A tale of two cities

[DKMM]

Well good thing I listened to you guys before sending a more serious letter that would make me sound desperate. 

I just heard from her...  happyguy and PeeWee were correct.  I forgot that she told me how busy she would be.  I was just being a girl basically.  Bad DKMM!!  I guess that means she left quite an impression with me (probably obvious to you all).

Lots of good advice all around, this forum is invaluable.  Nobody who hasn't done this can possibly give good advice like I found on here.

[groovlstk]

Da!  Sad but true.  Girl's often put non-smoker on the profle but they in reality smoke.  BAD.   

When I was using a Russian dating site, I was amused to find the following choices to the question, "Do you smoke?"

1. I smoke

2. I smoke in the companies rarely

3. I do not smoke

4. I categorically do not smoke

There seems to be a lot of leeway between a simple yes or no

I have this happen now. I have known Lena for 8 months or so. Sometimes I will not hear from her for a day or two, even if she has said, "I will write to you tomorrow," and then she does not. In the end the reason for her lack of communication has to do with her working late at her farm planting and then coming home only to fall asleep, etc.

I'll play devil's advocate here and point out the PeeWee's lady is more mature than Ana; a girl in her 20s who truly digs a man needs a lot more reassurance than a woman at 40.

This is a tough nut to crack, and I hope things work out for the best. All the indications were that this girl truly digs you, but how hard would it be for her to send you an SMS message while on her way to work each day? Actions will always speak louder than words, and the big danger in falling for a woman who isn't into you is that you'll always find excuses for her behavior.

[KenC]

DKMM,
I really enjoyed your T/R.  I think you might have shortchanged yourself a bit by taking along your friend, but whatever.  I love your comment:

In any case I'm ruined as far as AW go, there is no comparison.  I feel bad for AW and the poor guys that marry them.

That is a classic!  I am glad your first fears have been handled.  I do have some advice in that regard though.  Don't be quick to judgement in this relationship.  And that means do not be quick to interpretate things too good or too bad.  Force yourself into a time delay before final judgement.  Kind of like the 3 second delay for the censors on live TV.  Why?  Because there is so much difference between your world and hers.  And there is still a language gap no matter how good her English is.  Don't hang on every word written or said and cut her a lot of slack for things you just don't understand because there is a good possibility of a simple explanation.  There is a lot about her world that you just do not understand now.  Best of luck to you!
KenC

[KenC]

One more thing:
If a Russian doesn't chain smoke, they just don't smoke.  If they drink beer,wine and Martini but not vodka, they just don't drink.
KenC

[DKMM]

2 things Ken

1.  Taking a friend.  I have to say it was the 2nd best move I made after buying the cell phone.  This only applies to a 1st time trip of course.  For me, it was a surreal experience and I needed to share it with someone.  It never got in the way with the girls.  And having him there to talk about the day & the girls over beers at night was the absolute best.  However, next time I am definitely going alone!!

2.  Ana (btw i used aliases on my whole T/R) doesn't drink.  Its very unusual to be sure but I like it.

[KenC]

DKMM,
My point about taking your friend is that you may have had more "alone time" with your gf without him.  Hey, you took him and it worked for you, great.  About the "not" drinking/smoking, I mean that they may still drink/smoke a little and still say they don't smoke/drink at all.  But there are still some that truly do not drink/smoke at all.
KenC

[PeeWee]

Well good thing I listened to you guys before sending a more serious letter that would make me sound desperate. 

I just heard from her...  happyguy and PeeWee were correct.  I forgot that she told me how busy she would be.  I was just being a girl basically.  Bad DKMM!!  I guess that means she left quite an impression with me (probably obvious to you all).

Lots of good advice all around, this forum is invaluable.  Nobody who hasn't done this can possibly give good advice like I found on here.

That's what I figured. She was busy. Women in general like to chase rather than be chased I have found. You are right. You send a serious letter or call too much or begin to beg...not good. I have always believed that it is you who need to be in demand and not her, at least in her mind anyway.

Peevee