Red Flags

[DKMM]

I wonder if some of you are being overly paranoid.

If you've already met a girl and you like each other, its perfectly normal to meet a 2nd time in another country.  Remember these ladies want to leave Russia with you someday anyhow so her wanting to take a trip outside of Russia is normal too.  I don't see how that should mean that she is using you for trips.  Its also more romantic to be in someplace exotic than in Russia.  Its her home town so not nearly as fun for her as it is for you.

I took one RW and will soon take another outside of the country and its really not much more money so why not do it.  My E told me its fine to visit her again in Russia but I asked what she wants to do and she preferred somewhere she's never been before if it isn't much more money.  I don't think she's using me or its some red flag at all.  Part of what you are doing when building a future with someone is starting memories together in places you've never been before...

[Kuna]

DKMM,

I hear what you're saying but I'm pretty much a realist (or try to be) when dating...  Because we don't live close to our girls we don't get to pick them up in the afternoon and go out for a "quick cheap feed".  We can't just catch up for a movie on the weekends and we can't dazzle them with our BBQ cooking skills...

I always felt like holidaying with a new girlfriend was a bit full-on...  We wouldn't do it with a girl we just met at home so I don't feel inclined to do it with a FSUW.

While our partners may be totally honest in her desire to spend time with us I wonder if we're being totally honest with them by whisking them off to an exotic location on the second meeting.

I'm returning to UKR soon and will look forward to finding things to do while my girl is at work and look forward to spending "normal" time with her in the evenings.

Will she be excited???  She'd better be... I'm coming a long way to see her! 

Just my thoughts...

Kuna

[Rvrwind]

We can't just catch up for a movie on the weekends and we can't dazzle them with our BBQ cooking skills...

Not sure BBQ'd Kangaroo would go over that well anyway...

[DKMM]

Yeah good point Kuna.  Its probably a little early to do that.  And if things don't work out, you're stuck!  no agencies or backup plans, just gotta ride it out.  I guess I'm more a risk taker and probably too optimistic to follow my advice.   

[Nat]

6.  Girl shows no sexual anything but a peck on your cheek by the end of the third date - fatal red flag ie. next.

If the girl is shy, it can take much more time

3. Natural photos please! 
I eventually disengaged with anyone that only sent professional or staged photos.  Even I can look good in a professionally shot photograph.  I also wanted to see photographs of a girl with her friends and family.

You know what's funny - when i tried this internet dating, i read a lot of recommendations on this topic on different sites. All the sites said - do not ever send natural photos in your first emails. Only professional ones And as you understand, most girls read these recommendations too

[jb]

Kuna said:

While our partners may be totally honest in her desire to spend time with us I wonder if we're being totally honest with them by whisking them off to an exotic location on the second meeting.

I'm returning to UKR soon and will look forward to finding things to do while my girl is at work and look forward to spending "normal" time with her in the evenings.

Will she be excited???  She'd better be... I'm coming a long way to see her!

 

Kuna,

A very long time ago when my wife and I were still dating, I asked her if I could bring her anything, she said, and I quote: "The very best gift you bring is yourself".   If your girl friend is more excited by something in your suitcase than she is to see you,,, well I just can't describe the trouble you are in.

[MaxxumUSA]

Get a grip, not all women move that fast. Sheeesh.
I never got a full blown kiss from my wife in the first two weeks!!! Course I didn't try all that hard either. I ain't a fast mover unless I figure its gonna be a one night stand, but when it is forever I ain't movin' fast at all & I expect her to be on the same level. They move to fast with me or sleep with me on the second or third date, were done, movin' on.
I'm pretty cautious about women who move too fast, makes me think they got an agenda. A slow mover is putting more thought into her decision in my mind & I prefer it that way.
JMHO

My experience with women... - all women, not just russian womena...  is that some move fast and some move slow.

Me and Elena kissed on the lips the moment we saw each other at the airport.  We also held hands and touched each other often starting immediately.  Of course we had been talking every day and told each other we wanted this type of relationship.

As for the tonsil 'rastling type kisses...  that happened later and she put the brakes on at just the right time.

A lot of this depends on the couple and their individual "drives" and also their compatibility in this area.

Me and Elena both believe touch and affection is very important in a relationship.  Not only believe it...  but we desire this.  So it was natural for us to be close.  When I stayed for a full three weeks with her we definitely were compatible in this area.

I have been in other relationships that the woman was not compatible with me.  One AW in particular...  she was built like a Victorias Secret model and we lived together.  If I kissed her once with tounge, she would call it making out.  She preferred sex twice maybe three times a month.  Sheesh...  From the first day we lived together I was going insane watching her walk around the house naked and not able to approach her.  She said this is her normal sex drive she has in all of her relationships.  The thing that gets me is that there are men out there who will have the same desire and she will probably find a man compatible with her.  Needless to say the relationship died after a few short months of living together.

So...  like RVRwind said...  he likes to move slow.  Me, I want it all and I want it now.  The trick is to find a woman that matches your drive so there is not a great mismatch.

Now...  speaking of a RW in particular my thought is this:  If we travel all this way, and she knows she is interested in a LTR, it is only natural that she will be curious about sex and sexual compatibility.  Especially true for RW because they know it will probably be a couple months before they see you again.  As a matter of fact if there is ANY interest on her part then I think it would be natural for her to want to have sex.  Not necessarily the first, second, or third day, but before your visit is over if you did not have sex or at least get REAL close to having sex, I would say she is not interested.

I think bruce initially meant that if there is not even a kiss by the third day it is a red flag.  I believe this would definitely true for me.  If after three days in Russia we did not have some sort of physical connection I would assume she is being a good host but is not interested.  At the very least I would say we are not compatible in what we want in a relationship and move on.

[Simoni]

You know what's funny - when i tried this internet dating, i read a lot of recommendations on this topic on different sites. All the sites said - do not ever send natural photos in your first emails. Only professional ones And as you understand, most girls read these recommendations too

That's an important point, Nat.  Thinks for sharing what agencies recommend to girl for their profiles.

To me, professional pictures, ones in which you can see what the girl truly looks like, are indeed best.

Would an American guy submit an amateur pic on a job application?  No.

But by the same token, he would not present anything risque, either.

So, for those FSU girls hat are reading this that are seeking men, my opinion is that professional pics are best--but of your face and not of you in underwear!  LOL

[MaxxumUSA]

So, for those FSU girls hat are reading this that are seeking men, my opinion is that professional pics are best--but of your face and not of you in underwear!  LOL

Agreed.  Underwear in a photo studio is cheesy.  I would gather to bet the agency or photographer are encouraging these women to pose like this.

However it is OK in my opinion to show off your body in a natural environment.  Such as a bikini at the beach photo.

[Momus]

If I were a Russian woman, my biggest red flag would be foreign man who seemed paranoid.

Follow the RWD Ten Commandments, use good sense, and I think you should be fine. Maybe because we need things to talk about and analyze we make this more complex than it really is.

On the travel issue: I'm not going to become the local advocate for meeting in a neutral country. In most cases, it's probably a bad idea. If the woman expects you to pay for her vacation, I suspect it's always a bad idea.

All that said, I wouldn't trade those first two weeks I spent with Masha in Rome and Capri for anything in the world. She wouldn't either.

I guess what I'm saying is, and probably I'll start to sound like a broken record -- don't let rules replace good judgment. If you're not confident you have good judgment, get that fixed before you get on the plane, wherever you decide to go.