The man is always wrong

[erudite]

When I watched that video, the lady DJ in green melted an unlit candle in my living room, two rooms away, sitting on a coffee table.   :heartafire:

[LAman]

It's exactly what the man himself revealed to ML.  So going by what the man said, don't you think it's probable that even the most stupid man on the face of the earth can actually identify as well as ascertain "garsh golly gee, she never looked that way at ME!"

It is in that light (pun obviously intended)... that I still ask you the same question and a simple "yes" or "no" will more than suffice.  When you speak with whomever, do you light up have a positive - glowing, happy, ga ga eyed - reaction that is greater in intensity and thus natural visible display than any of those you have ever had with your husband? 

Question Daveman......What insanly jealous man hasn't had a/his women light up when talking to any man???? I had not heard of any...think about.....just picture what a jealous guy would be thinking....bingo!!!! Girl HAD got to be flirting!!!!!!

[dbneeley]

Regarding DJBeauty...

Not so long ago, there was a discussion on one of these forums regarding hair length. The nearly universal response was that "long hair is sexy" but, apparently, the overwhelming majority of those in the thread thought that short hair was not.

I pointed out that my first crush on a movie star when I was young was on Audrey Hepburn, and that ever since that time I've had something of a "thing" for short hair on women who can wear it.

Now, we have a marked response to DJBeauty--who is indeed both gorgeous and sexy. Did you happen to note her hair length and cut?

I rest my case...
 

David

[GQBlues]

...Now, we have a marked response to DJBeauty--who is indeed both gorgeous and sexy. Did you happen to note her hair length and cut?...

Yup.

To put an 'extension' into your post there David. My wife since arriving to the states had taken adavantaged of the opportunity to dabble with her hair. She's a strawberry blonde, but she's been a blonde, a brunette and back again. LOL.

Now, with the new Swan trend, she recently had her long hair 'cut'. Her facial feature more or less look a lot like Natalie P. (see below) and the Swan cut (though many believe it's called 'the Posh', after Viktoria Beckham's style, which is different actually since I think Vikoria looks more like that reality TV show with the woman and her Asian hubby who are now divorced - can't remember the name)...

Anyway, the picture below gives you a good idea how these styles differ. Like with my wife, she looked very sexy to me when she had her long hair but she can be as hot as Natalie, like DJ Beauty, with the (black) Swan look. Her stylist warned her however not to immediately cut her locks short and just go midway for now. So presently, she's sporting the Jackie O look, which she really likes, too.

Me?!? Ha-hah! Just chillin' and enjoying the show. Wifey needs to go through these women things and get it out of her system. I love her to tears, especially when she's happy being a woman.

[ML]

ML,

What is the next chapter in this story?
Did he dump his lit-up fiancee?
Did he forgive her and continue the relationship?
Did she forgive him and continue the relationship?
Did they start doing threesomes and foursomes?

Tom, I only saw these two twice more.  First at a breakfast (that I mentioned in OP) and later at a dinner.  We were at All Inclusive resort where you tend to see the same couples a few times, even if not planned.

I already told in my OP that  "He had done the apology bit, had great sex, and all will be OK for rest of his trip.  He still cutting her loose though after she safely back home."

Interestingly, the gal smiled at the guy a lot during the dinner and had her hands on him a lot . . .  legs, arms, etc.

I told him later (when the gals were off getting deserts) that she seemed pretty 'lit up' for him; but he repeated his first comments to me that she was twice as 'lit up' when talking with the other guy.

He was the only one to view both 'lit up' intensities, so it was his judgement call.

And, on another point, I don't think this guy was 'out of his league' with this gal in the looks department.  My gal also commented that they were a good looking couple.

We never exchanged email addresses, etc., so I don't know the end of the story.

[ML]

But, when you meet and speak to a pleasant (fill in the blank) do you "light up or have goo goo gaa gaa faa faa baa baa whatever eyes" in a way "like you never have before with your husband?"

Once again Daveman, in his question to mies, shows he is one of the few who is being honest here.

[TomT]

That's a pity.

[Muzh]

Tom, I only saw these two twice more.  First at a breakfast (that I mentioned in OP) and later at a dinner.  We were at All Inclusive resort where you tend to see the same couples a few times, even if not planned.

I already told in my OP that  "He had done the apology bit, had great sex, and all will be OK for rest of his trip.  He still cutting her loose though after she safely back home."

Interestingly, the gal smiled at the guy a lot during the dinner and had her hands on him a lot . . .  legs, arms, etc.

I told him later (when the gals were off getting deserts) that she seemed pretty 'lit up' for him; but he repeated his first comments to me that she was twice as 'lit up' when talking with the other guy.

He was the only one to view both 'lit up' intensities, so it was his judgement call.

And, on another point, I don't think this guy was 'out of his league' with this gal in the looks department.  My gal also commented that they were a good looking couple.

We never exchanged email addresses, etc., so I don't know the end of the story.

IMHO, I think this guy is an insecure, narcissist a-hole. She's better off without him.

[Faux Pas]

Once again Daveman, in his question to mies, shows he is one of the few who is being honest here.

Is it any coincidence that those few being honest here are agreeing with you? I didn't think so 

[Daveman]

Well, in that vein of honesty... I've been described many ways in my life.. "insecure" and/or "jealous" have never been part of the diatribes (though I have learned to play/pretend the latter a little sometimes to great benefit)... Of course we still have the ambiguity over the wording "lit-up".. but... if this happened to me the way I envisioned this scenario when first reading it, yes indeed, I'd be out the door, gone, never looking back and moving on to find a woman who 'sparks massively' for me.  It's an absolute no-brainer.

Now, the way ML describes the couple at dinner.. yeah, she seemed like a normal woman in a relationship.   :noidea:

[Muzh]

Daveman, you are absolutely correct, no one was there.

What was told to us was:

1) She "lit up" talking to another guy in a way she never "lit up" with her man.
2) He spied on her during this incident and then went to his room and curled up in a fetal position.
3) He decided to dump her AFTER he had plenty of sex with her and then put her on a plane home.
4) He was having dinner with her as if nothing ever happened.
5) She was paying attention to him.

So, it is more than acceptable to deduce that the guy is an insecure narcissistic a-hole.

BUT, we don't know that for a fact.

Ah ha.

[ML]

Just to make it a little more difficult (but certainly not stop) for those who tend to deliberately misquote, misinterpret and misremember, I will re-post the original here.


The man is always wrong
« on: March 23, 2011, 04:53:15 AM »
   
I have read this idea here several times.  Have not experienced for my own situation, but recently saw the principle in action.

Have been in Turkey for 10 days or so with my gal staying at 5 star resort on southern coast.  Met AM of late 30s with super hot UW in mid 20s.  He visited at her home city 3 times and met all her family.  All going great and proposal accepted, etc.

Yesterday saw him and he was a mess.  They ready to take a walk from resort.  He had to run back up to room to get water or something.  She to wait outside door.

He had to take poo poo, so was 5-7 min extra.  When came out door, saw her talking to a RM.  So he waited a moment to approach so as to be kind and not interrupt conversation.  But then he saw that she was lit up like Christmas tree talking to this man and smiling bigger than she had ever smiled at him.

He got sick in stomach and could hardly stand, so he sat down and continued to watch them, while getting sicker and sicker.  He saw all had been a fake love or attraction on her part.  Finally she turned and saw him and came running to him.

He still in shock and she asked why.  He told of what he had seen; and she denied all and said she had not been smiling in extra ordinary way, etc. And that he was stupid to be jealous because she loved only him, etc.

He tried to explain to her he was not jealous if she talked to another man or even smiled at another man.   But what he had seen made him realize that she really did not like him all that much because he had seen how she could light up with another man in a way that she had never done with him.

Anyway, the end result was that it was all caused by HIS FAULT for going back to the room and leaving her alone!!

He told me she was now off sulking in room.  He was sure it was over and would end the relationship . . .  but he said, what the he!!, he might as well have good sex for 4 more days.

So I told him the rules that I had read here.  Yes, all will always be the man's fault, and he now must apologize for her wrong-doing.

Saw him at breakfast this morning.  He had done the apology bit, had great sex, and all will be OK for rest of his trip.  He still cutting her loose though after she safely back home.

[Jumper]

ML

He got sick in stomach and could hardly stand, so he sat down and continued to watch them, while getting sicker and sicker.  He saw all had been a fake love or attraction on her part.  Finally she turned and saw him and came running to him.

He still in shock and she asked why.  He told of what he had seen; and she denied all and said she had not been smiling in extra ordinary way, etc. And that he was stupid to be jealous because she loved only him, etc.

He tried to explain to her he was not jealous if she talked to another man or even smiled at another man.   But what he had seen made him realize that she really did not like him all that much because he had seen how she could light up with another man in a way that she had never done with him.

ML-

So, why would a  bystander not notice this could be two very different perspectives?

He could have seen exactly that and , felt this way!

yet any overly jealous man will almost always  say exactly this mans bolded words.
He certainly wont say that he is wacky ,and jealous, and simply imagining that anytime she speaks with any man its over the top in enthusiasm and christmas lights.Even when he leaves for
just 5 minutes!!
( i wonder just how many times some woman (or man) has heard that line?)
That type of person always feels that is the case , and acts accordingly.


Now her words would be the same whether she was caught red handed flirting and
*lit up like christmas tree*

or whether she was in a relationship with a overly jealous man who was behaving poorly over nothing of consequence.


Its just as likely one way or the other ? 50/50 at best!

I have no idea why you would think anyone's opinion  reading your take, of the man's perception,
wouldn't have just as good of odds of knowing which way that actually went down.

You posting later that they were  well matched couple,
that she appeared to be quite attentive to him,hands on his legs ,arms ,  over dinner...
would be the same 50/50 scenario?

she could be making up for the earlier perception he had and their fight over her being
*lit up like  a christmas tree* and her trying to salvage things.

or she could be genuinely in love with the guy.. recognize  is a jealous or sensitive type,
 and either being herself and attentive ,or trying to be overly so, to make her man happy.

i still say 50/50 shot.

You calling people  liars , over a situation that easily *could* have  different actual motives is ridicules, especially considering if *we* go by what you actually saw...
not by the one sided version of some scenario you did not witness.

A plausible case could be made for either scenario , and you certainly do not have some omnipotent power to know what anyone here would do in either situation.

[ML]

yet any overly jealous man will almost always  say exactly this mans bolded words.
He certainly wont say that he is wacky ,and jealous, and simply imagining that anytime she speaks with any man its over the top in enthusiasm and christmas lights.

. . . .

( i wonder just how many times some woman (or man) has heard that line?)
That type of person always feels that is the case , and acts accordingly.

Now her words would be the same whether she was caught red handed flirting and
*lit up like christmas tree*

or whether she was in a relationship with a overly jealous man who was behaving poorly over nothing of consequence.

Its just as likely one way or the other ? 50/50 at best!

AJ, I still think each and every man here would have reacted the same as this man, given the scenario that I wrote as told to me by the man, if they viewed and measured the same thing the man did.

However, I do believe you have a very valid point that the man could have over estimated her 'lit up' intensity.  And perhaps insecure and jealous people would always tend to over estimate in these situations.

So we have at least two possibilities here:

1) The man over estimated her 'lit up' intensity with the other man.  In this case, it seems he cut loose a potentially good woman.

2) The man viewed and measured everything correctly, and his reaction was the same as would be for all men.

The guy seemed very reasonable to me in all conversations we had (except for his very emotional state when telling the original story).  Did not seem insecure, unreasonably jealous, etc. in our other conversations,  so I still have to go with number 2.

[ML]

"Anyway, the end result was that it was all caused by HIS FAULT for going back to the room and leaving her alone!!"

Another interesting point to me is that there has been little to no discussion of the above from my OP.

That was really the point of my OP, not all of this psychoanalysis about the guy.

The point being . . . . even if she were flirting and 'lighting up' for another guy . . . .
her final explanation of the situation to him was it was HIS FAULT for leaving her unattended for a few minutes.

I was just  trying to show that I finally witnesst what married men have posted here several times.  That the man is always wrong.

[Muzh]

AJ, I still think each and every man here would have reacted the same as this man, given the scenario that I wrote as told to me by the man, if they viewed and measured the same thing the man did.

How could you possibly say something like the sort?

Every guy here IS responding to the scenario YOU told us, and it is not what you want to hear.

I'm not psychoanalyzing anything here. It is just plain as the nose in my face. The guy in question felt threatened by his girl talking to another man and he retreated into his cocoon.

Based on YOUR own description, he is:

- afraid of rejection, therefore insecure
- biting more than he could chew
- not very honorable

This are just a few and I'll leave it like that.

You are trying to equate his experience as IF he caught HIS WIFE in bed with another man. What happened was not even close.

However, you are correct. In this case this man was wrong. Regardless.

[dbneeley]

I'm not psychoanalyzing anything here. It is just plain as the nose in my face.

Given your avatar, that really would be rather obvious...

David

[Daveman]

"Anyway, the end result was that it was all caused by HIS FAULT for going back to the room and leaving her alone!!"

Another interesting point to me is that there has been little to no discussion of the above from my OP.

That was really the point of my OP, not all of this psychoanalysis about the guy.

The point being . . . . even if she were flirting and 'lighting up' for another guy . . . .
her final explanation of the situation to him was it was HIS FAULT for leaving her unattended for a few minutes.

I was just  trying to show that I finally witnesst what married men have posted here several times.  That the man is always wrong.

LoL, and can you imagine... what would have happened... if the roles were reversed...  the woman walked out and saw him all "lit up" with another woman... yeahhhhhh... miscellaneous body parts would still be washing up on those Turkish beaches. 

You're right, they do come up with truly idiotic explanations for why things are "your" fault.  When that happens, I just start pulling out equally ridiculous reasons why it's her fault.. and we toss those back and forth for a while and then it just goes away. Family feces flinging fun.  It's ridiculous and hilarious.  Never take any of that mess seriously.

[Jumper]

Daveman:

and we toss those back and forth for a while and then it just goes away.

 
Grashhopper i think you have caught the fly with the chopsticks!!!!!!!




lol i have been known to come up with some fairly off the wall commentary on exactly why it was *my* fault.

 I hid my report card in a furnace duct in the 3rd grade..
So yes dear you're right, and that is why you forgot to bring your bag..
or maybe it all stems from that time I shot my brother off his bicycle with the BB gun, it was probably 50 meters from 2 stories up,
the greatest shot i have ever made in my life..
i really truly should have ben congratulated ,not punished!
 but i'm sure its connected to this current travesty and made me, make you forget your bag.

it's all in the delivery though , not the actual words,
you have to be so serious ,and deeply reflective,
that its downright ridiculas...

 a lot of head shaking and "he is incouragable" looks later and then its just funny.


In my experience the frequency of things beyond my control being entirely my fault,guilt by association, 
dimishes quickly and in direct proportion , to just how absurd I  wish to be , or how amusing I find the whole thing.


of course,
 it's also quite possible  my search could be extended .....