I'm not remembering it right  though). If so, what's good for the goose is good for the gander and all that.

[GQBlues]

What and with whom one is writing is not an appropriate question IMHO to someone you do not know. I think the woman was well within appropriate etiquette to tell Berkough to take a hike.

Of course FP I'm OK with that. The question asked didn't denote specificity but rather anonymously. Yes or no. Sure the gal have every right to determine if this was for her but my take on this specific matter is the OP also need to understand that such circumstances hardly, if any, require any other action than to dispense it with no fanfare. Move on.

He deemed it to be right to ask, she didn't feel right about responding. No harm, no foul.

There's always a proverbial line AMs seem to always catch themselves in in second guessing a lot of the facets of these relationships. I strive to lay out that people simply need to follow their convictions and let the chips fall where they may. IMO, asking, or being asked, if they are corresponding to other people will always be something benign to me.

[Chicagoguy]

What about STD ?    This is important information. I wouldn't want to WOVO and discover she had Herpes. And yet I would never dream of asking this question.

[Vaughn]

I think the woman was well within appropriate etiquette to tell Berkough to take a hike. He might as well been asking for a pair of her soiled panties.

 


Thinking way back, there came a point in our correspondence when I, too, felt a need to know if my Elvira was
corresponding with others. Even as we had begun to form plans to meet, I still did not feel entitled to invade her
personal space - not having yet met face to face. So I wrote, " I thought today I should tell you that I am writing
to no other women, just you..." And at that stage it was the truth - five or six others had fallen to the wayside,
several months earlier. Her response was a welcome one: "Same here," basically.

Managing conversation with a woman doesn't have to be a delicate art form, yet tact and creativity can go a long
way - and never go out of style.

[Faux Pas]

Thinking way back, there came a point in our correspondence when I, too, felt a need to know if my Elvira was
corresponding with others. Even as we had begun to form plans to meet, I still did not feel entitled to invade her
personal space - not having yet met face to face. So I wrote, " I thought today I should tell you that I am writing
to no other women, just you..." And at that stage it was the truth - five or six others had fallen to the wayside,
several months earlier. Her response was a welcome one: "Same here," basically.

Managing conversation with a woman doesn't have to be a delicate art form, yet tact and creativity can go a long
way - and never go out of style.

Good point Vaughn and one I intended to make earlier before getting sidetracked. I agreed with you here btw. After plans were made and dates were set to visit I volunteered that I was no longer communicating with other women and was looking forward to meeting her. I didn't expect a response but I did hope for one. I didn't get it. At the end of our first meeting she asked me if we could continue to see only each other. Obviously I said yes and it was then I realized I had gotten my answer that I was looking for a month or so earlier.

[Faux Pas]

For some reason that reminds me of a very old joke: Two bulls, a young one and an old one are standing at the top of a hill peering over all the cows. The young one says "lets run down there and boink one of them cows" to which the old one replied "let's walk down and boink them all"

[NJ]

He didn't ask her what's her breasts size
He didn't ask her how many sex partners did she have
He didn't ask her if she was a prostitute
He didn't ask her to send him her nude pictures

In fact the question he asked is innocent. She could say: "few", "only you", "one more" or "some others". She could say "doesn't matter" or "don't want to answer". She could just ignore it.

I really don't think that this is an inpolite question. I used to ask men after few weeks of corresponding when I was on dating sites. I also was asked this question. Never got offended.

[berkough]

He didn't ask her what's her breasts size
He didn't ask her how many sex partners did she have
He didn't ask her if she was a prostitute
He didn't ask her to send him her nude pictures

In fact the question he asked is innocent. She could say: "few", "only you", "one more" or "some others". She could say "doesn't matter" or "don't want to answer". She could just ignore it.

I really don't think that this is an inpolite question. I used to ask men after few weeks of corresponding when I was on dating sites. I also was asked this question. Never got offended.

Exactly... And now I have to find time later on tonight to sit down and read all the posts!!! I had no idea this thread was going to become so active. Just wanted to thank everyone for jumping into the discussion. Even though I'm sure I probably disagree with 70% of the comments, regardless it's been a fun read thus far.

[UTRO]

He didn't ask her what's her breasts size
He didn't ask her how many sex partners did she have
He didn't ask her if she was a prostitute
He didn't ask her to send him her nude pictures

In fact the question he asked is innocent. She could say: "few", "only you", "one more" or "some others". She could say "doesn't matter" or "don't want to answer". She could just ignore it.

I really don't think that this is an inpolite question. I used to ask men after few weeks of corresponding when I was on dating sites. I also was asked this question. Never got offended.

NJ, how do you know he didn't ask those questions too?!?

Just kidding with you Berkough

[UTRO]

Thinking way back, there came a point in our correspondence when I, too, felt a need to know if my Elvira was
corresponding with others. Even as we had begun to form plans to meet, I still did not feel entitled to invade her
personal space - not having yet met face to face. So I wrote, " I thought today I should tell you that I am writing
to no other women, just you..." And at that stage it was the truth - five or six others had fallen to the wayside,
several months earlier. Her response was a welcome one: "Same here," basically.

Managing conversation with a woman doesn't have to be a delicate art form, yet tact and creativity can go a long
way - and never go out of style.

That was a polite way Vaughn.... in fact I think that is how Sveta and I went about it. Thing is, it was after many emails and chats.... not after 3 or 4 days.

[berkough]

What about STD ?    This is important information. I wouldn't want to WOVO and discover she had Herpes. And yet I would never dream of asking this question.

LOL, nah that question comes when I'm leaning over her in bed...

"So.... yeah I've been meaning to ask, you don't have VD do you? Cause I brought some rubbers with me to be safe."

NJ, how do you know he didn't ask those questions too?!?

Just kidding with you Berkough

Hehe.

Breast size I'm pretty good at eyeing, wouldn't have to ask.
The more experience she has the less I have to instruct her on.
Obviously if money is expect as part of the exchange of bodily fluids that transaction is not going to happen.
I don't need nude pictures, unless I'm the one taking the pictures.

[Shadow]

LOL, nah that question comes when I'm leaning over her in bed...

"So.... yeah I've been meaning to ask, you don't have VD do you? Cause I brought some rubbers with me to be safe."

Hehe.

Better use them anyway... it might not be her you have to worry about  :evil:

Whatever you might agree or disagree with, I am sure that you will have learned something for the future.