NO Magic formula but use a marriage agency not a dating agency

[Looking53]

Guys I have been looking for over 3 years without much luck through the Russian woman sites. I tried at lease 12 different sites web sites. The worst was hotrussianbride. I even tried a couple chat lines where you could see the lady. I have received many form letters where a lady writes the same letter to many men. I have been on chat lines were you are suppose to see the lady you are chatting with. These are great for the agencies as they suck your money up. And when you really look at what they send on video it is a recording. The lady is not really there. Many have the agency staff responding. So being an Engineer I decided to use and engineer's approach. I looked around and found a local Ukraine agency that had a record for matching up couple not just letter writing. I chose Unona.

 

I told Unona what I wanted to do. I wanted to pick 25 ladies from their data base. Then I wrote one very specific and detailed letter about me and what I want in a lady that I want to spend the rest of my life with. All three offices were very helpful. They helped me screen the ladies. After all they know the ladies very well. Well in no time I got it down to one lady. She was exactly what I was looking for. We emailed back and forth for 2 month. The morning before I got on the plane to fly to meet her, she send me an email and told me her daughter wanted her father back and she was going to try to reconcile. 10 day visit all planned out and now everything was up in the air. I was left with I don't know what to do. I was not going to see this lady and getting involved with her now, because it was against everything that the bible teaches. So what do I do? I looked up to God and said ok Lord I trust you. So here I was flying to the Ukraine no lady no plan hoping things would work out. I was going to wing it 100%.

 

So I notify Unona that I will not be coming to Kherson immediately that instead I will stay in Odessa. I already been through there web site and I knew the ladies. Was there one I had missed? I get into Odessa tired the agency pick me up at the air port and suffering sever jet lag.  The Odessa staff immediately asked what my plans were. I told them I don't know I winging this one. So we go into the office and I get on their computer and start going through their web site hoping to discover someone I missed. I was having no luck. Well in the couch not 3 feet from me writing a letter was a beautiful lady. I look over and I try to find her on the data base. Finally when she goes upstairs I ask the Odessa staff who she is and what her id is. I look her up and she is a little young for me. Then I see she want a man 13 years younger than I. Oh well was my immediate response. But here I am in Odessa it night I have not slept in a bed for 2 days I have not had a good meal in 3 days. So I looked at the Unona staff there and asked if I could take this lady out for dinner. I told them I need to eat so what the heck. There I am tired and on a caffeine high. And there is a beautiful lady. Well she accepted my offer. We went to an Irish Pub she had a coffee and I had a soda. We talked for 2 or 3 hours. This lady was unbelievable; intelligent, warm, loving, and beautiful. She also seemed to like me too. Wow is all I could think. The Unona staff was extremely helpful. One of there ladies dropped everything and went with us for interpretation purposes. I heard many stories about poor interpreter but the ladies from Unona were great. So I asked this beautiful lady I had just met if we could meet again tomorrow. And she said YES. I said good night and went back to the Unona office and they helped to my apartment. It was a beautiful apartment. These ladies had gone way out of there way to help me.

 

The next day we met again we had a long dinner and we talk and walked for hours. The Unona interpreter was again helpful. Not just in interpretation but she help my lady feel comfortable with the whole situation. Well I decide at the first meet to go for this lady. I just wanted to treat her special and be myself. I made sure to look into her eyes and tell her how beautiful she was. Well we had a third date no interpreter. We went to the open market at the edge of town. The Russian Christmas was a day or 2 away, I wanted to buy her something. Also I thought about getting me some clothes. Well initially she was very uncomfortable about the idea of me buying her anything. She even got upset with me a little when she bought a sweater and I tried to pay for it. Finally I pulled her aside wrote down what I made in a year and told her money I have a girlfriend is what I want. Something clicked. Anyway she let me buy a few presents for her and her daughter. I knew that I was spending the equivalent of a month wage for her. But to me it was nothing. After this date I when to Unona and wrote my lady a letter. The ladies immediately translated the letter. Guys that was it. I spent 8 days with the most wonderful woman I had ever met. There is no comparison between her and western woman. She made me feel like a man. And she made me feel love. I am oversees right now I am starting to process for her to come to the US. I have asked her for her hand and she has accepted. This would not have happened without the ladies of Unona and God.

 

Guys you can either checkout many ladies on many web site or you can find a marriage agency. There is a difference between a communication agency and match making agency. If you are looking for a wonderful wife, I can think of no better agency to help you than Unona.

 

Sign a 52 year old engineer who in love and will marry the most wonderful woman God has ever created. She is 29 and in love with me. WOW.

[Albert]

I (and I am sure everyone else here) am very happy for you.

OK, so you found who you think is your ideal gal using a particular approach.

Many others have used your approach and gotten nowhere.

Many others have used completely different approaches from yours and found their ideal gal that way.

There is no best way to do this.

You have a long way to go.  Don't get all up in the air just yet.

[Vaughn]

Albert wrote:

You have a long way to go. 

Agreed. Give her and yourself some time for consistency to manifest itself. Have you met any of her family members yet? Do you plan to revisit before you file, or have you already sent off the paperwork? What about children - she will probably want one, or two, if not now in the near future - that subject is likely to surface before long. I, for one, appreciate your expression of faith - more than once I sat in my own rented flat and had a chat with God.

Well we had a third date no interpreter. We went to the open market at the edge of town.

Bravo! Blazing your own trails alone together is valuable experience. You begin to understand one another through creative determination. Save the deeper thoughts and questions for the agency gals to convey.

Lastly, I noticed she has a daughter. That in itself opens up a world of discussion. Are you familiar with Ukraine requirements for the young girl's lawful departure? 

Good luck, looking.              Vaughn

 

 

 

[Rvrwind]

I have received many form letters where a lady writes the same letter to many men.

And this is wrong, why?

Considering:

I wanted to pick 25 ladies from their data base. Then I wrote one very specific and detailed letter about me and what I want in a lady that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I see no diference between what they are doing & what you are doing so please explain why it is okay for you but not okay for them.

Seems like a pretty chauvinistic attitude to me.

By the way at 52 & 29, you got a long way to go & its gonna be a rocky road. I wish you luck, your gonna need it.

RVR-Canadian Cowboy/Agency Owner

[Looking53]

I wrote one letter. With exactly what I was looking for. The ladies were told exactly what I was doing by the agency. No games. They were also told that my purpose was to find one lady to be my wife. After the first letter the ladies screened themselves. Only 4 responded. Since I am a strong Christian and I was looking for someone who could live with this. Which reduced it to 2. One lady did not like the fact I was not Catholic and that left one.

The point my plan did not work. But because I was working with a marriage agency and not a dating agency. They were able to help me again match me up. So when the lady that I selected backed out. The agency knew enough about me and they set up the lady I met. They asked her to could in so she was there when I arrived. They told neither of us about this. Well than God I asked her to dinner that night. Yes she younger than what I was looking for but how to put this. But the agnecy thought we would be a good match. They knew what I want looking for.  And wow were they right.

I was not look for a 29 year old. I want someone closer to my age. I put a limit at 35. I am glad that I was smart enough to not put hard limits. And to be open.

Again some of you are missing the point.  Guys years ago marriages were arranged they worked because both were committed to making the marriage work. Divorce was almost unknown. Well commitment is the number 1 criteria that I was looking for in a lady. Yes I admit look do count. But there are 1000's of beautiful ladies. I want a lady that will commit to a marriage for life.

By the way I am not complaining about the ladies letter. They are told by the agencies what to do. That is why finding a good agency that is interested in match making not making money is so important. Will my lady and I work out, well time will tell. But one of the reason we are both moving toward marriage is that we both looked into the others heart. We are not playing the numbers game. We are being honest and we are supporting the other.

I learned the hard way. About how different the agencies are. There is an old saying there are 3 type of people. The Fool who never learns from his mistakes. The smart man that learns from his mistakes. Then the wise man that learn from others mistakes. I wish I was wise but smart fit me. What are you?

And guys are tired of getting letters where the lady does not say your name. That was the tip off to me that a letter was a form letter to many guys. Or even a letter generated by the agency themselves. Again that what do and teach in dating agencies.

[Rvrwind]

I will only say this. It has nothing to do with wether or not it is a dating agency or a marriage agency. It is a numbers game, pure & simple. The more women you communicate with & have contact with, the greater your chances of meeting someone who fits into your criteria & in your life.

I know several agencies who call themselves marriage agencies & do exactly what you described, Spam Mail, Phoney Letters the whole shebang. I also know those who call themselves dating agencies that have introduced many couples & had many successful marriages. The name means nothing, it is the actions behind the name that are what tell the tale. The name is strictly for marketing purposes.

I market my service as an introduction agency, not a marriage agency & not a dating agency. Why? Because no one can guarratee you will get married to one of my ladies, I can't even gurrantee they will date you or even correspond with you. I can only guarrantee that I will introduce you, the rest is up to you & her & is out my hands & my control.

That is all any agency can do, no matter what hype they try & feed you or how many $'s you spend. There are no guarratee's past the introduction, period!!!

RVR-Canadian Cowboy/Agency Owner

[Looking53]

Well all I know is when I played the numbers game it did not work. When I figure out who I was and what make a marriage work and went looked for only that. I hit pay dirt real fast.  I know too many guys like me that played the numbers game. Most are still looking.

[RacerX]

[user=843]Looking53[/user] wrote:

Finally I pulled her aside wrote down what I made in a year and told her money I have a girlfriend is what I want. Something clicked. Anyway she let me buy a few presents for her and her daughter.

I think that pretty much says it all - was there any advice you were looking for from the members, or ??

[Looking53]

Is there anyone out there that is not a cynic? What with all the anger. You know the whole point in this is finding someone to love and have her love you back. I always thought being pessimist was a turnoff for a woman. It funny because that the thing that my fiancé says she like most a positive up beat guy that just goes for it. Come to think about I use to be a cynic that way. I didn't really like myself then. Oh well what do I know. I guess I be a pessimistic man again. Then I'll get the babes.

[Albert]

Looking53.  You are missing the point of those who are trying to help you.  We are not being cynics.  Many here are realists.

Your postings are like those that one would expect to see from a 17 year old boy who just got his first French kiss and whiff of pu$$y.

You have your head in the clouds.

We are just trying to help you clearly see the road ahead.

[GregfromGa]

Looking53 , you have much much to learn my son. There are a few on this board that you can learn from if you can make yourself listen and learn. They have forgotten more than you can possibly fathom at this point of the process. If you see this through and most dont you will understand the jest of what some are saying here. You have a long long way to go before we can chalk this up as mission accomplished just yet. I'm happily married to a beautiful UW and it's hard focking work at times. You have to learn to throw all reason and logic out the window at times or either just buy prozac and vodka and drink it as a cocktail without ice to soften the effect. Most people on here wish you the best of luck. Some have never been on a plane but will offer up loads of advice. All I have left to say is goodluck.

[Looking53]

Guys I work in Iraq. Yesterday a soldier I know was killed by an IED. 4 months ago 4 men I was friend who at time were my personal body guards were killed. One guy had a wife and 4 kids. I live behind 12 foot high walls. I wear body armor and a helmet when I go anywhere. When I go out I ride in armor plated vehicles with a minimum of 12 body guards who are heavily armed. I hear at least 4 large explosions a day. Knowing that every explosion means somebody was killed. Many times innocent woman and children. Through this I have to look at the bright side of life. I use to think and act as you guys do protecting myself and not going for it 100%. I rather be here without my son and the people I love. Than living life like you guys do.

Let me ask you a question why was Michael Jordan the best basketball player of his time. And why did the Bulls win so many championships under his leadership. Easy this man learned to trust himself and play without fear. No safety nets.

My daughter is a nurse in the army at Walter Reed hospital in Washington DC. She works with the amputees from here.

The money I make here is great. But the real reason I am here is to try help change things here so the soldiers can go home.

I will not let fear control me period. Life is to beautiful not to enjoy even in Sadr City Baghdad Iraq. So now what are you trying to teach me?

[dorogoyroberto]

[user=843]Looking53[/user] wrote:

So now what are you trying to teach me?

Mr. Looking53,

That you, like some of us, are in the process of learning about FSU  women. It, like all relationships, is a long-term, ongoing experience.

Lilya and I have lived together now for 8+ months. We have barely  scratched the surface, and we both realize it. We have come a long way  since the first exchange of emails in November 2003 and the first  meeting two months later.

Many more emails, telephone conversations and two more visits were to  follow...and the education continues. Please remember: patience is not  merely a virtue, it is a wonderful teacher.

Good luck!

Roberto,
Kiev, Ukraine

[BC]

Looking53,

Cynic?.. no, realist?.. quite so.

I think if you listen to guys that have been married for a while you will find many that will discourage..  why?

First, most of the married folks I know on the board and in private life did not go the MOB route.

Second, looking back they can truly see how lucky they were to survive and how much effort was necessary to hold the ship together.

Putting 1 and 2 together one tends to find the prospectives quite slim for those interested in following MOB paths and methods.

[Zhena]

I think that every case is individual and there is no reason to say it wont work out...It may work out even after a first and one meeting. Sure there is a long way but someone can be lucky to catch his right girl very quickly.

[BC]

a fiancee,

Luck has a habit of picking those that least expect.. not those that try.

Chances of finding a good mate abound and guess what.. you don't even have to try.. millions upon millions of marriages each year prove it.

May sound bold but looking specifically for a RW probably decreases your chances of finding a mate rather than increasing it.

MOB is like Vegas in many ways.. the only ones that really win are those that walk in, place a one dollar bet, walk out with a big win.. and never return.

Those funny four letter 'L' words.. Love and Luck, just can't be bought.. not even in FSU.  Is interesting that so many keep trying ..

Yes it may 'happen' but don't count on it.

[GregfromGa]

Looking53 it looks like to me you have it all figured out.  No need to teach you anything because you will not let fear control you in the meantime those poor kids that are making 20K a year protecting your ass  are probably pretty focking scared and would like to be home. I'm not impressed with the money you make there while it is probably pretty good. I dont plan to teach you anything because you already know everything. My prediction is this, after another trip or two or four she'll either do a number on you or figure you out and then we'll never hear from you again.

[Rvrwind]

Easy this man learned to trust himself and play without fear. No safety nets.

And before you go sticking us all in a little conveneint box, I suggest you learn the history of some of the posters here. What we have done & accomplished. If anybody on this board fits any closer to this description than me, I'll eat my own cowboy hat.

I am in no way trying to discourage you, ah' contrar, I aplaud & welcome you to the ranks, but I urge caution. You are at the very beginning of a very long uphill path that can be a major minefield. Being in the middle of a war zone may seem like childs play after a shark of an RW & colaberating agency get through with you, Just ask Maxx.

So I wouldn't go shooting of the fireworks & cracking the champagne just yet.

RVR-Canadian Cowboy/Agency Owner

[Goldtop]

My guess is that the majority of men who are married or engaged fell in love with their partnerns on the first visit. That really isn't the issue. It's figuring out if she is really in love with you.  I know of successful couples that settled the issue through prayer. Good luck.

 

[Louie]

Looking, I say go for it, your not a kid, and I don't care how old you are, love will make you do wonderfully stupid things, and feel great doing them! I was just about to wash my hands of this hole endeavor, I was tired of the half hearted responses, and most of the times no response, I pulled my profile and said I'm done, and about 10 days later the agency staff write to me and says this one girl is very interested in you, and could she write you a letter, I told her i didn't think she was interested, so I played along, I got wonderful letter from her in it she asked why I had just disappeared! So i wrote her back with an explanation and she wrote back asking if i would call her and gave me her phone number (by the way the agency is doing this not thru there site but just as a courtesy through my email address) I finally get to talk to her, and i was very impressed with this woman, English was real good, but she seem to have a genuine enthusiasm in her voice, and i really enjoyed the conversation, so I am going to go for it, and I just hope I get lucky like you!!

[Aleksia]

Guys are right here. Things are not so easy. It's no matter if you are using a marriage agency or dating agency, or some on line service.

You can find a good and serious girl in any of them and the same - the scammer can be found in all of them.

The agency know what a woman told them!

They can not look into her head and see her real thoughts and intentions.

[Looking53]

Congratulation Louie, One thing I learned in the 10 years I tried to save my first and only of marriage 23 years, that marriages 200 years ago marriages were arranged and they worked. Why couples made the commitment and put the effort into making them work. Not that there were not problem but divorce was almost unheard of them. People learned to love the other. That was the big criteria I was looking for in a lady. Will she commit to making it work with me. I read about the problem the guys have with their RW well that just life. I don't know but it seems if you have commitment you can work out almost anything.

 

Sounds like you have found one that has that commitment.

 

I know, here comes the letter telling why I am all wet.

 

Oh well.

 

Good luck and God Bless Louie and go for it.

[Todd]

I might have missed it, but one thing that really helped Kate and I was visiting Kate several times prior to her coming to the US.  First, it was fun.  Second, it helped her mother and granny realize that I wasn't just a flash in the pan.  I would recommend several more visits prior to her coming here.  I think it is just very helpful especially when the communication gap could be large. 

Also, the time for language classes for her is ASAP....Neither Kate or I could imagine us being together and not sharing a common language which she is fluent in.

Best of luck,

Todd

 

[tm33398]

Looking53,

Keep you trust in the Lord and He will give thee the desires of your heart. Just keep asking Him to direct you and her and He will bring it to pass! If she is not the one and you have prayed about it, it will come to surface. Don't worry brother, God has a plan for you! My wife is Russian and just recently got baptized in our church. She has been here since July 2005, we got married in September 2005, but we are still together. Yes, there are incredibly hard times to go through, the total uprroting of her life! The adjustment and bewilderment she feels and loss of confidence she feels at not knowing anything, these are things to go through. They are definitely not easy. Just be a support to her and let her know as often as possible that you understand and think OFTEN about how she feels. But you have not gotten there to that point yet. She may express uncertainty before she comes, but she is definitely looking for security for her child and her, but that is normal, a mother would do that and you probably know that already. 2 important things to consider: 1). Will you take her to Iraq? That does not seem a safe place to take mother and daughter. 2). Is she of the household of faith? "...Can 2 walk together unless they be agreed?",  "Does Light have fellowship with darkness?" Those are very important things to think about. Butother than that I hope she can be the one, you put your trust in God, conmtinue to do so, I did and have married my wife from Russia and she still can have a hard time, employment for her and many of them with inhibiting language skills pushes them back from launching out more into american society. I know a lady from Azerbaijan who was a doctor there but now cleans floors, legal employment, but below her skill level, except for language skills. There is a lot involved in this type of marriage and it easy not easy, but one day at at a time my wife and I are managing. it could be better, but as in any marriage there are questions after, but commitment and long-suffering and dying to self are the necessary ingredients.

 

[Looking53]

Thanks TM. You and I definitely thnk much alike. Take care and God Bless.