Which Agencies can anyone recommend me to try

[BillyB]

dazzler,

Not all FSU women who commit to one man will continue to search for another to upgrade. Right now you're speculating. Are you sure she left you for another man? You don't make her out to be a scammer so maybe she's not so bad. You admit to being a little inexperienced and sometimes when a man dates a woman out of his league, he becomes infatuated with her and all over her like a teenager. It's possible you turned her off with your behavior and attitude. Your attitude being you commited to her very quickly. A woman doesn't like to know her man will give his heart to a woman that quickly. It's scary and smells of desperation. It's certainly not romatic no matter how many times your read about it in romance novels. As I mentioned before, bad sex could've been the last draw for her and she needed a man who she does not need to teach. It's hard for me to beleive she would've left you if lit her fire. She would want more of you, not less.

Maybe I'm wrong and take no offence to what I say. Maybe you don't need lessons on how to please a woman but other men reading do and they need to think about how to improve their stamina and be creative when making love. Think about how you act in bed. Are you as gentle as a butterfly or do you perform like a bull who just won his right to mate? What do you think most women prefer? The best thing you could do is read here and absorb what you can to be an attractive partner, mentally and physically, for an FSU lady. Right now you're not letting go and you should've taken a hint a long time ago but you persisted to contact her, call the embassy, and fly to see her again. You should've known after the embassy said she will contact you and she didn't, she wanted to break up.

Next woman you meet face to face for the first time, don't say "she's the one". When you say that, you force yourself to make the relationship work ignoring all red flags. Date a woman, court her, be objective, and be prepared to walk away from her forever without looking back if things aren't right. Women can do that and so should you.

[Jazzyclassy]

I think  that it is the way too  hard to say

   when a man dates a woman out of his league

I bet she was another random woman from our wonderful Russia, it is just Darren do not possess enough self esteem to admit he is nice and good looking young man and so on , I know such type of people who are being shy and bringing themselves sometimes down when in the reality they are much more better than what they think of themselves

  Your attitude being you committed to her very quickly.        

Although I agree with this, it is just the way too quick to being totally committed , it is naive act , cos in reality you just never knew her, and never have known her till the end .

Plus you know , those words what she was telling you , already gave me a mark of some disgust , her attitude towards you were already known , like -Oi Darren stop it , live me alone my heart aches  and bla bla bla - where on earth a woman who at least  feels affection for her man would say those things , when he asks her something important and serious, that means she never cared to tell you the truth , she had fun with you  , learnt how it is to date English guy and then find you not so rich , not so maybe career oriented and so on and thought, why would I waste my time with this poor naive 30 y.o. little boy from  The United Kingdom village (am using allegory ), so after finding another maybe 50 y.o. man with huge fortune she dumped you like her new out of fashion dress, such girls usually likes old grandpas to fulfil all their desires and wishes , plans for University somewhere abroad and starting their own business with the help of those oldies ..

that is how I felt reading your story , it all might occur completely different, but I doubt , a decent girl if she ever loved you , would approach you normally and would tell you all honest, at least she would try  to tell why she fall out of love with you , why it happened , she would try for you to suffer less if she ever cared for you of course

I think you are rather opened and  a person with a kind heart, you are sending positive to people and approaching them with friendly motives and you expect them to act in that same manner,  that is a wonderful feature, but you need to be aware of how people are different and not all of them are opened and so friendly , they can seem to be friendly and innocent when as the matter of fact they are snakes with double colours, changing them when they need to . When first meeting a new woman and especially from the other culture , you need to be very careful and never fall at her feet at once. Russian soul is a mystery not only Russian women , it is just Russian women are independent in their thoughts, mostly they are strong , emotional and sometimes not stable with their original acting,cos later it could occur they did not want that thing and wanted the other, it is such a curse of every woman not only Russian, sometime they can not decide what to do , how to act, what to wear- such thing in anything really ...... well they have a huge enormous heart though  and feel sympathy for people and many many more controversial things about Russian character in general you can find.  That is why you need to communicate and communicate in order to learn things about Russian women and their culture 2 months of phone calls and messages, wont give you the real picture of how it is to live with Russia woman and deal with her

I am sure you will learn ,English people possess also many wonderful features and can control their emotions which Russian people mostly lack, they are sensitive as well and one can not say that they are not emotional , they are very much it is just they will never ever show them on public, that is just their great upbringing , no matter what happens, always stay diplomatic calm and sensible. Plus incredible sense of humour and great ability to communicate friendly -just like Russians I have known warm hearted British people in my life, and as I already spoken about my teachers from the UK in some other threads , but they just gave me such an impression of how English people can be, very educative , smart , polite, always would help and just that is how I remembered English people since school and it associated with the whole nation to me, plus my boyfriend is incredible boy he is absolutely amazing with a golden heart.

So I think you will get there and there wont be any major misunderstandings and moreover such disappearings  and hidden cases  in your relations . It is difficult , I know, but anyone of us did go through such pain and relations which did hurt.

Take it all slow do not rush jumping into the relations with someone you are not sure of and  are only charmed with her  style , looks and first impression

[pk-uk]

It is so good to ready your experiences pk.  So how did it all work out in the end?  Any luck? 

Crazily, yes!  As I mentioned I was RMVM.  When I was in Crimea, I met someone I was quite interested in and spent a couple of days with her.  As I only had one more to meet I asked her if she'd like to spend the following week-end in Kiev with me.  Hotel; separate rooms.  She declined.

However, the last girl I met was really nice too.  I wanted to extend her the same offer, but somehow didn't.  I don't know why.  To this day I sometimes think about it 'cos if I'd had to pick one from all of them before I'd even gone over it would most likely have been her.

So, I made arrangements to meet up with someone from Kiev for my final week-end.  She was going to take me to the airport but at the last moment she got the offer of a good commission - she was an artist - and needed to go meet the prospective client.  On the bus on my way to the airport I tried to decide what to do.  Should I write to one of the two suggeting a longer-term relationship or what.

I couldn't decide, so thought sod-it, I'll go to the Urals - always wanted to go there; maybe I'll only meet one I like and won't have to make a decision.  However, as I made my way to the check in a familiar face from Crimea approached with daughter in tow.  I couldn't believe it 

My only reaction was tell her she was crazy.  All she could say was she regretted having not said yes to the week-end and wanted to see me before I went back to England.  We didn't even have time for a cup of coffee    Goodness knows what she would have done if Alena had taken me to the airport.

Well, the rest is history and we are both very very happy.

I think the whole Hollywood and media industries have got so much to answer for

Possibly true.  My wife always thought all Americans were like Arnie and Brits like James Bond   She was pleased to find she was right about Brits at least and is very happy with her own personal James Bond - 002.5 licenced to thrill 

[Ste]

My wife always thought all Americans were like Arnie and Brits like James Bond  

Arnie is Austrian, plus his dad was a Nazi!

Deutschen, nicht bei Juden kauft!!!

[dazzler]

Well thanks again for everyones constructive views on what may have gone wrong with our relationship.  I definitely think that I ended up coming across very 'desperate' which I do think did put Liuba off big time, but I honestly didn't meant to come across so desperate and as I've mentioned before I am sure she confused my true honest feelings towards her as instead being very desperate, immature and quite frankly unattractive and repelling.  Now, it's not that I'm putting myself down, it's just this overall feeling of playing catch up if you know what I mean?  Because I am so damn used to living alone and not having had close or serious relationships with the opposite sex I just feel that when the right woman does come along (very very rare in my life!!!) that I just wasn't prepared and that was my biggest downfall. However, as JC comments, I also think there is a lot of cold-hearted feeling towards me and I can't work out if this is because Liuba never really had any feelings for me or whether it is because she became so unattracted to me because of the aforementioned inexperience and she suddenly grew to actually hate me. 

Just 1 thing that I learned from reading 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus', a book I read after we broke up:  Well it mentions in the book that when a woman is moaning and going on about this and that often the man can take offence thinking that the woman is diretly criticising him.  I can for sure say that this happened quite a few times between Liuba and me and yes I took it personally thinking she was attacking me.  So I would answer her by telling her the truth from my perspective (man perspective) which was that I did this or that or said this or that because of my lack of experience etc etc.  What I now realise I was doing a lot was invalidating her feelings without realising it!  I thought I was being a real man by being honest and explaining that she is the first girl I ever lived with and therefore I naturally need time etc when what she needed was me to validate her thoughts and feelings.  So she would very often think I was arguing with her and not listening!!  At the time I was absolutely mystified and horrified thinking how can she say that, I have listened to her and I know all about her Mum and Dad and Brother and her work etc etc.  What she meant was listen to the women 'hints' that she was giving me e.g. she woul often say get calm and relax etc.  Obviously I took this as an attack, because the truth was I really was nervous like never before because I didn't want to screw things up with Liuba, I wanted to take my opportunity with her and yes I really cared for her more than anyone I ever have so the pressure I felt under to 'perform' in all area was massive.  So I used to answer her with the truth that I lack expereince etc and of course now I realise that to a woman this can often come across as argumentative and not listening, 2 very very important relationship features which I think Liuba thought I did not possess.  That last time I visited her when I knew there was no hope of anything happening between us, I asked her to help me for the future by writing down things that I needed to improve on.  By the way I still hadn't finished the book!  To my shock/horror the list included: 

Never raise my voice (I did do this with Liuba, but in a passionate, loving and caring way because I was trying to resolve certain isues. e.g. about explaining my general lack of experiecne etc)

Listen more (already addressed this one and now fully understand that listening to a woman is not the same as listening to another man - it's more of an empathy thing!

Just be yourself:  Well this all comes down to the whole feeling comfortable and relaxed within a man/woman relationship which as I have already explained will come with a little more time/expereicne

Another big 1 she wrote - be a strong man I think or words to this affect.  - I failed pretty miserably in this dept I think because for example I was a little reluctant to go out by myelf when Liuba was at work.  now I think she would of respected me more if I had shown more courage/independence etc However, again I have to use my lack of experience card again here because it was the 1st time in my life I had ever visited such a different place to what I am use to etc and the environment was very alien to me.  Also no-one spoke much English if any and I was ultimately focused on being with Liuba.  But I think it's examples like the above which lost me points on the whole 'strong man' issue!  Another example would be that I never did the shopping on my own.  Again due to reasons above and also feeling like I was stepping on Liubas toes etc.  I now realise that small gestures like me getting some essential food products may have scored me a few more brownie points and made me look like the knight that I know I can be! 

So these are some of the things that I believe contributed to my downfall, although clearly the big ones are not listening / invalidating a womans feelings and appearing to argue.  Add to that the lack of strength (wussbag behaviour I think USA people say!!) and the overly desperate neediness that I was unintentionlly showing and it is easy to see why she was put off.  I suppose everything was fine the first time because we didn't live together, but the second time when all the above came to light, Liuba I am sure believed that this was a snapshot of what our future would be like if we spent the rest of our lives together.  Hence the big frustration for me because I know that almost everything if not everything was down to nothing more than inexperience on my part with the opposite sex and I know that the 'real potential man in a relationship me' would have probably kept her fire lit so to speak forever.  I guess I can never proove this theory now, but in trying to explain all this to Liuba since May, all I am succeeding in doing is digging a bigger and biger hole to which there is increasingly no point of return!  Yet the irony is I am trying to say all the right things i.e. the truth which doesn't always seem to work and in fact it is having a negtive impact.  Since may, I am sure Liuba is increasingly believeing that I am chasing her simply because of neediness/desperation etc when actually little does she realise I do it not only because my feelings for her are 100% real, genuine and honourable, but also because I believe the relationship could work if it was given the chance.  I can tell Liuba is always thinking but we tried and she even said that last tiem I saw her saying she did not want to repeat again, but of course I know we didn't try properly and that is frustrating for me and hurtful too!!  I feel like I have been playing a video game in which I kept being killed by the baddies (inexperience etc) and then finally I realised how to beat the level and all of a sudden the game is telling me no more chances sorry!!  Can you imagine!!!  Especially since I waited a lifetime to have an opportunity with someone like Liuba.

J.C. for the record Liuba finished her degree in book keeping last February I think it was and she often explained how money was of no importance to her etc so I don't think she would of gone with another man just for his money etc, but then again one never knows.  I just think this whole mars and venus thing I am not very good at (I mean within a close reltionship setting) and this lack of insight has cost me so dearly.  You should know that as a child I never experienced hardly any love/encouragement from my family and also I never saw my Dad treat my Mum with enough respect.  he actually treated her much like we are often led to believe Russian men often treat their russian wives and so this education for me has obviouly been pretty useless!  I did not see my Dad show any affection towards my Mother or indeed towards me or my Sister in all my developing years so I think this explains why I do struggle within the whole man/woman close relationship setting but hey ho!  However, I have noticed in the past 5 years since I left home my confidence with people in general and especially women has increased massivley plus I always make women laugh/smile etc. I just can't bloody chat them up or handle a relationship very well even though I want those things so badly plus I know I can learn to be good but I need more time with the right woman to be able to achieve this and that's not an opportunity which often resents itself!! With Liuba and even relationships before that which never really seem to fulfill their potential I always get this sense of feeling that the lady naturally asssumed that because I am 5 years older or 7 years older as was the case with Liuba that I am naturaly much more experiecned and able to be the man they dream off right from the start.  When my skills are shown up in a big way it seems the lady quickly walks rationalising that I was obviously not right for them.  my aim is to turn this reasoning on its head by instead proving that maybe I am the right man with all the right skills, but maybe just maybe I need a little tim to let this be known!  Then just maybe the lady will get all of what I have to offer rather than a disappointing quick nothing climatic relationship!

Anyway, I've probably gone way too deep for some poor people who have to put up with this post, but I think JC will understand many things I was talking bout especially the whole misunderstnading thing between a man and a woman and how easily it can happen!!

P.S. As for the sex thing well that's a whole other chapter and 1 I am not prepared to delve too deeply into just yet   However, I am definitely not the worst man in this department I am sure :noidea:

[BillyB]

Your social skills with women may not be all that bad Dazzler, the woman did let you into her bed. But you do need to improve on them social skills regardless. Communicate with as many ladies as you can and get experience. Pay attention to what works and what does not. Do lots of reading here even if your feelings get hurt. I've never read the book Men are from mars and Women are from Venus but if you think self help books will help you, go for it. And don't focus on one woman ever again until you're both commited to each other. And be willing to walk away if things aren't right. Here's a poem for you I found on the internet.

Romantic Reminders             

Those who trust in chance or fate
seldom find their proper mate.

Those who settle for what comes by
miss what doesn't and choice deny.

Those who withhold signs of attraction
neglect to discover another's reaction.

Those who fail to make feelings known
can't plan to reap what isn't sown.

Those who rebuff friendly advances
may thereby spurn potential romances.

Those who deem that another's improper
might first assess what they've to offer.

Those who don't give, expecting to take
will find it is they who others forsake.

And those who resort to deception and games
lose the open and honest and keep who remains.

Such common mistakes easily discourage
so if this applies, summon some courage.

To risk and to grow is not without pain
but errors ignored bring more of the same.

Prudently seek your romantic link
and do not fear what others think,

for when you achieve what you desire
it's your good judgement they'll admire.

- Norman Mickey

http://www.russianconnection.net/romantic.htm

[Jazzyclassy]

Darren ,
am sure many people understand you of course , it is vividly seen that you are talented with words and got a nice writing skills , why not to be so opened with women ? I mean be very opened and sincere but Note! What you can say to them and what should be left unspoken

I completely understand what you started talking about your family , that your Father did not show much attention to your Mom and showed practically no love towards you and your sister. Yes, it can be partially your problem , as you did not seem to see the proper loving model of behaviour between Man (husband)and Woman(wife) , of how it should be, though you have both Dad and Mom, it is sad, but you still got so many chances to improve this situation.

You are now a  grown up person, a young good looking man , with  conscience about your issues with women and some little problems of how to handle a good long term relationship(believe me you are not the only one ), So the first step is already taken you know where is your weak place, the second step is very difficult but you will make it, Is to improve this situation for the better!
Women and Men are from different planets as you say , but you know for maybe some it might be true ,  and it is true partially , but you need to understand that both sexes are people first of all  and then they are being divided into men and women , we are all people with very similar desires, wishes, abilities , opportunities,strivings and so on .

The clue is you gotta find the point of contact, common ground with a person , understand her motivation, first of all be a very very close good friend,because it is impossible to build a relationship without being truly great friends.

I think there is more  inside of you, than this banal explanation that you can not bloody chat up girls and make the relationship last long. Many things come from our childhood and growing older we get rid of our complex, though not completely  , cos it is so hard, for some it takes a whole life to reach the point of freedom within their souls.
You told that you lack of being sort of strong knight while your relations with Luba, that is a very good point you mentioned, that was your mistake, as yes women are constructed like that, most of them - they need strong man to be able to support her morally in this or that situation , to be there for her when she is making a decision and kind  of help her, be a strong wall in some way , so that she could feel herself morally protected, well some women in the contrary want to be such walls for their partners , but am not talking about such girls, I am talking about the majority.

When  a girl sees that a guy is helpless in trivial things, at home, in the shop, on the street, walking with her like a puppy on the collar, she is thinking deep inside of her, shall I always be the leader and the mother of the whole family and even the mother for my future husband?? Do I need this? I think no!
So it is very important so show from the start to your partner that you are independent , strong, quick-witted, determined person! That without her you can carry on living ! That is very important , as you are not depending on each other's love , you are making this Love more Complete Big and Enormous, but you can still live if for some reason she is gone....

Though of course our mothers from time to time are giving tips to their daughters about the thing that -Oh am having 3 children instead of 2, we ask why Mom? she says your Father is the 3 one )) it is only true in some little bit of life routine, cos in the end the last word in our family goes after my Father

Though certain model of family life which can be good for these particular people can not suit the others, so maybe you should not think that you need to change your nature completely in order to suit somebody traditional. Maybe you are designed to be with such girls who will lead you so to say and if that's true , you will definitely find a woman who will help you to get mature and understand the real meaning of your life ....

[dazzler]

Thanks JC and Billy for a lot of ueful advise and comments.  I havel only had a hance to read the posts vey quickly, but I already feel the confidence and peace beginning to enter my veins and invigorate my wellbeing.  Yes I feel good now as I aproch the weekend.  I shall read the posts in more detail over the weekend and also other topic threads too

Have a good weekend all

[SANDRO43]

I asked her to help me for the future by writing down things that I needed to improve on...To my shock/horror the list included: 
- Never raise my voice
- Listen more
- Just be yourself
- Be a strong man

"No, Your Honour and ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this was neither murder nor manslaughter, but, as you can see from the unequivocal evidence left behind by the uncomprehending deceased, an unquestionable and undeniable suicide. I rest my case. Next please."

[dazzler]

Very Funny Sandro, ha ha   But seriouslly, everyday I think about how I would of done things differently, acted differentlt etc.  Now, I realise the list looks quite bad and what you highlighted Sandro actully reads a lot worse than it really was.  But after reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I began to realise how I messed up unintentionally if you get what I'm saying.  I knew all along that the 2 weeks we both spent together was far from perfect in terms of my  overall performance, but Liuba always seemed to be giving me the chance all the time and that's why I got caught cold when she went all weird on me!  Plus I knew that I would improve in time and Liuba made me believe that this was just the start of our relationship, ot the end, so I was completely shell shocked with what happened shortly after.

Anyway, I find it really amusing how I could say nothing wrong to Liuba for 6 months and then these last 4 months it's like I am the devil or something!  This is 1 thign I don't understand about relationhips in general. Surely if 2 people are together in a so called relationship, then on at least some meaningful level they must both like each other?  That should mean that most relationships which end should surely end amicably or maybe a good hlf of these relationhips should work anyway through both parties making it work?  Well that's the logic I possess, but for some reason I am forever hearing how the ex is a jerk or a b*****d  etc.  I hear this more from women (sorry women) than men.  But I then think well why did you (the woman) date this man for 1 year, 2 year etc and why were you sleeping with him?  He couildn't of been that bad!!  Contrary to popular myth, I actually think women are worse at picking partners than men, but thats just my observation, experiecne.  I think I am quite well qualified to comment on this since I myself am a good man plus I know of many other good men who have had love lives which suck even more than mine does.  Mind you this is the case in the UK.  I am not saying it is the same everywhere else.  I am lucky to find CIS women appealling because I do genuinly believe that despite all the scammers etc, that there is more opportunities to meet a good woman in this part of the world, but again tht is just general observation/experience so far.  I am pretty sure that if you ask me the same question in 5 years or even 50 years I would answer you the same.