Show me the money (c)

[dostogirl]

Yes it sounds like there were many OTHER issues.

Besides other issues, c'mon it is still a silly thing to demand expensive earing if you know your family's financial situation

[dostogirl]

dbl

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"]dostogirl,

 I set the rules up on spending very early on, [color="red"]NO[/color] and maybe we would take about it later.

 Ok I am just kidding, she is really great about her spending and really if the truth be know (I would never tell her) she could have damn near anything she wanted.
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[dostogirl]

Oh, by the way. I've read in one magazine not long ago that according to statistics, generally men think that women are NOT good with financies. Is that true for you?

[TigerPaws]

Oh, by the way. I've read in one magazine not long ago that according to statistics, generally men think that women are NOT good with financies. Is that true for you?

[color="blue"][size="4"]Yes but I am forceing my wife to learn because some day she will have to deal with all of this alone.[/size][/color]

[dostogirl]

Yes but I am forceing my wife to learn

OK, let me guess. Women are bad drivers too :D

[Oosik]

Women are bad drivers!!

But they make better accountants!!!

(all of the above is generally speaking)

[TigerPaws]

Yes but I am forceing my wife to learn

OK, let me guess. Women are bad drivers too :D

[color="blue"][size="4"]No my wife is really a prety good driver but then again taught her how to drive:huh: Never to that:hairraising:[/size][/color]
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[Bruno]

Not really the choice here in Belgium... marital law obligate to open a common account at the name of both partner... it need to be the main account for family budget.  

So, in Belgum one can't open a separate account after getting married? At all??[/quote]
Separate account are possible but main account are obligate... like i have say before in other topic, we don't really need pre-nups here since all is already writen in our laws... account, work, house, place of living,... several subject are already in our marriage law... this in the goal of equal right and duty for both partner during the marriage periode...

Of course, all who was existing before marriage is not shared... own house, own business... so women are men are not tempted to marry someone for the money she/he have already...

 

[al-c]

Personally I never experienced what you describe

Me neither But that's what I see on Russian forums a lot. Woman upset with their husbands cos "he didn't buy diamond earings for 2K, but instead bought some cheap ones for $400" [/quote]
This is the type of woman I avoid like the plague, the ones who judge their men by what expensive luxuries they buy them.  Women like this are gold diggers, and if I wanted one, all I needed to do was not divorce my ex-wife (American).

I have a form letter I use to start my communication with a RW, making it eminently clear that I am not rich and that a life with me means a middle class house, both of us working to make ends meet, and luxuries only once in a while and definitely not until she starts to work full time.  I also say that if she wants a man to take care of her financially and wants a life of luxury and ease, she has the wrong guy.

Of course, this weeds out 90% of the women, but those are the 90% I want nothing to do with.

If I were rich, I would start the same way because I want nothing to do with a gold digger, even if I could afford one.

But then at some point they find out your U.S. income, a staggering sum by Russian standards.  I only got to this point once, and that RW conclusively presumed that I was extreemly rich, even though I laid out my budget to her and showed her where that "staggering" income went.  She did not want to hear about the budget, started demanding expensive gifts, and called me cheap when I didn't buy what she demanded.

Assuming I can get a RW to listen to reason and convince her that I am not rich, and assuming I can get her to come here, the next step is how to integrate her into my household economy.

When she first arrives, she will have so many personal issues to deal with, I don't think I would want to bombard this person used to the coin of the realm, i.e. cash, with a checking account, a credit card, and on-line bill paying.  I'll certainly show her how it all works and even invite her to attend an on-line bill pay session with me.  But we need to go one step at a time.

 

[TigerPaws]

[size="4"][color="blue"] There is little question this is a difficult issue for most RW's which take time for them to understand and come to grips with paitence she will come around in time.[/color]
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[Voyageur]

Mischief,

You had a great comment about how to describe the house's financial  position.  I did lay out our finances (past and future expenses  and income) on a spread sheet. I have always done this, even before I  was married. This way, everyone can see where the household money is  spent, what impact expenditures will have in the future, what you can  expect to afford.

[bbernard]

Like they can tell the difference.

In that particular example a RW knew what she wanted. She wanted him to buy Tiffanies earrings, expensive stuff. When he didn't she got mad..Of course, there were other problems there, but this one just surprized me a lot[/quote]
She sounds like a spoiled brat, maybe inconsiderate, or even selfish. The husband maybe partially to blame especially if he led her to believe he can afford expensive ones but actually couldn't. Heck, who know's! Anyway it should be the thought that counts. Everyone is materialistic in some ways but I believe its the individuals responsibility to know what is most important to the family! I could never put my wants before my families needs....

I was married to woman that status quo was everything. If her girlfriend got a new car she wanted one better. The same held true for clothes, jewelry, everything! I made it quite clear to my fiance that I will not live like this again. I also explained how selfish such an attitude is and how it ulimately affects all members of the family!

Just my two cents! 

[Oosik]

Here are some clips for my intro letter that got me 6 dates out of 40 women in the Ukraine. Yes, very low ratio, but between my living in Alaska, my dislike of big cities and my explanation of finances, I think the ones who met me were open to my lifestyle.

"In the US, there are more men than women, and because of feminist attitudes, very few available women who really wish to make a happy family. Many of them are very selfish and think of careers and expensive cars and houses and being independent of men. I want a very close and loving marriage, so I must have a woman who cares more about this than career or money or status."

"I work in Alaska, in very natural places with small communities. In 1 or 2 years, based on mutual decision with my future wife, I would be happy to try to find a school to work at that is more satisfactory to both of us. But please, do not ask me to live in a large city. In the US, smaller cities and even villages usually have very nice houses, electricity, roads and services. I like to be near nature, if I can walk to it, this is great, if we can get in the car and go for a nice drive to the country, this is nice too. I love to find secret places in nature, a small beach, a nice stream, a swimming place in a river."

The day after my engagement, I had her read Elena petrova's thingie on RW perspective, then we discussed the good bad and ugly of finances. I must have said "I am not rich" and "We will both have to work at first" 10 times during my week with her, but never because she seemed to have expectations of wealth. She is a very simple girl from a small town.

[LarsXYZ]

1. Do you think you should tell & teach your wife about financies here and how much info do you actually want her to know about your financial situation?

Since i'm convinced about that husband & wife are/ should be equal, I would say that it is her right to know absolutely everything about finances and household economy.

A couple are supposed to be a team in my opinion, so I think that it is very wrong to hold any kind of information back.

regards Lars

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"]LarsXYZ,

 While I am in general agreement with you these things need to be taken slowly, first off the lady will be unfamiliar with our (American) system andd secondly she needs to earn your trust which takes time. Additionally youu finical situation may be very complex which again will take time for your lady to understand.
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[al-c]

All very true, but it needs to be balaned with the other side of the coin, namely to show her that she is worthy of your trust.  Emphasize to her that trust is not the issue; instead the issue is the skill to make correct decisions in managing something vital to the family and yet complex. household economics.

 

[TigerPaws]

[size="4"][color="blue"]al-c,

 I think trust is an issue and while a man does not want to come right out and say he does not trust his lady he can diplomaticaly let her know that he will show her how things here in America work over time.
 Too many men have been royally screwed (finically) and trust comes with time, of course this all depends on your situation but I suggest any man be careful until he is certain about the lady.[/color]
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[al-c]

If you don't trust her, you should not marry her.

Trust is not the issue, or at least it should not be, and if it is, maybe you were too hasty in saying "I do".

The real issue is the necessary understanding of the American economic system and the other skills necessary (like ATM usage and computer banking) to make correct decisions with the family money.

I'm not saying shut her out of the decisions, but I am saying lay it out for her by talking or showing it on paper or whatever else she can follow, then once the joint decisions have been made, you get on the computer or go to the ATM and carry the decisions out.

 

[Bruce]

Every woman is different.  My wife could not care less about the money provided she can get what she feels we need.  She has no desire to write a check, use a credit card, use the ATM or go to the bank.  I just make sure she has $300 in her pocket book and pretty much buy everything.  I taught her how to write checks, use the ATM, go to the bank etc.  When she needed some new clothes, new shoes, whatever for the kitchen, wanted her bathroom tiles redone I either went shopping with her and paid the bills or got a contractor in to do the work.   I enjoy handling the fiances.  About the only thing my wife has paid for are groceries, some slices of pizza and some carvelle. 

[TigerPaws]

[size="4"][color="blue"]al-c,

 I maintain trust is earned over time and in time I showed my wife more and more of how our finances work, for several years she did not have direct access to anything more than our everyday needs account. But slowly as my trust in her grew and she was able to grasp the complexity of our finances I gave her more and more access. It has been almost 6 years sense she arrived in America and she could if she wanted to pretty much handle all of our finances, she can make wire transfers, direct investments and deal with our very complex finical arrangements.
 To give someone, anyone direct access to your finances and assets before you are sure of their trustfulness and ability to handle such things is at best foolhardy.[/color]
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[Turboguy]

I agree with what you said about trust being earned over a period of time.   I can't remember who told me this but someone was just telling me about a guy who had an FSU wife of a year or two who was having big problems with a lawsuit.  To protect his assets he put everything in his wifes name.   I won't tell you the rest of the story.  I think you can figure it out for yourself.

[2tallbill]

There are a lot of different takes on this. I thought I would
bump it up a bit to see what the current members think and
how they have dealt with this.

[Steamer]

1. Do you think you should tell & teach your wife about financies here and how much info do you actually want her to know about your financial situation?

I've had to teach my wife everything about my finances. I've found that RW don't know diddly squat about finances or how credit works in the US regardless of what they THINK they know.

[2tallbill]

regardless of what they THINK they know.

LOL,

That can apply to a hundred different subjects, but especially finance
and how it works. We've spent hours talking about this.