Opinions please

[Bart]

In who's view?  It is my humble opinion that nothing of importance ever happens in NYC.  Or in Washington DC.  Dens of inequity, all of them.   

Hey, bite your tongue!  Now you are "meddling."  LOL

[Bart]

It is my first topic, but I am married with RW, so I think that makes me qualified to give some humble advice.

2. NEVER USE AN AGENCY:
Agencies are commercial businesses, established to get profit. They don't care about your happiness but your money.

3. AGENCY GIRLS ARE USUALLY DESPERATE:
Why they are looking for AM? Do you really think that RM are unhealthy, alcoholic, and rude? Agencies say so. Infact, RM are healthier than Americans.

4. DO NOT GO TO UKRAINE IN ORDER TO FIND YOUR WIFE:
Of course, there are good people and bad people in every nation. However, the rate of gold diggers and desperate people are higher in poor societies. Now, Ukraine has serious economical problems. That's why many western men go to FSU to look for a wife. A fat and bald American can not convince beautiful Norwegian woman to get married with him, and we all know the reason. Russia, however developped its economy and life standards are better now. Look at agencies... There are many Ukranian women and not many Russian women. It means you will have better chances in Russia to meet sincere woman. Infact, I met many gold diggers in Ukraine although I didn't meet any gold digger in Russia. (However, in Russia my wife is the first and only woman I met in a romantic respect. May be I was lucky)

Unbelievable!  What a *ucked up post this is! 

It demands a rebuttal.  One should do the OPPOSITE of what this poster says.  Here you go, point by point on points that I care to debate:

2-  I have used agencies extensively, both in the US and Russia and Ukraine.  They are great places to meet girls.  I found scammers in Russia, Ukraine and the US in agencies or match making services, but they are in the minority.  At an agency or a dating service you find girls who are interested in meeting men.  You can get their emails and phone numbers and take it from there.  DON'T slam women and men who use dating agencies.

3- Girls who meet men on line are not "desperate" as you say. They are simply 21st century.  It's the new wave, as cruising was in the old days.  I have dated scores of agency girls in the US and the FSU, and they were very discerning and selective.  You slam girls who use an agency to meet people--that is wrong and in poor taste.

4- This guy is brainwashed by his Russian wife.  Four years ago I picked up this bigoted view Russian women have of Ukraine.  Now he has heard it from his wife and believes it.  I have dated and traveled in Ukraine, and I found Ukrainian women to be sincere, honest, hardworking, and delightful.

You sound like a bigot with such a mean attack.

You are also off-base with your statement about the economy of Ukraine.  Having just been there last week, I see a very nice standard of living and people who are happier than people in the US.  Don't try to use your western mind to evaluate other peoples.

[phantom]

Rather than start a new post, I'll just post it here, as this concerns the lady and the agency where she's at.  Has anyone had this happen.
I usually update my profile about every three months, well I updated my profile and added a fresh picture.  The manager that handles a my account and all of my correspondence, set me emails from four new ladies.  Okay, three of them got me interested.  Then, the next morning.  I got an email from the manager that sent the emails, telling me about updtating my profile, as I've already got a steady correspondence with stated lady,,id blah blah.  Do I really want to receive letters from other ladies as well?  I replied to her email, that I usually update my profile about every three months or so, I just added a fresh picture, we talked about the lady.  Then, she asked if I wanted my profile removed, or just suspened, or leave it up.    Then, I talked on the phone to the lady yesterday, after a few weeks.  The terp sent me an email, feeling "we needed more time on the phone."  Only $3 more for over a half hour.  I emailed that during the week, it was not possible, weekends could be longer.  So, she emailed back, telling she me talked to the lady and she said next sunday would be good for a longer call.  This is something new, I've never had this before.  I've been with this agency for awhile, and never had this happen.  Anybody had this experince before?  It just struck me as odd.    ???

Agency playing matchmaking?  Or could it have been the lady?

[Gator]

$3 for half an hour does not seem correct.  Are you sure of this amount?   

If it is correct, this sounds like a small local agency.  Such agencies usually know most of their women, so perhaps it is not matchmaking but match facilitating - keeping the fire burning, trying to understand more about your plans, etc. 

If this concerns you, mention the agency's name.  Maybe somebody at RWD has done business with the agency.

[phantom]

Corection on the price $15 for a half hour, $18 for an hour.  They don't charge by the minute. 

[Voyageur]

Everytime I see a post like this I as if they can share some details of the things you have experience so I and others can learn. I usually don't get many particulars. Would you be willing to elaborate?

Turboguy,

My wife and my age difference are around the norm for this forum. I know that you asked for particulars but specific illustrations of any items go outside the area of where I comfortable posting in a public forum. Maybe others feel the same way - as  many OMBs and us OMBs-in-OTJ-training seek to maintain an invisible fence that divides what is suitable for posting and what is not so suitable  for posting on the internet.

Suffice it to say that although people can people can have a marvelous and fulfilling emotional and intellectual connection with each other no matter what their ages are. I buy this.

What I also know is that the physical body, energy level, life goals are different when there is 10, 20 or 30 years of age difference in a relationship. This is not an insignificant issue.  The desire for children, family, education, a career are all serious issues and are different variables that cannot be ignored. Social status and income levels are also items that can be viewed differently at different ages.

My opinion is that this is not a trivial issue (there are reams of posts and threads  about this issue to confirm my insightful assessment  ) and though details of the exact relation specifics are scare though internet postings, that does not mean that they do not exist, 

Maybe it is just that the OMBs (and us OMBs in training) know when to keep their mouths shut   

[mischief]

What I also know is that the physical body, energy level, life goals are different when there is 10, 20 or 30 years of age difference in a relationship. This is not an insignificant issue.  The desire for children, family, education, a career are all serious issues and are different variables that cannot be ignored. Social status and income levels are also items that can be viewed differently at different ages.

I agree with you... but in any marriage in order for two people to stay together there should be a lot of compromises and overlooking so many things at one point of time or another... age difference, culture difference, class difference etc. make things even more complicated... some people can overlook the age difference and find the ways to work through that... same with everything else... I know personally a couple where a husband is so controlling that you can't help but question a wife's sanity for being able to live with him so long... at the same time there are so many couple  with not much differences at all but divorcing after year or two...
I don't mean to argue... All I am trying to say it is worth to give it try instead of dismissing the possibility... you never know... As long as you are happy in a relationship and willing to work on it there is always a chance...

[docetae]

Corection on the price $15 for a half hour, $18 for an hour.  They don't charge by the minute. 

and with price like this she told you more time on phone !!! not surprising ... you pay 3 times the translator cost. 1 time for the translator, 1 time for the woman, 1 for the agency...

[BC]

My opinion is that this is not a trivial issue (there are reams of posts and threads  about this issue to confirm my insightful assessment  ) and though details of the exact relation specifics are scare though internet postings, that does not mean that they do not exist, 

Maybe it is just that the OMBs (and us OMBs in training) know when to keep their mouths shut   

IIRC there was a long recent and very in depth thread discussing these exact issues.   TG participated.  I guess h did not find the answer he was looking for and OMB's weary of repeating.

[phantom]

and with price like this she told you more time on phone !!! not surprising ... you pay 3 times the translator cost. 1 time for the translator, 1 time for the woman, 1 for the agency...

I've paid more than that to talk on the phone before.  But, I was just trying to figiure out why all of a sudden, when I changed my profile, they start talking about this one lady in particular.  Just odd of them to do that. 

[Shadow]

I've paid more than that to talk on the phone before.  But, I was just trying to figiure out why all of a sudden, when I changed my profile, they start talking about this one lady in particular.  Just odd of them to do that. 

Usually men update their profile because they are no longer interested in the lady and want to find new ones. Also an updated profile is higher in the list and will receive more attraction.  If the agency is talking to you about this lady, it means that she might have told the agency she is impressed with you, and they do not want to lose the chance of a match being lost due to a small thing like profile update.

[phantom]

Now that makes sense.  But, before I got the letter from the manager, she did send me four letters of ladies, so I guess said lady seen it was update and said something.  So now, we are going to be talking more on the phone as well.  The terp told me she called her after our phone call, after she said she (Terp) felt that we needed more time on the phone, which made the lady happy.  And she said she would be available for an hour on the weekend.   So, I'll see what happens with her.

[docetae]

I've paid more than that to talk on the phone before.  But, I was just trying to figiure out why all of a sudden, when I changed my profile, they start talking about this one lady in particular.  Just odd of them to do that. 

this is not because you were screwed more that you are not screwed this time too. I have very bad opinion about the agency system.

[ScottinCrimea]

Like Voyageur, I try to be selective about what I post on this forum regarding personal issues between my wife and myself, so I apologize to those who want more specifics.  I will mention one issue that surprised me, but on reflection, makes sense.  I'm at the age where I've worked hard, built my career, raised my family, etc., and now feel it's time to settle down a bit, be content with what I have, and spend more time enjoying life and less time pursuing things bigger and better.  Since my wife has been in the US,  she has been inundated with TV commercials, etc. proclaiming the latest and greatest that everyone must have to be someone.  She also sees larger houses in the area, nicer cars, better clothes etc (of course overlooking the majority that are really struggling).  She's at a different stage in her life where she feels the need to build a better life, no matter how good our life might be, and has a hard time understanding sometimes why I'm not anxious to work longer or harder to accumulate more of what we can't really use. Now if we were really struggling, I could see her point, but we're not.  It's just a desire to have better than what we have and her having a different outlook on life and goals than I now have.  Of course I fully understand her feelings, because 15 years ago, when I was her age, I felt exactly the same way.

Sorry to disappoint those who think the big issues related to the age difference have to do with sex, energy levels, liking the same music or the opinions of others.  In reality it goes much deeper than that, often hard to put into words, and rarely discussed in detail by those who are really dealing with it.

[myrddin]

 I'm curious about the people's general experience of FSUW who get to the US and are constantly exposed to consumption-mad US media and advertising.  Does it seem that they're especially susceptible?  Or perhaps it just leaves them bemused?  Could this be as big an influence as the normal progression through different stages of life?  (And yes, I realize I am working on my own assumption that they don't get the same type of media/advertising barrage in the FSU. )

[Gator]

ScottinCrimea wrote,

In reality it goes much deeper than that, often hard to put into words, and rarely discussed in detail by those who are really dealing with it.

I believe I know what you are talking about.  As one advances through his/her long life, one goes through stages.  People with a large age disparity are at different stages.  I am experiencing it and I am not even married yet. 

Nearly six years together has shown that our goals are consistent if not identical in many ways.  There is one key difference; she wants to accomplish something with her life, to experience the joy of success, something that I have already done.

This could be considered a conflict - I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor and she wants to plant fruit trees.   Nevertheless, I feel that our goals are still aligned because I would enjoy being a mentor.  Just don't ask me to plant trees.

[Daveman]

... I will mention one issue that surprised me, but on reflection, makes sense.  I'm at the age where I've worked hard, built my career, raised my family, etc., and now feel it's time to settle down a bit, be content with what I have, and spend more time enjoying life and less time pursuing things bigger and better.  Since my wife has been in the US,  she has been inundated with TV commercials, etc. proclaiming the latest and greatest that everyone must have to be someone.  She also sees larger houses in the area, nicer cars, better clothes etc (of course overlooking the majority that are really struggling).  She's at a different stage in her life where she feels the need to build a better life, no matter how good our life might be, and has a hard time understanding sometimes why I'm not anxious to work longer or harder to accumulate more of what we can't really use. Now if we were really struggling, I could see her point, but we're not.  It's just a desire to have better than what we have and her having a different outlook on life and goals than I now have.  Of course I fully understand her feelings, because 15 years ago, when I was her age, I felt exactly the same way.

Scott, you could not have described my point in life any better than this. Definitely food for thought as this makes perfect sense. I wish you'd have posted this over in the "Money changes everything" thread.  It would be easy to erroneously think of her as being greedy or demanding or whatever when in reality she's just at the same exact place we all were at her age - striving for improvement. This is an aspect I really had not considered and a refreshing eye-opener.

Dave

[Turboguy]

Scott,  I have asked that question many times and yours was the best answer I have had.  Based on Gator and Dave's response it seems that it could be a common situation with an age gap relationship.   I will add that I face the same situation.   I never thought of it as an age gap situation and one of the things that really attracted me to VWRW was her drive and focus.  She is really an amazing woman. 

Like Gator, I sort of liked the idea of being a mentor to her.  I am not too sure in reality that she may turn out to be more of a mentor to me.   My taking so much time off from my business to look for a RW and to really spend time with VWRW once I found her, has allowed a few problems to crop up in my business which I am working on fixing now.  Some of the ideas I have had from VWRW who really is new to the American business scene and to the way the American economy works have amazed me.   I have never been strong on using consultants but I think the ideas she has thrown out are far better than the best consultants could have come up with. 

Like the other posters I would have liked to spend a little more time enjoying life but still worked hard.   VWRW really has her focus on getting things the way she wants them to be and really has very little interest in enjoying life.   As a result, we do very little in the way of fun things.   We probably have eaten out 4 times since she has been here (other than when we have travelled on business) and never in an expensive restaurant.  She has little interest in shopping or entertainment.  I really don't mind.   If I had my way it would be more of a balance between goals and enjoyment but I want her to be happy and if that is what she wants it is fine with me.   I am happy just being with her whatever we are doing and I enjoy helping her make her life the way she wants it to be.

[mischief]

I will mention one issue that surprised me, but on reflection, makes sense.  I'm at the age where I've worked hard, built my career, raised my family, etc., and now feel it's time to settle down a bit, be content with what I have, and spend more time enjoying life and less time pursuing things bigger and better.  Since my wife has been in the US,  she has been inundated with TV commercials, etc. proclaiming the latest and greatest that everyone must have to be someone.  She also sees larger houses in the area, nicer cars, better clothes etc (of course overlooking the majority that are really struggling).  She's at a different stage in her life where she feels the need to build a better life, no matter how good our life might be, and has a hard time understanding sometimes why I'm not anxious to work longer or harder to accumulate more of what we can't really use. Now if we were really struggling, I could see her point, but we're not.  It's just a desire to have better than what we have and her having a different outlook on life and goals than I now have.  Of course I fully understand her feelings, because 15 years ago, when I was her age, I felt exactly the same way.

The issue you are writing about although it has something to do with the age, it has also something to do with the personality...
I met guys in their 30-s who want to retire and "enjoy life" sitting on the couch... and people like my father in law in his late 80-s still working full time, dancing every Saturday and going to Vegas to gamble... I never saw him sitting - going and going and going.... and you are telling me that energy level depends on the age!!??   
We don't have "different stage - different goals" issue... probably because we have two young children which stimulates us both to work hard... besides, my husband has worked in the industry he enjoyed the most and never had to worry to accumulate more since he was content with what he had... and now with young growing family situation has changed...
Anyhow, different family - different story...

[Daveman]

The issue you are writing about although it has something to do with the age, it has also something to do with the personality... I met guys in their 30-s who want to retire and "enjoy life" sitting on the couch... and people like my father in law in his late 80-s still working full time, dancing every Saturday and going to Vegas to gamble... I never saw him sitting - going and going and going.... and you are telling me that energy level depends on the age!!??   We don't have "different stage - different goals" issue... probably because we have two young children which stimulates us both to work hard... besides, my husband has worked in the industry he enjoyed the most and never had to worry to accumulate more since he was content with he had... and now with young growing family situation has changed...
Anyhow, different family - different story...

I think the situation to which Scott is referring is not a lack of energy in the least. It more of wanting to focus energy in different ways than the pursuit of more and bigger.  Energy level has nothing to do with age, but focus does.  I think at a certain age, which varies by individual, the focus changes more than the energy level.  Having two young children could indeed change my focus again... but now rather than work hard, I'd prefer to work smart and play hard.   

[Turboguy]

I agree with you that it is not an issue of energy level.  I have as much energy as VWRW.   I never considered it an age difference issue myself but I can see that aspect of it.   When I was VWRW's age I was not nearly as focused as she is and in her case I don't see it as desire for riches or expensive things.   I see it more as wanting to do something with her life and to have the security and freedom from worry that having a good career and money in the bank gives.   

[Mod3]

This topic was made by phantom for advise on his situation. However useful, it got derailed for 7 pages.
Krimster did not want to make a topic, I did.

[Eduard]

The issue you are writing about although it has something to do with the age, it has also something to do with the personality...
I met guys in their 30-s who want to retire and "enjoy life" sitting on the couch... and people like my father in law in his late 80-s still working full time, dancing every Saturday and going to Vegas to gamble... I never saw him sitting - going and going and going.... and you are telling me that energy level depends on the age!!??   
We don't have "different stage - different goals" issue... probably because we have two young children which stimulates us both to work hard... besides, my husband has worked in the industry he enjoyed the most and never had to worry to accumulate more since he was content with what he had... and now with young growing family situation has changed...
Anyhow, different family - different story...

I agree with this a 100% my wife is 20 years younger than me but I knew exactly the type of woman I was marrying. She is not materialistic at all, she is content with what we have as long as our daughter has everything she needs. Our daughter is #1 priority for both her and me. Material things don't matter. Someone wrote that when RW come to the west they get hit by all these commercials, flashy clothes and cars...hello!?!?! When was the last time you watched TV in Russia? The same commercials! You don't think they see flashy clothes and cars in Russia now??? RW dress 10 times better than AW!
I think it's a myth that a person changes when she immigrates to the US. IMO a AM just starts to see the real character and personality that was always there but he just didn't get to see when the environment and the circumstances were different. Not speaking the same language doesn't help the situation either.
IMHO a person's VALUES and personality don't change. If a person's mother, father are honest people with good values, and they raised her/him to be a person with good morals and values, this person will not suddenly become a materialistic or dishonest woman or man just by moving to another country with more goodies available. Obviously there will be some changes associated with the new environment i.e. materialistic people might become even more materialistic when they come from Krivoy Rog to NY but the core values and character don't change.
My wife was a very down to earth, honest and not a materialistic person and she remains the same after close to 4 years here in the US...

[Misha]

I think it's a myth that a person changes when she immigrates to the US.

I agree. Men, go out of their way not to see the woman for who she really is, rather they let themselves be blinded by a fantasy they project onto some woman they do not always truly understand. Call it a bad case of hormones with agency hype mixed into the pot.

[phantom]

I have to agree on this way they were raised post here.  I dated this one AW, and she was always wanting something.  It was like she was upset if she seen people get nice things, if she didn't have it.  Now, her dad (Past away) was a real nice man, but, he always had to do things for her mother.  So, one time we were sitting at the table, her mother was listening to the scanner, someone's phone conversation, and the person was talking about how her husband just bought her a laptop and a desk top for the house.  Her mother looked at her and said: "Now that's love.  Real love, that's how you know, he spent over a thousand on her."
Well, that was answer to my question on that greedy little pig.
Well, that's my .02