From Russia With Love

[Anotherkiwi]

Thanks, everybody!  Installing the storm shelter is not feasible at my house due to the size of the yard, number of rocks, etc.

I thought tornado shelters were built as basements underneath houses?  Or is that just a misperception from stories and TV reporting?

[Belvis]

Installing the storm shelter is not feasible at my house due to the size of the yard, number of rocks, etc.

You're trying to respond the irrational phobia with rational action.  As you've noted her fears are pure psychological.
More productive response in my view would be the explanations to her that the house is built with double  margin of safety, specially designed to  withstand the most powerful tornadoes and similar stuff which can cure her fears, though not completely true. Your firm confidence to the extent of boast will instill confidence in her. After all she's a women led by emotions, not analytical approach.

Just example:
She: OMG, we're going to be killed in this storm!!
You: Calm down, honey, the probability of it is very low. You have no reason to worry. (Wrong answer)
You: It's not going to happen, no way! My house could stand the strongest eathquake with tsunami and whatever devil intends against us. My house is the fortress, let's make coffee my brave girl! (Right answer)

[lonedrake]

You're trying to respond the irrational phobia with rational action.  As you've noted her fears are pure psychological.
More productive response in my view would be the explanations to her that the house is built with double  margin of safety, specially designed to  withstand the most powerful tornadoes and similar stuff which can cure her fears, though not completely true. Your firm confidence to the extent of boast will instill confidence in her. After all she's a women led by emotions, not analytical approach.

Just example:
She: OMG, we're going to be killed in this storm!!
You: Calm down, honey, the probability of it is very low. You have no reason to worry. (Wrong answer)
You: It's not going to happen, no way! My house could stand the strongest eathquake with tsunami and whatever devil intends against us. My house is the fortress, let's make coffee my brave girl! (Right answer)

 It is not really irrational. People build storm shelters for a reason. As far as fears being psychological?  Thats what they are. How many fears are physical?

 I would never tell her that the house is a fortress.....especially if it isn't.


My advice would be to see if the neighbors have storms shelters or any other place you could go in a severe storm. Show her that you are concerned about her fears and you will resolve the issue and have a safe place for her during a storm.

[ML]

My advice would be to see if the neighbors have storms shelters or any other place you could go in a severe storm. Show her that you are concerned about her fears and you will resolve the issue and have a safe place for her during a storm.

I put some years in Oklahoma way back when.

Had one of the only houses for a few blocks that had a basement.

20-30 people would show up when we got tornado warnings;  depended on the severity, etc., and the members varied also.

Quite funny;  they would form into groups.  In one corner would be some reading from bible, in another corner would be some discussing technical weather ideas, in another would be a group smoking mary jane . . . until I put a stop to that, in another people soon fast asleep on the concrete.

[Ooooops]

Quite funny;  they would form into groups.  In one corner would be some reading from bible, in another corner would be some discussing technical weather ideas, in another would be a group smoking mary jane . . . until I put a stop to that, in another people soon fast asleep on the concrete.

 

[Ooooops]

But to tell you the truth I find it strange if people do not have storm shelters (or at least a basement) in Tornado Alley...    Doesn't make sense...

[ML]

But to tell you the truth I find it strange if people do not have storm shelters (or at least a basement) in Tornado Alley...    Doesn't make sense...

I grew up in Upper Midwest where most houses had basements.

Thus, it was a little shock for me when I lived in California where almost no one had such.  Can't remember the reason given to me, if I asked.

Later, when I was looking for a house in Oklahoma, I held out for a basement because I knew we were smack in the middle of tornado country.  See . . . I do make sense!!

I inquired why only a few houses had basements and, as I recall, it was something about the sandy soil which caved in easily when they  would try to dig down . . . or some such.

Or maybe it was because they were macho cowboys who didn't want to portray that they worried about such.

[Ooooops]

I grew up in Upper Midwest where most houses had basements.

Thus, it was a little shock for me when I lived in California where almost no one had such.  Can't remember the reason given to me, if I asked.

Midwest houses (and other states with winter season) have basements as a cost to space ration - you have to go below frost line with the foundation and it is deep enough to make sense in turning that space into basement.  In most of the southern states houses don't need this, so to save money they are just build on a slab. 

[jone]

We join up, men and women, to make a partnership.  During the dating process we discover the likes and dislikes of the opposite person.  We also find out what makes them tick.   

If I were dating a woman - and she was the perfect one - except that she had one fetish that needed to be accommodated - then I would move heaven and earth to see that it was done.  After all, if she sees you making the 'Grand Gesture' to accommodate her fears, then she will certainly be considerate of you, when you have something you need or want or can't live without.

Tornado storm shelter?  You could spend $10,000 and dig out through concrete a storm shelter.  Who cares about rocky soil? Or buy a different house!   We spend thousands upon thousands of dollars looking for the right one.  When they are looking at us, then we find reasons why they can't be right.

Personally, I think her worrying about you, when the tornado hit in the next county, should be a reason for joy.  It shows how much she is thinking about you.  To the uninitiated, storms can be a huge source of fear.    And it is NOT uncommon.  My gal has a great fear of deep water.  I love to sail.  But I would much rather be with her and forgo my love of sailing. 

If she comes back in the summer, use the time to figure out if she is the one.  If she is, a little thing like a storm shelter is nothing compared to the happiness that you may find. 

[ML]

If I were dating a woman - and she was the perfect one - except that she had one fetish that needed to be accommodated - then I would move heaven and earth to see that it was done.  After all, if she sees you making the 'Grand Gesture' to accommodate her fears, then she will certainly be considerate of you, when you have something you need or want or can't live without.

Not meaning to sound unromantic here, but . . .

All of us, men and women alike, observe certain traits that potential mates display, and then extrapolate that out to what we think will be their traits in other similar [but as yet unknown] situations.

So unfounded anxiety about one event, or even anxiety about an event with low probability, should not be shrugged off lightly.

And doing something 'grand' to accommodate someone does not translate to them reciprocating at some point.  Particularly when they consider what you did not so grand, but rather just something ordinary, or something which is a requirement for a continued relationship.

[Gator]

Thanks, everybody!  Installing the storm shelter is not feasible at my house due to the size of the yard, number of rocks, etc.

In my experience feasibility is not a decision factor.   
 
Best to be constant in your position yet express some empathy for her position (i. e., do not say her fears are illogical).
 
You will encounter many more issues where her expectations will seem unreasonable.  And she will think the same about you. 

[Ooooops]

You will encounter many more issues where her expectations will seem unreasonable.  And she will think the same about you.

I think this deserves a separate topic.   

[Gator]

I think this deserves a separate topic.   

Already done, collectively listed under the broad title RWD Discussion Groups.   
 
If it were not for our differences, there would be no RWD.  I would say vive la difference; however, some of these differences need to die.