NO Magic formula but use a marriage agency not a dating agency

[Son of Clyde]

There is much talk of FORM LETTERS.

If a guy is wanting to write to many women there is nothing wrong with a basic form letter that leaves room for additions. You can write a basic letter telling about yourself and make additional comments , tailor made for each woman you are writing to.

I used a "boiler plate" letter like this and I see no reason why a woman cannot do the same.

If the guy is writing to many women there is no reason why the woman cannot do the same.

Once the relationship has been established it is up to the woman and man to do the right thing and discontinue writing to others.

Looking53, I wish you the best of luck. It will not be an easy road. I have a 20 year age difference and there are times when the age difference can be a problem. We don't like the same music and some of our intrests are not the same. The bottom line is that we care for each other and we try to resolve problems together.

[Maxx]

Divorcing my RW wife


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Hello All:

These last months have eaten me alive. I wake every morning depressed and have little energy to carry on with my life. All of this started when my wife (K3) came. I hope by posting this story I can release all of this from inside me. I ask two things, please do not move this story to the Scam section as it belongs here and not with the usual and please go easy on me folks.

In Russia my wife was warm, affectionate and most of all kind. She would say to me "How is my honey?" and "You are my kind (man)". I looked forward to the time when she would come to me in America. While I waited I would think of her and imagine our life together. I wanted to raise her son as my own and someday he would help and eventually run my business if that was his choice.

When the embassy sent the packet 4 and the notification letter as to the interview date I was with her there in Russia. At that time she sat me down for a serious talk. She said she was worried about her mother's living conditions and that she needed to sell the small house the one they were living in the one without hot water. I always for the the last year offered to fix the place up, put in a hot water heater and make it comfortable but it there was always an excuse from her not to.

I told her that instead of selling the house just fix it slowly and have her mother move into the center of the city in an comfortable apartment that I will rent for her. This way she could come to me immediately. Another excuse.

After she got her visa she hesitated about coming to me right away. She wanted to stay for at least a month and a half to help her mother. I was rather hurt that she would not come to me right away but I understood that she needed to take care of her business first.

Then for the next week she seemed to be in no hurry to come and didn't want to talk about it. Then all of a sudden she wanted to come right away. She said she was worried about the war in Iraq and would not get on a plane after this war started. I assured her there was no problem but she remained unconvinced. So eager to get her here I ordered the tickets for a departing flight from Moscow to JFK airport.

When she arrived I was at the airport to greet her. I expected her to rush to me. Throw her arms around me give me lots of kisses and tell me she loved me and I the same. When she came around the corner she gave me a slight smile, a quick peck of a kiss and shoved the handle of her rolling case into my hand and said "here". I was shocked. She got into the cab and sat at the far side. When she got back at the hotel she got into bed with her 7 year old son and not me.

The sleeping "arrangement" never changed over the next four nights. When I asked her to start sleeping with me she got violently angry. Her eyes were filed with hate and she told me she would never sleep with me.

Yes there was a coldness about her but sometimes for a moment I would see the woman that I loved back in Russia and I thought "perhaps if I was patient enough... maybe" Then after a month of this I thought maybe I had married a Green Card Girl.

So what to do? Off to see lawyers both divorce and immigration and make statements and gather evidence.

From the beginning she pushed me to send money to "Momma" by Western Union. The house was "sold" and the new owners were about to move in and momma needed the extra money for the newer apartment. As the money didn't come in fast enough for her my wife standing next to me at the Western Union office fumed AND looked worried.

Over that time I was not kept informed about the progress of buying the new apartment. Only by me asking was I told that momma was still living at the "sold" house and this was two months AFTER the house "sold."

Finally after getting a new divorce lawyer who works much faster and gets things done I filed divorce. I went to my wife one more time to tell her kindly that we can not make each other happy and are getting a divorce. She cried and stood by the door. I put my arms around her. Her arms hung limply by her side and I kissed her softly on her cheek and said "I love you. I will always love you. Goodbye" And I left. 

Later that evening I called her and asked her how she was doing. She said her body felt sick and asked me when I would call her again. I said "Tommorow". I tried calling her every day after that but nothing.

Four days go by and I stop by some mutual Russian friends of ours. I am told that she called her Russian girl friend from her home city and who is now living here and her friend adviced her to check herself into a home for battered women and claim emotional abuse. It was all setup to where to go and this "friend" of mine drove her over there. I was told that "she WILL get her green card and eventually citizenship". "The organization" she is with "is politically powerful" and "she will get all the help she needs". Also I was told that I "need not worry about a thing" there will be "no charges against you" (True so far, 10 days and counting) and "she is not your problem" "forget about her" "Go about your business" and "Don't mention any of this to the BCIS."

I leave to visit my friend John. I cannot be alone that night. On the way over there driving on some country roads I emotionally break down. I have never cried so hard in my life. My insides felt like they were coming out of my mouth. I am not crying for myself I am crying because I could clearly see that there are people who could do such these things with cold blood cruelty. Me emotionally abusive?! I have been walking on eggshells these months because of fear of my wife and at the advice of my attorneys and besides it is my nature not to want problems. I just want a peaceful happy life with a loving woman.

When I got back to my apartment I noticed the caller ID and storage of names. I noticed the calls from her Russian girl friends and the calls from her friends who brought her to the shelter. I also noticed calls from a Russian man Andrey and an Hispanic man Chavez. Chavez called repeatedly never leaving a message and this was after she left. Finally I spoke to him, a young man from his voice. I told him the my wife was no longer loving here and he said "I see OK" and he has not called since.

Finally the truth has come to me. Yes she was a Green Card Girl and her nature is not kind but selfish. But there is more. The money I sent her mother was not to buy a better apartment it was to buy ME. The people back in Russia told my wife to "stop putzing around and get to America and get our money... or else." I was a mark pure and simple to my wife. She would get her better life, they would get their money and I would be left with my pockets hanging out.

There is more to this story than I can tell you. People in the know I have spoke to, say it is a very common story with women from the FSU. Many come with a Plan and it is executed in a cold blooded manner. If they change personalities (not just a mood change from jet lag and culture shock) and become cold and distant you got a problem. See a attorney right away and make a statement, do not do AOS, file for divorce first and document everything.
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Last edited by maxx on 07/25/03 11:42 AM,

 

What happened next was that she filed a protective order against me. This 12 days after I filed the divorce. I was found guilty in a civil trial of "pushing and shoving". It was based on her word against mine only.

She used the "evidence" to file a spousal abuse petition with the INS (Called an I-360). This allowed her to get her green card. She traveled out East by train. Waiting at the train station was a Natasha and Daniel. They were from the same marriage agency I used in Russia. They were there to take her on to her next life. It had all been preplaned well in advance....  

Looking53, please use caution and remember that things are not always the way they seem. To me while reading your story I seen several Red Flags. A Red Flag doesn't mean guilty it just means you should look much closer and really test a situation or person. 

Maxx  [/b]

Congratulations Looking 53!

I am very happy for you and I sincerely hope that it all works out to the best for you. I too have pretty strong faith and made a few deals with God along the way, hehe. I have also made a few blunders as well, but today I am very happily married and all of my dreams are coming true. My first Ukrainian girl-friend was really a heart-breaking dissaster, but I really learned a lot after that and it helped me to level-out for my next attempt which resulted in a happy and successful marriage.

The only tid-bits of advice that I would offer would be these... Be careful not too lead with the wallet too much. This is a very common blunder that most us have made (myself included). I think that we do this to compensate for other things that are just not avaiable in the beginning, like wittiness, humor, etc, unless you happen to speak the language. So it is easy to just fall back on the one thing that we do have going for us - the big wallet. Just be careful because this can actually spoil things for you down the road. Remember this... If you are quick to toss around money when you are together with her over there, then she might get an expectation that this trend will continue when you bring her home. Your best bet (IMO) is to act and spend the same way that you would if you were not 'on vacation'. This way she will get a more realistic picture of who you are and appreciate it all the more when you do thoughtful things for her that include spending money.

Another thing that I learned is that it is really valuable to find out as much as you can about her culture and celebrate her National holidays (tomorrow is Intl Women's Day - as if anyone here didn't know about that, hehe). Be careful not show all of your cards all at once. Let her savor the time spent together getting to know you, sometimes women like a little bit of mystery.

Finally, please don't make the mistake of thinking that you are rescuing her from some terrible place or situation (note that I am not saying that you are doing this). Home is home where ever you happen to live no matter how good or bad it seems to be. I suspect that a lot of these girls take offense at the way that some of us Western guys characterize their living conditions. Sure, they don't have every little luxury that we have in the West, but it is still home for them and they will always think fondly of it and want to return frequently.

Well, that is enough blablabla from me, I really do wish you the best and hope that you will be successful!


~Bear

[Looking53]

Thanks bear. Normally my home is a town that was call hehe at one time. Kennewick Washington. This was not my first lady I met from Russia or Ukraine.

[Son of Clyde]

Bear, you are right on the money.

My wife thinks Ukraine is far better than the US in many ways. She is learning how expensive things can be here especially dental work. One crown in Ukraine cost her about $250.00, in the US it would be triple that amount.

In Ukraine there are upscale stores like in the US and she has a jogging suit that cost her over $200.00, a black denim jacket and jeans that were about $300.00 and some expensive, Italian shoes. The same designer fashions can be found in Ukraine.