Trip Report: 2 weeks in Moscow/Sochi

[yuliya]

I am very much agree with moskvichka... I have seen so many women here who just can't wait till they get their visa's and some jobs so they can separate themselves from their husbands... we always told our clients to be realistic and look for a woman of their level... less age difference, and don't forget to look in the mirror if you are looking for a model-like-girl. no offense but if it's doesn't look like it fits, it usually doesn't... and very important is a financial responsibility.. russian women are the same human beings and they have families and friends, and their lives to that point were in russia... very important to understand it, many of men say they do understand but really they don't... women want to visit their relatives every year or bring them here to usa... man needs to plan to spend an extra few thousands of $ to arrange it for their wives.. and more likely they need to plan to help financially her family as well, as there a lot of old people (parents or grandparents for example) don't have any money ..  it's very blind to think that you can spend $30 on address and there is where it ends and you will force her to shop at wall-mart... prprprppp
I am lucky one to be married to an handsome guy... we have a 2 year old, and been  married for 7 years, and we met in person face to face in russia, not on internet or agencies... I became a citizen a year ago and now my parents are here as well.. I am a happy person..
and we know many families (been married from 2-15 years) whom are very happy and have normal healthy stable families.. so there is a lot of times it works and there is a lot of times it simply just does not meant to happen... such as for men - if you think you can bring 20-30 years younger pretty girl here, you don't have much to offer, but you think that these women don't have much better choice and she will come here and will love you for who you are - you need spend your money on the shrink and not on the ticket to russia... first of all most of the girls you will meet in russia will reject you, and the one that will not - she will use you to come here and take off with the first chance she gets... if you haven't seen great movie that was filmed like an documentary called "mail order wife" - watch it and learn... there is a lot of truth to it.. If you are realistic on 1) Age of the woman, 2) Your financial situation, 3) Seriousness of your plans on the overall idea of having a russian wife; then you have a chance to find what you are looking for... but if you are simply asking for trouble you will also find what you are begging for.

[groovlstk]

Believe me, many problems will begin after your girl will arrive to live in America. The majority of Russians have absolutely wrong  imagination about a life in America. It will be better if your girl lives in the Russian province, instead of in the big city as Moscow.You will be upset when ou see her disappointment in America especially if you live in small American city or village.

Mosvichka, thanks for your advice, and your English is quite well

My fiancee has said many times that she doesn't want to come to the US, she has a good life in Moscow. But she will come because she loves me and wants a future together. Keep in mind, I did not meet her through an agency or dating website--she had no plans to get involved with a foreign guy. 

By the way, this is just me but I would never look for a girl in the provinces. The level of desperation is much higher. I have dated many poor girls in Ukraine and Russia, and most of them would have gladly accepted my marriage proposal. They weren't "bad" girls, they were simply desperate enough to take a chance with a guy they trusted. I didn't realize how risky this practice was until I began dating female Russian expats here in the US. Almost all had married American guys whom they spent a week or two with, then they divorced a few years later.

They  assured that they can't have any monetary problems in America, they do not understand that such taxes in America and how many money remains after payment of taxes. They do not know that the majority of Americans try to save money and also buy all on credit.

My fiancee knows exactly how much money I make down to the last dollar, how much my rent is, how much my monthly bills are, etc. (You are correct, however, in anticipating her surprise when she found out how much $$ I must pay in taxes.) She is very eager to begin working so that we can pool our money to buy our own home. In the meantime, she'll be renting her flat in Moscow after she leaves Russia, with the help of her sis. Irina also has her own credit cards, and while she doesn't budget the way I do, she doesn't live paycheck-to-paycheck as many Russians do. We are very much in tune on what our expectations are for the future.

Could she find a more weathy, younger, more handome guy than me when she arrives? Absolutely! Do I have any fears that this may happen? Nyet. Although it will certainly motivate me to stay fit and look my best.

Marriages with the big difference age can be a huge problem too. Only very provided Russian men presume to have  very young wife. But provided Russian it really very rich person. But if you think, that you are older than the wife for 15 or 25 years and it is ok because your wife is Russian ... you are mistaken. YOU will understand it very soon if you cannot give the Russian wife very provided life.

I have met many Russian and Ukrainian women who are like the girls you described above. My fiancee does not expect a big upgrade in her living standard when she comes here. She certainly doesn't have to come to the US if she wants a rich guy--her clients are among Moscow's wealthiest people and her male clients are constantly trying to romance her.

of course, if you found the Russian wife from village or very small small town where terrible poverty you have more chances of her gratitude. I  HOPE has not offended anybody. But know, that many many girls on russiun- american forums write as they are disappointed in marriages with the big difference age and especially if they live in the American province.

I'd marry an American girl or remain single before I'd take a chance on marrying a girl who'd stay with me simply out of gratitude...

And no, I'm not offended by your post, I hope you'll post here more frequently as your perspective is very valuable to us men.

[Moscvichka]

Dear groovlstk !

I wrote not about you and about your bride, but about whole problem in Russian-American marriages. I am sorry, that you have taken my words personally.
I hope, that that your future family will be pleasant exception of sad statistics. Good luck. :angel:

[Moscvichka]

groovlstk, excuse me, please, that I used your topic for 
groovlstk, resolve  me to ask my question to men at a forum. This question interests me for a long time, but I did not dare to ask.

Саn American men  find the same woman in America what they wish to find in Russia. If they understand, that it is impossible for them in America why they think that will find in Russia. Whether they understand, that it is big risk. And if yes, whether that they are ready on divorce after 3 or 5 years of marriage with the young and beautiful Russian wife. Whether you will consider, that you have severely deceived, when you will understand, that the Russian wife wants divorce or you will blame yourselves for it.

I am sorry once again if my questions will seem tactless to you.
P.S. Sorry for my English.

[tim 360]

Moscvichka,  welcome aboard and your English is fine.  I and others look forward to reading your thoughts,

Groovsltk is a savy, very well grounded guy and you don't have to worry about him, Cheerio, Tim360

[TexasBoar]

Саn American men  find the same woman in America what they wish to find in Russia.

Well, yes, speaking personally.  Just not here.

Going halfway around the world doesn't seem significantly harder than going halfway across the country, all things considered.  And what is scarce here, in terms of quality and family orientation, is by most reports much more prevalent
there.

Sometimes ya just gotta think outside the box.

~Boar

[groovlstk]

groovlstk, excuse me, please, that I used your topic for 
groovlstk, resolve  me to ask my question to men at a forum. This question interests me for a long time, but I did not dare to ask.

Саn American men  find the same woman in America what they wish to find in Russia. If they understand, that it is impossible for them in America why they think that will find in Russia. Whether they understand, that it is big risk. And if yes, whether that they are ready on divorce after 3 or 5 years of marriage with the young and beautiful Russian wife. Whether you will consider, that you have severely deceived, when you will understand, that the Russian wife wants divorce or you will blame yourselves for it.

I am sorry once again if my questions will seem tactless to you.
P.S. Sorry for my English.

No need to apologize, and your questions aren't tactless! In fact, every guy looking for a Russian wife should carefully read what you wrote. Another member has started a new thread with your post as the topic:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2926.0

As to your point about divorce in 3-5 years, I think you're right. Every guy has to worry that his prospective wife will roll the dice with him by marrying him even if she doesn't love him. That's why it's paramount that he get to know her and make sure that her expectations and goals in life are similar to his. And he should be 100% sure that she loves him rather than the idea of an easier life.

[Bruno]

And he should be 100% sure that she loves him rather than the idea of an easier life.

How is it possible to be 100% sure ?

[groovlstk]

How is it possible to be 100% sure ?

Are you 100% sure your fiancee loves you?

[Bruno]

Are you 100% sure your fiancee loves you?

I hope, i believe, i think... but in relationship, nothing is never sure... love is not a exact science... it is not about be sure, it is more about trust... i trust her and she trust me... i can be wrong or she can be wrong... and love is not eternal, it ask a continuous work for keeping it alive...

Hmmm... maybe pentothal and lie detector can be a solution for be sure... and yet, some people was able to resist to these two method...

[viking]

One can only be 100% for the moment. Tomorrow is a totally different ball game. You can marry any woman and never know if she will divorce you 3 years from now, or die you in her arms. Only when the papers are served or you take your last breath will you know, 100%.

[TexasBoar]

"Give praise to the day at evening, to a woman on her pyre
To a weapon which is tried . . . " Havamal 81

"Take as your model the tall women with yellow hair in plaits
Who walked back into burning houses to die with men,
Or him who as the death spear entered into his vitals
Made critical comments on its workmanship and aim." C.S. Lewis

~Boar

[viking]

In the book of life every page has two sides: we human beings fill the upper side with our plans, hopes and wishes, but providence writes on the other side, and what it ordains is seldom our goal. -- Nisami

Viking