Which one ?

[BC]

I think I would listen a wee bit closer to six guys married to RW than one guy that has been married to six.. especially if the're singing the same tune. 

[Michelangelo]

Several comments ... yes, english in not my native language (in fact my third one) and perhaps my question was not clear. Mike, thanks for your support to try to explain this ...

If I wanted only to say "hey look, I have two beautiful women who want to marry me", I believe I will have posted photos ... I will not do this by respect of these 2 women.

As I was answering to a private mail, I will try to explain a little more why I asked this question : There are such a contrast between the two women that I didn't know what to do. All I had planned was changed and I needed to go back on track.  Someone with just one sentence give me an element of answer "you will know when a russian girl loves you".

My usage of this board is like a public consultation. I want to know what people think about one question, that does not mean that I will follow answers given but this give me a path for reflexion.

I'm not rushing in marriage at all (not before a year of common life), immigration rules in Canada are flexible enough to allow me this.... and I want, from my past experience, to take all my time.

ps : Docetae has nothing to do with doctors or medicine, this is a sect of early christian believing that Jesus was only a spirit. A kind of virtual presence before the time ... so I use it as pseudo on the net.

I think you are getting some good advice here, as well as some hateful and flippant non-advice.  Take the good and ignore the flippant (not showing a serious or respectiful attitude), and the journey through this RWD intersection will be worthwhile.... good luck!

[PeeWee]

I think I would listen a wee bit closer to six guys married to RW than one guy that has been married to six.. especially if the're singing the same tune. 

I'd think the reverse, BC. Someone who has been married six times would know more about a variety of women in a marriage situation than one man would. He would have 6 times more experience. If I flew an airplane 60 times and another guy flew one 10 times would you not tend to have more confidence in my expereince because I had 6 times more experience? What is that old saying?  Oh, yeah, "Experience is the best teacher?"  A guy who had been married 6 times could easlily tell you what went right and what went wrong with his marriage. Where as a guy who has been married once can only tell you what went right with his marriage because if something had gone wrong he would not be married.

Peewee

[catzenmouse]

I'd think the reverse, BC. Someone who has been married six times would know more about a variety of women in a marriage situation than one man would. He would have 6 times more experience. If I flew an airplane 60 times and another guy flew one 10 times would you not tend to have more confidence in my experience because I had 6 times more experience? What is that old saying?  Oh, yeah, "Experience is the best teacher?"  A guy who had been married 6 times could easily tell you what went right and what went wrong with his marriage. Where as a guy who has been married once can only tell you what went right with his marriage because if something had gone wrong he would not be married.

Peewee

 I don't think I would want any relationship advice from someone married (and divorced) six times. They can tell you how to get married and how to get divorced but not very much about how to Stay Married. If the guy who flew 60 times crashed 10 of them I'll take the guy who flew 10 and didn't crash...

Ken

[Michelangelo]

Which advice is best?  All of it, really...

You need a blend between someone who has successfully remained married, like KenC, those who have tried many, like PeeWee, and those who are currently on the ground in the FSU, like Groov.

Things have changed a lot in the FSU in the past few years. In fact, the Ukraine of today is much different than the Ukraine I first experienced 3 years ago.  And the girls are different too...

A wise man listens to many and then filters the advice to his situation. In the end, it's your call and you should follow both your mind and your heart...

[PeeWee]

I don't think I would want any relationship advice from someone married (and divorced) six times. They can tell you how to get married and how to get divorced but not very much about how to Stay Married. If the guy who flew 60 times crashed 10 of them I'll take the guy who flew 10 and didn't crash...

Ken

In every case in life that I can think of experience is preferred. Job application, sports, any skill oriented activity, banking, you name it. Marriage is no different. Someone who has been married six times is going to know six times more about it than someone who as been married but once. Simple math tells us that.

If you want to learn why a marriage does work adn why it does not work then you ask the expert. The guy who knows more about it is guy who has done it the most times. If you wanted to get investment advice would you ask a novice or a guy who had built two fortunes and then went bankrupt  (Walt Disney for example). You would seek out and listen to the advice of Walt Disney...he was successful on his thirt attempt at becomming a business success. It was not one time business owner Harvey Glick. Who is Harvey Glick you ask? You don't know because he only did  it once and we will never know if he was a success or a failure.

Your arguement about the pilot is weak because you have not seen his flying record so you don't know if he crashed or not. You have to get into his plane based only on this preceived skill level which is based only on how many times he has flown the plane. Logic suggest that 10 times is not as good as 60 times.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

Which advice is best?  All of it, really...

You need a blend between someone who has successfully remained married, like KenC, those who have tried many, like PeeWee, and those who are currently on the ground in the FSU, like Groov.

Things have changed a lot in the FSU in the past few years. In fact, the Ukraine of today is much different than the Ukraine I first experienced 3 years ago.  And the girls are different too...

A wise man listens to many and then filters the advice to his situation. In the end, it's your call and you should follow both your mind and your heart...

was the real Michaelangelo a thinker? If not then this one sure is. Wise words Michael.

Peewee

[catzenmouse]

In every case in life that I can think of experience is preferred. Job application, sports, any skill oriented activity, banking, you name it. Marriage is no different. Someone who has been married six times is going to know six times more about it than someone who as been married but once. Simple math tells us that.

 Marriage is vastly different as it involves the personal lives of the couple. It is not even close to a job that you leave at work when you go home. It is full time all the time.

If you want to learn why a marriage does work and why it does not work then you ask the expert. The guy who knows more about it is guy who has done it the most times. If you wanted to get investment advice would you ask a novice or a guy who had built two fortunes and then went bankrupt  (Walt Disney for example). You would seek out and listen to the advice of Walt Disney...he was successful on his thirt attempt at becomming a business success. It was not one time business owner Harvey Glick. Who is Harvey Glick you ask? You don't know because he only did  it once and we will never know if he was a success or a failure.

Why would I want to learn how to have a good marriage from someone who has not shown that they can have one? Maybe I'm just too dense but I don't get the logic of getting knowledge from someone who has consistently failed at something. I see that you can learn some things not to do but obviously the person who keeps getting married does not learn these things.

 If Harvey Glick did his business once and it was successful and he was happy with it then why does it matter if I've heard of him or not? It is his life just like a marriage is the lives of those in it.

Your arguement about the pilot is weak because you have not seen his flying record so you don't know if he crashed or not. You have to get into his plane based only on this preceived skill level which is based only on how many times he has flown the plane. Logic suggest that 10 times is not as good as 60 times.

 And you do not know the record of the pilots in your original example. You were just throwing out numbers without any reference besides more is better.

Peewee

 If I want to learn to be successful at something I follow those who are successful at it and continue to be successful at it. Not someone who flirts with success but never really get it.

 JMO,
  Ken

[PeeWee]

If I want to learn to be successful at something I follow those who are successful at it and continue to be successful at it. Not someone who flirts with success but never really get it.

 JMO,
  Ken

Ken, it seems that my logic has flown cleanly over your head. I did not say that you would learn about how to succeed at marriage from someone who had 6 failed marriages. What I said, but you have to read between the lines to get it, is that someone who  had been married 6 times would be an expert on what not to do. Hence you learn from his mistakes and then don't repeat them. Someone who has only one marriage cannot teach you a thing other than, at the moment, his marriage is going well but who knows where he will be in 3 to 5 years with that marriage. Statistics tell us that he has less than a 50 50 chance of making it last and then he too will be on to his second marriage, if that was his first successful marriage.

In other words there is no way to tell if the happy one time married guy will fair any better than the 6 time loser did. With regard to Joe Glick a mildly successful daytrader who has never gone bankrupt. My money is on and my advice is taken from Walt Disney; a two time bankrupt businessman. But that is just me.

peewee

[Shadow]

Peewee your logic is flawed.

If a guy learns from his divorce as a mistake not ro repeat he will be married 2 times or divorced one. If you are divorced 6 times, it means you repeated the mistake 5 times.

If you are hiring a guy for a job and he tells you he got fired 10 times, would you hire him because he knows what not to do ?

I prefer to be a specialist on a few women, rather than know about all.

[PeeWee]

Peewee your logic is flawed.

If a guy learns from his divorce as a mistake not ro repeat he will be married 2 times or divorced one. If you are divorced 6 times, it means you repeated the mistake 5 times.

If you are hiring a guy for a job and he tells you he got fired 10 times, would you hire him because he knows what not to do ?

I prefer to be a specialist on a few women, rather than know about all.

Shadow, you to have missed my point. If you are divorced 6 times and you keep repeating your mistake then, yes, you are an idiot. I did not say that. I said the I, not he, could learn more from him about what mistakes to not make then I could from a guy who had been married but once. I said that experience is the best teacher and in that context the expert is the guy with the most expereince. Just as the fellow who is a one time success at business (or marriage) may not be as savy or experienced as the guy who is now a ten times more successful businessman (or husband) but also had gone bankruput (or divorced) twice in his life. My money (or marriage advice received) is on the guy who did and failed a few times then the guy who is clearly more novice at it.

Peewee

[Shadow]

Peewee, now what if there is a guy equally rich and succesful who managed in his first business ? Do you not think that someone who managed to avoid crashing a plane is a better pilot than the one who crashed and survived ?

[PeeWee]

Peewee, now what if there is a guy equally rich and succesful who managed in his first business ? Do you not think that someone who managed to avoid crashing a plane is a better pilot than the one who crashed and survived ?

 We are almost in agreement, Shadow. So let's now use your airplane analogy. Several years ago (true event) an Airbus was flying from NY to Madrid. As the jet was enroute a fuel leak developed and as a result one of the planes two engines recorded a high fuel consumption because of the leak. The pilots, not knowing there was a fuel leak in one of the engines, began a fuel transfer from the engine that was not leaking fuel. Eventually both engines ran out of fuel before they reached their destination. Too bad that they did not know about the leak because had they not transfered the fuel from the good engine to the leaking one there would have been enough fuel left to land the plane safely on the one engine.

As you know, a big heavy jet will not glide like a little guy plane will so as soon as they lose a certain amount of enertia they then drop like a rock. There was an airport on a nearby island that the pilots thought they could glide to so they tried it. In the end the plane crash landed on the runway but everyone walked away without out injury.

Not that it would ever happen but let's say that I am about to board a plane in NY but I have a choice between two Airbuses both leaving at the same time and both going to the same destination. I also know that one of those pilots was the same guy who had a double flame out but landed the plane without killing anyone. I also know that this particular Airbus has a history of having double flameouts and in the past some people have been killed. Based on this I choose which pilot to command my plane? Of course. I choose the guy who crashed once and lived to tell about it because he as a vast amount, or much more, experience of commanding a plane in an emergency situation. Also would not the guy who had experienced the fuel transfer problem be more savy and ware about fuel transfer problems as a result of his near fatal mishap than the other pilot who had always had turbulent free flights?

Hey, Shadow, because we have been talking about airplanes, for the sake of adding a bit of levity to our discussion , and because I think by now that you have an idea that Peewee is a crazyman, if I were to ask you which one of the five pilots in this picture was Peewee, what would your answer be?

Peewee

[Turboguy]

For me I think it would depend on what I was looking for advice on.  If I wanted advice on good honeymoon spots, or rings, or novel ways to propose, or ways to make the wedding service stand out the 6 time looser would be my best bet.   If I wanted advice on how to have a happy marriage that lasts for a lifetime, it seems to me that he would have no experience at all.

If I wanted to find out what mistakes to avoid, he again might be a good source.

[Shadow]

Peewee, I would think you are pilot nr 6. As I see 6 planes there I would expect them all to have pilots. 

Like Turboguy I feel that both the one-time-hit man and the one who has been married 6 times have good information to offer. And as relationships need a lot of luck, patience and understanding they are much different from any other activity.
If Walt Disney had bankrupted a third time we might never have known his name. Had Mr Glick taken more risk he could have been on the level of Walt Disney, or he could be bankrupted.

The thing what they both have in common is that they kept on trying until they were satisfied with what they have accomplished. And that is what every man or woman should do.

[PeeWee]

Peewee, I would think you are pilot nr 6. As I see 6 planes there I would expect them all to have pilots. 

Like Turboguy I feel that both the one-time-hit man and the one who has been married 6 times have good information to offer. And as relationships need a lot of luck, patience and understanding they are much different from any other activity.
If Walt Disney had bankrupted a third time we might never have known his name. Had Mr Glick taken more risk he could have been on the level of Walt Disney, or he could be bankrupted.

The thing what they both have in common is that they kept on trying until they were satisfied with what they have accomplished. And that is what every man or woman should do.

that is the advices that I give to little peewee. To " Just keep on sucking until you do suck-ceed."

peewee

[Michelangelo]

was the real Michaelangelo a thinker? If not then this one sure is. Wise words Michael.

Peewee

Yep, I was a thinker in Rome and Florence, and still am.  But like you, I've turned to writing now...in fact, had a # 1 best seller on the New York Times list last year :-)  Takes one to know one, PeeWee :-)  Cheers

[PeeWee]

Yep, I was a thinker in Rome and Florence, and still am.  But like you, I've turned to writing now...in fact, had a # 1 best seller on the New York Times list last year :-)  Takes one to know one, PeeWee :-)  Cheers

I did not make it to the best seller list but for a few weeks running my book ranked at 999 on Amazon.com.  Not bad when one considers that over 2 million books are listed by Amazon.com. later the book was translated into Japanese and published in Japan. Some interest from the movie people with one offer that I, in retrospect, stupidly turned down.

Good job. Are you going to write a few more?

Peewee

[Michelangelo]

Thanks PeeWee...I'm PM you about this personal stuff....

[docetae]

Hey, Shadow, because we have been talking about airplanes, for the sake of adding a bit of levity to our discussion , and because I think by now that you have an idea that Peewee is a crazyman, if I were to ask you which one of the five pilots in this picture was Peewee, what would your answer be?

Peewee

Question not for me but I will say the one in the piper ... The photo was made just before wings get ripped off ?
More seriously the plane was from Air Transat and the pilot was really lucky.

So the choice is not to be with a good pilot but with a lucky one ...

One of the first thing my flying instructor told me was "there is no good pilot, there are just old pilots". Experience is the key. (he was flying during the ww2 a b25 with a 75mm gun in the nose of the plane and was after airline pilot instructor for airfrance so I believe he was right ...)... I just find this video from a flight within a F18 ... it was you   ?

[PeeWee]

Question not for me but I will say the one in the piper ... The photo was made just before wings get ripped off ?
More seriously the plane was from Air Transat and the pilot was really lucky.

So the choice is not to be with a good pilot but with a lucky one ...

One of the first thing my flying instructor told me was "there is no good pilot, there are just old pilots". Experience is the key. (he was flying during the ww2 a b25 with a 75mm gun in the nose of the plane and was after airline pilot instructor for airfrance so I believe he was right ...)... I just find this video from a flight within a F18 ... it was you   ?

I suspect that your flight instructor is one of those "real" pilots. Soon our pilots on the commercial side will be reduced to nothing more than flight managers...those who can man a computer better than they can a plane. Just my hunch of mine.

peewee